This week, we have a very special guest edition of FML Friday. I asked some of the Unknown Studio’s pals on Twitter to contribute their one FML responses, and we have two from our fans.

@trevolutions and @mspixieriot join me this week in taking the mick out of some of the sad sacks who feel the need to share their woe-is-me views with the world. The sort of sharing that makes you shake your head and not feel pity for these people, but instead experience the sensation of rage.

Before I write more poorly constructed sentences, let’s get on with this week’s edition of FML Friday!

Vegas, baby!

by @trevolutions

Today, I found out that what happens in Vegas, stays on Facebook and bank statements. FML

OK. So let me get this straight. You went to Vegas, had probably a great time (how could you not?), came home and saw a few PG-rated pics on Facebook and realized you spent too much money… So where does the FML come in? Seriously.

News flash: You were in Vegas! You are supposed to spend a lot of money — that is why you go to Vegas. Vegas was designed purely to take your money… and get you laid. Those are the only two reasons why anybody would go and you accomplished at least one of them. Congrats.

How about an FML that says, “I went to Vegas, came home and saw myself on Bangbus.” Now that’s a FML I can get behind. That’s an FML I can persuade myself to do a little more investigative reporting on.

A modest proposal

by @mspixieriot

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years said he wanted me to meet him for dinner at an upscale restaurant to ask me a very important question. I got really dressed up thinking a proposal was coming on. Did he propose? No, he asked me if he could date other people. FML

Oh, honey, I’m going to cut right to the chase on this one: do not assume that he thinks about marriage as much as you do. You may live and breathe for the image of yourself in a white dress walking down the aisle to a string quartet, but I can just about guarantee you that he doesn’t. For every time that you’ve imagined what song you’ll dance your first dance to, he’s imagined something more along the lines the two of you hanging out and having a good time together.

A lot of things in life are more important than white weddings and diamond engagement rings. Most guys, and a lot of women, can see that. To the rest of us, an important question is any one that affects your life or relationship at all, from “What kind of car should I buy?” to “What would our commutes be like if I moved across the city?”. If you can’t wrap your head around that, and you’re convinced that fancy restaurant plus important question equals proposal, you’re building yourself up for this letdown all on your own.

I do agree that his question sucks, though. Look on the (sort of) bright side – at least he respected you enough to be honest with you.

The most ancient and auspicious of dances

by @bingofuel

Today, the dance pole that my roommate, friend, and I bought and put up a week ago broke into four pieces. It was $225.00. Also, there is now a hole in our wall and my landlord is coming to put the air conditioning in soon. FML

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait — DANCE POLE? Please. To. Elaborate.

Look, I’m no pervert. I’m just a normal dude whose ears naturally perk up when a girl says the following things: “dance pole,” “roommate,” “friend,” “and I.”

You girls must have really been reefing on this thing for it to break into four pieces. I imagine a scene involving acrobatics, the defiance of gravity, and some tasteful music selections. But I’m also a 30-year-old dude with the emotional maturity of a 15-year-old, so take that for what it is.

In any event, I really hope the three of you replace your pole and keep up the practice. BECAUSE IT’S GOOD EXERCISE.

FML Friday, fmylife, mspixieriot, pole dancing, trevolutions, vegas baby, wedding bells