FML Friday: thank god it’s FML Friday

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It’s Friday, and you know what that means. It means that in the absence of any kind of post from either Scott or myself over the last week — and I’m not sure what Scott’s excuse is, but this week, mine is TOO MUCH OTHER STUFF TO DO — our tens of readers can feast their eyes on the public flogging of those silly enough to post to

In our weekly installment of FML Friday, we take to task those individuals whose “woe-is-me” attitude makes them sound… well, like a bunch of whiny babies would happen to have internet access. It’s a way for us to vent about our own inadequacies without actually publishing them.


I’ve fallen and I can’t get up

Today, I was docked and fined in my dorm building because of multiple noise complaints. What was I doing that was so noisy? I slipped in the shower and banged my head against the floor. Then when I reached for the towel rack to pull myself up, it broke and I slammed my wrist onto the ground. FML

I honestly doubt this is true. Even the shittiest dorms will issue a warning before they fine you for a noise complaint. Unless you slipped in the shower repeatedly throughout the day, because that’s where you decided to hang out, and then pulled down the towel rack, reinstalled it, then pulled it down again, I think this is a lie.

Or maybe it’s true. Maybe you do this every time you take a shower and the people living below you decided enough was enough. Either way, you should buy some of those grippy shower shoes before you kill yourself and your roommate posts an FML about finding your bloated, rotting corpse in the bathroom.


Today, I was at work and talking to my boss. Out of habit, I tried to adjust my bra strap and pull it up. My hand slipped off the strap and I punched myself in the face resulting in a fat lip. My boss snorted. He told everyone. FML

What did you honestly expect? When someone punches themselves in the face — for any reason, not just one that’s bra-related — it’s hilarious and other people must be informed. At the same time, though, I wonder what you were doing adjusting your bra strap in front of your boss. It’s almost as bad as a dude scratching his nether regions in front of someone.

I suppose the key difference in that most guys I know don’t wind up punching themselves — in the face or anywhere else — when they perform this rude action.

I think, like you did in front of your boss, you just need to take this one on the chin and pray this information doesn’t trickle out to the rest of your social circle.

Heh. Self-face-punch.

A thirst for power. Teacher power

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren’t allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for “goofing off” when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for “attempting to defy them”. FML

This is one of those rare moments when I feel for the FMLer. I remember getting into this kind of trouble in high school, where it felt like the teachers couldn’t comprehend what was happening around them, and so their only answer was PUNISHMENT.

It occurred to me, even in my mid-teens, that some teachers took a far too myopic view of the classroom and the world. When confronted with this reality, most teachers stood agape wondering what the meaning of myopic was. When they couldn’t figure it out: PUNISHMENT for insolence.

So Eff your Life, good sir. Sometimes, school is rotten.

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