Hormonal imbalances on FML Friday

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There’s nothing worse than a hormone imbalance. Except jumping into a tiger cage at a zoo to “be with the animals”. Even worse than that? Having a hormone imbalance that causes you to behave that way. I’m not saying that’s what happened, but that’s all I’ve got!

The sad people below? The ones who share their plight with the internet so that I can make fun of? They, or someone close to them, has a hormone problem. And you’re about to find out what I think about that…

Anything but Tabitha

Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name “Tabitha”, and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it’s orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML

Ta. Bi. Thuh. Tah. Bee. Thaw. Hmm. I don’t see the problem. Is it possible your wife is pronouncing the name incorrectly? Does she have negative associations with the letter T because you’re a douchebag, Timmy? Your name’s Timmy, isn’t it?

Listen, Timmy, your wife’s going through a thing right now. A thing that is gestating inside her body. Think about what that does to a person for a moment, and instead of just being upset and all FML-y, you should just nod to your wife, say “I understand,” even if you don’t, and think up another fucking name, Timmy.

Youthful menopause

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I’m a 17 year old guy. FML

Menopause is crazy! My mum’s been through it, and her biggest complaint has been the hot flashes. But you’re a 17-year-old who’s going through mood swings reminiscent of menopause, huh? Here’s what you need to do:

  • Go back to your doctor and tell him or her to go fuck themselves
  • Find out if they are a parent, and if they have any idea what teenagers are like
  • As them if they’ve ever heard of “puberty” before
  • Find another family doctor
Note: I’m not a doctor, but I play one on this blog.

Mom’s sex

Today, my mom talked about how it’s interesting how there’s so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she’s doing hormone therapy she’s able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

Hormone therapy, huh? My mum’s taking that as part of her treatment for breast canc…

Oh. My. Gods.

Image by Tillamook Cheese on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

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