The FML Friday Grab-Bag

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Drama. It’s the name of a character on an HBO show, a class at school, and it’s the theme of this week’s FML Friday. Actually, I think it’s probably the theme of every FML Friday.

But the three FMLers below had some drama that caught my eye, so I’ve decided to provide them with some kind of advice. Advice that may or may not be useful. And I emphasize the “may not.”

Denial’s one hell of a drug

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend’s child. As if that doesn’t sound bad enough, I’ve met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that. If my 12-year-old daughter came home worried about being pregnant, I’d keep telling myself that her boyfriend was imaginary too. Or, your daughter, like thousands of young girls in North America, is sexually active, and you’re doing yourself exactly no favours by pretending this isn’t a thing.

That Parent of the Year award you were hoping to win? Not happening.

Volleyball’s one hell of a drug

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

Ah yes, the ancient and mystical sport of volleyball. It frequently converts players into seers, so what’s happened to your girlfriend is completely plausible. Or rather, is a completely plausible plot for a short-lived 80s sitcom. Might be time to haul out the dump truck, man.

Because that Boyfriend of the Year award you were hoping to win? Not happening.

You could use one hell of a drug

Today, my washing machine broke down, within its warranty. I asked my neighbour if she could open the door for the mechanic while I was at work; she agreed. When I came home, I had a bill for 80 bucks for not opening the door. Her reason? She was busy watching her favorite TV show. FML

Are you seriously going to take that shit? Was the “bill” handwritten on a napkin, or was this a legit invoice? If I were you, I’d tell your neighbour to get fucked, then go find a coupon for 10% off a PVR system from your local cable provider and move on. Like, literally, move out. This woman sounds like she has the potential to ruin your happiness.

And less face it, that Neighbour of the Year award you were hoping to win? No happening.

Image by the Panamerican on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

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