[FML Friday]: A day late and a dollar short

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I know, I know… You’ve been waiting in front of your computer, unshowered and angry, since yesterday hoping to see the latest edition of FML Friday. Except, check this out: unlike all other bloggers out there, I have a job. I have deadlines. I needed to, you know, do stuff that sort of trumped this whole thing.

But I’m really sorry I didn’t get this to you sooner. I hope I didn’t ruin your weekend.

Now let’s get this bizarre show on the road!

For every action…

Today, I thought it would be funny to put peanut butter in my roommate’s ears. He thought it would be funny to shave off my eyebrows later while I was sleeping. FML

Were you born yesterday? Because it sounds like you were.

The pranking world is a complicated one. And by complicated, I mean dead simple. It’s a tit for tat world out there, and you can’t expect to jam peanut butter into someone’s ears and walk away to carry on about your life.

So, sure, you can squeal about how fucked your life is… or you can paint some eyebrows on your face get out there and BE SOMEBODY.

Importance of home inspections

Today, I discovered the house my family and I just moved into is infested with termites. FML

When you “just move into” a house, I like to think you’ve done some research. You know whether or not it faces north or south, you know how bright some of the rooms are… and you know if insects are going out of their way to fully decimate the substructure of your home.

Before you move in, as a general rule, you’re meant to conduct a move-in inspection. A proper, detailed one. Hell, I think you’re supposed to do that even before you BUY the house.

What I’m getting at is that I have exactly no sympathy for you. Your life may be fucked, but you, sir, deserve it for not doing the whole due diligence thing.

The importance of being honest

Today, I heard my roommate complaining about me not cleaning the bathtub after I shower. What I can’t tell her is that I haven’t taken a shower in 2 days because I’ve been swamped with schoolwork and that the filth in the tub is her own. FML

Time to nut up or shut up. Why can’t you tell her she’s filthy? Is it because you don’t shower for two days at a time, and then shed a layer of dirt into the tub? Moron.

I think there’s a distinct possibility she wasn’t just talking about the filthy tub over the last few days. I’ll assume there’s a fairly good chance she’s talking about it now because it’s been ongoing. Sure, she makes the tub dirty, but you don’t shower for days at a time. You wallow in your own filth while you study.

You need to clean the bathtub.

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