Dawson Bridge Watch™: ‘answers’ from the City

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As you can see from the image of the Dawson Bridge (after the jump), there’s some serious constructing taking place right now. And the level of seriousness of the construction is directly correlated with the amount of scaffolding currently residing on the bridge. Scaffolding is a tremendous invention. My roommate, who owns a paving company and used to work in construction, told me that scaffolding can be built up to six stories before it needs to be bolted into something (otherwise it falls over). I don’t think quite so much is needed for Ol’ Dawsy, but as you can see from the picture, there’s a lot of it.

Now, in order to assess the progress of construction crews on this project, I decided to contact the city directly. And sure, I was asking some tough questions. But they were important ones. Unfortunately, city officials were rather, uh, selective in their responses. Here’s what I asked them:

  • So, how close was the Dawson Bridge to falling into the North Saskatchewan before the city started the rehab project?
  • Are you currently on schedule to complete the project so the bridge can re-open in January 2011?
  • What are you guys working on on the bridge right now for the month of the April?
  • Can we expect the bridge to look very similar to its original form, or or has the city added lasers and other random, but extremely cool, technology?
  • To your knowledge, has anyone tried to cross the North Saskatchewan river beside the bridge in protest of its closure? If so, did the construction guys take some video I can upload to YouTube?
  • Do you one day hope that robots will be able to do this kind of work, while you boss them around and sip lemonade? Or would you be worried about some kind of robot revolt?
  • Is anyone planning a huge bridge opening party? Other than me?

Scaffolding on the Dawson Bridge. Not pictured: robotic construction workers and possible lasers.

See? This is why I’m one of 52% of bloggers who lies to others and instead tells everyone he’s a journalist. BECAUSE I ASK THE HARD QUESTIONS.

Unfortunately, the city wasn’t forthcoming in its answers, which is why yet another Potential Bridge Conspiracy® is apparently upon us. Here were the responses I received:

  • Bridge construction continues on schedule; at this point, we anticipate completion and re-opening by end the of 2010.
  • We will likely hold a media event to showcase the bridge once it is finished so that Edmontonians can see the work that has been done.
  • In April, crews will begin removing the old bridge deck in preparation for the replacement of this portion of the structure.
  • When the bridge is complete, it will have been repainted the same colour and the only change in appearance will be the wider sidewalks (they will still be made of wood in order to preserve the look and character of the bridge).

See? They just sidestepped the robot/laser questions. Clearly, these individuals have had media training.

And OBVIOUSLY the city is covering up its desire to use robots to build bridges. Clearly someone at the city has seen Battlestar Galactica. The whole premise of that show is based on the notion that robot workers — some of whom may have been enlisted to build fictional bridges — revolted against their masters. It turned into an all-out war. And it really is a terrific series, you should watch it…

The city doesn’t want us to know this. Because they don’t want the resident of the quiet community of Riverdale to know the robot apocalypse is going to be fought on its doorstep — on top of a newly renovated bridge, I might add.

Just further evidence that the city’s squandering our tax dollars. I hope there’s an election soon.

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10 Responses to “Dawson Bridge Watch™: ‘answers’ from the City”

  1. Jeff
    April 8, 2010 at 12:22 pm #

    Where are my robot interns?

    p.s. If you actually sent those questions to a media relations peep at the City, you are the new cool.

    p.p.s. Is your bridge party going to be at the Hilltop?

    • Adam Rozenhart
      April 8, 2010 at 12:28 pm #

      Jeff, I actually DID send those questions to the city. But they were selective in which ones they answered.

      And yes, my bridge party will take place at the hilltop pub, but will inevitably spill out into the streets. Given that Rowland Road slopes downward, I anticipate partygoers will wind up somewhere near the Dawson Bridge.

      • Jas Darrah
        April 9, 2010 at 9:24 am #

        I think some of the “unanswered” questions you sent were mysteriously removed in the transfer of your email to the City, possibly caused by a computer “malfunction”. I think the problem may be at your end. Be cautious.

  2. Twofer
    April 14, 2010 at 4:53 pm #

    Seriously, you submit questions like that then turn around and bitch about wasting taxpayer money?I suppose it’s occurred to you that some pr person, paid for by those tax dollars, actually have to waste their time answering this bs.

    • Adam Rozenhart
      April 14, 2010 at 6:14 pm #

      Wow, Twofer, how long have you been without a sense of humour? I’d wager your whole life, since you didn’t realize that the whole post was completely tongue-in-cheek.

      I recommend you troll elsewhere. And stay on your meds.

  3. Twofer
    April 14, 2010 at 7:39 pm #

    I’m not a troll inasmuch as I religiously catch your podcast. But I know you actually did ask the city about lasers and robots, and they don’t get to pick and choose which requests are treated seriously and which can be responded to in the same tongue in cheek manner they were posed. That’s all i meant – thought that as media folk yourself you’d respect that. Oh, and viva la robot revolucion.

    • Adam Rozenhart
      April 14, 2010 at 7:47 pm #

      Dear mouth: please release foot from your clutches.

      Forgive me Twofer.I thought the tone of my words would be interpreted as completely poking fun (in fact, in my email to the city, I told them to answer as they saw fit). I was totally joking about wasting taxpayers’ dollars.

      Hope I haven reduced our listener numbers from 40s to 30s! Sorry for reacting that way.

      • Twofer
        April 15, 2010 at 9:02 am #

        Of course you haven’t lost me as a listener – I hold out a secret hope that one of these days I too will get to tell you my favourite guilty pleasure movie!

        • Adam Rozenhart
          April 15, 2010 at 9:31 am #

          Oh reeeeeally? Well, if you have a show idea, you can always email theshow [at] theunknownstudio [dot] ca!


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