My good friend Chris and I had a chance to sit down together last week and watch another episode of TNG. This time, we selected something from that shameful second season, where they’ve swapped out the young, buxom Dr. Crusher with that old mule Dr. Pulaski.
Throw a weird finger-wiggling strategy game into the mix, some war games and that insufferable over-achiever Wesley Crusher, and you have yourself some TwitterTrek.
Here’s what Chris and I had to say about the season 2 episode “Peak Performance“:
ChrisHenderson: After an extended hiatus from narcissisim, @bingofuel and I will be live-tweeting #TNG tonight
Bingofuel: are we really watching an episode with Dr Pulaski? She’s like the ugly school marm of the enterpise #tng
CH: she is a much better doctorb than Beverly “The Red Headed Monster Spazz” Crusher. Bite your tongue.
BF: Ooh the Strategema episode… Back when #tng was Data-centric.
CH: @bingofuel Well, you’ve had too much Boone’s.
BF: Pulaski = Bones = #epicfail #tng
BF: Oh yeah this dude is Zakdorn, not to be confused with Michael Dorn
CH: This episode: Picard entertains a hedgehog-like military strategy academic on his ship. No, it’s not Ignatieff. #TNG
BF: Kolrami doesn’t have faith in Riker. Probably because he keeps breathing through his mouth.
CH: Riker is going to “Command the Hathaway.” IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE: http://is.gd/3ts0s #TNG
BF: Riker: “I prefer brains over Braun as well.” Riker, you aren’t in some seedy bar trying to pickup a Zakdorn slutte
CH: Worf is making model ships that he spends a great deal of time on and then lets his temper destroy. Just like his relationships. #lonliness
BF: “acting ensign”. Acting. Bahahahahaha #tng
CH: In this episode, Riker is commanding a ship to play a war game against the enterprise. And he gets to build his own crew. Takes Worf, Geordi
CH: Oh, he also takes Wesley Crusher to be on his crew. Because Riker is enough of an ass that he will lead on a young boy’s innocent crush.#tng
BF: I like how Strategema is played by attached little hair dryers to your fingers #tng
CH: They’re playing, Strategema, a board game now that is somehow less technologically advanced than a Nintendo 64.
BF: Riker, the jock, just got beat by a nerd! Unacceptable. #tng
CH: The Hathaway, the ship playing war games against the Enterprise, is in worse shape than Michael Jackson’s reputation as a babysitter. #tng
BF: Riker and his ragtag crew are on the Hathaway. What a piece of shit.
BF: “Nice job Geordi.” yeah right on genius, you found the ship’s on-switch
BF: Pulaski is Data’s Strategema pimp in this episode, apparently
BF: Geordi: “Wesley! Go and find me the opposite of matter!”
CH: Pulaski is such a middling jerk. She’s making Data play Strategema against the Strategema Hedgehog! #tng MACHINE VS. NERRRRRD!
BF: Data lost… to a NERRRRD #tng
BF: Kolrami has a big hate-on for Riker. I think he’s beardcist
CH: Picard thinks Riker is the best officer he’s ever served with. I guess Starfleet highly regards 1st officers who are unapologetic lotharios.
BF: What’s the #tng equivalent of cigarettes? Because Pulaski sounds like she smoke ten packs of that shit a day
BF: Data: over analyzing Riker’s battle technique; overusing his dippity-do android hair gel
BF: Come to think of it, Kolrami looks like an octogenarian Oompah Loompah
BF: The Riker Lean is prominenty featured in this episode
CH: Picard just not-so-subtlely revealed that he has a massive crush on his first officer. Riker has a good Riker-lean going on.
BF: It’s weird how the Ferengi are the go-to species in he first two seasons of #tng
CH: Holy good god! Quark just showed up! Wearing a massive chain of gold pressed latinum. The Ferengi are so bloody stupid.
BF: “ferengi” sounds like Italian for rotten pasta
BF: That’s right quark… Go back to the promenade and peddle your shitty mojitos #tng
CH: @bingofuel SPACE mojitos.
BF: Now Data is figuratively beating the piss out of Kolrami at Strategema. And that little bitch is a sore loser
BF: Data used the phrase “busted him up” proving that he is actually a lower middle-class urbanite with a penchant for douchebaggery
CH: This episode was so Riker-centric that @bingofuel grew a beard during the course of our tweets: http://twitpic.com/iepud