It’s the second last week of effing our elles here at the Unknown Studio… and let me tell you, the last however long we’ve been doing this have been… well memorable. As in, we’ll remember that we should remember what an OK time this was.

Now, if you’re still here and haven’t shot yourself in the face from hardcore mediocrity, then read on. I guess.

The ‘list’

Today, my dad found my “list”. 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn’t, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my “organizational skills.” FML

What did you expect him to say? “I’m proud my little girl is so ambitious about the number of people she wants to sleep with”? He’s just trying to resolve with what he’s seeing on this list against the fact that you now appear to have a sexual conquest list is more than double that of most ensemble casts in film and television.

Homeless birthday

Today, I found out I’m being evicted from my apartment on my birthday. FML

Yeah, you know that’s kinda my fault. I mean, I don’t know you and I didn’t really know what to get you. And I just dislike you so much… So, I guess what I’m saying is… Happy birthday?

Poor and whiny

Today, I realized I hate the career I have spent the last 7 years and $120,000 preparing for. FML

Well, better to know now than in, say, 20 years, amiright!?

Talk to me, dance with me

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

That’s really how it starts, isn’t it? Why don’t you just put a sock on your hand and talk to it instead? Seriously, the world has enough problems without having to worry about the next Charles Manson.

Smoke ’em if you’ve got ’em

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She’s now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn’t even like it. FML

Rehab? Are you serious? I’m getting tired of the anti-smoking thing, and I hate cigarettes. How much can a single group be marginalized? Let them choke on their smoke. It’s a personal choice! Now, to the FMLer: smoke your brains out. And if you have an iPad, please betroth it to me in your will.