I got stuck on an elevator once. I actually talked about it on our Christmas podcast. I was trapped with a bunch of people, including my friend Jess. She’s afraid of red-headed men, and lo and behold, the elevator was also occupied by a red-headed man. It was funny for me, terrifying for her.
We also worked with a lady whose first name was Dorcas, but that’s not what I’m getting at.
There are all kinds of elevator hijinks worthy of the phrase “FML.” What you read below doesn’t qualify. But hey, if the internet isn’t about making fun of whiny people, I don’t want to live.
So let’s get on with the living!
‘Going DOWN, Mr Tyler?’
Today, I sneaked off work early. As I was in the elevator on the way down to leave, it stopped at my boss’s floor, and he got in. FML
First of all, while I realize that “sneaked” is perfectly acceptable, I prefer snuck. And secondably, I fail to see how your boss getting onto the elevator with you is FML-worthy. You could have just said to him, “Hey, can I grab you a coffee while I’m out getting myself a coffee and not sneaking away?” You just have to play it cool, you see. Oh sure, it means you have to come back to work, but it also means you get to keep your job. And in the end, isn’t not being destitute more important than sneaking off for a few extra hours in the day?
Why did the chicken ride the lift?
Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML
Yeah, I can totally see how that might be terrible. No, I lied, you’re dumb. What you have here — with a little elbow grease — is a contingency plan for if the elevator got stuck. You could just break the chicken’s neck, pluck the poor bugger and use some stripped wires to cook the shit out of that poor bird. Or you could eat its eggs. Raw, I know, but at least you won’t DIE on that elevator. And in the end, isn’t not dying more important than thinking riding the elevator with a chicken is a bad thing?
Today, my co-workers agreed that I was the one causing the elevator to be over its weight limit. When I protested, saying that I only weigh around 150 pounds, one asked me if that included the weight of my wheelchair. They made me get out. FML
Holy shit, your co-workers are DICKS. Why don’t THOSE fat asses take the stairs, and understand that the elevator is really just a CONVENIENCE technology for able-bodied people? For individuals such as yourself, it’s pretty vital to have easy access to buildings that are, say, over a story tall. Sweet Jesus, I highly recommend you quit your job because you work with some real assholes. Because in the end, isn’t being satisfied at work at least as important as not being surrounded by unconscionable fucktards?