A few recent comments at one of the other blogs I moderate — OilersNation.com — have got me to thinking about some of the language people use that makes them sound like, for lack of another term, complete and utter douchebags.
I’m sure you’ve seen some of the major offenders yourself, “Indeed, methinks blah blah blah.”
The wonderful thing about the web is that the main method of communication is through writing. The terrible thing about the web is that it allows douchebags to experiment with language, and sound like complete and utter knobs.
Below is a shortlist of some of the words and phrases I’ve come across that are just so egregious that they should be banned from use entirely. And just so you know, I’ve been variously guilty of using all of these words and phrases myself.
- “Methinks”: This is meant to be a humourous old English phrase. It’s supposed to be ironic. But over the last few weeks I’ve seen a half dozen or so people use this word completely unironically. The phrase you’re actually looking for is “I think,” unless you’re trying to be hilarious and it’s the 14th century.
- “Indeed”: The definitions for this word are variously amusing. My interpretation of them is this: “indeed is a word used to emphasize that which has already been stated, and unless you’re a total knob, you actually never have to use the word ‘indeed’ unless you’re just trying to sound like a pompous douche.” Indeed, I suspect many of you already knew this. Yes indeed.
- “The fact is”: This phrase really grinds me. I think nearly every time I’ve heard someone begin a statement with “the fact is,” I’ve discovered later that, in truth, the fact isn’t.
- “I daresay”: Like human vestigial organs — the appendix or the tail — “daresay” is a word that should have been surgically removed from the English language about two centuries ago. Use of the word “dare” in this compound word hardly adds to the mystique. Instead of “venturing to say” something, just come out and say it. I dare you.
- “Needless to say”: Really? Needless to say? Then don’t fuckin’ say it.
- “In my humble opinion” (not to be confused with the infinitely better “in my opinion”): I find often — though not always — those individuals offering up their “humble” opinions aren’t very humble. People use this phrase to soften then blow of something they know people are going to vehemently disagree with. Don’t be so afraid to share your proud or overbearing opinion. You aren’t fooling anyone with this “humble” business.
- “Just sayin'”: Yeah, clearly. By virtue of the fact that you’re saying it, we can see that you’re “just sayin’.” Still, thanks for pointing it out to us knuckle-dragging word-simians.
Needless to say, this post indeed makes me come across as a curmudgeonly jerk. I daresay many of you will disagree with me, but the fact is these are words and phrases that we should do away with. In my humble opinion, they make the writer sound like a douchebag, and methinks that harms a writer’s credibility.