The end of the Zzzzzz on FML Friday

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The end is Billy Nye the Science Guy and all anyone thinks about is their stuff.

I think that everyone’s power is out as if they were acclimating themselves to a life without stuff. You can still have stuff without power. What do you think was the original TV? Flames.

Magic combustion

Just accidentally dropped a tissue on the candle & caught it on fire. #FML

I think you just performed some magic there bub. I would love to start a candle with a tissue. Imagine people lighting cigarettes with tissues or kerosene lamps. World would be a better place. With better furniture.

Armoire of Dangerloads

Dropping your expensive iPad on your expensive dresser and creating a gouge <<<<< Your iPad doesnt have a scratch>>> #FML

Too bad that dresser wasn’t made out of iPads. Then you could put your unmatched socks in the Youtube drawer. Or better yet, hide your porn in your unused organizing app drawer. Or better yet, drop your dresser on your expensive iPad and the dresser doesn’t even connect to Starbucks’ wifi or whatever.

Solo nocturnal

I’ve been trying to stay in bed and sleep all afternoon. But I’m starting to get up. #FML

If this were Hoth you wouldn’t be complaining about sleeping. Just the smell. Because you thought it smelt bad on the outside? Right guys? Is this thing on?

Noah Tension to detail

Why must my room be a mess every time the power goes out? #FML

I remember once my power went out and my room was the stomach of a whale. I wish it were a mess. That would be easy to deal with. You know, east to grab stuff. With the world ending and the power out and my stuff everywhere, all you have to do is make grabbing motions. Whatever you get, that is what you have. Didn’t Bhudda say that? Or Kris Kristofferson?

Ahead in jury duty

And I could not watch @onedirection on xfactor due to my concussion #FML

SHOULD READ: I wish I had a concussion and I could not watch @onedirection on xfactor due to my concussion #FML #couldsomeonepleaseconcussme

Thumbs can’t spell

So I thought I was gonna be able to relax now but instead I gotta go wait for a toe truck. #Fml

Tough break. Now instead of relaxing, you have to sit back and wait for the inevitable. A plane made out of lips, a helicopter made out of teeth, a windmill make out of sneezes, a truck made out of toes. The four horsemen of the apocalypse is now the four vehicles made out of dismembered body parts…and one messy face ejaculation.

The world isn’t ending, it has ended. We are moving backwards by making things simpler. Regression is the message and the message will be misspelled and underwhelming.

Image by Nathanael Boehm on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

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