Ah, Canadian Thanksgiving. A time where we apologize profusely to relatives. And strangers. Oh sorry, that’s every other day in Canada.
Ah, Canadian Thanksgiving. A time where we thank friends, relatives and our lucky stars. Because this place… This place is less bad than all the other places. Well, most of them, anyhow.
Other people’s Thanksgivings? Not always the greatest. Because F their Ls. Oh look, here they are now!
Wino, meet Draino
Today, my husband threw up in the shower after drinking almost a whole bottle of wine. The shower won’t drain now. Happy Thanksgiving. FML
I’m not sure what’s worse — or actually, I’m not sure what happened. Apparently, your husband drank so much he felt dirty. Feeling dirty, he proceeded to take a shower — perhaps before Thanksgiving Dinner. Then, while showering, he experienced wanted to analyze the contents of his stomach. And here we are.
Oh, wait, I see the problem here. Yup. It’s not the turkey, or the wine, or the vomit. It’s this giant clump of hair clogging the drain. And look at how long these are! My dear, these are mostly yours. Ergo, plugged shower = your fault. Happy Thanksgiving!
Feats of strength, pre-Festivus
Today, my entire family came over for thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fist fight and only one cop car was called. FML
I love it when families love each other so hard they want to break each others’ noses. I witnessed that very thing once, at a 50th wedding anniversary get-together. There was so much love in the room, that one of my cousins decided to punch his brother. Great times.
And when the police are called, you know you have a really special bunch of people in your life. So special, they should probably be locked up and placed on display like the lovable zoo animals that they are.
Because they’re your family and they have no place in polite society. Happy Thanksgiving!
A break from brakes
Today, my mom used “happy Thanksgiving break” and “we sold your car” in the same sentence. FML
A wise man once told me “The things you own end up owning you.” Your car is no different. In fact, your car NEEDS you. Without you, your car isn’t a car; it’s a heap of metal sitting on four wads of rubber. And you weren’t taking very good care of the thing anyway, since you didn’t realize until Thanksgiving break that your mom had sold it.
If you’re looking for something to give thanks for, think about all those less fortunate than you who don’t have cars to eat this Thanksgiving. That’s the real tragedy. Don’t be such a rich, North American snob. You can wander into any restaurant and eat all the cars you want. Not so for many other people.
So when you sit down with your family this weekend to eat a car, please think about the people out there who can’t afford cars. Or something. Happy Thanksgiving!
Photo by Jon Archer on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.