Life at work on an FML Friday

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There’s a book out there called the 4-Hour Work Week. Can you imagine only working for 4 hours each week? I’d be destitute, bored and probably happy.

But super super poor.

And besides, without working 5 (and sometimes 6 and 7) days a week, I wouldn’t have all these wonderful stories that I can’t really tell you due to client confidentiality. But just wait for my forthcoming Kickstarter-funded memoir: Adam Rozenhart, and What It’s Like to Peak at 30-Years-Old. I promise you it will be totally readable.

Now let’s offer some advice to people who are marginally more pathetic than I am!

A rising tide lifts all millennial douchebags

Today, I was once again passed over for a promotion. I’m now the assistant to a kid who has failed to meet almost every single responsibility he’s been given before. It’s my job to make sure he’s successful, and if he isn’t, I’ll lose my job. FML

Hey, can you pass some of those grapes over here? <eats grapes>. Man, these are pretty sour.

All right, we all get it. You’ve been in this job awhile, and you’ve been overlooked yet again — this time by some entitled youngster who probably sucks. But wait, you said you’ve been passed over “once again”? Well here’s an idea: take a long hard look at yourself and ask the question, “Why?”

Perhaps your endless whining about other people being promoted over you, and consequently the fact that you rarely do anything other than that, are reasons why you’re stuck training your future child-boss. Maybe pull yourself together and give your employer a reason to love you, and stop blaming poor millennial kids.

Working’s for suckers

Today, I had an hour long meeting with my manager where she informed me the reason I had not been promoted is because she felt that people would not like to work for me, because I would, “make them do their job.” FML

OK, so my advice above for the lazy whiner? You’ve taken that to the extreme. Work is about work, certainly, but you can’t always be an epic killjoy. And one way to kill peoples’ joy is to make them do the thing they were hired to do. Because how is a company going to make any money if people are doing their jobs… Um… Wait a second.

You might be in the right here, but you’re also in the wrong. Because you’ve made no indication that you’re going to leave this shit hole. Get out! Get out while you still have a paycheque! Go someplace that values things like, “doing the work you were hired to do.” Or, you know, “working in general, even just a little bit and even when it’s sunny out.”

Go replace yourself

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

Ouuuuuuch. Dude. Like, for realsies. I want to tell you to look on the bright side, but this is like someone pointing to a kiddie pool filled with gasoline, giving you an old matchbook and saying, ominously, “You know what to do.”

Oh wait! While I was typing that, I thought of a bright side: you could start looking into a career in recruitment, since that’s what the boss-person has you doing right up until he fires you. Quickly! To the LinkedIn Mobile!

Image by Rob Friesel on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

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