Don’t be a dipshit. It’s FML Friday

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Do you take this Anatidae to be your wife?

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

Oh no. You married the female equivalent of a bro! What’s that called? A douchebag?

Listen, I know this is really troubling. You’re going to have to explain that face to a lot of people when they see your wedding photos, your honeymoon photos and every other photo your wife takes of herself — presumably in the bathroom mirror using a smartphone of some kind.

Actually, I think in most reasonable states, this would be grounds for divorce. So start drawing up the papers, you poor schmuck.

What is a juggalo? A juggalo. That’s what it is.

Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML

Sweet gods, would you listen to yourself? “Sartorial”? I had to look that up.

You’re lucky those Juggalos were only making fun of the way you were dressed — and I assume you were wearing a smoking jacket, an ascot, and silk, striped pyjamas. Were you carrying a pipe of well, you pretentious jerk?

You’d been better off with clown make-up and goth clothes. Embrace your inner Juggalo, you loser.

Everyone blames the ad man

Today, I was on a first date. She asked what I do, so I replied “I create adverts.” She then yelled, “F**k you” and left. FML

Man, I go through this ALL THE TIME. People HATE advertising. And you know what I always hear? Advertising has NO EFFECT on ANYONE! It’s like my entire existence is about wasting my own time.

Except that it isn’t. The reason advertising pisses people off is because when it’s really impactful, it gets people to do things. And when it’s bad… well, it’s just fucking bad.

You’re probably ugly, and she just wanted an out. The advert thing? A total scapegoat.

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