Welcome to a new weekly feature at the Unknown Studio, wherein either Scott or myself take to task the writers of FML entries, either for being pathetic, obviously fake, or oblivious to how ridiculous they are. It’s like an advice column for d-bags. You’ll get the hang of it as we go. Remember, it’s all in fun; these people post this stuff on the web, which means we get to make fun of them.
Leave us some comments with your own responses!
“Today, my doctor told me that I have an ingrown testicle in my abdomen. I am a 24-year-old woman. FML.”
That’s it? Listen, I can understand you might be questioning your own sexuality right now, and fair enough. But it’s an INgrown testical. It’s not like a ball suddenly dropped while you were out in public wearing a really, really short skirt (that would have been worthy of an FML). You haven’t been diagnosed with cancer or anything. I’d say it’s time for you to count your chickens and thank whatever gods you believe your doctor doesn’t have to, like, amputate your leg, or something. And maybe have that testicle removed.
“Today, I was walking into the building I hoped to work in someday with my resume, ready to be interviewed. As I walked through the doors I had to sneeze, so lifted my hands and sneezed a huge bloody booger right in the middle of the cover page. Turns out future employers don’t like that. FML”
Let me get this straight: you violently bled on a copy of your resume, then decided to hand it over to someone who wasn’t taking a sample of your blood during a job interview? Are you completely batshit? Here’s how you could have handled this: “Hey, I’m An Idiot, nice to meet you. Listen, I had a little problem with my resume, so after the interview I’ll just email you a copy. It’s nothing serious, just a bit of a accident out in the lobby is all.” There. Done. How hard was that? Instead you squandered a perfectly good job opportunity because you don’t get that it’s not cool to give people documents covered in your own bloody mucous.
“Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I couldn’t trust her after cheating on me with 3 guys. Our friends are sad about it so they’re throwing her a pity party. Now I’m single and I have no friends. FML”
Wow, dude it sounds like you’re throwing yourself your own little pity party, too. Maybe you should stop and ask yourself *why* they’re throwing your cheating bag of a girlfriend a party and not you. Hell, maybe you should ask yourself why she cheated on you with 3 guys. It’s time to do some soul-searching, bub. And guess what? You get it to it solo.
This guy doesn’t need a pity party, he needs a “pityTweetup” 🙂 He can be cool and one-up his ex-GF all at once.