FML Friday: Eff this place, I’m going south

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Yes, you read that correctly. After thinking about it awhile, I’ve decided to skip town and head down to Phoenix. But only for a little while. I’ll be back before you can say, “Hey, when’s that guy coming back? He said he was going to come back and he lied to us!”

The reason this week’s installment of FML Friday is late is because of all the loose ends I’ve had to tie up before I get accosted by a custom’s agent with an overzealous glove hand. But I’m still bringing it, in fine style as well.

FML Friday is a weekly feature where we pick three posts from and answer them as though they were asking for advice. To be clear: these people aren’t asking for “advice.” But they are asking for “it”. So we give “it” to them. A-like so:

Bacon, anyone?

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

Score! You hosted an obviously outstanding party (whenever I’ve woken up on a floor naked, I know it’s been a good night) AND your mom comes bearing the promise of bacon. You’re actually the luckiest person on the planet.

Oh sure, it’s embarrassing that your mother found you that way, but if she’s anything like my mom she’ll be totally understanding about it. If, however, she woke you up because of the spattering grease lightly dappling your nude, hung-over form, then FML indeed.

Run these plates

Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML

Dear genius: when you buy a used car, you remove the original license plates and you register it anew with your insurance company. That’s how it works. You don’t use the old license plates (in fact, at least in Canada I think, plates follow the owner, not the car), you get your own.

But, since only three of those tickets can be attributed to someone else, the question ari… actually, no wait. The statement arises: Pay. Your Fucking. Tickets.

WoW, Dad. WoW

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

You know what, lady? Your husband is a total asshole. If you weren’t thinking of divorce before, I certainly hope you are now. I’m not entirely sure what your husband’s WoW raid was going to accomplish, other than the acquisition of new weapons, money and maybe a level up, but he’s a tremendously bad man.

Next time he pulls something like that, I suggest you disconnect the modem, go to your son’s award ceremony, and tell your husband to choke on it.

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One Response to “FML Friday: Eff this place, I’m going south”

  1. Alain Saffel
    February 5, 2010 at 9:36 pm #

    Umm, you should lay off the angry man dinners. 🙂