Money money money Money… MONEY!

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Well, friends, this column marks the very last EVER FML Friday for the Unknown Studio. That’s right, we’re moving onto bigger and better things. More varied content! More rants! More More More!

And Smores! OK, I only thought of smores because it contains the word “more” and I’m going camping this weekend.

But this final installment of FML Friday is themed (applause)! This week, it’s all about money!

A-like so:

Cat Power

Today, my uncle passed away, leaving me an inheritance of $800, and his forty-seven cats. FML

Woohoo! Cat Party!

Or, maybe just think of it in a Pied Piper kind of way. With just a little bit of training, this Cat Army can do your bidding!

On the other hand, you should probably just register an account at

Hush money?

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

If you don’t feel like moving, and you want to invest in around 47 cats for companionship, I have a good line on a referral for you.

Guard your investment

Today, I was bragging endlessly to my friends about my new $900 laptop. I then tripped and dropped it down the wooden stairs. FML

That’s what you get for bragging about a bottom-of-the-line laptop, doucheknuckle. Now go buy a real computer.

Picky eater

Today, I had to go to counselling as my mother thinks I have an eating disorder. All because I didn’t want to eat the crap supermarket lasagna she bought for $2. FML

Did you explain to the counselor what a waste of time your appointment was before or after you paid them their fee? Or did you just take the money and go enjoy proper lasagna?

Cue Annie Lennox

Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend’s house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom’s favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML

ZING! I hope you have a receipt for those glasses. I also hope you didn’t explain to her HOW you think they got broken. Actually, scratch that. She probably knows. NOW GO AND BUY MATCHING DISHES!

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