Dear so-called Geeks*,
Back in December, I ordered a little item from your store, an item which is clearly marked in red letters on its packaging as a Klingon Corkscrew. I ordered it for my girlfriend and myself, so that it can help complete the set of nerdish implements we want for our kitchen (the other nerdish implement is an Enterprise bottle-opener).
I was extremely excited when the package arrived, as I’d saved up several corked bottles that would receive a screwin’ of the severest kind: the kind that can only be rendered by something made in the name of the Klingon Empire.
I ripped the box open and was verily tearing apart the package when I noticed the packing slip. Clearly marked there, in some awful fixed-width font, were the words “Romulan Corkscrew.”
“In the name of Kahless, what is this blasphemy?” I thought.
How can an organization which proudly brandishes the moniker of “geek” so utterly fail the most simplest of geek tests? To know the difference between an object that is Klingon in origin from a Romulan one is to embody all things geek. But this? This makes my heart ache for the future of humanity, Vulcanity and even Ferenghinity, to say nothing of Klingonity.
I’m giving the “geeks” at ThinkGeek the opportunity to defend themselves, to tell their side of the story — which will no doubt involve some tale of woe related to some kind of point-of-sale Holodeck malfunction. Pffft, we’ve all heard that one.
Defend yourselves, righteous purveyors of fabulously geeky items, or become the laughing stock of Trek fans everywhere — which would absolutely represent a paradigm shift in the lives of all Trekkies**.
*In case you couldn’t tell, this is all in good fun.
**I don’t use the word “Trekkers” because it sounds ever dumber than “Trekkies.”