An open letter to the ‘geeks’ at ThinkGeek

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Dear so-called Geeks*,

Back in December, I ordered a little item from your store, an item which is clearly marked in red letters on its packaging as a Klingon Corkscrew. I ordered it for my girlfriend and myself, so that it can help complete the set of nerdish implements we want for our kitchen (the other nerdish implement is an Enterprise bottle-opener).

I was extremely excited when the package arrived, as I’d saved up several corked bottles that would receive a screwin’ of the severest kind: the kind that can only be rendered by something made in the name of the Klingon Empire.

I ripped the box open and was verily tearing apart the package when I noticed the packing slip. Clearly marked there, in some awful fixed-width font, were the words “Romulan Corkscrew.”

“In the name of Kahless, what is this blasphemy?” I thought.

a receipt from thinkgeek

And you call yourselves geeks...

How can an organization which proudly brandishes the moniker of “geek” so utterly fail the most simplest of geek tests? To know the difference between an object that is Klingon in origin from a Romulan one is to embody all things geek. But this? This makes my heart ache for the future of humanity, Vulcanity and even Ferenghinity, to say nothing of Klingonity.

I’m giving the “geeks” at ThinkGeek the opportunity to defend themselves, to tell their side of the story — which will no doubt involve some tale of woe related to some kind of point-of-sale Holodeck malfunction. Pffft, we’ve all heard that one.

Defend yourselves, righteous purveyors of fabulously geeky items, or become the laughing stock of Trek fans everywhere — which would absolutely represent a paradigm shift in the lives of all Trekkies**.

I can already taste the bloodwine!

*In case you couldn’t tell, this is all in good fun.

**I don’t use the word “Trekkers” because it sounds ever dumber than “Trekkies.”

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7 Responses to “An open letter to the ‘geeks’ at ThinkGeek”

  1. ThinkGeek
    February 1, 2011 at 9:34 am #

    Dear ‘Adam,’

    Greetings from ThinkGeek HQ! The story of the misnamed Klingon Corkscrew is dull, but since you asked, you shall have it.

    The vendor who makes this corkscrew named it “Romulan Corkscrew” way back when we first decided to carry it. Since they had gone through the licensing process with CBS, we thought we should stick with the name even though it’s clearly a Klingon Bird-of-Prey.

    So that’s how it was added into our database of awesome. Then the vendor decided to change the packaging to say “Klingon Corkscrew” so we did a little golf clap and changed it on the site.

    But we apparently missed a checkbox way back in the dusty corners of our inventory management machine. So, boring story short, thanks to your blog post, we’ve just checked off that errant box and henceforth all Klingon Corkscrews shall fly under the correct name.

    For your vigilance, we’d like to reward you with this photograph of appreciation:


    The ThinkGeek Geeks

    • Adam Rozenhart
      February 1, 2011 at 1:24 pm #

      I’m glad you guys responded, or else you’d have a nation of angry geeks with fake phasers beating down your doors.

      Seriously, thanks for being such good sports. I was bored and wanted to have some fun, and you guys didn’t disappoint.

  2. Adam Snider
    February 1, 2011 at 9:36 am #

    Utterly shameful and screwball. I bet they don’t even sell Romulan corkscrews, thus making this screwup even more screwy.


  3. Chris
    February 1, 2011 at 10:27 am #

    Am quietly saying a prayer for all the electrons so casually sacrificed for something so incredibly nerdish. Is there a policy like Godwin’s Law controlling the amount of time before the comment thread devolves into a Kirk/Picard debate?

  4. Sam
    February 1, 2011 at 11:12 am #

    You’ll have to say a lot of prayers for all the electrons lost to nerd causes.

    Just to clarify in that letter from ThinkGeek: this company manufacturing the Klingon corkscrew got licensing rights from CBS for something they misnamed? Someone at CBS clearly isn’t paying attention. Why even have licensing rights?

    Also, I have that Enterprise bottle opener, and it is a thing of beauty.

  5. Jay Palter
    February 1, 2011 at 3:31 pm #

    Here and I thought Klingons were little bits of – nevermind. My geek cred is now blown.


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