Vagueness and bad hair on FML Friday

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Sometimes we only get some of the information out of a person telling a story. And when this happens, it’s always irritating. Because we worry about you, you know. How come you don’t call anymore?

Today, we look at FMLers who seem to leave us wanting more. “And then what happened?” would be the question to ask. But they’re not around to answer it. They just post their FMLs and go on their merry way.


Sleep with one eye open

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

Whoa, wait a minute. What kind of nightmare? Was the sex bad? Did you try to murder her while having sex in this nightmare? Was there insufficient lube?

These are the kinds of questions we need answered if you’re going to weave any kind of tapestry here for us. The way this sounds, you’re your girlfriend is just afraid of sex with you. Probably because you’re dumb, or boring, or irritating enough to post all the little things that go wrong in your life to a website.

Let’s face it: you’re terrible in dream-land bed, and in real-world bed.

Just dye already

Today, yet again, I had to dye my hair brown in advance of the new school year, because my school doesn’t allow “unapproved” colors, even if they’re natural. FML

OK, so what “unapproved” colors are your natural hairs? Are they naturally a salmony pink? Because that’s more like supernatural than natural. But hey, if your hair is light blond and the school is worried you’ll look like a douche who bleached their hair, that’s an entirely different story.

Do you see now why it’s so important to include details when you’re trying to post stupid things to a website so people feel sorry for you? Now we all think you have, like, a birds nest in your salmony pink hair. And that you probably use or cook meth. You’re unfit to go to school.

Presents and sex

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML

Well, clearly he wasn’t enjoying himself, or he just has other things weighing heavy on his mind. I’m not too worried about that. What I AM worried about is what happened after that. Did you stop? Was the mood gone? Or did that make you hot?

I hope by reading those questions you understand that either way, there was a compelling story here. Nothing to really F your L about, but rather an opportunity to laugh at something later on, when you talk to your friends about this. But you blew it, sex-lady.

Or, wait, did you blow it? I guess we’ll never know.

Image by Tom Carmony on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

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One Response to “Vagueness and bad hair on FML Friday”

  1. Gregg
    August 17, 2012 at 10:29 am #

    I think we all have strangely mundane thoughts during sex from time to time. Most of us…you know…keep them to ourselves.