[FML Friday]: Day of the Frige

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Do you actually know the origin of the word “Friday”? It comes from the Old English meaning Day of the Frige. In common parlance, it means, “When is this friggin’ day over? I really could use several stiff drinks.”

Here at the Unknown Studio, it means “A day where we make fun of the ninnies and dorks who feel the need to document their failing at FmyLife.com.”

And rather than indulge that documentation, we give ’em what for. A-like so:

Labourious labours

Today, I just finished a sixteen hour double shift. I now have a five hour break before I start again for another ten. FML

I’d like to introduce you to a concept called labour laws. I’m not sure how it works in the US (which is where I assume most netizens are from, what with affluence, Al Gore and DARPA and all that), but here in Canada we have a series of laws related to employment. And, at least in the place where I live, those laws state, and I quote:

Shift Changes and Rest Between Shifts
“An employee must be notified in writing about a shift change 24 hours beforehand. Employees must get at least eight hours rest between shifts.”

You see that? My government legally obligates me employer to, basically, let me get some fuckin’ sleep. I suggest you sort out your employment rights, then sit your employer down and educate them as well.

Bum-lookers

Today, my doctor and I had an in-depth discussion about how to wipe my ass better. FML

Wow. Really?

Wow.

One more time: wow.

There’s a NOFX song about a dude wanting to get a sex change. And he knows, after this sex change, that he must wipe front to back. Because who wants a bladder infection?

But I’m going to assume you just half-ass (no pun intended) your wiping. Which is despicable. How much should one wipe? As much as is needed so you are clean back there. Nuff. Fuckin’. Said.

Circle of Dumbass

Today, I was bored at home and decided to do the Circle of Life from the Lion King with my rabbit. He started kicking violently as I was holding him up, causing me to drop him directly on my face. A chunk of my eyebrow is now missing, and I look exactly like Scar. FML

I see the wisdom of the jungle has been lost on you, my child. The wisdom, as I understand it, goes something like this: don’t fuck with with a animal whose feet as the size of your face. Particularly when that animal is an excitable rodent that has exactly nothing to do with the Disney classic Lion King.

Honestly, I have a cat. Probably about the same brain-size as a rabbit. And she doesn’t care to be held aloft and sung at either. Both of those things separately, she might enjoy, but if you put them together… Let’s just say it only works on lion cubs, you dumb shit.

2 Responses to “[FML Friday]: Day of the Frige”

  1. Jeff
    April 30, 2010 at 2:32 pm #

    That second one…umm…what a conversation a doctor has to have with a patient.

    Although I would likely regret asking, I wonder how that discussion came about.

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