The Character Assassin: Princess Peach

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The first edition seemed to do well, so we’re at it again; taking a fictional character and discerning their Canadian political leanings based on a thorough analysis. This time, The Character Assassin puts a royal target into the cross-hairs.

Princess Peach

Abduction Prone Monarch

Abduction Prone Monarch

Star Of: A lengthy video game series, with dozens of spin offs and related media.
First Appearance: Super Mario Bros. (video game)
Likes: Mushrooms, pink, go-karting
Dislikes: Pushy suitors, rudeness, kidnappings
Bio: The princess, and apparent ruler, of the Mushroom Kingdom who is often kidnapped by her stalker, who is a demon turtle king.

1. National Defense
The first major note about the Mushroom Kingdom is its apparent utter lack of any law enforcement or military personnel of any sort. Granted, the people seem to live in an idyllic Utopian fashion… but that might also be why they continue to get trounced by foreign interests.

Frankly, when your first, last and only line of defense is your plumber… well you aren’t putting much thought into national security.

Ministers of Defense

Ministers of Defense

2. Infrastructure
Where the Mushroom Kingdom isn’t putting any money into defending their borders, they are putting plenty of funding into public infrastructure. They have a world class sewer system that doubles as an efficient, emission free public transit system!

Ministers of Transportation

Ministers of Transportation

Granted, this isn’t a flawless system. The entire sewer/transportation network does have a rather severe infestation of deadly, fire breathing piranha plants. But, hey, nothing’s perfect, right?

3. The Economy
Princess Peach is an heiress, and thus very wealthy. In fact, in 2008 Forbes magazine named her the world’s 15th wealthiest fictional person.

Fortunately for her people, she’s obviously not very stingy with that fortune, either. In a somewhat unique form of “trickle-down economics”, money literally falls from the sky in the Mushroom Kingdom. It can also be found on the ground, and in the sewers.

Ministers of Finanace

Ministers of Finance

Now, granted, some of that money is hidden in hovering blocks, but clearly these are “make work” projects for the Toads, so they don’t feel like they’re getting welfare.

4. The Environment
One major thing to note about the Mushroom Kingdom is the very pristine nature of the whole the place. Very little development, most of it eco-friendly and huge tracts of green space crawling with dangerous indigenous wildlife.

Birdwatchers Beware

Birdwatchers Beware

The Mushroom Kingdom must have a lot of focus on environmental conservation programs, but let’s face it… you would too if the alternative was staring down a herd of enraged Wigglers. And no one wants that.

Just be careful with where you get your solar energy.

Just be careful with your solar energy



When it comes to politics, Princess Peach is clearly leaning on the socialist side of things and her environmental track record is impressive. The obvious implication is that this monarch is wearing green under those pink petticoats.

If you have an idea for a fictional victim for The Character Assassin, e-mail Scott, or send him a tweet with your suggestion.

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2 Responses to “The Character Assassin: Princess Peach”

  1. Derjis
    December 3, 2009 at 3:35 pm #

    You forgot to mention the epidemic of gang violence; BULLETS FLYING EVERYWHERE! It’s like living in Downtown Edmonton!

  2. Jeff
    December 3, 2009 at 4:21 pm #

    Why can’t you do one of these every 5 minutes?