Really, really, really good looking on FML Friday

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Some people are too sexy for their loves, and then love leaves them. Others are so sexy it hurts, while others just need to take off their shirts as a result of their sexiness.

And still others feel the need to complain about their looks, or talk about the looks of others, by way of a little website where they can talk about how Effed their Elles are. This week’s FML Friday is all about beauty — those who possess it, those who don’t, and those who observe those who possessive.

Let’s not hate these people because they’re beautiful; let’s hate them because of their inane internet-based bullshit.

Photoshop disasters

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn’t distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

Software can be cruel, ugly-acne person. Software, you see, doesn’t have feelings. It’s just trying to do the thing it was designed to do: make people look less possessed as a result of flash photography. But software can be brutally honest, as you learned this day.

I’m not going to refer you to a dermatologist — let’s face it, I’m not doctor. And I know what it’s like being awkward and young and covered in zits. Hell, I’m awkward and old and the zits still find me. Not enough for a piece of software to treat me like dirt, but still…

I think the best thing for you to do would be to avoid cameras for the next five or so years. Do it, for the sake of your self-esteem. (Note, I cannot take responsibility for your self-esteem if you feel badly after reading this post.)

A ‘legs’ man

Today, I shaved my legs. I received endless compliments about how great they looked, and how jealous all the girls were. I’m a guy who shaved them for a themed party, for which I dressed up as a girl. FML

Great legs are not an easy thing to grow into. You have exercise, shape them, and slather them with lotion. So even if you’re a dude with fabulous girl-legs, I say embrace it. And if the ladies are jealous, use it to your advantage. Have them over for leg-shaving parties (girls do that, right?).

You never know… it might turn into a hilarious but extremely sexy gross-out comedy starring you, a pillow fight and an incredible weekend of you getting laid.

All thanks to your sexy gams.

Sexy and he knows it

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn’t tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said “Yes, I do work out.” I have to see him everyday now. FML

I think I know the type of person your new co-worker is. I get the sense that, when he walks on by, girls be thinking, like, “Damn he fly.” I also get the sense that that’s just how he rolls. Have you seen him in animal-print pants? Because that, my friend, would be outta control.

I wouldn’t really worry about it, though. This guy is used to girls lookin’ at that body — he said it straight up: he works out. When he walks in the spot, I imagine this is what he sees: everybody stops and they’re staring at him. It’s probably because this new colleague of yours has the passion in his pants and he’s not afraid to show it, show it, show it.

He’s sexy and he knows it.

Photo by Philippine LBDO on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

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2 Responses to “Really, really, really good looking on FML Friday”

  1. Not Leask
    June 29, 2012 at 1:19 pm #