Hope you enjoy the show!

Image by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

In this episode, the exceedingly talented and delightful Erica Viegas joins Scott and I to chat about her forthcoming album, and the VIA Rail whistlestop tour she’s embarking on to take the album across Canada. Long-time listeners will recall that Erica’s been on our show several times, including for our season 3 finale live episode.

Listeners may also recall Trent Wilkie, who was our emcee at that show. He joined us in this episode as well, to discuss the forthcoming first-annual Yeggies (of which I am a founder and committee member). Trent is hosting, and he talks about what the night’s going to look like, and what’s gone into the Yeggies so far.

Give us a listen and leave a comment, wouldja?

It’s true, Scott and I took a bit of a break over the last few weeks. There was a long weekend in there due to Easter, and some life-stuff got in the way of things. But this podcast, being the labour of love that it is, is back.

And it’s back with sweet, nerdy vengeance. Because our guests are also all about labours of love. We spoke with Steven “Full Frontal Nerdity” Hodges about some of the interesting work he’s been doing. And we spoke with Jay “I Quit” Runham. About quitting. Because his Jay n J podcast has ended and is turning into something different.

And if you’re a nerd for storytelling, we also have the winner of Edmonton Story Slam‘s Slam-Off on our show.

Let us know what you thought of the episode in the comments!

Image by Rochelle Hartman on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Here are some must-sees from last week:

• Mack Male looked into another popular matter of discussion: potholes.
• OilersNation’s Wanye Gretz continued his trek throughout Europe, eventually making it to Amsterdam.
• Speaking on Amsterdam, Dutch airline KLM began advertising direct flights to Amsterdam… From Calgary. Todd Babiak wrote an interesting commentary on the issue.
• The team at I Dig Your Girlfriend celebrated a milestone: a year of queer!
• Mayor Mandel delivered a rousing speech lambasting the provincial government last week. Councillor Don Iveson wrote an interesting commentary on the Mayor’s speech.
• Dave Cournoyer wrote about the fundraising prowess of the provincial Wildrose Party.

Image by Brian. Used under Creative Commons License.

But the three FMLers below had some drama that caught my eye, so I’ve decided to provide them with some kind of advice. Advice that may or may not be useful. And I emphasize the “may not.”

Denial’s one hell of a drug

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that. If my 12-year-old daughter came home worried about being pregnant, I’d keep telling myself that her boyfriend was imaginary too. Or, your daughter, like thousands of young girls in North America, is sexually active, and you’re doing yourself exactly no favours by pretending this isn’t a thing.

That Parent of the Year award you were hoping to win? Not happening.

Volleyball’s one hell of a drug

Ah yes, the ancient and mystical sport of volleyball. It frequently converts players into seers, so what’s happened to your girlfriend is completely plausible. Or rather, is a completely plausible plot for a short-lived 80s sitcom. Might be time to haul out the dump truck, man.

Because that Boyfriend of the Year award you were hoping to win? Not happening.

You could use one hell of a drug

Are you seriously going to take that shit? Was the “bill” handwritten on a napkin, or was this a legit invoice? If I were you, I’d tell your neighbour to get fucked, then go find a coupon for 10% off a PVR system from your local cable provider and move on. Like, literally, move out. This woman sounds like she has the potential to ruin your happiness.

And less face it, that Neighbour of the Year award you were hoping to win? No happening.

Image by the Panamerican on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

It’s also Monday and that means the Edmonton Blog Watch. Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Here are my picks for must-see Edmonton content from last week:

• The big news was the passing of former Premier Ralph Klein. Alex Abboud wrote an interesting perspective on his thoughts on Canada’s most famous premier.
• With Make Something Edmonton launched, the next step is telling as many people as possible about it. So Make Something wants you to invite them over.
• The City of Edmonton has a new blogger in residence: former Edmonton Journal columnist Scott McKeen.
• Though Spring is “here,” Kendall Barber has some great tips for running outdoors in the winter.
• OilersNation’s Wanye Gretz is traveling around Scandinavia, and keeping a journal of his exploits.

Image by Brian on Flick. Used under Creative Commons License.

Here are some must-sees from last week:

• Check out Mack’s recap on last week’s Make Something Edmonton Launch.
• Sally and Jeff are working on a new scripted comedy project. Check out a short they made to start trying things out.
• Sarah Chan wrote about cycling in the city, and how she makes it work for her and her family.
• Mike Otto pointed out that Alberta Avenue’s Kaleido Festival was immortalized on Google Maps.
• Dave Cournoyer pointed out Thomas Mulcair’s “treasonous” comments on Keystone XL.

Image by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Forced

Well, your brother has a point. I mean, I’ve never seen a Catholic choke someone with their mind. That’s pretty cool, even though it probably violates a commandment or something. In fact, I think most Force moves would probably violate commandments. Especially “Thou shalt not steal… someone’s sandwich using the Force.”

Denuded

While nudity is a sin in the Catholic religion, unless it’s a state you’re in for the expres purposes of procreation — and hey, I should know. I was raised Catholic after all — it’s not the end of the world. Unless when you’re a boy with a boyfriend. Then, according to some Catholic interpretations of the Bible, it actually is the end of the world.

Religioned

I wouldn’t worry about it. All Jewish parents want their kids to marry nice Jewish boys and girls. But they’re usually pretty cool if their kids wind up with someone from another religion (or someone without religion). They just want a fully Jewish family because everyone knows Jewish parties are the best, and they don’t want to always be the ones hosting them.

Image by malouette on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

This episode also includes a follow-up conversation with Lesley Vaage — one of Lindsey MacNeill’s supporters on the Gillian’s Just Right Cinecoup Coup. I chatted with Lesley to find out how things are going in the Cinecoup competition so far.

And Scott supplies you all with a dramatic — VERY dramatic reading!

Apologies for the sound quality on this episode. Scott sounds faint, and that was my error. Next time he’ll be back, with voice modulation and explosions in the background… WHICH HE WILL DROWN OUT WITH HIS BOOMING VOICE.

Let us know what you think in the comments!

Image by Wade Kelly on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Here are my must-view picks:

• Brent Jans wrote an excellent post on his issues with weight, talking about the difference between shame and dissatisfaction. I really enjoyed it.
• Gregg Beever and Jeremy Die drew a great comic last week that poked fun at the Yeggies. Made me LOL!
• The Wildrose has been all over the Tories, and Chris LaBossiere wrote a post about how in spite of their criticisms, the Wildrose still isn’t a viable alternative to form a government.
• Mack Male wrote about the use of P3s to fund the city’s LRT. It’s an interesting post, as it goes into the pros and cons of using them to fund large infrastructure projects.
• A year ago, Hilary Darrah had a seizure that changed her life. She wrote a post that looks back over the past year, as her scars have healed.
• Speaking of looking back a year, Zoe Todd shared some really interesting photos of her travels since early 2012 (ish).

Image by me! Can you tell I’m dreaming of summer?

Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Here’s what I found interesting from last week:

• The Provincial Government released its budget, and it wasn’t good. There’s lots to read out there, and I recommend you start with Dave Cournoyer’s post on it.
• The city announced a plan to annex land to its south. Mack has a great breakdown on what previous annexations have looked like.
• James Leask went to town on critics of the film Zero Dark Thirty. It’s well worth the read — I love James’ rants.
• Trent Wilkie and Elizabeth Budd launched their podcast this week. Check out their first episode.
• Jen Banks wrote about the letter she received from a woman who bullied her in high school. It’s really quite incredible (and Jen links to the letter in her post too).
• Todd Babiak talked a bit about the Make Something Edmonton project (full disclosure: I’m on the advisory committee) and why it’s not your typical city branding exercise.

Image by Gord McKenna on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Travel can bring about some of the best things life has to offer. We learn things about ourselves, tackle new cultural and culinary experiences, and get to see plenty of interesting things and people. Travel can also some times bring about some terrible (or terribly hilarious, depending on how you look about it) situations.

Here are a few folks who had a worse go of it than most.

Farewell fish

Umm, did you even ask your fish if they wanted to come along for the trip? That sounds pretty selfish to me. Fish need vacations too, you know. Have you ever tried breathing underwater? That’s hard work. Your fish probably died of a broken, lonely heart. Don’t blame your dad. YOU killed the fish. You and your inconsiderate choices.

Feline foibles

Don’t worry too much about the toy. If it helps, I know where you can find some fish for your cat to play with.

Traveling with your best friend can be hard. Maybe if your cat was more careful with his belongings and didn’t leave stuff all over the hotel room, you wouldn’t have this problem on your hands. In all reality though, your cat is probably a better roommate than some of the girls I had to share rooms with on my last trip. He probably doesn’t stay out all night drinking then come back to cry-puke in the shower.

Frisky Business

You know, these TSA regulations are really getting out of hand. It seems like every time you get to the airport, there’s something new you can’t bring with you on the plane. If they had’ve told this poor guy beforehand, I’m sure he would have checked his fat rolls with his luggage. I wonder if fat rolls are subject to an additional baggage fee. I wouldn’t put it past them.

Image by Krissy Mayhew on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

One of Lindsey’s creations was turned into a TV show called Truckstop Bloodsuckers. And her next project is a film-length film she’s starring in called Gillian’s Just Right — and she needs her help to fund it. We talk with Lindsey about her latest venture, about filmmaking in Edmonton and about being horrifically delightful.

This episode also features the winner and our favourite pick from February’s Story Slam. This month is the annual Slam Off, so the third Wednesday of this month — the 20th — will be your opportunity to hear from the best storytellers of the year.

Image lifted directly from the title screen of the Gillian’s Just Right trailer.

Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

• Becka Swan wrote about No Name brand wine, and why you should feel shame for drinking it.
• Becky Smith-Mandin wrote about the closing of the Elevation Room, a much-loved basement venue below the also-closed Transcend Coffee on Jasper Avenue.
• Dave Cournoyer wrote about the ham-fisted handling of the ATA by the Alberta Government.
• Councillor Don Iveson wrote about the city council decision to allow residential development in Horse Hills.
• Filmmaker Lindsey MacNeill launched her forthcoming film’s (Gillian’s Just Right) trailer on Thursday. You can hear more about that on our next podcast!
• Zoe Todd wrote about a topic near and dear to me: the pathological tearing down and re-building of Edmonton.

Video on this post is the trailer from Lindsey MacNeill’s Gillian’s Just Right.

FOR THE BETTER.

Oh, also, feel bad for these poor fucks who didn’t get to enjoy their morning coffee.

Mo’ coffee, mo’ problems

“Massive Problem” is one of my favourite kinds of coffee. Its beans are grown on the Kazakh, or Kirgihz, Steppe, and taste like pure unadulterated communism, with just a hint of mockery. Particularly when its drinker is a brown-nosing douche who requires validation for every single apparent wrong that he makes right. Seriously, calm the fuck down and have a coffee already.

Mo’ coffee, mo’ retching

The brothers “Swish, Gargle n’ Retch” are among my favourite coffee makers in North America. They learned their trade in their travels through Italy and France, sampling some of the finest coffees continental Europe had to offer. Although their weak-stomached whining often makes their customers want to retch, I presume they can’t help but complain. Because they’re fucking useless windbags.

Mo’ coffee, mo’ sadness

“Pretty Girl” coffee is one of my favourite kinds of coffee. It’s a pleasant distraction from the crushing anxiety of everyday, and it’s a self-esteem booster. Unless you’re on a date with some dude who literally becomes obsessed with this coffee. Then he gets lost in its flavour, and you just sit there like some sad wang wishing to hell you’d ordered a beer instead of a coffee. Which doesn’t really make sense, when you go back and read what I just wrote. But don’t worry. This isn’t about that. It’s about coffee.

Image by epSos .de on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

But one thing you can rest assured of is this: if you come across anything interesting in the Edmonton social media sphere, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Now here’s what I found interesting last week:

• The Redneck Mommy underwent a metamorphosis last week, shifting from the brand she’d worked with for years and morphing into Tanis Miller (her real name).
• Bike lanes were one of the hot topics around the city last week. The Charrette’s Mike Otto says bike lanes need more funding; Councillor Don Iveson explains that the process of adding new bike lanes, while difficult, is necessary growing pains.
• OilersNation is celebrating its overdue 5th birthday this coming weekend. You’ll need tickets to get into this shindig.
• Lindsey McNeill talks about the weird dudes women are into on TV. It starts with bestiality and ends with necrophilia. Where will it go next?
• Zoe Todd takes a very interesting look at whether or not violence can ever be the answer.

Image by Sheila Scarborough on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

It’s actually kind of like the Yeggies, but with, you know, star power. And actors. And Billy Crystal, though thankfully not as the host this year.

And they call them the 85th Annual Academy Awards.

And that’s really what this episode is all about. Featuring such film experts as Jay n J n Gregg Beever n Erin Bourne, we tackle the important issues: like how to host an Oscar party? Did Argo and Ben Affleck get snubbed? Why do we subject ourselves to a 3-hour telecast (23 hours, if you include the red carpet stuff)? And who will be named… BEST?

This lively discussion will make you laugh, cry, and laughcry, which is a condition for which you should seek medical attention.

And to top it all off, we ditch the Fast Fifteen in favour of Oscar Trivia Through The Ages.

Leave a comment on the episode and let us know what you think!

Image by Beacon Radio on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Read the rest at Yeggies.com

Image by Terren in Virginia on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Hello regular Unknown Studio readers, my name is Jay. You may recognize me from such podcast episodes as last Season’s “Oscar, meet Jay n’ J.”, Season 2′s “Summer blockbusters”, or my own podcast Jay n’ J. I am writing to you today to showcase what I am proudly calling GIF Theater.

You see, occasionally on Twitter I post a more sophisticated version of a #FollowFriday (or #FF) I like to call #GIFriday. It’s usually a clever tweet followed by a fun or mocking animated GIF. At they same time the wonderful and talented Adam Rozenhart usually posts these wonderful FML Fridays. So, being the magical and mysterious human being that I am, I thought “why not combined the two!” And thus GIF Theater was born.

Behold it in all it’s glory!

Theatrics in the theatre

F your seemingly boring L? For reals? Your Grandpa sounds hilarious! I mean, if this is a first time offense for him then I can understand being confused, but Fing your so called L? I don’t think so. And if it wasn’t the first time he’s done something like this then you should have joined in! If you knew you were going to get in trouble anyways, why don’t take some stress out on your parents? I mean I don’t really condone being disruptive at theatres, but it sounds like this was a particularly boring movie if your cool Grandpa was that bored at it. Seriously though:

Lonely mobile phone sadness

Seriously, I think some of you people need to re-evaluate your so called Ls. You get to go to a movie! Uninterrupted! You know how hard that is for some people. I see it all the time at the theatre. People getting (and answering) texts. People calling each other. Be greatful. Sure it’s lonely, but the cinematic experience you’re going to enjoy will be worth it. Unless you’re REALLY lonely:

Berzerker attack in 3. 2. 1.

Sorry FMLer, this one on you. You went to go see The Wolverine? An hour early? Did you not pay attention to the internet at all? It got nothing but horrible reviews. And I’m not going to lie, the drunk guy talking you the whole time was probably a better experience than watching the movie. So if anything you should be THANKFUL. Thank you drunk guy for saving this poor FMLer from the crap hole that was The Wolverine.

Image by kersy83 on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Arda’s death hit me and my brothers practically hard. We’d become quite close with her over the last several years, and the loss of her husband, our uncle, a few years prior, made things all the worse.

Arda gave my mother an orchid plant about a year ago. It stopped flowering in the summertime. Mum was going to throw it out, but after Arda passed away, it started to bloom again. Coincidence, no doubt, but deriving meaning from such things is comforting.

I’ll always remember my aunt for being sharp as a tack, very politically involved in Alberta and Canada, and always with opinions and gossip on people. But mostly, I’ll remember her for taking me to my first live theatre experience at the Citadel when I was quite young. We saw Oliver! together, along with my brothers and cousin, Arda’s son Chris.

Chris gave the eulogy for his mother at her funeral on November 19. With his permission, I’ve reposted what he said below.

Auntie Arda, you are missed.

Arda met many challenges throughout her life and I believe she was the most courageous woman I have ever known. She was born in Holland to Bella and Gerhardt Tummers. She lost her father early in life and went on to become the eldest of five with Cor and Bella Rozenhart. Her young years were formidable as Germany’s war machine tore through Europe. At the age of two my mother and her family lived under the occupation of the German forces. There were shortages of everything from heating materials to food. The pinnacle of which was the Hungry Winter of 1944. Mom didn’t speak of the war often however I know that she did her part for her family collecting coal from railway tracks that had fallen from the train’s till and gathering food where it was to be found. Survival isn’t heroic, having the courage to survive is.

I think that is why, throughout my life our cupboards were always filled with food, one time I can remember finding cans of food in the eighties that had existed long before the bi-lingual French/English labelling requirement. Turtle soup with Woodward’s labels on them and Ron saying…”Arda why are we keeping this stuff?!” My mother was a child of war time and would not have her family wanting.

Canada posed many challenges for her family as they moved here in 1953, if anyone has moved from one school to another you can appreciate what an adjustment any new surrounding can be. Assimilating in a new language in an unfamiliar country. She helped Bella run the household assisting with cooking and less glamorous chores such as polishing shoes. She led by example and was dutiful as a daughter and sister.

In the sixties she met and married Conrad Heibey and I was the result of that union, once again she had a family to take care of. I was born with a cleft palate and I sure was a handful! Feedings were laborious taking up to three hours at a time. If some people say I was cursed with a birth defect, I can say I was blessed by a loving mother. Arda and Conrad’s paths led in different directions and as such my mother found herself divorced in a time when the church and society in general did not view divorces in a favourable light. She was also a single mother without the resources of daycare and other services single mothers enjoy today. Heroic may be too strong a word but courageous definitely, as she made a new home and secured herself a job at the Baker Clinic.

Her third chapter was yet to come as she found love with a young suitor named Ron Baltzan who saw all the wonderful qualities my mother had. Once again there were adjustments to be made for them both. A girl from a Roman Catholic background dating this Jewish man. Certainly at the same time my aunt Mozanne was getting her head around Ronnie running with a shiksa. The courage to love always wins.

If fortune smiled on my mother with supportive siblings and love in her heart she certainly shared that fortune with her friends and community. Working with charities, shaping policies with influential people in the Liberal party….. My goodness she wasn’t intimidated by anything… A liberal in Alberta? She didn’t take any easy roads. Heroic may be too strong, courageous of that there can be no doubt. Honestly who else do you know that received Christmas cards from Pierre Elliot Trudeau and much later on, Christmas cards from the White House as well.

Many here today will remember her flair for entertaining, and because of Ron’s athletic prowess I ended up spending a lot of time in the kitchen and learned about a proper table set and how to make a roué. She possessed a discerning eye for detail and if Arda was involved it was done with an understated elegance that few could equal. You didn’t want to miss a party at the Baltzan’s.

Even her shortcomings were charming… gifted with a great sense of humour my mother just couldn’t tell a joke… by the time she delivered one the story was so convoluted it ended up being funnier than the punch line.

She came to the aid of her friends and family when they were sick. Once she even secured a bag of marijuana for someone suffering through a battle with cancer. She was definitely a pioneer long before medical marijuana was available. Heroic may be too strong but courageous always. She went on to foster the beginnings of the Northern Alberta Children’s Hospital Foundation which later became a reality now known as the Stollery Centre, one of her proudest accomplishments.

Her own personal battle with disease was one she didn’t shy from. Undergoing dialysis she remained positive and spoke little of her ills. I have had correspondence with the renal department at the University and she is fondly remembered. We were blessed with a kidney transplant later, giving her freedom from dialysis. I can’t remember a single complaint from her as she recovered from a difficult surgery. She saw hope in a new beginning and that is courage personified.

She enjoyed so many happy years following and I believe for her there was no greater reward than becoming an Oma for her Grandson Benjamin. Seeing her hold him in her arms for the first time will be a memory I will cherish forever. Her Benjamin time was dear to her and at 74 you could catch her kicking a soccer ball back and forth in the park in front of her house. I watched one day and remembered that was something she did with me some 40 years ago.

No matter where I went, people who knew my mother always said what a wonderful person she was. To me she was my template to what I will always aspire to be. I don’t think hero is too strong a word to describe my mom, how I will miss her.

And hey, if you come across anything interesting, remember you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Now feast your faces on this action:

• Jessica Holt wrote an honest post about getting fit, and her reasons for it. It got some great discussion going, and is a terrific read.
• Mack Male and Graham Hicks have launched a podcast together called Mack & Cheese. I’ve been assisting them in the recording of it!
• With the Inglorious Hipsters taking an unscheduled hiatus, Mark Jowett has drawn some excellent versions of their comic for them.
• Janelle shared an email she received about heterosexism — which is what we should be calling homophobia.
• Dave Cournoyer wrote about some the nasty online exchanges between the Wild Rose and the Conservatives.
• I wrote a guest post for the Charrette about the names of the LRT lines.

Image by Nathalie Babineau-Griffiths on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Let’s look at some of those details right now!

Youthful exuberance

Dads are so great. They’re always trying to find ways to stay hip and cool, and quite often they’re succeeding. And even if they’d don’t succeed, you’ve got to love them for trying.

Except for this dad. There are many things that 57-year-old men shouldn’t have tattooed on their shoulders. Chief among them are unicorns, yetis, bugs bunny, mickey mouse and really any cartoon character that existed around the same time your dad was born.

But it’s not your life that effed in this case. It’s your dad’s. I mean, how the shit is he going to find a job with that TATTOO on his shoulder? Oh right. He’s retired. Nevermind.

Foreheaded exuberance

A knot? That’s called a knot? When you bash your head on the dashboard and a lump forms, you call that a knot? I think that’s incorrect. I decided to hit the Googles to find out if there was any good information on baby unicorns. All I know is that, like horses, when unicorns are babies, you can call them fillies or colts, so there’s that knowledge bomb for you.

Oh and your boyfriend’s an asshole. But not as big an asshole as this next kid…

Faithful exuberance

There should be rare occasions where stabbing someone is perfectly justifiable. You know, really heinous stuff, like when people answer their cell phones during movies, or when parents allow their kids to run buck-wild in restaurants… or when little kids dunk ice cream cones on your heads.

In the case of the latter situation, the only way in which this impending stabbing could be mitigated is when, prior to dunking you on the head with an ice cream cone, the kid asks you if you believe in unicorns. If, following the dunking, he runs away shouting believe, you sheath your weapon, nod sagely to yourself and mutter under your breath…

“Well played, kid. Well played.”

Photo by Gordon Ednie on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License

Scott and I spent an hour the other day — our first ever live show broadcast over the web — chatting about what Ashley does, why she does it, and what she has planned for LoveLetters2Strangers’ next phase.

This episode also features a masterwork Dramatic Reader from Scott. The topic: slash fiction. I’ll leave you to sit there and listen, while you shake your head in strangely prideful disbelief.

Let us know what you thought of this episode in the comments!

Well, no sweat. A whole slew of Edmonton content creators are helping to keep us grounded, keep it “real,” as they say. I’ve plucked my favourite content from the Edmonton internets last week for you to feast your eyes and ears on. Before I get to that, remember you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Here’s are some good reads/listens I highly recommend you check out:

• Jay n’ J went to the Star Wars Identities exhibit at the Telus World of Science. They highly recommend you check it out, before it’s gone.
• Ontario elected a female premier last week. Kathleen Wynne also happens to be gay. In light of that, Janelle from I Dig Your Girlfriend looked into whether or not, in that context, we’re truly a progressive nation.
• Speaking of politics, Alex Abboud wrote about the rebirth of Liberalism in Canada.
• Zoe Todd wrote about the places she loves — the underdogs.
• Donloree Hoffman is taking time this year to confront her fears. Reading her inspires me to do the same.

Image by Geoff Rempel on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

So I went again and again.

But the poor saps below? I think their rollercoaster-riding days are over. Their L’s are so F’ed… Well, I’ll let them explain it.

Gravity: it’s what’s for dinner

I don’t think gravity took effect AFTER you shit your pants. It was there the whole time, you poor smelly fuck! It’s science!

There’s an often-mocked science called “psychology,” which might actually help to explain the pants-shitting. The thing that probably happened is that your father used to hold you upside down by your toes and… No, I can’t do this. I can’t take you seriously. Just like I can’t take these people seriously:

Prayer: it’s what’s for dinner

A good friend of mine, by the name of Sweet Brown, has a response for you. It’s loosely Jesus-related. And here it is:

Laughter: it’s what’s for dinner

Presumably, at some point they got you down off that rollercoaster. At which point, you were able to amble your sad ass to a computer to talk about how horrible your life is. So don’t tell me they failed to fix it, you asshole. Those carny-engineer — or carngineers — work their asses off almost half the time. And the do it for YOU.

And who can help it if your family thinks you’re worth laughing at. The rest of us would have laughed at you too if we were there. Hey, that kind of makes me think of this:

Image by Spadey09 on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Read the rest at Yeggies.com

Before I get to that, I just want to remind you that you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Let’s start this week’s blog watch off with Oprah:

• Mack Male wrote about Oprah’s event at Rexall. Sounds like it was a pretty great evening for fans and non-fans alike.
• One thing marred Oprah’s evening in Edmonton, according to Todd Babiak (and I agree with him) — the gift of truck nuts she was given.
• Speaking of Rexall, Wanye Gretz gushed about the arena decision last week. And Don Iveson clarified why he voted against the motion on the 23rd.
• Mike Otto over at the Charrette wrote about lighting the High Level Bridge, and how there’s a good way to do that and a bad way.
• James Leask had a lot to say about fan-art contests, in the context of one HBO is running for Game of Thrones.
• Finally Chris LaBossiere couldn’t hold it in any longer, and shared a very negative customer service experience at Volkswagen Audi.

 Image by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Poor, poor fuckers.

Forced adoption

Ah kids! They’re so tricksy. Like those little Hobbitses. And the Precious!

But it isn’t like you’re being forced to enact some messed up scene from a bad sitcom. You can basically say, “Officer, I’m 26 years old and I have no fucking clue who this little shit is. Can you please get him off me before I file charges of some sort?” Bam. Done.

Now stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Camera-shy

So in his own way, this cop was re-enacting that scene from Fellowship of the Ring where Frodo frantically shouts, “Get off the road!”? Cool.

I know it sucks, though. Ben Parker once told his nephew Peter that with great power comes great responsibility. What he didn’t tell Peter was that sometimes if you fuck with the police, they’ll fuck you right back. Is it fair? Nope. It’s reality.

Now stop whining. You make me sick.

Police dad

Sounds like this dad-cop is as protective of his daughter as Lord Elrond is of Lady Arwen. But unlike Isildur’s heir, you my friend are no king.

It is kind of weird, though, that this dad-cop would abuse his power so thoroughly by sending two uniforms to your door. I wonder what the equivalent value of their time is in taxpayer dollars. Maybe ask your local town representative… if you’re really ready to take on dad-cop.

Now get the fuck out of here; I’m watching my stories!

Image by Ruin Raider on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Last weekend, Scott and I spent some time with writer, journalist and lyricist Omar Mouallem. I’ve been reading Omar’s stuff in newspapers and magazines for years. I got to know him as one of the frequent readers at Edmonton Story Slam (also featured in this episode). I’ve even been the subject of one of Omar’s pieces. He’s a thoughtful man, a gracious and thorough interviewer and a really excellent person.

We wanted to find out more about Omar and his experiences, so Scott and I spent an hour — which wasn’t enough time — chatting with him about his recent appointment to EPL’s Writer-in-Residence chair, and how he manages his work as an independent writer.

Omar tells stories — it’s his job. But in this episode he tells stories, making my and Scott’s jobs all the easier. Give this show a listen, and experience Omar Mouallem: the man, the rapper, the guy who took his shoes off and leaned back in a chair to chat with us like we were old friends.

Image from Omar Mouallem’s Wikipedia Page.

Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

• With the NHL lockout behind us, Jonathan Willis at OilersNation questions whether or not owners and players should apologize to fans
• Also in hockey news, Jason Strudwick from OilersNation looks into how the Oilers might do this season
• Brittany Kustra shared a very person experience with sexual assault. An eye-opening read
• Mack Male said last week that the city should carry the costs of lighting up bridges (and other civic infrastructure)
• Jay Palter wrote about whether or not he should let his 10-year-old son get an earring. Reminds me of when I foisted such style choices upon my parents (except I did it without consultation)
• One of my favourite restaurants in Vancouver is the Japanese pub Guu. Sharon Yeo reviewed Izakaya Tomo, as far as I know Edmonton’s first Japanese pub.

Image by Denby Jorgensen on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

We also worked with a lady whose first name was Dorcas, but that’s not what I’m getting at.

There are all kinds of elevator hijinks worthy of the phrase “FML.” What you read below doesn’t qualify. But hey, if the internet isn’t about making fun of whiny people, I don’t want to live.

So let’s get on with the living!

‘Going DOWN, Mr Tyler?’

First of all, while I realize that “sneaked” is perfectly acceptable, I prefer snuck. And secondably, I fail to see how your boss getting onto the elevator with you is FML-worthy. You could have just said to him, “Hey, can I grab you a coffee while I’m out getting myself a coffee and not sneaking away?” You just have to play it cool, you see. Oh sure, it means you have to come back to work, but it also means you get to keep your job. And in the end, isn’t not being destitute more important than sneaking off for a few extra hours in the day?

Why did the chicken ride the lift?

Yeah, I can totally see how that might be terrible. No, I lied, you’re dumb. What you have here — with a little elbow grease — is a contingency plan for if the elevator got stuck. You could just break the chicken’s neck, pluck the poor bugger and use some stripped wires to cook the shit out of that poor bird. Or you could eat its eggs. Raw, I know, but at least you won’t DIE on that elevator. And in the end, isn’t not dying more important than thinking riding the elevator with a chicken is a bad thing?

Handicap access?

Holy shit, your co-workers are DICKS. Why don’t THOSE fat asses take the stairs, and understand that the elevator is really just a CONVENIENCE technology for able-bodied people? For individuals such as yourself, it’s pretty vital to have easy access to buildings that are, say, over a story tall. Sweet Jesus, I highly recommend you quit your job because you work with some real assholes. Because in the end, isn’t being satisfied at work at least as important as not being surrounded by unconscionable fucktards?

It’s true, my lady friend needed looking after right before the weekend, and because she had to stay off her leg for a few days after that, the weekend was engulfed with me being the doting boyfriend (I’m kidding, of course, but it took up some time). So that’s why the blog watch is late this week. But it’s here now! For you to enjoy!

Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Here’s some of the content I enjoyed from last week:

• Mack Male provided his annual Edmonton Twittersphere stats. I’m so glad he rounds this up each year. It’s tremendously interesting information and tremendously useful.
• It looks like the Charrette is back, offering up some weekly round-ups. Nice to have them back on the scene.
• Kathleen Smith published her Most Fascinating Edmonton/Alberta Twitter picks. I got honourable mention, which I didn’t deserve, but will happily accept.
• Dave Cournoyer wrote an interesting post on the 2013 budget fight Allison Redford and the provincial conservatives should be bracing themselves for.
• The Dad I Wish I Had, Tom Sedens, wrote a heartwarming post on parenting. It’s dumb that I haven’t met him in real life before, because he seems awesome.

Photo of the Deep Freeze Winter Festival by Ian McKenzie on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Scott and I sat down with one of the festival organizers, Cadence Konopaki to find out what this six-year-old festival brings each winter to Alberta Avenue. Peep the breakdown:

0:00: Intro – Resolutions in the Calgary Zoo’s Polar Bear Exhibit
0:55: Welcome to a new year, kids!
1:30: Cadence Konopaki from the Deep Freeze Byzantine Winter Festival
9:19: Andrea Peyton from WeeHelp.ca
12:47: Russians and Ukrainians at the Deep Freeze Festival
27:40: Dramatic Reading: A synopsis of the first ten volumes of Sweet Valley High
35:38: Finding out how Deep Freeze “goes”
40:16: The Fast Fifteen with Cadence Konopaki

Image by Brittney Le Blanc on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

But just because we took some time off doesn’t mean anyone else did. Lots of people in the Edmonton social media world kept right on posting, sharing their thoughts on what they learned over the past year, and doling out advice of a most delightful kind. And still others kept their eye on current events… And that’s where we’ll start out list. Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Here’s what you missed in the Edmonton social sphere last week:

• Though it’s technically from this wekk, I wanted to share Wanye Gretz’s post on the end of the NHL lockout. Wanye’s a ridiculous hockey fan, and I think this post captures how a lot of Oilers fans are feeling about getting a hockey season.
• New things are afoot for Kendall, Callie and Gillian over at City and Dale. Read about their shifting direction.
• Kathleen Smith shared some of the lessons she learned in 2012 with us.
• Becka Swan learned some lessons last year too, and she wrote about how she’d apply those lessons this year.
• Tanis Miller, the Redneck Mommy, posted about her late son’s 12th birthday. A very powerful and moving read.
• The ladies from I Dig Your Girlfriend posted their Christmas podcast… a little late due to life messing with them.
• Dana DiTomaso posted a great piece on how to give memorable presentations.

Image by Jamey M. Photography on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Yes, bananas are nature’s tasty crescent shaped miracle. They even prove the existence of God, says Hollywood behemoth Kirk Cameron. If I can’t trust a D-grade celebrity, who can I trust? Which is why I won’t be vaccinating my children. Thank you, Jenny McCarthy, for all that you do.

Yet, despite all their physical and spiritual goodness, bananas have a secret, seedy underbelly. Yes, they are ripe with sin, my friends. Today, we peel back the layers to discover the mushy, bruised darkness within.

Bone-nana

To be honest, I thought I was going to have to search a bit harder to find the seedy underbelly of the banana, but there it was right at the top of the fmylife.com search results: a spontaneous, incestuous banana induced erection. First of all, Zeke, this isn’t the sort of thing one shares with the internet. This is the sort of thing you keep a deep, dark secret. Push it right down there along with the time you tried to get your dog to lick peanut butter off your dick.

Stab-nana

Your mom is right. Do you know how many elderly people kill themselves with bananas each year? 12,000. Now that may or may not be a number I just made up, but it is important to remember your grandmother is looney toons and you have to be careful she doesn’t get crazy creative with those bananas and make a banana peel noose. That’s how old man Mowgli did it.

Blow-nana

I’m confused. Do your lungs contain potassium because you inhaled a banana or because you got your boyfriend’s, uh, sexual leavings in there? They both contain potassium, right? Either way I think you’re confusing giving a blowjob with breathing. When you’re breathing you don’t have a penis in your mouth. Pretty big difference.

Mixed bag-nana

Corpse’s shoe? Satan’s ass gas? I think you’re next in line to be crowned King of Metaphors. However, if your descriptions are accurate, I believe the person you were talking to was Nick Nolte. Tell him I said “hi” and to thank his mother for banana flavoured antibiotics.

Beer-nana

Yeah, bro, we know. What we want to know is when are you going to give birth to that tasty, finely aged brew?

Pay-nana

Here’s my suggestion, take that change, find a pay phone and use your banana to dial child services. Seriously, these people are clearly unfit parents. Eight hours of babysitting is worth at least five dollars and four bananas.

Image by Allen Cisneros on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

A-here we go:

1. Social media companies will continue to develop and release draconian terms of use. Users will continue to threaten to leave until the companies finally realize their terms of service are indeed draconian. No one will actually leave because no suitable alternatives exist.
2. Bloggers will continue to attempt to monetize their work. In spite of their efforts, the only result will be the continued [admittedly minor] extortion of brands who are terrified of people talking shit about them.
3. Some idiot will dream up and create a “Pinterest for men” and fail quite dramatically.
4. People will continue to threaten to leave Facebook, but ultimately will stick around. Their main reason staying: “I need a Facebook account to play You Don’t Know Jack.”
5. Hot on the heels of the renaissance of animated GIFs, Tumblr will help give rise to the renaissance of animated animations.
6. Advertising will continue creeping into all parts of social media, just like it has since the invention of cave drawings, the printing press, of newspapers, radio, television, etc.
7. The entire internet populace will suddenly realize that @horse_ebooks isn’t even remotely funny, and never has been.
8. A logic-defyingly large proportion of people will continue to think it’s OK to auto-post their horoscopes every. fucking. day.

Leave me your hilarious predictions in the comments, if you dare.

Image by Crossett Library Bennington College on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

But as I started sifting through some of the more hilarious FMLs of the week, it became pretty darned clear that Christmas was going to be the big winner. Or is that loser…?

Bedside Manners

I’m no medical doctor — I don’t even play one on television. But I think I can be more specific about the type of flu you have. It’s wrongboyfrienditis.

I mean seriously, who does this? Men, if you’re ever wondering what to do when your girlfriend or spouse is sick, here’s a starter checklist: ginger ale, crackers, magazines, cold compresses. But whatever you do, don’t push them off the bed onto the floor while they’re sleeping. Or you’ll find yourself sleeping alone whenever you want.

As in, all the time.

You Called 911 For What Now?

I have to wonder — if you’d have injured yourself, would the authorities consider that a fire-related incident?

Seriously though, look at the bright side: at least you didn’t call 911, and have an entire fleet of fire trucks race towards your location only to realize it was just the television. Then not only would you have proverbial egg on your face, you’d have a lot of upset firemen on your hands (of course, if you’re a single woman, maybe that’s a good thing).

Your embarrassment might have even made the local news and resulted in an insulting nickname amongst your friends you wouldn’t be able to live down for a decade. So there’s that.

Don’t Stop Believin’

I couldn’t resist sneaking one music-related FML into the mix.

First off, it could be worse.

Actually, no it couldn’t. It’s Journey. My sincerest condolences. Although, it’s pretty rare to find someone that knows all the words to a Journey album anymore. Lexy should probably include that on her resume — especially if she’s a small town girl trying to take the midnight train (bonus for hiring managers: you’ll be able to filter out people that know lyrics to all the Journey songs).

The Perfect Christmas Potluck

Ha, my brother can beat you on that one. He was told to make some sort of carrot dish for our Christmas celebration. Completely forgot to tell his wife until they were halfway to dinner, at which point he apologetically phoned me.

The truth is, there’s always wayyyyyyy too much food at these get-togethers. So there was no guacamole. So there were no carrots. Honestly, nobody cares. As long as there’s turkey. And dessert (preferably chocolate cake). The rest is just filler. Heck, the perfect Christmas potluck would have half the people bring turkey; and half the people bring chocolate cake.

Well okay, I love my nalysnyky too. Which we didn’t get to have this year because my mom was sick. But that’s another story for another time.

Best news? You’ve got homemade guacamole to eat on Boxing Day!

Life-Side Assistance

You live at home, don’t you? In the basement, probably. There’s likely even a plethora of posters with bikini-clad women on the walls. The last point’s irrelevant, but here’s the thing — the gift is a hint. Actually, less of a hint and more of a smack upside the back of the head. What is it a hint of? The fact that your parents are sick and tired of driving your sorry ass all over the damned city.

You should actually be grateful! In most of these cases, the customary gift is luggage so you can pack your stuff and get OUT. That’s probably coming, though… Next Christmas would be my guess.

Image by Jackie on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

I think that everyone’s power is out as if they were acclimating themselves to a life without stuff. You can still have stuff without power. What do you think was the original TV? Flames.

Magic combustion

I think you just performed some magic there bub. I would love to start a candle with a tissue. Imagine people lighting cigarettes with tissues or kerosene lamps. World would be a better place. With better furniture.

Armoire of Dangerloads

Too bad that dresser wasn’t made out of iPads. Then you could put your unmatched socks in the Youtube drawer. Or better yet, hide your porn in your unused organizing app drawer. Or better yet, drop your dresser on your expensive iPad and the dresser doesn’t even connect to Starbucks’ wifi or whatever.

Solo nocturnal

If this were Hoth you wouldn’t be complaining about sleeping. Just the smell. Because you thought it smelt bad on the outside? Right guys? Is this thing on?

Noah Tension to detail

I remember once my power went out and my room was the stomach of a whale. I wish it were a mess. That would be easy to deal with. You know, east to grab stuff. With the world ending and the power out and my stuff everywhere, all you have to do is make grabbing motions. Whatever you get, that is what you have. Didn’t Bhudda say that? Or Kris Kristofferson?

Ahead in jury duty

SHOULD READ: I wish I had a concussion and I could not watch @onedirection on xfactor due to my concussion #FML #couldsomeonepleaseconcussme

Thumbs can’t spell

Tough break. Now instead of relaxing, you have to sit back and wait for the inevitable. A plane made out of lips, a helicopter made out of teeth, a windmill make out of sneezes, a truck made out of toes. The four horsemen of the apocalypse is now the four vehicles made out of dismembered body parts…and one messy face ejaculation.

The world isn’t ending, it has ended. We are moving backwards by making things simpler. Regression is the message and the message will be misspelled and underwhelming.

Image by Nathanael Boehm on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

That’s what I’ve been asking everyone I bump into over the last few weeks. It’s probably because I’m exhausted and I’m having trouble being my usual charming self. Instead I’m being an unoriginal bastard.

The Christmas break can’t come soon enough. I know a lot of you are feeling the same way. And I know a way you can cope: the Unknown Studio’s Christmas episode!

Scott and I sat down with Brittney Le Blanc, friend to everyone, and Jessica Holt, friend of the friend to everyone to talk about their the 5K365 project that launched in September. And that conversation became the springboard to — you guessed it — talkin’ ’bout ‘Xmas!

This is our 4th annual Christmas show, and features only the interview with the ladies — because it’s that riveting, and the season has kept Scott and I too busy to collect stories. But fear not, for we will reinvigorate the show in the New Year with all kinds of fantastic segment-y business!

Enjoy the show, and note that we’ll be taking a break until the second week of January. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good podcast listen!

Image by Guy Schmidt on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Last week, there was lots of news in Champion City, and much of it focused on the Katz Group once again. I also came across a new blogger (but someone I’ve been following on Twitter for a long time) who is definitely worth reading and adding to the Edmonton Blog Watch.

Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Here are some of my favourite bits on content from last week:

• Sharon Yeo wrote a review of DeDutch, comparing and contrasting the breakfast and lunch place with Cora’s.
• Becka Swan shared some of her recent dating experiences. A very fun and funny read!
• Councilor Don Iveson wrote about what re-opening arena negotiations with the Katz Groups means.
• Among other things, Robin Brownlee at OilersNation shared his perspective on the reinvigorated arena negotiations as well.
• Dave Cournoyer picked his top Alberta MLAs for 2012. An interesting read.
• The Inglorious Hipsters released a podcast all about movies (and most especially dear to my heart: the Star Trek Into Darkness trailer).

Photo by Darren Kirby on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Bear with me while I try and impart some of my hard-earned dating wisdom in hopes of cheering up a few unfortunate FMLers.

Paranormal Dating Activity

Hmm, maybe this chap just needs to rethink his definition of the word “normal.” I could argue that crazy is actually the new normal and we’re all probably just trying to find someone of the same brand of crazy. Some people are just looking for that one other person on this planet throws their putter in the water trap in outrage at when they lose at Professor WEM’s mini golf too.

I went on a blind date with a guy one time who showed up dressed more or less like Davey Crockett, insisted he be called “Panda” and told me about how he could transmit the wisdom of the tree spirits. I’m not calling him a liar or anything, and I won’t get into the gory details of why it wasn’t meant to be (should have been a total love match, right?), but when I was leaving and told him I would most definitely not be seeing him again, he grabbed my hand and asked if he could pray for me anyways. I sort of feel like Panda and Sixth Sense Girl here might hit it off.

Twin peeks

I too have dated an identical twin before, but apparently this is a recurring problem for this fellow. The best thing to do in this situation is to either date both of them (not as ideal as it might sound) or use what I call the “tag and release” method and buy her a visible tattoo.

Also, why is the she the one getting mad? It’s not his fault you were born looking exactly the same as your sister. If you don’t like looking exactly like your twin sister, there are many options available to solve such problems. Consider a haircut, monogramming all your clothing, or flipping through this here pamphlet on the modern wonders of plastic surgery.

One date to ruin them all

You know, you shouldn’t be mad at Lord of the Rings guy. He sounds like a catch. You should actually be thanking him because you fail to recognize that, alternatively, NO ONE could have bought you. This just goes to show that only firefighters belong in dating auctions.

Do you know what you should try, honey? Working the late night shift at the McDonald’s drive-thru. I promise that there will literally be men lined up for you. They’ll likely be drunk or stoned, mind you, but I can basically guarantee that you will get no less than three proposals per shift and you can have your pick of the litter. Some of them might even share their french fries.

Mystic pizza

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about equality between the sexes and empowering women and whatnot, but this is a prime example of why we should really leave proposals in the hands of the men. We ALL know that guys really only have one thing on their minds and that thing is food. I do have one girlfriend who successfully proposed to her beau. She took full advantage of that one-track-mind and proposed with a Ring Pop. Now, if this lady had’ve been thinking two steps ahead like my clever friend did, she too could have turned this moment around into something magical (or magically delicious).

Leaving the left-overs

The good news is that you have a hilarious and memorable first date story to tell your kids one day. The bad news is, there is a homeless man in your car and he ate your pasta. Honestly, it sounds like he’s having a much worse day than you and you were probably just going to let that leftover pasta become a science experiment in the back of your fridge anyways. If you’re nice, maybe he’ll officiate your wedding ceremony. A homeless man married me and my date in the park one time when we were out on a picnic and all we had to give him was a potato chip. I don’t think it was legally binding, but the price was right.

Image by Isaac Hsieh on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

What are you all going to be doing for Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate)? Hope you have a fab time, whatever your traditions!

A Monday tradition here is the blog watch, of course. And there’s lots of really interesting content out there that you need to check out. Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Here are my must-see picks from last week:

• Edmonton was named a top city last week in some category or other. Alex Abboud wrote about why we should be wary of such lists.
• Jeff and Sally, formerly of TheEdmontonian.com, are working on a film project and they want your help!
• Over at Shallow Be My Name, WC wrote about why you can always tell your hairdresser (stylist?) the same story over and over again.
• Wanye Gretz of OilersNation fame is down in California. Check out his post about an Oakland Raiders game he went to.
• Nadine Riopel saw Miss Representation a few weeks back, which inspired her to write about women in non-profit and “women’s issues” in general.
• Karen Unland provided an update from Capital Ideas. Find out what the ladies have been up to over the last few months.

Image by Dean Smith on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Focus Communications, run by Sue and Dean Heuman, is a local PR and events company. They’re celebrating their 10th year in business in Edmonton this year (with a lovely new logo). Check out their website to find out more about what they do.

Guru Digital Arts College has supported us since 2010, and has even made us a part of their school with our dedicated recording studio. We appreciate all that they do for us, which often also involves advice over beers.

If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca. Among other things, you’ll get a banner ad on this website, a 30-second ad on the podcast and, if you’re very lucky, we’ll even braid your hair at our next slumber party.

Photo by Antoine Camelin on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

And those people — lemoneers, we’ll call them – deserve our scorn.

So scorn away!

Acid and mucous membranes

Exactly what kind of person inserts a foreign object into their body without first washing their hands? Seriously, if you require the use of a tampon, we can safely assume you’re at an age where, oh, I don’t know, YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

It’s a harsh lesson to learn, but just like the people out there who get Hepatitis-B from touching their crotches and them putting their fingers in their mouths — that’s a thing, right? — it’s one you deserved to go through. Because you disgust me.

Juice that sympathy

First of all, what kind of douche uses the phrase “dominant hand”? You could have just said “hand,” not sounded like a pretentious wiener, and we’d all have understood you.

And for all your knowledge and diction, you’ve obviously never heard of a wearing a glove before — even something you might use to hand-wash dishes would work. That would ensure that sour, acid-y goodness wouldn’t decimate your bad cut, you dominant wang.

Not quite a fruit ninja

Backstory would have been delightful for this particular complaint. Why in the ungodly hell does:

• your neighbour have a tennis ball shooter;
• that was loaded with lemons;
• and pointed at your crotch in the first place?

Image by Troy Tolley on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Though Dana was on our live show last season, we wanted to bring her back and spend a bit more time with her chatting about… well, everything. Hope you enjoy this episode!

Image by Guru Digital Arts College. Taken at the Capital Ideas “Fail” Panel (from L to R: Karen Unland, Dana DiTomaso, Owen Brierley).

This week’s blog watch is, like the beginnings of December, a bit of a mixed bag, but I think there’ll be enough “festive” in here to tide you over. Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Here are my must-consume picks in Edmonton social media from last week:

• Sharon Yeo invited a few different Edmontonians to share their gift picks for the holidays. City and Dale also started talking Christmas with their “Things to do in December” post (and other miscellaneous gift guides).
• The NHL Lockout continues, as does the flow of content from hockey blogs all over. Last week, OilersNation took a look at the financial fortunes of our beloved hockey teams.
• Jay n’ J had an excellent podcast episode last week, interviewing the cast of Superchannel’s Tiny Plastic Men.
• I Dig Your Girlfriend released a podcast episode last week as well, all about Feminism. Definitely give it a listen — the discussion was fantastic.
• Jian Ghomeshi was in town taping an episode of Q at the Horowitz. Todd Babiak summed the show, which included commentary on the differences between Edmonton and Calgary.
• Jennifer Banks wrote about how important it is to consider the composition of your hashtags over on the Kick Point blog.

Image by Ian McKenzie on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

And since it’s wintertime, and that means certainly in my town that everyone forgets how to operate basic machines — like cars, bicycles, their own bodies — I thought it would be interesting to talk about car accidents. Because I’ve seen the aftermath of a lot of them over the past few weeks. And they’re no fun… unless you’re just witnessing the aftermath. Then it’s time to slow down and stare like an idiot at these poor-bastard FMLers.

FEEL FOR THEM, I IMPLORE YOU!

Variables and control groups

Well this is interesting and potentially science-y! There are a few variables at play here: You. Your car. The location. The time. And your friend positioned in precisely the same way each time. Now, if I run these variables through my handy compumatrix, I find that… OH LOOK IT SAYS YOU’RE A SHITTY DRIVER!

It’s true, compumatrices don’t lie. Human error is the thing that’s making you crash. Maybe your friend makes you nervous, or they distract you. Maybe that part of town makes you nervous. Maybe that time of day fucks with your motor skills.

Either way, this is entirely your fault.

Stood up by an accident victim

Eep. See, that’s the risk with accusing someone you don’t know of something you don’t fully understand: they could, oh I don’t know, be having a near-death experience while you’re sitting there politely sipping wine wondering where they are. I know, really inconvenient for you, right?

The real irony here is that YOU’RE the horrible person. And I think I speak for everyone reading this when I say that I hope you die alone.

Trolling for insurance

It’s remarkable how trolls on the internet often behave the same way in real life. You crashed into a troll, and when you went to exchange information, it must have felt like you were suddenly stuck in a sinister Reddit thread.

Or maybe this guys was telling you something: like, you should call State Farm; or that the dude you collided with is an insuranceless-asshole. Either way, you should remember State Farm’s slogan. BECAUSE IT’S JUST WHAT THEY WOULD WANT YOU TO DO.

Image by the Boston Public Library on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Read the rest at Yeggies.com

Our first Nerd Nite, which was hosted at the Gogo Lounge on 124th, sold out quickly. Nerd Nite #2 has already sold 50% more tickets than last time, and thanks to the use of a larger venue, we have a lot more room.

Like our previous event, variety is the secret to our success. On Thursday, you’ll hear from three Edmontonians talking about three very interested topics. Here’s the info, from the Nerd Nite Edmonton website:

Exo-lent Planets!
Abigail Stevens

Travelling to another world has long been a dream of humankind, and recently astronomers have added hundreds of so-called ‘exoplanets’ to the list of possible destinations. We also see representations of these exoplanets in sci-fi and fantasy, but how realistic are they? There are a variety of types of exoplanets, and some of them are even Earth-like. Together we’ll dive into the scientific literature to explore how exoplanets are formed, how scientists discover them, and if we could ever move to one.

Political Bias: The Red Pill
Rodrigo de la Jara

If you disagree with a story, is it biased? If a story is balanced, is it unbiased? What if a story comes from a partisan–is it automatically biased? At this point you might (understandably) be confused about what bias really is. It’s time to take the Red Pill. We’ll explore, from a scientific perspective, what bias really is, and how to detect it. We’ll also identify how to determine what experts or sources of information are trustworthy and why. Finally, we’ll look at how your decisions as a consumer of information can have life-or-death consequences.

Sexagogy
Lauren Albrecht

What is sexagogy? The perfect combination of education! and titillation! In this presentation I will reconceptualize sexuality education for adults (yes, adults!) outside of the ‘all too familiar’ risk prevention model. I will challenge old-school notions of ‘sex ed’ (think: segregated classes, anatomy charts, and secret question boxes) by sharing my journey and my research on one of the fun, sexy and pleasure-focused spaces of sexuality education – the home sex toy party. So bring your three-ring binder, your list of naughty words, and an open mind – who knows, you might learn a thing or two!

There’s something for everyone. And if you don’t think there is, there’s also beer. Which is definitely for everyone. Hope to see you there!

Image of Nerd Nite Cambridge by Ben Sisto on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Here are my picks from last week, in no particular order:

• Trent Wilkie wrote about how we should be supporting artists (right now, we’re doing it wrong).
• Nadine Riopel wrote about cause and effect in behaviour change, and how we sometimes target the wrong insight to get people to change.
• Jennifer Banks shifted her thinking last week about the way she rewards herself and her kids.
• Mack Male wrote about his positive experiences sitting on the EPCOR Community Essentials Council.
• Robin Brownlee points out that hockey fans will come crawling back then the lockout ends, just like they always have.
• Gord Lacey had a great customer service experience at Threadless. Good customer service goes a LONG way.

Photo by Dave Cournoyer on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Focus Communications, run by Sue and Dean Heuman, is a local PR and events company. They’re blogging a lot more these days and there’s definitely content worth reading over on their website.

Guru Digital Arts College has supported us over the last few seasons, and has even made us a part of their school with our dedicated recording studio. We appreciate all that they do for us, which often also involves advice over beers.

If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca. Among other things, you’ll get a banner ad on this website, a 30-second ad on the podcast and, if you’re very lucky, the opportunity to fight zombies when the world ends.

Photo by James Pfeifle on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

0:00: Intro – “Scott’s Solo Show”
1:05: Signing cheques with SM and Jan Stirling
18:00: A Dramatic Reading of Precursors by TV Tropes with Scott C Bourgeois
22:15: Honeymoon stories with SM Stirling
33:10: Adam Rozenhart Unleashed: The Yeggies.com
38:53: So many books, so little time with SM Stirling
54:32: The Fast Fifteen with SM Stirling

Image by Jim H on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Remember, you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Now on with the show:

• Sarah Sinfield wrote an interesting and quick review of this past weekend’s WordCamp.
• Hilary Darrah previously shared her experience of having a seizure with the Edmonton Blogosphere, and last week she announced she’s been seizure-free for over 7 months.
• Kick Point’s Dana DiTomaso wrote about failure, and how it’s helped her in her professional life.
• OilersNation’s Jason Gregor provided an NHL labour negotiations update. Briefly: negotiations not going anywhere.
• Last week, the Journal published a story about a British researcher who was offered a $10 million grant to do his work at the U of A. Ultimately, he decided not to come. Predictably, Edmontonians are extremely worked about this. But Todd Babiak had some wise words on the subject last week.
• Finally, Dave Cournoyer wrote an interesting post the Wildrose Party’s inside baseball politics.

Image by Gord McKenna on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

The FMLers below are somewhat the same, but just different enough that when I make fun of them, it doesn’t feel like I’m making fun of myself. Delightful, right?

YOU BE THE JUDGE.

No help at all

You broke the cardinal rule by singling out a specific parent. How could you have possibly assumed that it was this student’s dad that was helping him? You should have said, “Someone,” or, “Your parents.” You poor, poor fool.

So now this student has leverage over you, in a way. He should probably do his homework and such, but he can always hold the “my teacher is an insensitive prick” thing over your head.

Don’t worry — logic dictates you’ll get better at this. Even if it doesn’t even remotely seem that way right now.

Lost

Well, hopefully that’s fixed now. And like the student above, you now have leverage over your teacher. AND a proper excuse for when you actually don’t hand something in. You can just safely assume that, since teacher was losing your homework for a whole month, she might lose one or two assignments over the next few months.

So kick back, relax and take advantage. LESSON OVER.

Spanish passion

Ah, Spanish. The language of love.

Or the language of withholding love, in your case.

You’re a sap, you know that? Sure, you were led to believe there would be sex, and clearly you’re jonesin’ for it. (Or in spanish “Jose-ing” for it.) What you should have done as soon as homework time started was gotten the eff out of there. You can always, ahem, satisfy yourself to keep things going.

Conprende?

Hasta luego!

Image by TJ Coffey on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

In spite of my no-holiday lull preference, there’s one annual event that Scott and I have gone to for four years that, for us, really marks the beginning of Christmas in Edmonton: the Christmas Bureau’s media launch.

The Christmas Bureau invites media outlets from around the city to participate in a gingerbread house decorating contest, typically mid-November, as a way to launch their annual donation campaign. Scott and I first attended back when the event was at the Winspear. We shared the floor with other bloggers — including Mack Male and Brittney Le Blanc — and mainstream media outlets. And while there were fewer (if any) new media outlets out at this year’s event, the Unknown Studio still did its damndest to represent.

Prizes are given away for, among other things, Shameless Self-Promotion and Most Festive. The Unknown Studio has never won an award, though, because unlike other media outlets, we don’t cheat. This year, in spite of our efforts to win the Charlie Brown award, we came up short again.

Next year, we will cheat. In the, uh, spirit of Christmas.

The Christmas Bureau has been in business for 72 years, helping to ensure that the less-fortunate among us can still partake of a traditional Christmas dinner. They work with over 80 different agencies in Edmonton to make sure those in need are identified and looked after. The Bureau services over 65,000 Edmontonians in need.

This year, the Bureau’s fundraising goal is $1.8 million, and they haven’t got a lot of time to get there.

If you’re interested in donating, check out MustHaveGifts.ca (full disclosure: my employer helped to develop the website and the creative for their campaign). You can also check out @christmasbureau on Twitter and have a look at the Christmas Bureau’s Blog on Tumblr.

If you can, please help those Edmontonians who might not be able to celebrate a traditional Christmas.

This week’s blog watch is a delightful mixed bag, and we’ll get right to it after I remind you that that you can always suggest content for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

We begin our review with a double-whammy from 5k365:

• Brittney and Jessica have been discussing the “Friend Zone.” Brittney wrote about how once you’re there, there’s no going back; Jessica said the platonic and romantic shift and change all the time. What do you think?
• Kikkiplanet wrote about the in-fighting within the Wildrose Party. I imagine any party whose fortunes aren’t perfect struggle with the the leadership question a lot.
• Mack wrote about something I’ve always believed but never articulated: that the transit links between Downtown and Old Strathcona are terrible and need to be improved.
• Cam Charron from the Nation Network wrote about Nate Silver, statistics and sports. A great read if you followed last week’s US election and you care about stats!
• Tom Sedens’ parenting style was evaluated by one of his kids last week. Glad to see he got a passing grade!
• Sandra, one of the mothers of writer Mo over at I Dig Your Girlfriend, wrote about her perspective on her daughters’ coming out. It’s a really terrific read.

Photo by Buie on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Focus Communications, run by Sue and Dean Heuman, is a local PR and events company. They’ve recently begun blogging more regularly and there’s definitely content worth reading over on their website.

Guru Digital Arts College has supported us over the last few seasons, and has even made us a part of their school with our dedicated recording studio.

If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca. Among other things, you’ll get a banner ad on this website, a 30-second ad on the podcast and, if you’re very lucky, a pony as well.

Photo by SashaW on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

I was going to set about writing an FML Friday post last night, as I do every week. However, a phone call from my father last night stopped me in my tracks. My beloved Aunty Arda passed away somewhat suddenly yesterday, and I’m left with no words. I can’t dig deep to find the funny this week. I’m sorry.

I’ll get back into it properly next week, I promise. Please stay safe this weekend, stay off the roads if you can, and let the important people in your lives know how much you love them.

Thanks,

adam

Photo by Todd Martin on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

A NEW EPISODE!

This week, in the studio with us was a gentle man named “Gentle” Stan Woo, one of the organizers of the 7th annual Pure Speculation Festival. We got the low-down on this year’s do, and we have other juicy content to share with you as well.

Peep the breakdown:

0:00: Intro to Mongolia
1:15: The Stan-vasion and Pure Spec
1:55: Welcome back, Scotter
11:30: Mo’ Mustache, no problems (check them on Facebook and on their website)
17:03: We love our sponsors
21:00: Pure Speculation 7: the Speculatening!
37:08: October’s Edmonton Story Slam
47:16: What to… Ex-Spec… ahem, at Pure Speculation
57:49: The Fast Fifteen with Stanley Woo

A few things happened: November started, so many of the dudes I know started firing up their mustaches — and apparently some people hate this. Somewhat relatedly (because of mustaches), a communications association for women landed itself in some hot water and showed that, in fact, they couldn’t communicate themselves out of a paper bag.

Before I get into the thick of it, you should know that you can always suggest controversial (or not) content to for the Edmonton Blog Watch using our handy submission form.

Now, on with the shitshow from last week, starting with a Movember rant:

• Steven J. Hodges wrote about how some people have a major hate-on for Movember, and why that really gets his goat.
• Brittany Kustra drafted an outstanding post on an ill-conceived speaking panel called “The Guys’ Perspective.”
• I’ve really been enjoying the Wanderer, a great blog run by some U of A students. This week, I really dug their post on the ad campaign around #PublicConversation, which is really just about a new bar opening up on Jasper Avenue.
• The Long John Index Service of Canada invested in some amazing new forecasting equipment last week.
• My man-crush on Todd Babiak continues with ferocity. Last week, Todd had a great post about a conversation he had with Edmonton Historian Laureate Shirley Lowe.
• Dean Heuman from Focus Communications wrote a great post celebrating the firm’s 10th anniversary. Congrats Focus! (And note that they are a sponsor of this website and podcast.)

Photo by Markyeg on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Focus Communications, run by Sue and Dean Heuman, is a local PR and events company. They’ve recently begun blogging more regularly and there’s definitely content worth reading over on their website.

Guru Digital Arts College has supported us over the last few seasons, and has even made us a part of their school with our dedicated recording studio.

If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca. Among other things, you’ll get a banner ad on this website, a 30-second ad on the podcast and, if you’re very lucky, a solid pat on the back.

Photo by Melissa on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

But just because I’m a huge fan of weather like this doesn’t mean everyone (or anyone) else is. To wit, this week’s FML Friday. The theme? Snow. The advice? Suck it up and realize where you live, people. No one feels sorry for you, because we all saw this coming. Even some farmers and their almanac knew about this. So how could you not?

Anyhow, on with the online harassment!

Always be over-prepared

The Boy Scouts of America will tell you a couple of things: first, that they’re more or less completely intolerant towards homosexuality. While not particularly relevant here, I just thought you should know.

Second, they tell their members to always be prepared. Now I thought that the BSA was a common-sense organization, where “be prepared,” meant something like, “take the bare minimum of precautions to make sure you don’t get mauled by a bear.” What I don’t take that to mean is, “Take every unreasonable precaution to mitigate every conceivable risk, you moron.”

ONE pair of good socks. SNOW PANTS, if it’s cold enough. A SINGLE COAT so you can still move. ONE pair of gloves a hat and a scarf. And maybe, I don’t know FIVE minutes to get ready, as opposed to a HALF FUCKING HOUR.

You’re useless and I hope you get buried alive in snow. Not because you’ll die, no, not with all those layers. Just so you’ll be totally inconvenienced.

Now THAT’S how you celebrate winter

Is your husband Canadian? A douchebag? Both?

Look, I’m not one to judge people, except every Friday when I write these posts. Then my judgment comes swiftly and sometimes with hilarity. In this case, all I really wanted to do was congratulate your husband for his ingenuity… And to let you know that there’s this thing called “revenge” that you need to buy into.

My recommendation: lots of snow while your husband is completely naked in the shower. A gloved hand covered in the white stuff artfully aimed at his junk ought to do the trick.

Party pooper

Let me guess: you don’t live anywhere in or near Canada. Because up here, snow in October is:

1. Totally normal
2. Often a cause for a party
3. Not something we allow ourselves to get in a tizzy over*

What I’d really like to know is exactly how much snow we’re talking about here. Because if it’s a few centimetres, then you should be ashamed of yourself. But if it’s several feet, well… Nope. You still suck.

* The one caveat is if you’re driving a car. At that point, you forget every single thing you’ve learned about winter driving, and start acting like a complete asshole.

Image by Jeff Samsonow on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Remember, if you know of any great things happening in the Edmonton blogo/podosphere, let me know about them using our handy submission form.

Here are my must-read picks from last week:

• Jay Palter had “the talk” with one of his kids the other day. It’s an amusing account that will leave a smile on your face.
• The arena talks are more or less over… But Councillor Don Iveson said it’s only the end of round one.
• Speaking of Katz, it was revealed that he made a sizable donation to the provincial PCs last election. Dave Cournoyer talked about why it’s a good case for campaign finance reform.
• Todd Babiak made a good case for inviting Edmontonians outside to play.
• Zoe Todd talked about how she is a child of two worlds — the tundra and the forest. This was a great read.
• I attended the Good 100 Experiment last weekend, organized by Tad Hargrave and Nadine Riopel. Nadine shared her brief thoughts on the event.

Image by Ian Horner on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Focus Communications, run by Sue and Dean Heuman, is a local PR and events company. They’ve recently begun blogging more regularly and there’s definitely content worth reading over on their website.

Guru Digital Arts College has supported us over the last few seasons, and has even made us a part of their school with our dedicated recording studio.

If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca. Among other things, you’ll get a banner ad on this website, a 30-second ad on the podcast and, if you’re very lucky, a vigorous handshake.

Image by Rev. Xanatos Satanicos Bombasticos on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

In honour of the occasion, we’re looking at a special wedding-themed FML Friday. The poor bastards below had a lot to contend with in order to get hitched to their true loves. So it’s important that we make fun of their misfortune. Starting right now.

Not that kind of ring

Don’t you know that getting peed on by a crying three-year-old who decided to wear your wedding band as a cock ring is good luck? In some cultures, this is an indication that the marriage will be long-lasting, and that the two of you will be into some really kinky shit in the bedroom.

It also means you should disinfect and clean that ring. Not because it got pee on it, which is a sterile fluid anyhow, but because that kid probably had sticky hands from getting into the cake. And you don’t want to get sick with little kid jammy-hands, now, do you?

The science of stupid

Don’t you know that you might be the luckiest guy on earth right now? A few days before you wedding, it’s revealed that the woman you want to marry is a complete and utter moron for believing in something rooted in pseudo-science. And given that you seem to realize how dumb this is, I assume you aren’t going to thank any gods for it.

Just nod sagely to yourself.

You dodged a bullet, my friend. A really stupid bullet. Odds are you’ll find someone else who doesn’t believe in that palm-reading, Zodiac-interpreting mumbo-jumbo. Probability is science!

Motherboy

Don’t you know that you were going to marry Buster Bluth of the Bluths? I imagine you thought you were marrying into money, but let me tell you: the Bluths are all tapped out. Your husband-to-be’s legal father has been in and out of jail this last few years, and his real father is a pot-smoking lemon-tree farmer.

You, like the FMLer above, have truly dodged a bullet. Besides, since his hand has bitten off by a loose seal, he just hasn’t been the same. And you don’t need to be saddled with that Motherboy baggage.

Image by Vivian Evans on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Here’s how this is going to work: I want you to logon to the Internet, this amazing new technology everyone’s using, and go to Ryan’s Bandcamp site. Give one or two of his tracks a listen and then come back here and leave a comment (with a valid email address) with which track you listened to and what you like about it.

You have until Tuesday, October 30 at 11:59pm to enter to win — we have 3 CDs and one limited edition cassette tape to give away. And, hey, if you don’t win, you can always spend $7 and download “At Last My Dear” directly to your desktop or laptop computing system.

Good luck everyone, and remember to support local music every chance you get!

Remember, if you know of any great things happening in the Edmonton blogo/podosphere, let me know about them using our handy submission form.

Let’s get this party started, then. Here are my must-read picks from last week:

• The Katz Group thoroughly bungled the arena deal, and city council voted to cease negotiations. Todd Babiak had a great post about why the arena deal fell through.
• Awhile back, Ms Gingee wrote a letter to the provincial health minister stating her concerns about senior care. The ministry responded to her, and she posted the letter to her blog.
• Political blogger David Climenhaga took the premier to task for cracking wise about Danielle Smith. His advice to Reford? Keep your eyes on the prize, leave the partisan quips to the pundits.
• Dave Cournoyer posted about the forthcoming rebranding of the provincial Liberals. And it doesn’t look good.
• Jason Lee Norman decided to create a project in response to the Winter City Strategy released last week. Check out his 40 Below project.
• Jen Banks marked a huge personal accomplishment last week: she ran for 30 minutes straight on her road to personal fitness.

Image of Pecha Kucha Night Edmonton #14 by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Focus Communications, run by Sue and Dean Heuman, is a local PR and events company. They’ve recently begun blogging more regularly and there’s definitely content worth reading over on their website.

Guru Digital Arts College has supported us over the last few seasons, and has even made us a part of their school with our dedicated recording studio.

If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca. Among other things, you’ll get a banner ad on this website, a 30-second ad on the podcast and, if you’re very lucky, some pie.

Image by Thomas Kohler in Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

These poor FMLers learned that the hard way. Sort of. Best just read below to find out what I mean.

Creamed

Cream? What kind? Did it come out of one of those cans you find in the dairy aisle? Because if yes, that’s pretty gross. We all talk logically about how we know our parents must have had sex. But no one wants to picture any part of all, least of all the fore-fore-play before mumma… Oh my lords. This isn’t starting out at all like I’d… [vomit tag]

Nose bleeds and sore crotches

I’m not really clear on how throbbing testicles factor into the excessive consumption of ground cinnamon. I’m also not really clear on why you’d want to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. That’s typically been the purview of Johnny Knoxville and his ilk, and you, sir or madam, are no Johnny Knoxville. Or his ilk.

My assumption would be that you vomited chunks of burgers so thoroughly and so powerfully that the effect essentially resonated in your nether regions and caused this throbbing sensation you speak of. But let’s ask a scientist what she thinks:

“This guy’s an idiot.”

Well, there you have it.

Man’s best friend

Hey, a pet is a responsibility one that occasionally involves the soothing of pained skin with aloe. Yes, even down there. Especially down there.

I’ve had a cat for just over 8 years now, and she’s a giant pain in the ass. She wants me to feed her, to play with her, to clean her litter. And if she had sunburnt balls, I’d moisturize those puppies — or, not I wouldn’t. They would have long since been removed. Because one cat is enough. And Bob Barker taught me to help control the pet population.

I guess my advice to you is to be gentle, but slightly unpleasant in the delivery of moisturizer to dog testicles. You don’t want to reinforce any unhealthy suntanning behaviours in your dog, after all.

Photo by Adrian Cockle on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Here’s the episode breakdown:

• 0:00: Intro – “Loneliness”
• 2:43: Kandrix Foong and the first annual Edmonton Expo
• 12:22: Extra-Life with Matthew Dykstra
• 27:57: Ryan Ro on music and his album At Last My Dear
• 50:44: “Melancholy Green,” track 2 from Ryan’s album

Photo by Mr T in DC on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Remember, if you know of any great things happening in the Edmonton blogo/podosphere, let me know about them using our handy submission form.

Here’s what you missed last week, in no particular order:

• Glenn Kubish speculated on the future of space-travel  — no longer the sole province of nation-states, but increasingly owned by brands — in the context of Felix Baumgartner’s record-breaking jump.
• Mack Male wrote about turning things around at the Edmonton Journal, and ensuring the long-term health of the beloved institution.
• Gord Lacey had to make a difficult decision last week: he gave away his two chinchillas.
• Inglorious Hipsters Jeremy and Gregg continue to make me LOL — last week with their comic “The House Guest.” (kinda NSFW)
• Dave Cournoyer looked into the food safety and communications tragedy that is the XL Foods recall.
• Todd Babiak wrote about how Edmonton is a place where people can build things — and he wants you to be a part of the action.

Photo by G Morel on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Focus Communications, run by Sue and Dean Heuman, is a local PR and events company. They’ve recently began blogging more regularly and there’s definitely content worth reading over on their website. Check out the latest post on their blog by Laurie Pettigrew, about the differences between working in the public and private sectors.

Guru Digital Arts College just finished up their Subsequent Fall event at the Northern Alberta Jubilee Auditorium, and it sounds like it was a huge success! Thanks to Guru for their support over the last few seasons, and for making us a part of their school with our dedicated recording studio.

If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca. Among other things, you’ll get a banner ad on this website, a 30-second ad on the podcast and we promise not to stalk you!

Photo by Austin H. Kapfumvuti on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

The people below are less concerned with the NHL lockout and more concerned with hockey-related  things. But their complaints still have the word hockey in them, so technically we have ourselves a theme. Now let’s make fun of people!

Wake-up call

You might be the luckiest person on earth. You were awoken by an outstanding Simpsons reference! Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t remember the episode “Cape Feare,” where the family has to move to Terror Lake because Sideshow Bob gets out of prison after threatening to kill Bart? Bob wrote notes to Bart in his own blood that episode!

When the enter the witness protection program, the family changes their name from “Simpson” to “Thompson” and the end of the show includes Sideshow Bob doing the entire soundtrack to the HMS Pinafore.

Anyway, your family’s awesome.

The worst nickname

My question here is, are you ugly because you act like a psycho, or are you just ugly? To put it more philosophically, are your psycho actions making you ugly?

I mean, if you’re stalking this guy and mailing him your toenail clippings, then you can’t really blame him for thinking you’re a psycho (and ugly!). Because your ACTIONS are ugly, lady.

But it could be this guy’s just an ego-maniacal hockey player with outstanding French vocabulary, and you’re an innocent bystander who won’t stop stalking him. Either way, go Oilers!

‘Mobbed’

When you said you were mobbed, I expected the last sentence of your complaint to be, “I was even given a black eye.” That would truly be FML worthy. But instead you were lectured and then given someone’s business card. Who knows, you might even be able to get a free appointment from this optometrist, particularly if it will mean your refereeing is improved.

Look, I know being a kids hockey ref is a tough gig, especially with psycho parents waiting to tear you down after the game, but by the sounds of things, your worst-case scenario here is you collect a bunch of business cards. Who knew doing this job would result in networking!

Photo by Peter on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

“No, you idiot! Nerd Nite is a thing,” he said, clearly annoyed.

“I know dude, like I said: every night at my place!”

Exasperated, he threw up his hands and said, “I’ll send you a link.”

That was the genesis of Edmonton Nerd Nite (not to be confused with Nerds Night Out, which is a different event longer lived in this town all about web design and development. And if you can’t make our event, you should check out theirs!). Wade and I are bringing Nerd Nite to Edmonton to continue to raise the level of discourse in city.

A lot of other groups and people are doing this right now. Pecha Kucha is a great example of just such an event. But its format doesn’t necessarily allow for the sharing of insights that Nerd Nite does, particularly when topics require a lot more depth. TEDxEdmonton is another great event that brings together nerds and geeks of all kinds — but the topics aren’t necessarily of the “nerd” variety that many people crave.

So here we are: Edmonton Nerd Nite — a tailor made event just for you! The first of many, and one of over 50 such events taking place all over the world. We are the third Canadian city to host Nerd Nites (K-W and Toronto are the other two CanCon editions), and we’re very proud to do so. Also, very impressed and surprised: our event sold out in just a few days. You can check the details on what you’re missing on the Edmonton Nerd Nite website.

And you can rest assured that we’ll host one of these about every 4-6 weeks. The next one we’re aiming for will be end of November (and we’ll skip December, because even nerds need to get their Christmas cheer).

And if you’re missing tonight and you’re choked about it, no sweat. TELUS TV will be filming the evening and we’ll definitely have some video and some photos to share with you.

Image by Austin on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Just the kind of stuff you need to kick-off a relaxing holiday Monday.

Remember, if you know of any great things happening in the Edmonton blogo/podosphere, let me know about them using our handy submission form.

Here are some of my favourite posts from last week, in no particular order:

• Trent Wilkie got the scoop on some drama when Londonderry Mall officials took down the Capricious! art exhibit only hours after it was put up. He wrote a post interviewing the curator Miranda Saher, as well as an official statement from Londonderry Mall.
• Natalie Harper shared some insight into her experiences starting and running her own PR business.
• Dana DiTomaso, the CEO of Kick Point, wrote about the problems with presenteesim.
• Justin Archer from Archer Strategies wrote about his thoughts and experiences around being invited to live-tweet Cavalia (I also was invited and enjoyed an evening on the touring show’s dine).
• Todd Babiak continued his examination of what makes Edmonton the city that it is.
• Alex Abboud took a look at Justin Trudeau’s potential as leader of the federal Liberals, on the eve of the official announcement that Trudeau would seek the Liberal leadership.

Photo by DWardCA on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Focus Communications, run by Sue and Dean Heuman, is a local PR and events company. They’ve recently began blogging more regularly and there’s definitely content worth reading over on their website. Focus has just added Shelley Bindon to their team. Congrats, Shelley! Thanks to Focus’s generous support, the Unknown Studio can keep on doing what it does.

Guru Digital Arts College just started its regular school year with a large intake of students. According to Executive Director Owen Brierley, it’s one of the College’s largest intakes in history. Check out their event next Friday at the Jubilee, The Subsequent Fall. Thanks to Guru for their support over the last few seasons, and for making us a part of their school with our dedicated recording studio.

If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca. Among other things, you’ll get a banner ad on this website, a 30-second ad on the podcast and we’ll even wash your car!

Photo by Jen Johnson on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Ah, Canadian Thanksgiving. A time where we thank friends, relatives and our lucky stars. Because this place… This place is less bad than all the other places. Well, most of them, anyhow.

Other people’s Thanksgivings? Not always the greatest. Because F their Ls. Oh look, here they are now!

Wino, meet Draino

I’m not sure what’s worse — or actually, I’m not sure what happened. Apparently, your husband drank so much he felt dirty. Feeling dirty, he proceeded to take a shower — perhaps before Thanksgiving Dinner. Then, while showering, he experienced wanted to analyze the contents of his stomach. And here we are.

Oh, wait, I see the problem here. Yup. It’s not the turkey, or the wine, or the vomit. It’s this giant clump of hair clogging the drain. And look at how long these are! My dear, these are mostly yours. Ergo, plugged shower = your fault. Happy Thanksgiving!

Feats of strength, pre-Festivus

I love it when families love each other so hard they want to break each others’ noses. I witnessed that very thing once, at a 50th wedding anniversary get-together. There was so much love in the room, that one of my cousins decided to punch his brother. Great times.

And when the police are called, you know you have a really special bunch of people in your life. So special, they should probably be locked up and placed on display like the lovable zoo animals that they are.

Because they’re your family and they have no place in polite society. Happy Thanksgiving!

A break from brakes

A wise man once told me “The things you own end up owning you.” Your car is no different. In fact, your car NEEDS you. Without you, your car isn’t a car; it’s a heap of metal sitting on four wads of rubber. And you weren’t taking very good care of the thing anyway, since you didn’t realize until Thanksgiving break that your mom had sold it.

If you’re looking for something to give thanks for, think about all those less fortunate than you who don’t have cars to eat this Thanksgiving. That’s the real tragedy. Don’t be such a rich, North American snob. You can wander into any restaurant and eat all the cars you want. Not so for many other people.

So when you sit down with your family this weekend to eat a car, please think about the people out there who can’t afford cars. Or something. Happy Thanksgiving!

Photo by Jon Archer on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Not only have we been going great guns at our new studio, thanks in part to Guru Digital Arts College, it turns out the lead-up to and splash down into October has been quite the clusterfuck — in the best possible ways.

More generally:

• The Unknown Studio’s 4th season has been exceedingly well received, and we appreciate the support of all of our listeners.
• We were recognized in Vue Weekly as one of Edmonton’s most popular podcasts, 1st runner up behind Movie Jerks, and in good company with Jay n J.
• We’ve had two different groups come through our studios at various times: Jay n J, and the newly created I Dig Your Girlfriend podcast!

More personally, my life has been a tumult, and I just wanted to share (and store online) some of the things I’ve been working on:

•  Since July, I’ve been working very closely with my dear friend Wade Kelly to get Nerd Nites launched in Edmonton. Our first event (which has sold out!) happens next Wednesday.
• Though I don’t typically talk about my day job here, I’m very proud of a project that was launched last week that I was a part of: the NoHomphobes website. We’ve received such amazing support and response for the site, which you can read all about in the Storify I’ve been curating since launch day.
• If you look at the top of this post, you’ll see a 6-minute video I was a part of for the 24/One challenge with the Edmonton International Film Festival. My team, which included Wade Kelly, Phil Paschke, Raffaella Loro, Marsha Amanova, Kris Berezanski, Lauren Albrecht, Sylvia Cheverie and John Estacio was screened as one of the top 11 films last Saturday, and we took home awards for Best Original Soundtrack and Best Art Direction.

I think my girlfriend Rachel would tell you that I really like being busy. And she’s not wrong. But with Thanksgiving coming up, I’m really looking forward to kicking back with friends and family and not thinking about work or the Unknown Studio for nice long weekend.

How’s everyone else doing? What do you have on the go these days?

Here’s some of the content I enjoyed last week:

• My good friend Cary Williams started a blog last week. In his inaugural post, Cary explains his reasons for starting at all (and includes me as one of the “reasons”).
• Speaking of firsts, I Dig Your Girlfriend launched their podcast this week — which they recorded at our studios at Guru Digital Arts College.
• Daryl Katz’s bluff failed to resonate with Edmontonians, to put it lightly. Jason Gregor over at OilersNation explained why. Katz issued an apology by way of news paper ads in the Journal and Sun this past weekend.
• Todd Babiak talked about how Edmontonians try to articulate what they like about the city.
• Friends of mine are traveling in Europe, and had the opportunity in their travels to visit the Large Hadron Collider at CERN. So lucky!
• Dana DiTomaso, who recently announced her new company Kick Point, is blogging in more-or-less real-time about starting and running a company.

The sad people below? The ones who share their plight with the internet so that I can make fun of? They, or someone close to them, has a hormone problem. And you’re about to find out what I think about that…

Anything but Tabitha

Ta. Bi. Thuh. Tah. Bee. Thaw. Hmm. I don’t see the problem. Is it possible your wife is pronouncing the name incorrectly? Does she have negative associations with the letter T because you’re a douchebag, Timmy? Your name’s Timmy, isn’t it?

Listen, Timmy, your wife’s going through a thing right now. A thing that is gestating inside her body. Think about what that does to a person for a moment, and instead of just being upset and all FML-y, you should just nod to your wife, say “I understand,” even if you don’t, and think up another fucking name, Timmy.

Youthful menopause

Menopause is crazy! My mum’s been through it, and her biggest complaint has been the hot flashes. But you’re a 17-year-old who’s going through mood swings reminiscent of menopause, huh? Here’s what you need to do:

• Go back to your doctor and tell him or her to go fuck themselves
• Find out if they are a parent, and if they have any idea what teenagers are like
• As them if they’ve ever heard of “puberty” before
• Find another family doctor

Mom’s sex

Hormone therapy, huh? My mum’s taking that as part of her treatment for breast canc…

Oh. My. Gods.

Image by Tillamook Cheese on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

This episode also features the winner of the September Edmonton Story Slam event, as well as a runner-up — as selected by Scott and I based on no other criteria except we enjoyed it.

I’ll add a breakdown to this post later — it’s been a long day!

But while I was running around like an idiot, other people got to work writing fantastic blog posts. If you come across any in your travels, let me know about them using our handy submission form.

On with the fantastic words, in no particular order:

• Todd Babiak launched his own blog last week. Though his first entry was brief, you can count on some good forthcoming content from one of Edmonton’s best storytellers.
• Justin Jackson (who recently moved from Edmonton to BC, but I enjoyed the post all the same) wrote about re-thinking our desks — they’re workstations! — something I certainly need to do.
• Chris LaBossiere wrote with pride about one of his daughters and how his life in Edmonton has come somewhat full circle, stopping squarely in front of the Saratoga restaurant.
• Hockey blogger Jonathan Willis talked about Daryl Katz’s version of history when Katz purchased the Oilers from the EIG.
• Glenn Kubish shared a list of reasons why biking is a great thing to do — and I heartily agree with him.
• Jessica Holt is helping Brittney Le Blanc meet 5,000 people in 365 days. The process has already helped push Jessica outside of her comfort zone. Find out exactly how in this post from their blog.

Image by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Focus Communications, run by Sue and Dean Heuman, is a local PR and events company. They’ve recently began blogging more regularly and there’s definitely content worth reading over on their website. Thanks to Focus’s generous support, the Unknown Studio can keep on doing what it does.

Guru Digital Arts College just started its regular school year with a large intake of students. According to Executive Director Owen Brierley, it’s one of the College’s largest intakes in history. Thanks to Guru for their support over the last few seasons, and for making us a part of their school with our dedicated recording studio.

If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca. Among other things, you’ll get a banner ad on this website, a 30-second ad on the podcast and we’ll even babysit your kids!

Image by Dave Hoefler on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Actually, in this case, it seems to be their friends and family who are causing all the problems — with the pointing and the laughing and the judging.

Just read for yourself.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

Man, your parents are dicks. They’re acting like they’ve never jumped into the ocean and wound up with a condom in their hair. And the reason for that is because that’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

And it’s funny. And actually, your parents are awesome. Are they on Instagram?

Seriously, though, you should always use a condom. Just not in your hair. For that I recommend a leave-in conditioner. It’ll bring out the not-condom highlights in your coiffure.

Read between the lines

Here, read this pamphlet: So Your Boyfriend’s a Man-Slut. Go ahead, open it!

Yep, you see right there on the right-hand panel? “Ways to know your boyfriend’s a bona fide man-slut.” Read the first point. No, seriously. I know you’re embarrassed, but you should have known this before. I mean, there’s a fucking pamphlet for it. Read it!

“1. If he has scratch marks down his back that aren’t from your most recent sexual escapade, he’s a man-slut.”

Listen, I don’t mean to say I told you so. So I won’t. Because there’s a fucking pamphlet.

‘Live every week like it’s Shark Week’

I know the “scientists” on the “Discovery Channel” all say you’re supposed to punch a shark right on its nose and it’ll, like, run away and shit. But if I’m a shark, and someone punches me in the nose, I’m going to bite them IN HALF. And then I’m going to bite their family. IN HALF.

So the next time you’re pretending to be a shark, and your girlfriend punches you in the nose, you bite her IN HALF. Then you invite her family over for dinner, and when they discover your girlfriend’s bloody torso, you know what you do? You bite them IN HALF.

Image by Daniel Ramirez on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can’t try to do things. You simply must do things.

A wiser man than I once said the quote above. An even wiser man (?) also said, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

Boy, if that’s the case, I’m sitting on a gold mine, my friends, and I don’t even have to think, I just have to do!

Last night the Unknown Studio’s new Podcast Works Facility™ was used for the first time by an outside party: the two gentleman of the titular Jay n J entertainment podcast. Jay and Jordan recorded a series of episodes in our studio at Guru Digital Arts College. Steven Hodges and I were hanging out earlier in the evening, so we even got to participate in their episode where we discussed The Big Lebowski. And it was really interesting to watch a different group of people record their show — I was glad to be able to learn from Jay and J (they are much more concise than Scott and I).

But the really interesting stuff happened in between takes — the B-roll, if you will. But we decided that it wasn’t worthy of the second position in the alphabet. So we called it the Z-roll (pronounced in the Canadian way, if you’re reading out loud).

And the Z-roll is going to be a random, but ongoing podcast of strange conversation that occurs in between takes in the Podcast Works studios. We’re doing a bit of touch up on what we recorded last night, but stay tuned for it, because it’ll be coming out soon.

And you know what this means, right? If you want to be on the über-popular (no doubt), forthcoming Z-roll podcast, you need to either hang out at a recording session (which we’re totally open to, if you’re very quiet), or start your own Edmonton-based podcast. Find out how you can use our studio right here.

Follow us on Twitter to find out when the latest episode of Jay n J comes out, and when the new Z-roll podcast is available.

If you know of a blog post that’s just begging to be shared with the community, submit it using our handy form.

Here are some of the posts I considered to be must-reads from last week, in no particular order:

• During a trip to a Farmers’ Market in Ontario, Trent Wilkie met and had his picture taken with Stephen Hawking. His recount of the tale is both funny and fantastic.
• Alberta’s great statesman former premier Peter Lougheed passed away this week in the Calgary hospital named after him. David Climenhaga looked at Lougheed’s legacy in the context of today’s conservatism.
• Savvy Do Gooder Nadine Riopel completed and is now publishing the results of her Edmonton Do Gooder Project. Follow along — she’ll be posting updates every Tuesday and Thursday.
• Daryl Katz accomplished the impossible last week when he came back to city council asking for more money: he pissed off everyone, even those supporting him. There was a lot of coverage on this issue. Definitely check out Kathleen Smith’s take, Mack Male’s take, Robin Brownlee’s take, Alex Abboud’s take, and councillor Don Iveson’s perspective.
• Relatedly, NHL players are officially locked out. Robin Brownlee wrote a post on what it means and how fans ought to express their outrage.
• On the lighter side of things, the author of Shallow Be My Name explained why gift cards are absolutely necessary when it comes to gift-giving.

Image by Amanda Woodward on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

In any case, that episode and the ones that will follow this year and made possible because of the support we receive from our sponsors.

Focus Communications, run by Sue and Dean Heuman, is a local PR and events company. They’ve recently began blogging more regularly and there’s definitely content worth reading over on their website. One from Rae Thygesen talks about the lessons she’s learned as someone new to the PR world; and one from Sue Heuman on advertising. Thanks to Focus’s generous support, the Unknown Studio can keep on doing what it does.

Guru Digital Arts College just started its regular school year with a large intake of students. According to Executive Director Owen Brierley, it’s one of the College’s largest intakes in history. If you’re interested, they’ll be hosting an open house at the school’s new campus in the Mercer Building this coming Wednesday evening. And they have an exciting event coming in October that they’ll be announcing soon. Thanks to Guru for their support over the last few seasons, and for making us a part of their school with our dedicated recording studio.

If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca. Among other things, you’ll get a banner ad on this website, a 30-second ad on the podcast and we’ll even babysit your kids!

Image by Marcos Ojeda on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Which brings us to this week’s FML Friday, a bit of a mixed bag when it comes to tattoos. Some people love them. Some people hate them. And some people wind up having their tattoos posted to this website, which has some really horrendous shit on it.

Whatever your position on the matter, know this: you should either dislike or pity the poor FMLers below.

Neck and neck

Most of the girls I know who are into tattoos start with something far more shameful, Guy-Who-Hates-Sexy-Tattoos: a tramp stamp. Oh, I know we’re not supposed to call it that, because how do we know if she’s actually a tramp, right? But that’s what the KIDS call it, so that’s what I’m calling it.

So if a lower-back tattoo is a tramp stamp, then a tattoo on your neck is… I don’t know, the indication that your wife’s name is actually Tucco and she runs the biggest meth distribution ring in Albuquerque, New Mexico. And if she’s not careful, a little-known chemistry teacher named Walter “Heisenberg” White is going to get her killed.

In the meantime, I think it’s really touching that she’s memorialized your [I can only assume] still-living dog. It really helps to illustrate her priorities.

Sad, truthful comparisons

Hey, let’s not hate on the Prius. It’s the most popular hybrid vehicle on the market, so they must be doing something right. Sure, it doesn’t have the sleek good looks of a supercar, but it’ll get you from A to B silently and efficiently.

I know what you’re saying, though: “My body is a temple.” And you’re not wrong. But have you been to a temple, or a church? Sure, those places are sacred. But they’re also among the most decorated and ornate structures on the planet. You’re telling me your temple doesn’t need some stained glass? Because, buddy, every Prius I’ve ever seen could benefit from some stained glass.

The unforgiving internet

Oh, so the image of the Sad Puma is yours? And you thought that was unique, huh? Well, you’re not wrong.

I’m kidding, you’re totally wrong. Not only is it not unique — being one horrendous tattoo among what I can only assume are millions — it’s also an affront to the lowest form of art: finger painting. As in, I could paint a more life-like image of a puma with my fingers.

Do yourself a favour: purchase an industrial-grade cheese grater and treat yourself to some sweet, sweet tattoo removal. And thank your lucky stars (!) you aren’t this girl.

Image by Jessica on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License. And note that I think the tattoo in the post image is absolutely beautiful.

Scott and I sat down with Josh Classen, senior meteorologist from CTV Edmonton. Guess what we talked about? No, not the weather, my precious little nose-miners! We talked about one of Josh’s great passions: rap music.

I won’t give too much away, but please enjoy the episode and let us know your feedback!

Here’s the episode breakdown:

0:00:35 – Josh Classen Part 1
0:19:18 – Adam Unleashed – Fort Edmonton LRT
0:23:57 – Sponsors
0:25:55 – Josh Classen Part 2
0:45:32 – Dramatic Reading – Roadway Noise
0:49:06 – Josh Classen Part 3
0:54:35 – Fast 15 with Josh Classen
1:01:37 – Atmospheric Avenger (mrsuitandtie)

If you know of any blogs or posts that I should consider in my weekly blog watch, please submit them using this handy form.

Here they are in no particular order:

• Karen Unland, fearless leader of the Edmonton Experiment, had a new blog post up about the progress of Capital Ideas, and what happens next. Pretty exciting experiment. I’m attending my first session this week, and can’t wait!
• OilersNation had a great post by Graphic Comments on what hockey fans should do in the event of a lockout: go away.
• zOe Todd wrote about a topic near and dear to me: wanting Edmonton to figure out just what the hell it is all about instead of being without an identity.
• Edmonton city councillor Don Iveson wrote about the recent (incorrect, in my opinion) decision by Executive Council to change the name of the South Campus LRT station to include “Fort Edmonton” in the name.
• Photographer Curtis Comeau had a great post on how being a travel photographer isn’t all glitz and glamour.
• Erin Fraser wrote about comics, and the contributions of Canadians to the medium.

Image by IndustrialAndrew on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Focus Communications recently joined us as one of our sponsors. Owned and operated by Sue and Dean Heuman, along with a cast of outstanding characters, Focus is responsible for some of the great stuff that happens in Edmonton. For example, if you attended Race Week which coincided with the Edmonton Indy, then you got a flavour of the kind of events Focus does here in Edmonton.

Guru Digital Arts College is a long-time sponsor of ours. They’re probably one of the best arts colleges in Alberta, focusing on digital media and really training their students to be prepared for work in the industry. This season, they’ve graciously provided the Unknown Studio with a place to record our shows. They’ve also given us the opportunity to open the studio up to other podcasters. They’re having an open house on September 19th at the school on 104 street. You should go and find out more about what they do.

If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca. Among other things, you’ll get a banner ad on this website, a 30-second ad on the podcast and shout-outs wherever Scott and I happen to be!

Image by eskimo_jo on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

This week we look at Port-A-Potty perils experienced by FMLers. And where I normally think most of these people are just being huge woe-is-me whiners, this week I feel like most people have a fairly good reason to complain to the Internet masses.

But I’ll let you be the judge of that…

A case for locking doors

Well, see, here’s your problem: you forgot to lock the door. If you’d remembered that very simple thing, no small child would have mistaken you for a man. At least, not while you were bustin’ your stank bone in the old portable shit station.

And who forgets to lock a door, anyway? It’s like people who are surprised to get robbed when they leave their front door unlocked. Apparently, no one here is familiar with Mr. Murphy and his obscure set of laws. Or rather, his only law which says, in short: you are les dumbueue. Which is French for, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Oh, and to address that other thing: Nair.

Worst-smelling soap ever

How could you possibly mistake a urinal puck for a bar of soap, especially in a transient shithole? I know those little fragrant cakes are supposed to small fantastic, but they actually just smell like fantastic covered in pee. The French have a word for that, which I referenced above.

And how do you not understand basic design? If that thing truly was a sink, you wouldn’t have had to sit down to use it. Also, running water. See? Les dumbueue.

I hope you fall in next time. You disgust me.

A handle on the situation

In a situation like this, I look to the French, and their less-frequent-use of the word dumbueue, which in this case means, “You poor son of a bitch, I wish that hadn’t happened to you, even though I barely know you also I’m French.”

I also hope you employed the time-honoured technique of Kicking The Fucking Door In So You Can Breathe Non-Poopy Oxygen Again™. Because if you just sat there with the “handle” in your hands, then I’d have to use the definition of les dumbueue that I introduced up above, fuckface.

All of this reminds me of another word I’m quite fond of. It’s German, and it’s called schadenfreude. It means “I laugh with glee when you poop you pants,” or something. And even though you probably didn’t — because you were totally in a mobile shitorium — I’m still gleeful at your misfortune.

Photo by Sharyn Morrow on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

The story so far…

We wrapped up season three with our live show, an event I can now say we were very uncertain about, but ultimately were thrilled with the way it turned out. The trick, you see, was to invite a bunch of guests — like Erica Viegas, Todd Babiak, Dana DiTomaso, Apocalypse Kow, Liam Creswick, and show-runner Trent Wilkie — and count on them to do the heavy lifting.

After the live show, we recorded an additional show when we were invited by Ryan Jespersen and his delightful crew of television peeps, to participate in Bloggers Week at CityTV. Scott and I had a blast being on the old-timey Cathode Ray Tube Device, and particularly enjoyed our off-camera conversations with the CityTV crew — each and every one of those men and women were super friendly and super professional.

As summer stretched out, and we took a break from it all, we popped our heads up briefly in August to invite new organizations and individuals to sponsor the podcast and the website. And guess what? Some of you totally took the bait (though we’re always looking for more)!

Focus on Focus

If you’re an Edmontonian on Twitter, I’d wager you’re at least a little bit familiar with Sue and Dean Heuman (@focuscom and @dheuman). Aside from being two very kind people, they are extremely progressive thinkers and successful entrepreneurs. They own Focus Communications, a PR agency here in town (though that hardly covers the range of their services).

I got to know Sue and Dean through Twitter, actually, and this has translated into more-than-semi-annual beer meetings, where we discuss all the ways in which we would like to improve Edmonton. The Heumans — aside from having a kick-ass last name which I hope will help project them onto their own reality TV show called “Being Heuman” — leapt at the chance to sponsor our show. And Scott and I are grateful to have them as partners.

Welcome to the Unknown Studio family, Focus!

Digital Hogwarts

One of our longest supporters is, of course, Guru Digital Arts College. They’ve been a sponsor of the Unknown Studio since we conceived of the whole sponsorship thing a few years ago. You may have heard the news recently about Guru’s big move into the Mercer Building, which is also home of Startup Edmonton. When Owen “Dumbledore” Brierley first announced the move on our season finale podcast in June, we were very excited for them… So we started talking.

And we talked so much, often direct AT Owen, that Guru finally agreed to give the Unknown Studio space within their own piece of the Mercer Warehouse for a recording studio/office.

Where before we were basically the transients of podcasting — recording our show wherever we could — we now have a permanent home right in the middle of the action happening in the downtown core on 104 Street.

And one of the things we want to do with this space is get other podcasters to come in and record their own shows — say $10 a session to use the space and equipment. The number of Edmonton podcasts that have sprung up over the last year has been phenomenal, and if we can support, teach and learn from each other — which is really what a place like Guru is all about — let’s do it!

Oh, and if you want me or Scott to hang out and be your tech, we can be paid in beer.

Recordez-vous?

We’ll have more details for you soon on how you can book studio time. If you’re interested in using the space (our equipment is pretty high-end and the sound is delightful), email recording@theunknownstudio.ca and we’ll add you to our list of people to contact when everything’s all set.

And remember: If you’re interested in sponsoring the Unknown Studio or have ideas for content for the show, email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca.

Image by me! Taken in the Mercer Tavern.

But it ain’t fall yet. So let’s focus on something else: excellent content from interesting Edmontonians who give a shit… About something other than the weather.

If you come across Edmonton bloggers/content creators who’ve produced something outstanding, please submit it to us using this form. You never know, it might end up right here on the Edmonton Blog Watch.

Check out some of the great content from content creators from last week, in no particular order:

• Last week, a young man named Isaak Kornelsen was killed while riding his bicycle on Whyte Avenue. Conrad from Green Edmonton wrote a very good post on why we need to review the rules and infrastructure for cycling in Edmonton.
• Dave Cournoyer wrote about how the downtown core (the officially boundary of what is considered to be “downtown”) shouldn’t be the only thing we focus on for development and revitalization.
• Alex Abboud took a look at what the forecasted projects in the downtown core — as provided in a report prepared for the Downtown Business Association —  will do for the city.
• Local comedian and ne’er-do-well Trent Wilkie has begun “The Interview Project” on his blog, starting with Gregg Beever (I also participated).
• Natasha Chiam wrote a post about a debate on her Facebook wall: are men functionally irrelevant in modern society?
• Mack Male took Edmonton Tourism to task for spending $20,000 to bring in a former Bachelorette star and her partner to boost the city’s profile. There’s some great discussion in the comments here, too!

Photo by Hugh Lee on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

I was generally lucky with my roommate choices. The people who complained on FMyLife.com down below? Not so lucky. Let’s make fun of them, shall we?

Hobo couch-surfing

OK, ma’am? Listen, I need you to calm down, OK? Can you do that?

Now, where in the house are you now? OK, and is there anyone with you now? Is your roommate there? No, OK. Now, can you peek out the bedroom window? Is the person still on your couch? We’ll send someone over right away.

Also, you idiots, could you think about maybe locking your front door? Making sure windows aren’t accessible? I can’t help but feel that you brought this on yourself.

Oh and maybe do the smell-test on your couch.

Glass would have been better

Eeewwwww. Oh man! SICK!

Sorry about that, I just didn’t have a chance to vacuum after I disgraced the common area of the home we share together. It’s just I’m so lazy and inconsiderate, and it’s just a small pile of toenail clippings. I really didn’t think you were going to notice.

Look I’ll clean it up, just, uh… Just don’t use the shower for awhile, OK? It’s not draining properly for, uh… some reason.

Sorry ’bout the salmonella

Hang on a second — you’re suffering the effects of his telling you, or you’re suffering the effects of eating “medium-rare” chicken? If it’s the latter, I’m sympathetic; if it’s the former, and you’ve just discovered that you need to actually cook chicken, then I hope you enjoyed your trip to the emergency room, you fool!

Look, I’m not one to tell someone how to “cook” their “chicken” but you need to be told: you cook it until it hits an internal temperature of about 160°F OR until the juices run clear. THE JUICES RUN CLEAR.

Sweet shit, stop trying to kill yourselves.

Image by Kerry on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

They’re both specious arguments, because they presume that laypeople can’t assess quality over quantity. And we can.

Democratizing things like publishing and photography are more beneficial than they are detrimental. Sure, some people take photos of what you or I might call the exceedingly mundane, but those people are taking pictures that aren’t intended for you, or a general audience. Sure, they’re using social technology to document their lives, but that doesn’t mean they want every single person on the planet to pay attention.

They’re doing, inadvertently or not, what any communicator or content creator on the web is doing: either what they want, or what their intended audience is interested in. Sometimes that means taking pictures only of sunsets. Or shoes. Or every single meal they prepare and eat.

And that’s perfectly OK. Because as annoyed as you are at all the food porn on the web, Internet-user-who’s-totally-over-it, thousands if not millions aren’t. Because despite the fact that most people will preface a link to a photo with at least a brief description — so you could quite confidently know that by clicking the link you’re going to see food — you fucking click it anyway.

And the best part, Internet-user-who-fancies-himself-a-writer-now, you use tools of authorship like Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook to register your disdain, saying things like, “Ermahgerd, so-and-so is NOT a professional photographer,” or “Instagram doesn’t make you god’s gift to photography” — causing a ripple in the Internet-time continuum which causes old, salty journalists to harumph about how having a Twitter account doesn’t make you god’s gift to writing.

Calm the fuck down. It’s a picture, and it’s probably not intended for you, anyway. You just have access to it thanks to the public nature of the web.

I love pictures of food. I loves pictures of cats. I love pictures of everything that anyone wants to post on a public timeline. You know why? It’s a glimpse into that person’s life that I wouldn’t otherwise get. By scrolling through my Instagram feed, I can see that:

• People are spending time with their pets, who often do hilarious things
• People are going out for nice meals, and spending quality time together
• People are going out for walks, and finding strange objects, signs, or people on the way
• People are getting married! They’re in love, and fuck you for being cynical about it
• People are having a great time. They might be getting hammered, playing a board game or reading a book

The web has provided us with amazing opportunities: to connect, work together, and experience other cultures. Sometimes that involves words, and sometimes it involves pictures. Of food. Often it involves much, much more.

So relax. If you don’t like food porn, that’s fine. Don’t look at any. Unfollow the people who constantly post it. But stop using it as fodder for blog content.* It’s getting way beyond old.

*I am completely aware of the hypocritical nature of that final paragraph (and in fact the whole post), and I promise never to speak of it again.

Photo by Neal Lantela on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

But the bloggers of Edmonton are keeping their heads down and powering through, not one of them daring to mention — and jinx — a waning summer. So, I’ll take this opportunity to apologize for tempting the gods of nature.

I’ll also share with you some of my recommended reads from Edmonton bloggers/content creators this week. If you or someone you know has written a blog that deserves my attention, head over to our handy blog submission form. Meanwhile, here’s some outstanding content from the week ending August 25, 2012, in no particular order:

• Maurice Tougas shared his thoughts on the leadership “fortunes” of the federal Liberal party, invoking the name “Trudeau”
• Mack Male spoke with Miranda Sayer about how Edmonton needs more space for art exhibits
• Trent Wilkie brought something up that I hadn’t thought of, but which is worth discussion: what the hell did Great West Publishing do with all of See Magazine’s online content when they sold the paper to Vue?
• Alex Abboud continued his reign of blogging supremacy (he’s had great stuff all summer long) with a post on how urban design impacts homelessness
• Nadine Riopel had some interesting thoughts on something I’m really terrible at: saying “no”
• Todd Herron posted about the similarities between the GOP and the Wildrose Party

Image by Sangudo on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

But at least I have something in common with this week’s group of rag-tag sad-sacks: I feel like saying “F my Life and F this Sickness!” Still, I think these people have it worse than me. Or rather, I think they’re shittier people than me. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Sick text message!

Oh, so your co-worker’s a doctor? That’s terrific! She can diagnose your problems and maybe even prescribe the correct medication for you — because I can only assume based on her brutal assessment that she’s a doctor. And a cow.

We all react to illness in different ways. I mean just look at syphilis: you might have it RIGHT NOW and not even know it. Or, you could be crawling with very obvious symptoms. It just depends on what’s going on in your body, Lady Who Probably Has Syphilis.

Don’t worry about what your dumb co-worker thinks. You need to get yourself to a doctor STAT to get that syphilis cleared up.

Lace and cancelled weddings

Look, your future husband (or former fiancé, depending on what happened) was only trying to help. Granted when you’re on the toilet with what I can only assume is morning sickness, about the last think you want to wear is sexy, lacy underwear. You want to be swaddled and sleeping — like the baby you’re carrying!

Look at it this way: best case scenario, your husband has an underwear fetish, and maybe even likes to wear lacy items himself. Worst-case scenario, he was or currently is seeing another woman (or another man into lacy underwear as well). Either way: congratulations on your soon-to-arrive bundle of joy!

Also, I bet it was really fun being engaged while it lasted!

Unhappy Meal

You could have very easily solved this problem by explain how, oh I don’t know, THE ECONOMY AND MONETARY SYSTEM WORKS. It goes a little something like this:

Money — in the form of coins, paper dollars, or credit cards — can be exchanged for goods and services. You state a price, someone gives you money, and you hand over an item. It’s really that simple.

I don’t know what these high school girls were thinking, nor do I know whether or not they passed social studies. I also don’t know if you explained to them that you were buying the happy meal for your sick daughter — if you didn’t you should have; if you didn’t, you fail as a parent.

In any case, I hope you at least got some McNuggin sauce. That shit is deeeeeelish!

Image by Nathan LeClair on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

I can’t believe I have to actually write this, but lists are meant to summarize and/or highlight. However when your summarizing or highlighting is exhaustive, all you’ve done ir regurgitate existing information and added sequential numbers to the beginning of each sentence. That’s not really a list. I don’t even know what to call that.

Among my favourite dumb-lists these days:

• “73 things you might have missed this week, in exhaustive detail!”
• “61 easy steps to blogging success!”
• “107 reasons why you business should be on Twitter!”
• “108 reasons you’re doing Twitter wrong!”
• “371 reasons why list-based blog posts are dumb!”

I could go on and on (also note the exclamation marks: common and mind-numbing).

My point is that what was once a common and incredibly useful way to distill information has become an insufferably bad way to summarize. Because lists are supposed to be short, snappy, and to the point.

Now, if I want to catch up on the “73 things” I missed this week (“!”), I may as well just go back and read all those individual things. Because all you’ve done, blogger with a post quota, is copied and pasted a shit-ton of content from those posts — stripping them of context — and provided me with just little enough information that I need to go back to that thing you’re referring to and read it in its entirety.

So thanks for nothing.

Other things I hate about list-based blog posts:

1. They’re typically not unique
2. People tend to share them without thinking
3. Claims within these lists tend be wild exaggerations, over-simplifications, or poorly distilled details
4. They’re single-handedly causing the sharp decline in western intelligence
5. They often begin with the claim that, “Hey, people love lists, donchaknow!?”
6. Their often-random, arbitrary length — “8 reasons,” “13 ideas,” “216 dance moves” — makes them feel disorganized
7. They make me grumpy
8. They rarely feel like they’re unified under a cohesive theme, even though they claim to be
9. Bad infographics are even worse than bad list-based blog posts
10. They also tend to end either poorly or unceremoniously

Image by Paloetic on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Anyhow, I completely cheated this week. In my typically in-no-particular-order list, I gave Alex Abboud first spot with not one, but three posts. Because, as I note below, he’s been crushing it with his writing lately.

If you want for me to fawn over you like I do Alex and the other bloggers below, you should submit your blog for consideration — I check this document every week to see if anyone’s added anything. So add your posts (or posts you come across that you dig)!

Sorry about all the preamble. Here’s the list of must-reads from last week:

• Alex Abboud has been crushing it lately, with what I’m calling Abboudinomics. Check out this post on Canada’s Indie Music Hot spots. Then, go and read the first two parts of his series on sports tourism.
• Tanis Miller, the Redneck Mommy, shared a very personal story about her adopted son Jumby and her thoughts and feelings about his early years before she became his mum.
• James Leask vindicates my closeted love of the TV show Smallville (and the forthcoming 11th season comic books) with this post about how that show opened up the Superman universe to a completely different audience.
• Robin Brownlee is one of my favourite OilersNation writers. When he gives readers a glimpse into his life and career, it’s always so fascinating and often heart-warming, including this post about his son’s birthday, and the new ventures Robin and his family are embarking upon.
• Olympian and Edmontonian Paula Findlay shares her thoughts on her race at the 2012 London Olympics — no matter the outcome, Paula, so many of us are proud of you.
• Glenn Kubish picked up Toronto Mayor Rob Ford the other day, and gave him a lift. Kubish shares his story of his brief time with Ford on his blog. Pretty interesting stuff!

Image from the City of Edmonton Photo Gallery. Used under Creative Commons License.

Today, we look at FMLers who seem to leave us wanting more. ”And then what happened?” would be the question to ask. But they’re not around to answer it. They just post their FMLs and go on their merry way.

Sadness.

Sleep with one eye open

Whoa, wait a minute. What kind of nightmare? Was the sex bad? Did you try to murder her while having sex in this nightmare? Was there insufficient lube?

These are the kinds of questions we need answered if you’re going to weave any kind of tapestry here for us. The way this sounds, you’re your girlfriend is just afraid of sex with you. Probably because you’re dumb, or boring, or irritating enough to post all the little things that go wrong in your life to a website.

Let’s face it: you’re terrible in dream-land bed, and in real-world bed.

Just dye already

OK, so what “unapproved” colors are your natural hairs? Are they naturally a salmony pink? Because that’s more like supernatural than natural. But hey, if your hair is light blond and the school is worried you’ll look like a douche who bleached their hair, that’s an entirely different story.

Do you see now why it’s so important to include details when you’re trying to post stupid things to a website so people feel sorry for you? Now we all think you have, like, a birds nest in your salmony pink hair. And that you probably use or cook meth. You’re unfit to go to school.

Presents and sex

Well, clearly he wasn’t enjoying himself, or he just has other things weighing heavy on his mind. I’m not too worried about that. What I AM worried about is what happened after that. Did you stop? Was the mood gone? Or did that make you hot?

I hope by reading those questions you understand that either way, there was a compelling story here. Nothing to really F your L about, but rather an opportunity to laugh at something later on, when you talk to your friends about this. But you blew it, sex-lady.

Or, wait, did you blow it? I guess we’ll never know.

Image by Tom Carmony on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Sponsor us

While we don’t want to divulge any of our ambitious plans for the show — we really want to keep it all a secret so you’re adequately dazzled when the time comes — we are looking for sponsors of the show and our website.

Scott and I recently put together some sponsorship details around the podcast — including a full show schedule for the forthcoming season, and a variety of different sponsorship opportunities. You can check it all out on our sponsorship page. We’re also currently conducting a survey of our listeners — to give you a better idea of whether or not sponsoring the Unknown Studio is the right fit for your organization.

Guests and segments

While we have a few guests lined up for the fall, we’re also looking for suggestions from you on a variety of different show elements. We want the Unknown Studio do be your Edmonton podcast of choice. We’d like your input into:

• Potential guests — be ambitious! You could suggest the Queen of England, and we’ll definitely consider it. Who knows, we may know some people who work at Buckingham Palace who can help hook it up.
• Potential segment ideas — we were very happy to work with the guys who did the Edmonton: A City segment. And we’re happy to receive pitches from you on your own segment ideas. Putting a show together is a ton of work, and if you’re interested in helping out, we’d be happy to chat with you.
• Potential new Fast Fifteen questions — we’re not 100% set on changing the questions for this season. Having said that, if you have any ideas for potential questions that could blow our minds, we’d love to hear your suggestions.

Send us an email with your ideas, no matter how crazy (or “cray,” for our younger readers/listeners). If we use one or many of them, we’ll give you huge props on the show, the website and maybe even our wills*. You could be internet-famous, just like us!

Image by bokeh burger on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

*but likely not.

But before the Folk Fest even began, delightful Edmontonians busted it out, blog-style. And I’ve rounded up some of my favourite posts from last week, including a pair all about Folk Festivals. Hope you enjoy my selections!

And remember, if you come across blog posts worth sharing, submit them using a handy form!

And now, without further ado, the blog watch:

• David Climenhaga questions whether or not disgraced AHS CFO will forfeit his buyout
• Public School Board Trustee Michael Janz is excited about the potential benefits of online voting
• Brenda Kerber has a great post about the questionable use of a drug that would interfere with the formation of gender during pregnancy — particularly for children who might be born with congenital adrenal hyperplasia
• Pamella Heikel-Said talks about her recent break-up with Starbucks
• Gig City has a great article on the flawed Edmonton Folk Music Festival ticket sales system
• Relatedly, Alex Abboud looks at the value of Folk Fests across western Canada

Photo by Darren Kirby on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

No, I meant to say McNuggins. We’ll have to go to MackDondo since money’s a little tight right now. Don’t worry, you’ll really like it. It’ll more than make up for the fact that I missed your birthday by just a little bit!

Yes, of course you can have some BQQ sauce with your McNuggins. No, I meant to say BQQ. It’s so spicy that after you eat some, you’ll be QQ.

See what I did there?

FML FRIDAY!

Dine and whine

Hey man, I get it. Social media is waaaaaaaay important. It validates people, uh, on their birthdays and shit. Hey, do you want some McNuggins to help ease the pain? They’re only 20% chicken tumor! Well, I think chicken, anyway.

It’s kinda funny that your girlfriend is insane — the writing is figuratively literally on the wall. You know what you have to do, right? Chug some of that deliciously spicy BQQ sauce like the tough guy that you are and tell her to “go hump a dump.”

Seriously, use those words — “hump a dump” — then she won’t be so torn up about what you failed to say on her Facebook wall.

Not mom’s favourite

Scratch-offs? I’ve never heard someone call them that before. I always call them scratchy tickets. That way, the clerk HAS to ask me for my ID when I buy them, and then I don’t feel like an ancient lump of skin — in other words, then I don’t feel like a McNuggin.

Anyhow, I’m sorry that you’ve failed your mother. It’s rough knowing you’ve thoroughly disappointed a parent by projecting a  gambling addiction onto them. But wipe those tears from your cheeks, my dear. The only thing that I want to make people cry is that sweet, salty, saturated-fat-laden BQQ sauce.

Remember important dates

Whoa! Hey, this totally reminds me of MackDondo’s catchy slogan: “I’m glovin’ it!”

(You basically have to, because on top of containing 20% tumor, those McNuggins will also burn through your skin. And don’t even get me started on BQQ sauce, which is basically just battery acid.)

Oh right, your boyfriend’s vagina comment!

Well, if he’s like me, he might forget your birthday from time to time. But he remembered the anniversary of the time he paid special attention to a piece of you, so that’s something, right?

Wrong.

Image by Will Clayton on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

I didn’t think much of my adoration for the show back then, but when I look back to what I fell in love with so many years ago wasn’t just a charismatic crew, and a handsome bearded “number one” — although beards always help — but rather the idea that one of humanity’s key reasons to be in the future is to just explore shit. With every need looked after, humanity is able to just try shit out, or go out into space and look for shit and learn for the sake of learning.

How wonderful would that be?

This past weekend, NASA once again captured the imaginations of earth-bound explorers when they landed Curiosity on the surface of Mars (which seemed a completely improbable feat, when you hear about all the things that needed to go right to get Curiosity on the ground). And in light of the Canadian government’s deliberate ignorance and exclusion of science from much of what they do, this whole event really hit home for me.

Exploration with specific goals is one thing — making it one’s life to explore how to cure cancer, or solve the homelessness problem, or make sure everyone on the planet has everything they could possibly need are admirable and hugely challenging propositions. But exploration for the sake of it leads to some pretty fascinating discoveries, and it really doesn’t have to be discovery driven entirely by government.

And it doesn’t just have to be discovery through science, either. The work I do in advertising is about finding insight — be it cultural, emotional, or some other type, which usually hinges on some understanding or perspective of the way people think and behave. Art for the sake of art is another form of exploration — of movement, of sound, of colour… you name it.

Regardless of your perspective of the costs of things like what NASA does, or what researchers at the University of Aberta are into, there’s no question — in my mind at least — that having the freedom to explore something you’re interested in, passionate about or just curious about is a worthwhile endeavour. It can lead to fantastical discoveries, deeper understanding… something that may ultimately benefit all of humankind.

And isn’t that what exploration and curiosity is all about? I mean, sure curiosity about a developing race led to Captain Picard being shot through the heart with an arrow, but I’ll guarantee the good captain wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. Beyond the story of, you know, BEING SHOT THROUGH THE HEART WITH AN ARROW, he can also speak to a deeper understanding and experience about the Mintakan people.

And those stories, those experiences, are exactly the point.

Image of Bill Nye courtesy of NASA.gov

Summer is when the city really comes alive, though. From old “classic” events like K-Days, to new pop-up events like What The Truck?!, there’s more than enough to keep citizens occupied during the spring and summer months. This week’s Edmonton Blog Watch is a great reflection of an Edmonton summer, one not bereft of people enjoying Festival City — with a healthy dose of controversy, just to keep us all engaged.

Here are just a few of the blog posts that I enjoyed reading last week, in no particular order. (Remember, if you come across Edmonton blogs you think are worthy of sharing here, fill out this handy form.)

• Capital Ex is officially renamed K-Days. And Maurice Tougas says that new name or not, hoping K-Days will retain the feeling of festivals long past can only result in disappointment.
• My job posting the blog watch got much easier thanks to the new features available at Mack Male’s Share Edmonton. Mack has a post explaining why he created the blogs section of SA and why you should check it out.
• Summertime means roadtrips. And local social media superstar and dad blogger Jay Palter has a few tips on making roadtrips with the kids easier on them and yourself.
• Gord Lacey got pretty fired up when CTV Edmonton ran a story about Constable Brendan Power’s use of Twitter on the job. Read Gord’s blog post defending Power here.
• Sarah Sinfield had a horrible experience flying to a conference on Air Canada. Sounds like an absolutely nightmare. Fly WestJet!
• zOe Todd took a break from writing about urban issues, and posted something deeply personal about body image you all should read.
• Here’s a double-whammy for you — a review of A Taste of Edmonton 2012 from Sharon Yeo, and a recap of the most recent What The Truck event on the Victoria Promenade.

Photo by Ian McKenzie on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

Man, if these people consider their lives bad, I should just jump off a bridge. But I’d only do that if I was going to land in a river of softened cheese. Why? Because of deliciousness.

Knowing your own strength

Tradition is important, as are family heirlooms. Oh sure, we’re not supposed to care about material things, but when objects stay within a family for so long — yes, even a toilet brush — we grow attached to such things.

No, I’m just kidding. Your mother’s an idiot. Nobody in their right mind cares deeply about a thing that’s used to scrub shit streaks off the inside of a toilet bowl. That’s the sort of obsessive compulsion that should be treated with medication, disdain and even a great deal of ridicule, I’m sorry to say.

The best response to this situation would have been to drop your pants, deliver unto mum a gift and talk about how this has been a tradition of yours since you were in diapers.

Help those who help themselves

I really fail to see why this is a problem for you. So this woman’s daughter did her job for her. That woman’s gone, and now you’re in, presumably with a job description and responsibilities of your own to fulfill. You have the opportunity now to point out the fact that mumma isn’t doing her job.

Oh, sure, you might feel guilty about this, but how is this woman’s inadequacy your problem? They’re not. And in this case saying “FML” is pathetic. Eff this woman’s life for her uselessness and impending termination.

The best way to the emergency room

So, you had sex? And, exactly what is the problem here? Sucks to your assmar!

Losing one’s virginity is a rite of passage, and when you’re able to do so in comical fashion not unlike popular culture films such as American Pie, then you know you’ve absolutely arrived. Where you’ve arrived, exactly, is questionable, but hey, you did the deed. A trip to the emergency room is a small price to pay.

Did I mention, “sucks to your assmar”?

Photo by Jenn Durfey on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

The first one came from “New Music” Michael Senchuk a few weeks ago. Mike wrote a blog that tries to distill the essence of the city, and also invokes some of the discussion around the K-Days/Capital Ex renaming. Here’s one of the highlights:

Read the rest of Michael’s post.

The second post (that I’ve seen — thanks for tagging these things with #whyyeg on Twitter!) comes from Savvy Do-Gooder Nadine Riopel. She thinks one of the great things about the city is that you can “invent your own awesome.” From her post:

Read the rest of Nadine’s post.

This is a great start. Let’s keep going!

Post a blog, shoot a video, record audio — do whatever you can to try to articulate what makes this place great. We need an elevator pitch, and who better to form one than the people who love this place? I’ll be recording my own #whyyeg video soon, and I hope you’ll contribute your own answer to the question: why Edmonton?

Photo by Sangudo on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

(As a delightful aside, we got to spend a few hours with Iris Dias, one-half of the fabulous podcast Talkfoolery, shooting the shit. Now, Rachel and I are scheming for a way to make Iris move back to Edmonton — and maybe her co-host Corey as well. We’ll keep you posted.)

But we definitely missed Edmonton. And, in spite of the fact that I tried to convince EVERYONE to go on vacation at the same time, it seems a few of you decided to keep blogging — from the city and about the city. Some of you even submitted your content through this handy form, which I definitely encourage you to use as much as you like!

Here then are some of my favourite posts from last week, in no particular order:

• Gord Lacey, who also writes for TVShowsOnDVD.com, got back to writing on his personal blog with a post about how important good neighbors are to loving where you live.
• Jennifer Banks thanked the entire internet for their generosity during her “Make Jen’s Day” campaign.
• Unless you’re hiding out in your own person low-tech batcave, you’re no doubt aware that the Dark Knight Rises came out a week and a half ago, and Jay n J (all fellow comic-store geeks) have all the juicy details in their latest post/podcast.
• Gregg Beever clocks in with another great post: this one’s about bitching, and how it’s all some people ever do.
• Alex Abboud asks whether or not the Edmonton Indy is worth supporting — what exactly does it do for the city?
• Savvy Do-Gooder Nadine Riopel thinks we need to give ourselves a little more credit.
• Owen Petersen from Prairie Mills Bread Company has a great guest-blog at Edmonton NextGen about how the local food movement is helping to build community.

Photo by Taylor Reese on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

And in my youth, I lacked the testicular fortitude to tell those douches to go fuck themselves. Just like the three dinkwallets in this week’s edition of FML Friday. OK, that’s not really fair. They obviously told those customers where to stick it. And while satisfying, it certainly didn’t result in the best outcome.

So let the judgment begin!

Said it, and forget it

Your boss wrote that on a customer card? Man, I think that’s something I’d want to forget too. It’s juvenile, and it sets a bad example, regardless of the woman’s size or disposition… I’m totally kidding. That fat bitch needs to lay off the free samples, right?

But hey, your boss is covering his ass. Imagine if HIS boss found out he wrote that stupid comment card. World of pain, my friend. So yeah, I’d totally pass the buck and give you a warning for it. You know why, sad customer service employee? Because you don’t become Mr Manager by being nice, that’s why.

Unless the product or service you’re selling is Niceness. Then that’s the only real way to get ahead!

Infections and the First Amendment

Ah, the First Amendment. Responsible for some of the most reprehensible utterances in American history. On the other hand, it’s allowed some fairly marginalized people to say some really fantastic things. But I’m fairly certain that it does not protect a cold-sore infected woman from… well, fuck her, really. I don’t need to explain the First Amendment to you for anyone to understand that this woman is fucking disgusting.

The First Amendment says Congress won’t make any laws “abridging the freedom of speech.” That means they can’t pass a law that prevents you from saying whatever you want. What it doesn’t mean is that you can wipe your filth on money and then pass it on to someone like a horrible cow.

To be fair, I just assume most of the currency I handle is covered in cold sores. Which is why I never bathe naked in money. I always wear swimming trunks.

Two wrongs making a… uh, wrong

A killjoy? I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen the word used 100% properly. Even I use it incorrectly sometimes, but your former CEO really has his finger on the button, in the best possible way. Sucks that you aren’t working for him anymore, huh?

And, actually, you’re a bit of a douche, sir or madam. In the customer service industry there’s this… theory, really, that the customer’s always right. So telling a customer’s kid to shut your mouth is grounds for being told to take a hike. But trying to exact your revenge on your boss who was only doing his job? Deeply satisfying and absolutely the dumbest thing you could do.

So excuse me if I experience a little bit of Schadenfraude at your expense, killjoy. Did I use that word correctly? Did I spell it correctly, for that matter?

Image by Gordon Ednie on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

And so it is: I am on vacation.

Rachel and I are in beautiful Vancouver, BC, the town in which some of my favourite TV shows and movies have been filmed, including:

• Battlestar Galactica
• Dead Like Me
• Smallville
• Caprica
• X-Files
• The Fugitive
• V
• Fringe

Oh, and also Air Bud, it turns out.

Our plan coming here was not to have a plan, but rather to eat and drink our way through the city. By the time you read this, I’ll be several pounds heavier and almost completely full.

I’m hoping to have a few pictures to share with you upon my return. In the meantime, enjoy a video from one of my favourite people on earth, ze frank. I’ve shared this video about creativity before, but it’s worth watching again and again. And maybe his rapid-fire style will encourage you to contribute to #whyyeg:

Photo by JohnWuQiongZhi on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Meanwhile, Edmonton bloggers continue cranking out the quality. Last week, people were incensed, inspired, and interviewed (in at least one case). Remember to get your suggestions for the Blog Watch in by filling out this form.

So here are my six picks from last week, in no particular order:

• The I Dig Your Girlfriend crew recorded a podcast in which they interviewed Danielle Smith. Check out a politician who is incredibly on-message, as well as some great questions from Janelle and Terah.
• Local freelancer and blogger Marliss Weber came across a highly questionable display in Queue on Whyte Avenue last week. Read her open letter to the store’s owners.
• Techmommy Jennifer Banks was up late thinking one night, and decided to ask for something different for her birthday (which was yesterday — happy birthday Jen!) this year: she asked all her friends, online and offline, to make her day.
• Gregg Beever of the Inglorious Hipsters had the misfortune of experiencing the American healthcare system on his recent vacation.
• It’s no secret that Alberta drivers are the worst, but could we at least be the worst without the condescension, as experienced by Donloree Hoffman last week?
• Urbane Adventurer zOe Todd (I’m spelling it that way from now on, zOe) shares her thoughts on preserving and honouring the history of Pehonan, also known as the Rossdale Flats.

Image by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Writing these week after week can get, I don’t know, mundane. People complaining about how shitty their lives are gets old, especially the ones who really have nothing to complain about. So this week, I’m drawing my inspiration from a different well: spam comments that get held in the Unknown Studio’s spam trap.

Yup, we get a lot of comments here at the Unknown Studio. And most of them never see the light of day. Because they’re lies. But let’s pretend these are written by real human beings with a limited grasp of the English language, and see where that gets us.

How do you start your own blog?

Well, full figured bridal gowns, I’m glad you asked! Starting a blog is hard. The first thing you need is an email address, and that shit’s hard to come by. Then you have to sign-up for a blogging service, which take, like, five minutes and is a huge pain in the ass. Trust me, it’s a lot of trouble.

But the effort doesn’t stop there. If you get past all of that, you need to make sure you have a sufficiently inflating sense of self-worth, because you’re going to be putting yourself out there and getting a lot of schlocky comments from random spammers named “full figured bridal gowns.”

I read because I love

Wow, Yujiq Hollyp, I can’t believe that in spite of your entire family telling you this blog isn’t a worthwhile read, you’re sticking to it nonetheless. You, my androgynous friend, are a trooper.

I’m glad you think our articles are “very concerned about accuracy and detail.” Especially these FML Fridays. You wouldn’t believe the seconds of research I pore into every post. Because, really, it’s more like milliseconds.

Anyway, I appreciate you wasting your time here. But I’ll never approve your comments. Our readers have enough Viagra, thank you very much.

YouTube woes

Hey, Harrison Colletta, 83 views is nothing to shake a stick at. You know that Essence of Edmonton video I made? As of this writing: only 46 views. My video clearly needed a falling iPhone to gain any kind of popularity.

Also, how old is your sister? She sounds like an inhuman monster. Who decides to experiment with an iPhone like that? Does she work for Google?

Anyway, thanks for sharing your dumb story with me, Harrison Coletta. I hope your work as a pornographer, which is what your name seems to suggest to me, is successful!

Image by AJ Cann on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

It’s time to stop with all that. This city has a lot going on for it — from the typically-mentioned festivals, or river valley or growing transit system, to the burgeoning entrepreneurial community among retailers and startups on 104 street and throughout the rest of the city.

I want you to help to brainstorm the pieces of Edmonton that form its essence. And you can do this however you want — with music, with words, with video, with a rant, with an image… It’s up to you. But I think we need to start collecting all these things so that we’re better able to share the city’s elevator pitch with people visiting here, thinking of doing business here, or thinking of moving here. Share them on Twitter using the hashtag #whyyeg, or send them to Scott and I, and we’ll post them for you.

Let’s work together to get down to the essence of Edmonton.

Remember: if you know of a post that should be included in the Edmonton Blog Watch, please use this handy submission form. I’m looking for stuff that is interesting, well-written and coherent — and, of course, written by someone from or in Edmonton, or just about Edmonton. Those are my only criteria.

Thanks to those of you who’ve suggested blogs. I’ve added them to my reading list!

Here’s some great content that caught my eye this week, in no particular order:

• It might sound somewhat technical, but Mack Male has a great post up about the creation of Edmonton’s Agriculture and Food Strategy — although he has some concerns about it.
• Karen Unland recaps the first event put on by Capital Ideas, the first project of the Edmonton Experiment.
• Techmommy Jennifer Banks talks about how she likes messing around with Klout, a social media influence and reach measurement tool.
• Relative newcomer to the blogging scene, Gin-Gee Press shares a letter she wrote to Health Minister Fred Horne about caring for Alberta’s seniors.
• I wrote about this a bit last week, but it bears pointing out again: Kathleen Smith writes about Northlands’ current campaign to rename Capital Ex.
• Speaking of Capital Ex, Alex Abboud questions the choice of this year’s parade grand marshal.

Image by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

While we were on the show, we recorded a podcast for the whole 3 hours we were on set. You can see Scott and I on the three segments that BT Edmonton posted:

• Segment 1: An intro to the Unknown Studio and the magic of television
• Segment 2: A discussion on the magic of blogging and live shows
• Segment 3: How Edmontonians can all share their vision for the city

Anyhow, enjoy the confluence of all the media we used to tell the story of being on BT. We hope you enjoy this special episode!

You can download the episode directly, or subscribe to the Unknown Studio on iTunes.

Image by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

While I’ve typically unified these posts with some arbitrary yet artful theme every week, this time around I’m going for the mixed bag of nuts. And boy, are there some nutty… nuts!

Oh, I’m also lazy and I had to go to bed early when I was writing this all so I could be up in time for Uncle Jespersen’s Good-Time Morning Hoedown and Bagel Toss… so you might find I get lazy throughout this post. Enjoy!

Money for nothing, and gum for free

Oh my gods, you fell for the Gum-for-a-Paycheque trick? Why, that’s the oldest trick in the book, person lacking any sort of good sense or critical thinking skills!

When you were hired, did they sit you down and do a job interview, or did they run you through a series of absurd obstacle courses, like on the Japanese television show Takeshi’s Castle, you thoroughly naïve and gullible human who will always be fooled by the unscrupulous people who surround him or her?

The world is a big a scary place, overly trusting rube. Sometimes when people say they want to pay you in gum — and I hope it was bubble gum, because at least that way you’ll get your kicks, right? — they’re actually going to pay you in gum, sad paycheque-less person.

But you’ve learned a valuable lesson, I’m sure: _____________________ (insert lesson here for self-actualization).

A ‘wardrobe’ worth ‘staring at’

I don’t want to be “That Guy,” person-who-complains-anonymously-on-a-website, but we’ve ALL looked down your friend’s shirt. I mean, can you, like, believe what she’s wearing? Like, who does she think she is, Rhianna or something?

OK, I’m sorry, like, I got a little personal and, like, insulting there for a second. Like, the truth of the matter is, like, Facebook is, like, so lame now that my mom and dad are on it. And they’re, like, always posting, like, “Text us when you need a ride home,” on my wall — because, like, I will NOT switch to timeline because timeline is, like, lame.

And, like, my dad still *pokes* me all the time. Like, WTF?!

Sorry, what was I saying? Oh yes, I don’t care enough about your boyrfriend’s wandering eyes, and your friend’s apparently remarkable shirts to offer you anything other than ridicule. Like, whatever.

Multi-tasking

Some doctors direct people to conduct all dump-related activities simultaneously. This simultaneous stimulation of your “dump” hormones gives you what scientists call “a power-up,” allowing your body to turn you into a flying raccoon, or bear-statue, for some reason…

I’m sorry, I can’t do this. Your story is tragic, there’s no question. If your boyfriend did dump you while dumping you, there’s just nothing we, as decent human beings, can really do except attempt make light of an event so horrific and tragic.

I mean, I want to accuse you of lying, but I’ve actually met guys like this. And since I haven’t met any since high school, I have to assume you’re 15.

Which makes anything else I might say a violation of some law somewhere, I’m certain. Good day to you, young madam.

Image by Vincent Brown on Flickr. User under Creative Commons License.

And we’re hanging with them all at the CityTV studios!

Tune in to CityTV, and join BT, Scott and I on our morning adventure on TV. We’ll post updates at the top of this post, so you can refresh, follow along and comment! You can also talk to us on Twitter. Just follow @unknownstudio.

6:05AM – Ryan Jespersen introduces us and we both get a few words in edgewise. Adam talks about what we’re about. Scott mentions journalistic background, and our approach to blogging/podcasting.

6:08AM – Adam calls Stacey Brotzel delightful six times, adding how early in the morning it is. Scott sips coffee in stony silence.

6:15AM – Discussion about “Hungry Hungry Hippos,” and whether or not it’s also the name of a sex act. This conversation ends inconclusively. In the meantime croissants arrive.

6:17AM – Stacey’s toes become the main topic of conversation at this juncture.

6:22AM – A man waves his pole in front of us, to make sure we look good.

6:25AM – Scott and Jespo exchange wardrobe tips.

6:26AM – Back on air. We talk about Adam’s recent blog post, and why Edmontonians are lousy at telling our story.

6:33AM – Scott is mortified by how ineffectual he is at telling Edmonton’s story on the air. Much head-desk follows.

6:35AM – Adam hopes to have a lengthy, sexy pregnant pause with Jespo on the air. But only if his mic pack runs out.

6:37AM – Adam and Scott laugh about Josh Classen’s tweets about Snoop Dogg.

6:41AM – Jespo, Adam and Scott all take photos of each other and tweet them. Then, Jespo does a dance. It’s a good morning.

6:43AM – Jespo wants to get “That Dog Video” in the show. We have no idea what the hell he’s talking about anymore.

6:49AM – We are shocked to learn that we’re classing up the joint by recording this morning, because the teamsters are watching their language. Jespo calls us sell outs, who are no longer in touch with our roots.

6:53AM – Scott and Adam ask Jespo how he got started in TV. He says he’s a crappy anchor, but very gregarious.

6:58AM – Jespo catches onto our Katy Perry obsession. Well payed Jespersen.

7:02AM – Adam and Scott discuss the finer points of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” Adam wonders if Leatherface was made ‘sexually powerful’ by wearing people. Scott is appropriately horrified.

7:08AM – A Cirque de Soleil performer is brought in. First thing they do: look to see if the roof is high enough. Oh, yeah. This is going to be good.

7:11AM – We’re told to look busy for a promo shot. Here we are looking very busy, talking with Jespo.

7:18AM – Adam is intimidated by the fact that as many as possibly 5 people are watching us this morning. Then a teamster says it’s closer to 85-thousand. Adam faints.

7:22AM – Adam is awake again, because the Cirque du Soleil people are about to do their thing.

7:24AM – Stacey Brotzel brings up Star Trek. We’re intrigued.

7:30AM – We take a moment to thank our sponsor – Guru Digital Arts. Yes. We’re doing that even here. Because we can.

7:31AM – Scott worries aloud that he sounds like a fool for the TV audience. Adam happily reminds him he always sounds like a fool, so it should concern him.

7:32AM – The Cirque de Soleil acrobat skips rope like a boss. Jaws on the floor.

7:40AM – We discuss the ‘Hurry-Up-And-Wait’ aspect of the morning. Adam takes this opportunity to change the subject to Star Trek along with one of the teamsters.

7:42AM – The Cirque de Soleil acrobat amazes us once again with skills unlike anything a mortal should be able to perform.

7:45AM – It’s time for the birthday roll! Happy birthday, kids!

7:52AM – Jespo says he puts the ass in class. Scott thinks he puts the ass in brassy.

7:55AM – Bridget Ryan is playing with farmers out in the field. She is having at least 92% of the fun we’re having in studio.

7:59AM – The coffee may be starting to wear off. Also, plentiful bathroom breaks.

8:04AM- Adam asks Scott “Why Edmonton?” Scott says “I’m Edmonton.” Both nod sagely.

8:08AM – Jespo says he’s enjoying the live blog. Adam asks him if he’s ever sworn on the air. Answer – yes.

8:14AM – Some children are led into the studio. When Scott points them out, Adam panics. Fortunately, they’re led away before Adam gets catatonic.

8:18AM – Chef Paul Shufelt brings out some food. There are delightful smells, which is the opposite of the usual situation when Adam and Scott are together.

8:21AM – Jespo wonders what you’d do with a thousand rabbits. One option, toilet paper. Yep, we’ve hit that point in the morning.

8:28AM – And after saying wonderful things about us live on the air, Jespo gives us cheap plastic cups and tells us to get the hell out of his studio.

8:30AM – That’s all folks! Thanks for tuning in!

Image by Samantha Marx on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License

I graduated from university in 2004, and all I could think to myself is that I couldn’t wait to leave. “There’s nothing for me here,” I would say to myself. Despite the fact that I’d worked as a student and freelance journalist, and thus got to see a lot of Edmonton’s angles, I wanted out.

I had a rough start to my career here. I worked a few odd jobs, or career jobs that weren’t suited to me. I wound up landing a good writing position at a utility company — and even then, I told myself I was biding my time for a move to Toronto or Vancouver.

But something happened to me around 2006 (I’m totally going to get the dates wrong, so forgive me): I started to become more involved, more vested in this place. Around the same time, Don Iveson — a friend and former colleague from my Gateway days — decided to run for city council. He chose to see the potential in Edmonton, rather than where it was in the present. He decided to do something to help build up and advance the place he’d lived almost all his life. That kind of thinking is infectious, and I started to feel the same too.

Edmonton had a lot going for it then, as it does now. It was moving in the right direction. 104 Street and Jasper was starting to become an interesting spot, not just a wind-swept urban-desert landscape strewn with old newspapers, but a place where people could live and shop and walk and talk. Now we live in a city with organizations like Startup Edmonton (situated 104 Street !), and companies run by entrepreneurs who’ve put their stake in the ground and said, “This is where things are happening, and this is where I’m going to make things happen too.”

So much has changed here in the last five years. The city even feels different. I remember in my early 20s, I was always ragging on the fact that there’s nothing to do here. Now, I dare you to find an evening where there isn’t one or two very interesting things taking place.

And some of us know this — to me, it’s obvious. But we’re just fucking awful at articulating the story of this place in the present, and our forebears (and even contemporary Edmontonians) have a particular fondness for erasing our past. This makes telling Edmonton’s story difficult and confusing — we keep erasing and editing bits without any regard for the overall narrative of this place.

But we need to explain Edmonton, first to ourselves — so that we understand what it meant to live here in the past, what it means to live here in the present, and what the values of this place are (hopefully, not tearing down our history anymore). We need to do this so that we can tell our story to the world, so that the next time someone asks you, “Why do you live in Edmonton?” or says, “Pfffft, that city’s just a big mall and a shitty hockey team,” you can answer them by saying, “No, it’s actually an incredible town! The people here are amazingly friendly and supportive. We’re host to small, medium and large companies here. It’s a growing city with small-town sensibilities in the very best ways you can imagine. Let me show you!”

Our brand is stale, and our story is old — it hasn’t been updated in decades. It’s time for this generation to conclude this chapter in the book of Edmonton and write the next one. Because this place keeps getting better, and we’re still terrible at telling its story.

This post was inspired by Kathleen Smith’s remarks on the renaming of the CapitalEx. Thanks for being my muse today, Kikki!

Photo by Darren Kirby on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Remember: if you know of a post that should be included in the Edmonton Blog Watch, please use this handy submission form. I’m looking for stuff that is interesting, well-written and coherent — and, of course, written by someone from or in Edmonton, or just about Edmonton. Those are my only criteria.

Here’s some terrific content from the bloggers in Edmonton from last week. I usually don’t do these in any particular order, but last week saw some great milestones, so I’ll start with those:

• Congratulations to Emil Tiedemann — his blog I Heart Edmonton celebrated its third birthday last week. Sadly, Emil has decided to focus his energies elsewhere, as he says in his farewell post.
• Similar congrats to Jeremy Die and Gregg Beever, whose Edmonton-based webcomic Inglorious Hipsters celebrated a year on the scene with a postcast featuring myself, Jay Runham, Mark Jowett and Erin Bourne.
• Brittney Le Blanc and Karen Unland launched Capital Ideas last week, part of the Edmonton Experiment.
• Techmommy Jennifer Banks shares her thoughts on the loss of locally-run businesses in her neighbourhood.
• Mack Male wrote an interesting post about how the suburbs are marketed as a comparison to living downtown. His thoughts and experiences are definitely worth the read.
• Alex Abboud talks about how many employers in the city don’t have offices downtown due to the nature of their industries, and that means a slower build up of the core.

Image by Nick Veitch on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

I’ve begun training once again, with a mind toward having the ability to run a half-marathon in the late fall. Because I’m a glutton. For food, punishment, and food-punishment in the form of exercise. And there’s nothing better than complaining about this journey every step of the way. I mean, Eff my Elle, right? This shit is HARD.

Well, soon my body will be hard, haters. These pipsqueaks below, though? Listen, I know I’m out of shape, but I’m not this out of shape, nor am I this stupid. So let’s judge the morons, shall we?

Jogging and adult diapers

Sounds like an intense run. I hope it was a marathon, or at least a half marathon — like the one I plan to barely be able to run soon.  Because unless you’re the kind of person who really gets into the advertising they show on the Price is Right, you shouldn’t be shitting your pants.

Oh but wait, you said it was a 5k? Get it together!

Relieving yourself prior to a jog is like peeing before a long roadtrip; you don’t want to have to stop — you’re in the groove, just you and the road and Not Peeing.

Next time you go for a yog, whether it’s leisurely or intense, maybe take a huge dump beforehand, right? There are two plusses to this strategy:

1. I guarantee it’ll shave a full two minutes of your time because you’ll feel that much lighter; and
2. You won’t accidentally shit your pants.

A simpler solution: next time get over yourself and commune with nature, bush-style.

Or just bike on the street all the time

So, fuckface, you like riding your bike on the sidewalk? They’ve developing an entirely new Circle of Hell for this slight against humankind. You’re riding what most jurisdictions call a vehicle, and you should be on the road. Because if it ain’t ladders you’re dodging due to some dumb-fuck old-wive’s tale, it’s people, children, dogs, other living creatures that you can crush. And that’s some REALLY bad luck.

Now you might flip it and say, “But cars could crush me too if I rode on the road.” Well, suck it up, you lazy spokeshit. Wear a helmet and the right gear and don’t “drive” like a tool. Remember you’re not a car and you’ll be fine.

And if I EVER see you riding your bike on the sidewalk and you’re not, like, a toddler, expect my fist to make sweet love to your face, you urban douchenozzle.

The males braaaaaain(s) and fitness

I seriously doubt you’ll be Effing your Elle when the fucking apocalypse comes and your Adonis is carrying you in his arms while he streaks across the sky, because he’s been training so hard he can basically fly, you big whiner.

Different people are motivated by different things. For me, it’s got to be Wine Down The Gullet as my reward. For your man, it’s the certainty that when the dead rise from their graves and try to eat everyone’s brains, he’s going to be the Rick Fucking Grimes of your particular neighbourhood.

Bonus: with all that training motivation, when the unpreventable apocalypse comes and goes, he’ll be able to single-handedly repopulate the species (well, on the man-sauce side anyway). And you can be his beautiful if ungrateful queen.

Photo by Eric Schmuttenmaer on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License

We recorded this episode live in front of about 50 people in the back room of Happy Harbor Comics in downtown Edmonton. We had a great time doing the show thanks to our outstanding guests. You can actually see the full recap of the show thanks to the work Sandra Der did on Storify.

I’m not going to give you the full episode breakdown with time codes and such… Just discover it for yourself, my friends (oh and sorry about some of the sound levels — it was our first live show, after all)!

Huge thanks again to Jay and the crew at Happy Harbor, to Owen and the crew at Guru Digital Arts College, and to all our fabulous guests: Dana DiTomaso, Erica Viegas, Liam Creswick, Todd Babiak, Apocalypse Kow and Trent Wilkie. The show was a success because of you.

The podcast will return on September 12, with our season four premiere!

Click here to download the season finale show directly to your desktop.

Photo by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Of course another Monday also means a look back at some of the outstanding content Edmonton-and-area bloggers and content creators have developed. And as usual, our community has come through in fine style.

Remember: if you know of a post that should be included in the Edmonton Blog Watch, please use this handy submission form. I’m looking for stuff that is interesting, well-written and coherent — and, of course, written by someone from or in Edmonton. Those are my only criteria.

Here’s some outstanding content from Edmonton content creators last week, in no particular order:

• Kevin Kossowan has a blog and video series all about local food, growing and subsistance farming. He did a create video episode on Lisa, a young woman who has a farm-share program.
• Blogger Brett Johnston, who I discovered via Twitter last week, wrote an excellent post about libertarian Ezra Levant, and why he is, in Brett’s opinion, a genital.
• Tanis Miller, who I have a secret crush on that everyone now knows about, posted a great piece on why she started blogging as the Redneck Mommy and why she still does.
• Over at Comics! The Blog, James Leask takes Aaron Sorkin critics to task for being lazy in their criticism — this was a really entertaining read, and you don’t even have to have seen the first episode of The Newsroom to enjoy it.
• Blogger Carol wrote a post about urban art and graffiti in Edmonton in the wake of the art exhibit confiscation from the Paint Spot by Edmonton police. I hope Edmontonians continue discussing and debating about urban art — we need more of it here.
• In honour of Canada Day, I’d like to share two additional posts with you which should technically go in next week’s blog watch, but I figured my Canadian readers would appreciate:
  • Alex Abboud’s Canada Day Photo Essay
  • Dave Cournoyer’s interesting Canadian family history

Photo by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

And still others feel the need to complain about their looks, or talk about the looks of others, by way of a little website where they can talk about how Effed their Elles are. This week’s FML Friday is all about beauty — those who possess it, those who don’t, and those who observe those who possessive.

Let’s not hate these people because they’re beautiful; let’s hate them because of their inane internet-based bullshit.

Photoshop disasters

Software can be cruel, ugly-acne person. Software, you see, doesn’t have feelings. It’s just trying to do the thing it was designed to do: make people look less possessed as a result of flash photography. But software can be brutally honest, as you learned this day.

I’m not going to refer you to a dermatologist — let’s face it, I’m not doctor. And I know what it’s like being awkward and young and covered in zits. Hell, I’m awkward and old and the zits still find me. Not enough for a piece of software to treat me like dirt, but still…

I think the best thing for you to do would be to avoid cameras for the next five or so years. Do it, for the sake of your self-esteem. (Note, I cannot take responsibility for your self-esteem if you feel badly after reading this post.)

A ‘legs’ man

Great legs are not an easy thing to grow into. You have exercise, shape them, and slather them with lotion. So even if you’re a dude with fabulous girl-legs, I say embrace it. And if the ladies are jealous, use it to your advantage. Have them over for leg-shaving parties (girls do that, right?).

You never know… it might turn into a hilarious but extremely sexy gross-out comedy starring you, a pillow fight and an incredible weekend of you getting laid.

All thanks to your sexy gams.

Sexy and he knows it

I think I know the type of person your new co-worker is. I get the sense that, when he walks on by, girls be thinking, like, “Damn he fly.” I also get the sense that that’s just how he rolls. Have you seen him in animal-print pants? Because that, my friend, would be outta control.

I wouldn’t really worry about it, though. This guy is used to girls lookin’ at that body — he said it straight up: he works out. When he walks in the spot, I imagine this is what he sees: everybody stops and they’re staring at him. It’s probably because this new colleague of yours has the passion in his pants and he’s not afraid to show it, show it, show it.

He’s sexy and he knows it.

Photo by Philippine LBDO on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Scott and I both had an unbelievable time, and we could not have even pretended to do it without our amazing guests: Dana, Todd, Liam, Erica and Wayne, Stan, Joël, Joel, Kyle, Devin and Trent.

Thank you all so much for trying this great experiment out with us.

And especially to Jay and the peeps at Happy Harbor who allowed us to take over the store tonight. You’re amazing.

And to Owen and Guru Digital Arts College: congrats on your new space in the Mercer Warehouse!

And now, because you sort of had to be there, I’ll let Sandra Der’s Storify explain what happened at our live show tonight:

]]> http://theunknownstudio.ca/2012/06/you-liked-us-you-really-liked-us/feed/ 4 http://theunknownstudio.ca/2012/06/well-here-goes-something-completely-different/ http://theunknownstudio.ca/2012/06/well-here-goes-something-completely-different/#comments Wed, 27 Jun 2012 14:10:21 +0000 Adam Rozenhart http://theunknownstudio.ca/?p=4642 A few months ago, Scott and I drank at a bar and tried to think of a clever way to cap off the third season of the Unknown Studio. The idea of doing a Conan-style live show came to mind, and because we weren’t sure we could come up with anything better, that’s what we decided to do.

At the time, we didn’t know who’d be on the show, how we’d make it happen, or even where we would record this whole thing — but we announced it to you all anyhow.

When we finally did decide a great venue for us was Happy Harbor Comics, it was time to “sell” tickets. We decided to do this very first live show free (with a Food Bank donation), because it’s a bit of an experiment. If for some reason the building explodes or it all goes wrong, we want the only thing to have asked of our audience is their time. I owe enough Cokes that I don’t need to start owing people actual money  — unless the building DOES explode, in which case I’ll owe you, like, a case of Coke.

When we made tickets available, Scott and I were both astonished and humbled. We know you listen to us, we know you read us sometimes, and we know you even occasionally talk to us on Twitter — but we were still surprised and happy when tickets sold at a break-neck pace.

The show’s been sold out now for over a week.

And we’ve done our very best to ensure you enjoy yourselves. Which is why we asked some guests to join us. Let’s face it, we know that Dana DiTomaso, Apocalypse Kow, Liam Crewick, Erica Viegas, Todd Babiak and Trent Wilkie are all way more entertaining than Scott and I. That’s why we’re taking full credit for inviting them.

If you’re at the show tonight, tweet as much as you can about it using the #tuslive hashtag. If you aren’t at the show, follow along online.

Scott and I will post the audio version of the show within a week, and we *might* even have a video version to share with you. We’ll see. Follow @unknownstudio on Twitter, too, as we preview what we’re doing throughout the day today.

Photo by Gregory Wild-Smith on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License. The Unknown Studio’s live show will not resemble this in any imaginable way.

Remember: if you know of a post that should be included in the Edmonton Blog Watch, please use this handy submission form. I’m looking for stuff that is interesting, well-written and coherent — and, of course, written by someone from or in Edmonton. Those are my only criteria.

Here are my choices for must-read blog posts by Edmonton bloggers from last week, in no particular order:

• Kathleen Smith aka KikkiPlanet — hypertweeter and troll magnet — wrote a very interesting post on Greenpeace’s billboard issue with the Pattison Group, suggesting that alleged plagiarism might be one of the reasons Pattison wouldn’t run their billboard. According to an anonymous commenter, however, Greenpeace received permission to run that billboard creative.
• zOe Todd — one of my favourite commenters on urban form, history and Edmonton in general — wrote a terrific post on the dubious name choices proposed for the City Centre Airport Lands.
• Mack Male used his regular Media Monday post to talk about the construction of headlines around the tragic story of the multiple murder/robbery on the University of Alberta campus last week.
• In light of Ralph Klein’s forthcoming Canadian Knighthood™, Dave Cournoyer comments on the former premier’s political resume.
• A Taste of Edmonton is coming back to Churchill Square in July, and food blogger Sharon Yeo covered the launch event for the festival last week.
• Finally, Brandon Schatz from Comics! The Blog talks about inclusion in the world of nerdish proclivities — we need more of it, not less.

Image by Matthew Black on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

But super super poor.

And besides, without working 5 (and sometimes 6 and 7) days a week, I wouldn’t have all these wonderful stories that I can’t really tell you due to client confidentiality. But just wait for my forthcoming Kickstarter-funded memoir: Adam Rozenhart, and What It’s Like to Peak at 30-Years-Old. I promise you it will be totally readable.

Now let’s offer some advice to people who are marginally more pathetic than I am!

A rising tide lifts all millennial douchebags

Hey, can you pass some of those grapes over here? <eats grapes>. Man, these are pretty sour.

All right, we all get it. You’ve been in this job awhile, and you’ve been overlooked yet again — this time by some entitled youngster who probably sucks. But wait, you said you’ve been passed over “once again”? Well here’s an idea: take a long hard look at yourself and ask the question, “Why?”

Perhaps your endless whining about other people being promoted over you, and consequently the fact that you rarely do anything other than that, are reasons why you’re stuck training your future child-boss. Maybe pull yourself together and give your employer a reason to love you, and stop blaming poor millennial kids.

Working’s for suckers

OK, so my advice above for the lazy whiner? You’ve taken that to the extreme. Work is about work, certainly, but you can’t always be an epic killjoy. And one way to kill peoples’ joy is to make them do the thing they were hired to do. Because how is a company going to make any money if people are doing their jobs… Um… Wait a second.

You might be in the right here, but you’re also in the wrong. Because you’ve made no indication that you’re going to leave this shit hole. Get out! Get out while you still have a paycheque! Go someplace that values things like, “doing the work you were hired to do.” Or, you know, “working in general, even just a little bit and even when it’s sunny out.”

Go replace yourself

Ouuuuuuch. Dude. Like, for realsies. I want to tell you to look on the bright side, but this is like someone pointing to a kiddie pool filled with gasoline, giving you an old matchbook and saying, ominously, “You know what to do.”

Oh wait! While I was typing that, I thought of a bright side: you could start looking into a career in recruitment, since that’s what the boss-person has you doing right up until he fires you. Quickly! To the LinkedIn Mobile!

Image by Rob Friesel on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

I was much the same with the television show Firefly, whose popularity continues even today with an incredible cult following. I initially denied watching Firefly because the idea of a “Western in Space” didn’t make sense. (Even though socialism in space did. Highly illogical!) But after awhile, I got over myself and the preconceived notions I held about what sci-fi should be. And I watched Firefly. And then I watched Serenity. And I was totally hooked. The characters! The story! The Sino-American and Space-Cowboy future!

And I’m clearly not the only one who’s into the show. There’s a group of stalwart fans — Browncoats, they’re called — and they celebrate their love for Serenity and Firefly every single year, right here in Edmonton (and in other parts of the world as well).

And on Saturday June 23, you can join them down at Metro Cinema for “Can’t Stop the Serenity.”

Here’s what I’m talking about, and what the Alberta Browncoats are talking about:

Whether you’ve seen Serenity or not, this is a must-attend event for sci-fi fans in Edmonton. The day includes:

• A silent auction starting at 12:00
• A viewing of the Dr Horrible Sing-Along Blog at 12:30
• An evil laugh and costume contests (winners decided by audience applause) — anything from Joss Whedon’s book of work is acceptable for the costume contest, including Firefly, Dollhouse, Dr Horrible, Buffy, Avengers, etc
• A viewing of Serenity at 2pm
• A live auction and the end of the silent auction immediately thereafter.

“The Metro is also offering a one show only discount price ($6) for tickets to Comic Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope for their 5:30pm screening on June 23 for anyone who attends CSTS if they’d like to make a full film festival day/adventure,” according to Sheelagh Semper, one of the CSTS organizers.

You can purchase your tickets online.

Shiny!

So if you know someone whose post should be included in the Edmonton Blog Watch, please use this handy submission form. And feel free to submit your own posts too. I’m looking for stuff that is interesting, well-written and coherent — and, of course, written by someone from or in Edmonton. Those are my only criteria!

Without further ado, here are some of my favourite posts by Edmonton bloggers from last week (in no particular order):

• A great post from Duncan Kinney on how the Wildrose Party failed the Marshmallow Test when Danielle Smith came out against the re-listing of gender reassignment surgery.
•  The Unknown Studio’s very own Scott C. Bourgeois was a guest on the Jay n’ J podcast last week. They discussed Ridley Scott’s new film Prometheus (which is getting mixed reviews).
• Chris LaBossiere wrote about Edmonton as a city with Room for Big Ideas — a great post about what we need to do to re-establish the brand of the City of Champions.
• Dave Cournoyer has a great piece on how the oil leak in the Red Deer river is not only devastating ecologically, but politically as well.
• Steven Hodges (aka the Box Breaker) revived his blog last week by sharing some of the lyrics he wrote as a young angsty teen. This had me laughing out loud — I’ve been there.
• Finally, I came across this post via Jay Runham (from Jay n’ J). Danielle writes about the seizure of Daft Punk’s graffiti art from the Paint Spot by Edmonton Police. A great read.

Image by Randy Adams on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Because they’re dumb.

And you don’t want to be associated with dumbness. You want to be associated with interesting things like culture, arts and science. Not bad hips, pool shoes and pants up to your tits. But the people with the FMLs below? They have no shame AND high-fastening pants. And yes, that’s totally a thing.

Uh, seriously?

I was a psychiatrist once. Or at least I wanted to be. And you know what they taught us back at the psychiatry school? That sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And, you know, not a penis — Freud was really obsessed with those.

And that means that sometimes your psychiatrist is going to be totally honest with you. And sometimes, when your psychiatrist thinks you can stand to lose a few pounds, he’s going to be a smug douche about it. Because they also teach that at psychiatry school.

Listen, you’re paying someone a lot of money to speak with them about your problems. And they might see problems you aren’t even aware of. So maybe focus on getting through those problems without publishing them on the Internet, you hear?

Totally ducked

Dads can be frustrating. They really want what’s best for you, and Facebook for them is barely tolerable. But what tips the scales out of your favour is that face. What is with that face? Why do people feel the need to make this face?

I think it’s important for everyone to understand that Blue Steel and Magnum — Ben Stiller’s model faces from Zoolander — were MAKING FUN OF MODELS. And since very very few of those of you reading this are models, you have no reason to make that face. Unless you’re all making fun of models. Which you aren’t. Your’re posing in douchey fashion.

So yeah, your dad can basically disown you for this behaviour. And you’ll be entitled to NOTHING in his will.

Help yourself

Chivalry is dead. It’s been unceremoniously expelled from the world and left to die alone. And you’ll suffer the same fate if you DARE open a door for anyone, especially a woman.

Actually, you know what? This is one of those situations where I’m going to have to agree with the FMLer. You really can’t win. I thought everyone — man, woman, child, domesticated pet, guy dressed up in gimp costume — all loved having doors help open for them. It’s not just chivalrous, it’s POLITE. And don’t people post FMLs when other people are impolite?

Wouldn’t all these FMLs suddenly dry up if we all just help doors open for each other!?

The answer is No. Humanity (or at least Internet-Humanity) will always find something to FML about. And I will ALWAYS make fun of it.

Image by Alex E Proimos on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

After much whining, griping and threatening from Mr. James Leask, we finally acquiesced and invited the Comics! the Blog guys onto the show. (And, truthfully, it didn’t take much arm-twisting since we so thoroughly enjoy James and Brandon.) Comics! the Blog, also known as Podcast! the Comics, was launched at the beginning of the year, and James and Brandon only have two rules: be positive, and always strive to improve.

The rest you’ll need to hear for your own self. Here’s the episode breakdown:

0:00: Intro – “LRT robots”
1:06: It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s James Leask and Brandon Schatz!
23:30: News on the forthcoming live-show — in telephonic form!
29:11: A Dramatic Reading with Scott C Bourgeois — tips and warnings when playing Dance Dance Revolution
34:56: A contest! You could win stuff!
39:15: James makes the podcast unlistenable… AS PLANNED
56:48: The Fast 16 with James Leask and Brandon Schatz

Download the episode directly to your desktop.

Image by Brittney Le Blanc on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Here, then, are some of the pieces from Edmonton bloggers that captivated my attention this week, in no particular order:

• Dave Cournoyer noticed some similarities between a fundraising letter sent out by the Wildrose party, and the fundraising letters sent out by televangelist Peter Popoff.
• Edmonton teacher Joe Bower wrote a very thoughtful piece on why the contentious no-zero policy at Ross Shepherd and other public schools is a good one.
• Kristi Gurski wrote about public art etched into some of the concrete benches on Alberta Avenue on the Charrette.
• Alex Abboud, former Edmonton Journal blogger-in-residence, turned 30 this week — and he shared some of the wisdom he’s gained over his lifetime.
• Tech Mommy Jennifer Banks wrote about teaching her eldest daughter Tenesea to trust her instincts when it comes to strangers.
• Karen Unland goes into a little bit more detail about the aspirations of the Edmonton Experiment.

Photo of Edmonton’s 2012 Pride Parade by Denby Jorgensen on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

So here’s some unsolicited advice to everyone out there whose sexually-promiscuous grandma is just, like, so embarrassing.

Parents just don’t understand… Facebook

Moms — they just don’t get Facebook. They have their privacy settings set so that anyone can login to their account and basically steal their money. And I didn’t even know that was possible. What moms also fail to realize is that most everyone can see when they talk to their kids. About hemorrhoid surgery.

But fear not, you poor bastard, because your mother could have done far worse: like pointing out YOUR hemorrhoid problem — the one you have from sitting in front of the computer typing a litany of complaints to FmyLife.com.

Boomin’ granny

Hasn’t anyone ever told you to respect your elders? Your grandma apparently got more ass than Giacomo Casanova, famed Italian explorer and legendary ass-getter. Sure, it’s gross to picture your Boomin’ Granny (with her boomin’ fanny) centuries later mackin’ on equally-toothless geezers, but props to her getting out there back in Age of Enlightenment.

And you just sit there like a feckless pile of de-sexualized organic matter and complain to the internet, when really you should take a cue from Grandmanova: find yourself a mate or 50. Because there’s an obesity epidemic out there!

Hypocrisy in flavour country

Man, you’re uptight. Have a smoke and chill the fuck out. And put down that bag of chips — unless you’re as active as Granny Fuckpants up there. In that case, eat some chips, do the nasty and THEN have a smoke.

Look, I get it: hypocrisy is soooo square. You’re a young hipster — judging by the fact that you’re being a butt-hurt internet douche — and you know exactly what you’re doing to your body: filling it with chips, drinking massive quantities of Pabst Blue Ribbon and then hurling your brains out in between admissions of love for your friend Beth, who’s trying to prevent you from falling into your own sick.

What was I saying? Oh yeah: shut up. You ARE being unhealthy. And so’s your uncle. But don’t worry about him, because cigarettes make you thin.

Image by f1uffster (Jeanie) on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License

We usually have a weekend breakfast at the Urban Diner on High Street.We’re pretty much regulars there, and one morning last January our server suggested we come back in a few weekends for the taping of Food Network Canada’s You Gotta Eat Here.

(Full disclosure: the owner of the Urban Diner is my father’s cousin. But even if we weren’t related, I’d still eat there every weekend. I love the food and the staff.)

Hosted by actor, comedian, and now foodie John Catucci, You Gotta Eat Here travels all over Canada sampling the hidden gem restaurants in different towns and cities. It’s one of those show you’ll wind up watching if you have the TV tuned to the Food Network — and it will definitely make your mouth water.

When we arrived to the taping of the show, they already had lighting setup, and a section of the restaurant set aside to tape different patrons eating. They’d asked several groups of regulars to come in that day so that they could speak to the food as frequent visitors, and accurately describe the restaurant to the host.

We were seated while another table was being taped. Though we both had an idea what we wanted to eat that morning, the show’s producer (I believe), who was super nice and explained how the whole shoot would work for us, asked us instead if we’d mind eating certain pre-selected food items that the chef and owner wanted to highlight.

I wound up getting scrambled eggs with bacon and Rachel got poffertjes, which are these delicious tiny Dutch pancakes about twice the size of a toonie.

Once we had our food, John sat down with us and just had a conversation with us. It was kind of like if someone randomly sat down at a restaurant and just asked us how we were enjoying our meal — and way. The poffertjes became the focus of our interview with John, though when he sat down with us he asked us other questions, like what we like about the Diner, what keeps us coming back, what the food is like generally.

Then I made a poffertjes and bacon sandwich dipped in chocolate sauce. It was delightful!

All told, I think we were actually on camera for five minutes. We were in and out of the Urban Diner in two hours, and that included a second, untelevised meal. The show was taped in January, and it aired in mid-May — I knew it had aired because people started texting and tweeting that they’d seen me on TV. I wound up getting way more screen time then I ever expected, which was kind of cool!

Check out the episode of You Gotta Eat Here that we were in. It includes the Urban Diner, Fat City Franks, Phil’s BBQ.

Photo by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

When I started doing this a few weeks ago, I thought it would be tough to fill with content each week. But Edmonton bloggers are full of opinions — and they’re great writers to boot. Here’s some of the great posts that caught my eye last week that I think you should read.

In no particular order:

• Spunky young journalist Linda Hoang is taking over writing a weekly column (which Brittney Le Blanc wrote for a brief period) at the Edmonton Sun all about social media and its impact in Edmonton. Check out her first official column from last week.
• Speaking of Brittney Le Blanc, she and Karen Unland are now full-time at the Edmonton Journal working on a new project. I met with the two of them over lunch last week, and while they’re still sorting through putting strict definition around the work they’re doing, they will be shining a light on Edmonton entrepreneurs. In a post on her Tumblr, Brittney talks about the trip she and Karen took to Toronto to kick off the project.
• Mack Male compiled a list of Edmonton festivals taking place this summer. Nice to have all this information rounded up in one place.
• Nicole Braseth from the #Yeg Music Club surveyed readers on their tastes and proclivities as they pertain to Edmonton Folk Music Festival artists. Check out some of the survey response data in her post on the #Yeg Music Club website.
• Jennifer Banks aka TechMommy wrote a guest post all about being a “Perfect Mother” on the Next Gen Blog.
• You might have heard of Ignition Media Productions “Northsiders” casting call last week. Sarah Sinfield wrote a terrific post on why the idea of the reality show bothers here. There’s great discussion here in the comments as well.

Photo by Dan Berry on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

It’s true, money is the root of all evil. And evil is the root of something even darker. So dark, I can’t even discuss it here. What I can do, though, is do what I do every Friday. Make fun of peoples’ dumb complaints about their mundane lives on these here Internetz. And so I shall.

More like CostCan’t

There’s no shame in your shame. Except that we’re calling it shame, so it’s kinda shameful I guess. But you shouldn’t worry too much.

When you should worry, though, is when you pay a $50 a year membership to eat free food samples. I mean, I know I’ve complained about Costco before, but there are better and more dignified ways to acquire food inexpensively, rather than subjecting yourself to the slavering hoards of inhuman monsters who need apocalyptic amounts of hair dye in order to feel a sense of self-worth.

You might be broke, but you’re better than those people, Random Internet Loser. Besides, the sample ladies at your local Safeway are way nicer.

More like CoupWon’t

The world’s a crazy place, Other Random Internet Loser. Coupons aren’t as easy to figure out as you might think. You might even say they’re… Couponplicated <The Who starts playing after I put on my sunglasses>.

OK, that was mostly the worst thing I’ve ever said. But you L has nothing to F in this case. The person who should have written this is the mouth-breathing simeon who can’t even wrap his head around the concept of coupons — a couponcept, if you will. And even if you won’t, this was just a minor inconvenience.

So buck up, and count yourself lucky that, at the end of the day, you saved 20¢ on that bag of frozen beans, you magnificent bastard!

More like ParkIsn’t

My poor, Idiot Parking Loser Who Complained About His Woes On The Internet. Can I call you Loser? It’s so much simpler, you see. What I think you need to do, Loser, is reframe your problem.

You started the day with $0. If you’d gotten a $30 parking ticket, you’d be $(30). And trust me, red in this case is very bad. But instead, you’re actually only at $(10). That’s a far sight better than 30 in the hole. You, Loser, don’t know a gift when it’s looking you in the face and saying, like, “Hey! Your life sucks online marginally less than you’d thought!”

Look the the bright side, Loser. You could be begging the staff at Costco for samples for your children.

This is one of those cases where you’re so money and you don’t even know it.

Photo by Dave Herholz on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

Yup, we promised you a recorded-in-front-of-actual-people season finale. And friends, we’re going to fucking deliver on that promise.

• We’ve secured a fantastic venue: Happy Harbor Comics
• We’ve scored at least one interview guest: the astonishingly funny and brilliant Todd Babiak
• We’ve scored at least one musical guest: the incredibly talented and beautiful Erica Viegas
• We’ve scored at least one comedian: the hilarious and geeky Liam Creswick
• We’ve landed an announcer and show-runner: the sick and twisted Trent Wilkie

… And we aren’t finished yet. We’ll hopefully have a few more guests to announce later on in June.

And if you don’t secure your tickets, you’ll literally be left out in the cold (or, given the time of the season, the warm summer evening). Help us make our season finale the very best episode the Unknown Studio’s ever had. Join us for an evening of great conversations, incredible music, and LOL-worthy jokes.

We might even bring cake!

Photo by Sam Howzit on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

This past weekend, we finished the first of two terms — ending with a session on brainstorming, ideation, and big ideas. The whole weekend was facilitated by Leslie Ehm. Leslie’s worked in the ad industry as a copywriter and creative director. Now, she works with organizations to teach them some of the things she showed us tonight, and presentation skills on top of that.

One of the key takeaways from this weekend — and every weekend of CAAP thus far — has been about communicating ideas simply. To illuminate the power of simplicity and the economy of words, Leslie had us run through an exercise where we had to write our 6-word memoir. It’s something that Ernest Hemingway first did, with these words:

SMITH Magazine has a website dedicated to these memoirs, and several books of 6-word memoirs have been published.

We did the same thing in class last weekend. Each of us had to write a 6-word memoir — exactly 6 words. This was mine:

Brevity and word selection is everything. “Get” instead of “Got” or “Getting.”

I know posting about this is about the least original thing on earth, since SMITH’s been at it for awhile now. But I wanted to see what Unknown Studio listeners and readers would come up with.

So that’s my challenge to you: share your 6-word memoir in the comments section. Let’s see how creative everyone can be!

Photo by higginskurt on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

But trust me when I say there were more terrific posts from more terrific people that you may have missed. Here are my favourite must-read blog posts from the past week, in no particular order:

• Alex Abboud wrote a great analysis of what makes Halifax such an interesting and burgeoning city. There’s some wisdom in here for Edmonton to follow for sure!
• Many of you will be aware of the dust-up between the Drift Food Truck and Grandma Lee’s Bakery Café on 108 Street a few weeks back. Mack Male wrote a great piece that looks at why such dust-ups occur, and what could and should change to ensure the continued peaceful co-existence of food trucks like Drift and brick & mortar restaurants.
• Richard Liebrecht, a PR professional, was invited to write a guest post on Daveberta.ca last week. He took an interesting look at how media covered the provincial election, and why citizens should be worried about the quality of the coverage.
• The City Market moved back onto 104 street just over a week ago. And Sharon Yeo has a summary of the first week, detailing such things as a completely new vendor setup (which I personally prefer — makes for easier browsing and shopping).
• With huge cuts that recently came down to the CBC’s operating budget, the broadcaster needs to start thinking creatively about how it can be saved. Luckily, Dana DiTomaso shares some concrete ideas on how the CBC can work to reinvent — and save — itself.
• Finally, this short post from Trent Wilkie decides to celebrate, rather than shit on Edmonton.

Image by Stephen Downes on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

But in and amongst all the lab coats, test tubes, and sewn-together monsters activated by hunch-backed man-servants, it turns out doctors are terribly useful people. So this week’s FML Friday is dedicated to physicians all over the world who keep the idiots among us from blowing themselves apart… and to those of you who go to the doctor for the kind of preventative maintenance most human beings only provide to their automobiles, I salute you. You are better than I am. And you’re better than all of these people.

Hot-diggity-dog

During the First World War, mustard gas was widely used, first by the Germans, and then by Allied forces to rather devastating effect. It basically melts off your face — or rather, the inside of your face. So devastating was the use of the gas that it was outlawed in 1925. What does that have to do with your situation? Very little.

Except that you can almost certainly tell by the smell of mustard that it is what my Italian friends, who think I’m racist, would refer to as “a spicy meat-ah ball-ah.” In other words, its effectiveness as a balm is questionable almost all the time. In any case, you’re dumber than your dumb co-worker. And I don’t feel at all bad for you because of your dumbness. You should have known better, no matter how desperate you were to ease your pain.

Man, I could really go for some Fat Franks right about now. Or, you know, some scalded mustard-thighs.

Navel-gazing

Congratulations! You now have Lyme Disease. Named after etymologist Douglas Lyme — a guy who hated people from Connecticut for no good reason — because he was just a complete douche*, Lyme Disease will cause people around you to question everything you do because you post your problems to a dumb website**.

Honestly, though, remember those doctors I talked about in the pre-amble to this post? You should probably go and see one right now. Because the last thing you want is Douglas Lyme showing up at your front door accusing you of being from Connecticut and asking for bus fare.***

Pain? Try aspirin

Guess what, pal? Surgery blows. It’s almost always painful — you usually get cut open. With scalpels. Which is a medical term for “sharp knife — which is why doctors typically prescribe a whole loot bag worth of powerful numbing agents. So powerful that if you bought them from someone on the street, you’d be under arrest.

And surgeries aren’t a trifling matter either. You’re usually getting it done because a piece of your body needs to be repaired. So yeah, kinda serious, guy. And hurty. Like the dickens.

But maybe, just maybe, the patient who was wailing in pain was a giant pussy. And you’re just being a giant pussy. That seems the most likely explanation.

*Not even close to true
**An absolutely fabrication. You should read about Lyme Disease for real.
***This will not, under any circumstances, actually happen.

Image by Horia Varlan on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

IDigYourGirlfriend.com was originally just a Twitter account and a Tumblr… But as Janelle and Terah dug deeper into queer issues, they a saw a need to provide a platform for more in-depth discussions about queer issues. We’ve enjoyed the content they’ve been posting to their site (and we’re just a couple of a geeky hetro dudes), so we had them on the show to talk all about the site, what they’re hoping to achieve and how much fun it’s been so far.

We also have a couple of stories from May’s Story Slam, as well as an interview with Nathan Richards, the head organizer of Edmonton’s 3rd Annual Open Sky Music Festival. Here’s the breakdown:

0:00: Intro – “Minds are Expanding”
0:53: Gay ladies and websites
21:43: May Story Slam – our pick – Liam Shaw; the winner – Liz Withey
30:51: The Open Sky Music Festival with Nathan Richards
40:20: Transgendered people and gender identity
1:03:33: The Fast Sixteen with Terah and Janelle
1:13:30: A very special contest for some very special listeners (YOU!)

You can download the episode directly, or look us up and subscribe to us on iTunes.

 Image courtesy of IDigYourGirlFriend.com

This new weekly feature, called Edmonton Blog Watch, takes a look at some of the interesting, compelling or outstanding blog posts from members of the Edmonton online community. It’s a round-up, my friends, as compiled by yours truly. And I’ll be posting these every Monday morning, unless something terrible or exciting happens.

Let’s take a look at some of the insights you might have missed from last week (in no particular order):

• City and Dale’s Kendall Barber shares her experiences on a video shoot last week, though she’s mum on exactly what it was for. I’m looking forward to seeing the results of her hard work.
• Jeff Samsonow, former Editor-in-Chief of the now-kaput Edmontonian, made a poignant commentary on the recent dust-up between the Drift Food Truck and Grandma Lee’s Bakery on Capital Boulevard.
• Dave Cournoyer posted about Danielle Smith’s relationship with Mayor Mandel and the City of Edmonton. Dave says Danielle Smith’s and Stephen Mandel’s lukewarm relationship means the city has all the time in the world to develop a better relationship with the Official Opposition.
• Nadine Riopel, the Savvy Do Gooder, reminds us that being a philanthropist is more than just donating money.
• Jay n’ J posted a slider — their mini-podcast episodes — about he new movie Battleship, named after the boardgame. Jay had Gregg Beever on the slider this week. Find out if Battleship is worth the price of admission.
• Girls and Bicycles author Sarah Chan and her husband Don Iveson had their second child last week. Welcome to the world, Alice!

Image by Mack Male on Flickr. Used under Creative Commons License.

OK, so we all know relationships are complicated, and we’re at least a little bit familiar with the everyday, run-of-the-mill complications. However, the advice we’re offering to these poor FMLers today doesn’t come from run-of-the-mill stories.

iPhone smell test

We’ve all heard of kegel muscles — at least those among us who used to listen to the Sunday Night Sex Show with Sue Johanson. So we know the vagina is a powerful contraption that, if it were a person, would be stronger than the Incredible Hulk. So it makes sense that it could damage an iPhone’s screen.

But that’s not what’s interesting about this issue. What’s interesting is that the iPhone was inside a vagina at all. Now we all know there are apps for everything nowadays. But insertion apps related to sexual pleasure? Somehow I doubt that would make it through the App Store approvals process. And if you were using an iPhone as a sexual aid… listen I have an iPhone and running my hand over its edges tells me it’s neither completely smooth nor “ribbed” in a way that would be satifying.

But yes, your daughter’s boyfriend is dumb. Not because he put an iPhone into your daughter and now he’s freaking out that it doesn’t work… Oh wait, no that’s exactly why.

Engagements and dark magic

You know, if I was a little iffy about an engagement, the first place I would go to would be a psychic. Because I’d want to take out and project my anxiety on some hapless douche who preys on the weak. But it sounds like your fiancée IS that hapless douche — a complete idiot, as you say. So here’s what you have to be happy about: you and your “dark aura” don’t have to marry a moron, and you don’t have to explain to friends and strangers why your prospective wife chugs hot cups of tea, burning her mouth, and then stares at the bottom of her cup.

Trust me: you dodged a bullet on this one.

Sneezegasm

This was obviously something really important to him. It’s very possible he’s never been able to give a girl an orgasm. He probably couldn’t even give most girls flowers, based on what little I know about him. But hey, if he thinks sneeze suppression constitutes sexual success, I say don’t burst his bubble (because then, F his L, am I right?). At least, not until he does something terribly wrong during the course of your relationship. Then you can take this sneezegasm and shove it in his face.

Photo “talk to the hand” from Mahalie Stackpole’s Flickr.

My silence and slow-changing facial expression is met with a scoff from her. This elicits an absurd and meandering diatribe from me about “weekends,” and “sweatiness,” and “the cat doesn’t poop enough to require that many gallons of kitty litter,” and “why do you hate me, you’re supposed to love me?!”

Her eyes roll, mostly because the cadence of my yelling implies the use of the interrobang, a seldom-used punctuation mark. But also because I’m clearly being a big baby about it all.

We have this discussion probably once a month, when she thinks enough distance has passed from the last time we argued about the same thing. Weekdays are tricky — we both tend to pour ourselves into work, and so getting out to “large-format retailers” during the week can be dicey.

When it comes to a place like Costco, I have a get-in-get-out mentality. We should go there when we know there’s something we need a lot of. What we shouldn’t do is stroll casually down the aisles and ask ourselves if we really need 16 litres of Prego. Because we really, really don’t, and asking ourselves whether or not we do whenever we enter into a Costco is a fruitless and traumatic experience. Fruitless meaning pointless, and traumatic meaning even thinking of cooking and consuming that much pasta conjures images of the “gluttony” sin from the movie Se7en.

If I want or need science-defying quantities of pasta sauce, I’ll go to Costco, find the pasta sauce aisle, pay, and get the fuck out. I don’t want to peruse cases of baby food or think about whether we need to buy a 24-pack of refillable lint-rollers. Strolling through Costco isn’t like window-shopping on Whyte avenue (which, by the way, is entirely more pleasant on weekends because of the crush of humanity, not in spite of it). It’s more like standing in the middle of Piccadilly Circus during the Battle of Britain: disturbing and deadly.

And yet I know this discussion will be had again. A period of time will elapse to the point where it feels like this issue needs to be revisited, even though it does not. And I know, in spite of my protests, I will give in perhaps a couple of times a year. Because love is compromise. And love is also metric fuck-ton of Glade plugins that will dry up before they can be used.

Pictured above: me, refusing to go to Costco under any circumstances.

We all attended the first ever Edmonton WordCrawl, hosted by Jason Norman and Kasia Gawlak of the Words with Friends collective. The whole event revolved around a Pubcrawl-style adventure through a few venues in Edmonton. As part of the event, Kathleen “Kikkiplanet” Smith, Madeleine Smith (no relation), and I were asked to participate as celebrity judges at the second venue, Kasbar. But I’ll get to that in a moment.

We all met up at Bohemia (on 97th street, right behind the Winspear Centre), got on a bus — after a drink — and headed to the first series of readings.

We were dropped off at Kasbar first, where in spite of extremely slow drinks service, we kicked things off first with a story from April’s Story Slam winner, Trevor Kjorlien. Trevor was the first of three competitors we would be judging, and he told an interesting and funny story about a festival he went to that was filled with psychedelics and a random assortment of would-be food vendors (or, you know, just a bunch of hippies cooking up food for everyone). It was a good story, but not enough to keep him in the running between him and the other two competitors.

Next up was Matt Prins, who told a story about his wang. I can’t do it justice. Check out his video below:

Matt’s story was followed by a story from Michael Hingston on the running dialogue of a staff of student journalists trying to decide whether or not to put a Sudoku puzzle in the newspaper (the one at the top of this post). This one really spoke to Madeleine and I (Madeleine is the Managing Editor at the Gateway, the newspaper I once worked at as Editor-in-Chief), and not just because Michael suggested that people who use Comic Sans should be classified as sex offenders.

In the end, after a hilarious series of ordeals between Michael and Matt — one of which involved a best-of-three Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Robots match — Mike emerged victorious.

Our next stop was Expressionz Cafe, near the Java Jive Coffee Roastery south of Whyte Ave, just off 99 Street. Here was, in my opinion, the best performance of the night by poet Patrick Swan. I’m not usually into poetry readings — other than a few excellent ones here and there, many have fallen flat for me. But Patrick poured himself into his performance, always engaging, energetic and just blow-your-mind excellent.

Patrick’s performance was followed by Mikey Maybe‘s rap show. Mikey raps on the same label as the Joe “The Joe” Gurba, Old Ugly Recordings. He was a great showman, and had the crowd laughing along with him, even when he had to restart a few of his songs. You can check Mikey’s performance, and most of the other peoples’ as well, on the Words With Friends YouTube Channel.

Our final stop was Audrey’s Books on 107 Street and Jasper Avenue. Open especially for WordCrawl, this final destination — before everyone was dropped off back at Bohemia — featured local writers and poets Jannie Edwards, Rebecca Traquair, Kasia Gawlak, and Jason Norman. All three were excellent — I own copies of both Kasia and Jason’s books — and the work they write absolutely comes to life when they read it.

Jason, whose writing I’ve enjoyed since I first saw him at Story Slam about a year ago, had me laughing out loud with this story about Panama (Jason’s book “Americas” contains a story for each country in the Americas, except for Cuba):

For a first-time event, I would absolutely call this a success. It was a great time, with an interesting mix of very engaged people. I followed-up with Jason over email this morning. Here’s what he had to say:

Follow “YegWords” on Twitter for updates on the next “Words with Friends” event, and remember to check out the YegWords YouTube channel for a lot of the videos from the inaugural WordCrawl event You can also read Kasia’s event recap on the Words with Friends Website. Congrats to Jason, Kasia and everyone else who helped with this event. It’s great to see the arts community in Edmonton trying to reach people in new and unusual ways.

That’s the theme of this week’s edition of FML Friday — lies and the lying liars who tell them. Because, let’s face it: some people will complain just for the sake of it, even if they have to make it up.

Stop punching yourself, stop punching yourself…

Riiiiight, likely story. You know, if you were an alien, your name would be Exag Gerate. You would hail from the Planet Douche, and none of your fellow aliens would believe a word you say. Because you’re a liar.

Anyone who’s ever had a body part fall asleep on them knows that, in spite of the fact that it feels pretty awful, you still contain more or less complete control over your limbs. Only a moron with poor motor skills — something I can tell you is a hallmark of the residents of Planet Douche — would punch himself in the face.

So, wait, I guess that means you weren’t lying. But it’s fair to say that you, and everyone you know, is still a douche through and through.

Seeing the light

While I’ve no doubt that your neighbors purchased this light, since you’re clearly interesting and intelligent enough to want to spy on in the dark — especially judging by the fact that you’re “smart” enough to share your woes with the Internet on FMyLife.com — I do believe you’re exaggerating about the calibration of said motion sensor light.

Unless your neighbors are CIA, they shouldn’t have access to motion-sensing technology that can detect a small fly. And since they’re likely more akin to Ma and Pa Kettle than Uncle Sam and His Seals, I’m going to suggest that you’re fibbing… JUST a little bit.

Next time, if you really want people to feel pity for you, choose a slightly larger and more plausible insect. Like a bumblebee.

A woman’s scorn

I actually don’t care if you’re telling the truth on this one or not. The fact is that you never, and I mean never, come between a person and his or her fries. NEVER. Not a woman, not a man, and not a child.

But here’s what I don’t get: no self-respecting human eats fries with a fork, because it makes them look like an asshole. And I’m going to further suggest that any dish that includes fries on the side is mean to be eaten with ones hands — like a burger or a sandwich.

So either your wife is an asshole who likes to stab you, or you’re lying. And as Sherlock Holmes said about detective work: “That guy is probably an asshole.”

Photo by Bridget Coila on Flickr.

I spoke with Jason Norman over email to get a better idea of how WordCrawl came about — and full disclosure, I’ll be one of the people acting as a judge at WordCrawl:

How did the concept for WordCrawl come about?

The concept for Word Crawl was something I’ve had rattling around in my head for a long time. I never talked to anyone about it until I was sure that it was something we could get done ourselves. It’s a simple idea that takes something like a literary reading and gives it legs (or in this case, wheels) and makes it more lively and dynamic. As it should be.

Was it easy or hard to convince Awesome Edmonton to support WordCrawl?

I think Awesome Edmonton was very enthusiastic about this idea. They had just given money to another arts based initiative the month before so I think there was some hesitance to give money to another one. The Awesome Edmonton Foundation wants to be seen as a group that wants to help any great idea in Edmonton, not just an arts one. Ultimately, the best idea was chosen and that’s what is important.

What about the venues? Did you need to do some arm twisting to bring them around to the concept?

Venues were fun to approach. At first we thought we would do the crawl in mostly independent book stores in the city. However, issues of space and timing just didn’t let this idea work out. Audrey’s is still on board and we’re really excited to be working with them. Kasbar and Expressionz were pretty good about seeing how this was a larger event and even though they may have preferred their venue to be filled with people all night on a Saturday, this was a crawl and even though each place plays a lesser part in the evening, when you put it all together you get a GREAT event. That will reflect positively on these venues for a long time afterward.

How have ticket sales gone? How have people reacted to the event?

We are new to ticket sales. Usually our Words with Friends events are free and people just kind of decide to show up whenever they feel like it. Those events have always had great attendance. Now we are trying to sell tickets to cover costs of some venues and refreshments and, of course, the bus. It’s not much money but it’s still a Saturday night in Edmonton so there are lots of things to compete with. Ticket sales have been slower than we initially hoped, but steady. I know we’ll see a lot of people showing up at the last minute and filling the bus to capacity. Lots of people think this is a great idea. This is a one of a kind event for Edmonton and there are some really great artists involved.

Assuming a successful inaugural WordCrawl (how could it not be?), what’s next?

After a successful Word Crawl I think we will be able to finally exhale and then enjoy another beautiful Edmonton summer and all the events that it’s filled with. Words with Friends will come back in the fall and we’ll keep trying to find unique and original ways to bring people out to see great writers and musicians. I want Words with Friends to become more of a household name in this city.

Why do you think these kinds of events — Story Slam, Words with Friends, and WordCrawl — are quickly gaining popularity in Edmonton?

Events like ours are gaining ground in the city because they’re filling a need. For a long time there weren’t many events like this and now there are options, which is good. We need a lot more though. We can’t just wait for festivals to come around once a year to celebrate fiction or poetry or things like that. We are getting people together about as regularly as we possibly can and we’re supporting great artists and that’s bringing out and encouraging other great writers and poets and this is how you build a real community of artists. They need a place to meet and to perform and they also sometimes need a reason to keep writing. It helps to know that there is an event you can go to once a month or so and read something you just wrote or sell some chapbooks you made, things like that. Especially for the younger artists who are just starting out.

Is there anything you’d like to mention that wasn’t covered off by these questions? Because you should say it right now.

The Words with Friends collective is very excited about Word Crawl. We think that this is something the city hasn’t seen before. It is going to be a really fun evening.

You can purchase tickets to WordCrawl on EventBrite.

Photo by Nic McPhee on Flickr.

In this episode, Scott and I chat with Saylish Haas, one of the three owners of the Next Act Pub just off Whyte Avenue on 104 Street. Saylish and the Act team purchased a food truck earlier this year, which will be hitting city streets after the May Long Weekend. Scott and I wanted to understand what it takes to get a food truck on wheels, what it means for the food truck community, and the Next Act Pub.

We also feature readers from the April Story Slam, and I spend some time chatting with journalist and author Steve Lillebuen about his experience writing “The Devil’s Cinema“, a book all about the infamous Mark Twitchell.

Here’s the breakdown:

• 0:00: Intro – “beer that tastes like fucking peaches”
• 0:56: Saylish Haas, one of three owners of Next Act Pub, talks to us about the Next Act Food Truck
• 26:02: April Story Slam – John “Duke” Johnstone and Matt Chrzanowski share their stories
• 38:15: An interview with Steve Lillebuen, author of The Devil’s Cinema — the Mark Twitchell story.
• 53:25: More beers are ordered, and more conversations are had with Saylish Haas
• 1:05:29: The Fast Fifteen with Saylish Haas

You can download the episode directly, or look us up and subscribe to us on iTunes.

Photo by Mack Male on Flickr

So here’s your late business. Enjoy the irreverence!

Birthday hand

So rather than stand there ringing your hands like some useless piece of useless, feeling bad for yourself so much that you need to write an anonymous comment on a website, and sit your wife down and calmly explain to her why she’s being an unreasonable moron, and how this is the reason you can never do nice things for her.

Honestly, if the Battle of the Sexes is your thing, there’s no better time than right fuckin’ now to gain the upperhand. Nothing makes another human feel like more of an asshole than when they become irrational conspiracy theorists, when people are just trying to do something nice for them.

Gain the upperhand, dumb internet person. This might be your one and only chance.

Get it together

Like any good Christian, I’ve heard the phrase” God helps those who help themselves” more times that I care to count. Seriously, I can’t do it. I feel like I need God’s help in order to count. Oh, but God won’t help me, because I’m being lazy and feeling sorry for myself? Oh, OK, fine. I’ll help myself to whatever it is I’m complain about.

Which is exactly what you need to do, anonymous internet complainer.

Sharing your feelings is one thing. Relentlessly complaining about every terrible little detail of your life is entirely another. And I should know, I’m a seasoned complainer, after all.

You’ve managed to alienate a perfect stranger with your “feelings.” Maybe it’s time to get your shit together, and stop sharing the details of your sad life with wrong numbers.

Video killed the radio star

Uh, I think you need to take another look at your rental agreement. And, you know, many centuries of property law. And maybe point out some of this material to your landlord, because she is clearly robbing you.

• Work — there’s too much of it
• School work — there’s also too much of this
• Preparations for a trip to Calgary to the Expo — a little of this this week as well
• Saying so long to good friend — did a little of that yesterday
• Ensuring the continued health of an old cat — a ton of this this week
• Sleep — as usual, I didn’t get enough of this

So that’s been my week. And I’m one of those people who loathes saying “I’m so busy,” so rather than say that I thought I’d provide you with some evidence.

What’s keeping everyone else so busy these days?

Post image was borrowed from Dan Moyle’s Flickr, under Creative Commons license.

Oh no. You married the female equivalent of a bro! What’s that called? A douchebag?

Listen, I know this is really troubling. You’re going to have to explain that face to a lot of people when they see your wedding photos, your honeymoon photos and every other photo your wife takes of herself — presumably in the bathroom mirror using a smartphone of some kind.

Actually, I think in most reasonable states, this would be grounds for divorce. So start drawing up the papers, you poor schmuck.

What is a juggalo? A juggalo. That’s what it is.

Sweet gods, would you listen to yourself? “Sartorial”? I had to look that up.

You’re lucky those Juggalos were only making fun of the way you were dressed — and I assume you were wearing a smoking jacket, an ascot, and silk, striped pyjamas. Were you carrying a pipe of well, you pretentious jerk?

You’d been better off with clown make-up and goth clothes. Embrace your inner Juggalo, you loser.

Everyone blames the ad man

Man, I go through this ALL THE TIME. People HATE advertising. And you know what I always hear? Advertising has NO EFFECT on ANYONE! It’s like my entire existence is about wasting my own time.

Except that it isn’t. The reason advertising pisses people off is because when it’s really impactful, it gets people to do things. And when it’s bad… well, it’s just fucking bad.

You’re probably ugly, and she just wanted an out. The advert thing? A total scapegoat.

Here’s the episode breakdown:

0:00: Boo technology!
1:41: Introducing the Thing, the Man, John Estacio — world-famous composer
21:56: A Calgary Expo Preview, with Steven Hodges
29:46: A preview of Canada’s Worst Driver with Meredith Veats
39:50: The Unknown Studio Live show: coming to you live in June!
46:05: John and the ESO go to Carnegie Hall
58:52: The Fast Fifteen with John Estacio

You can download the episode directly by clicking this link, or you can subscribe to us on iTunes.

Yes, friends, Easter is the tops. But so are people who believe their Ells are so Effed, that they forget how good they have it — i.e., very few of them have actually been nailed to trees. So I’ll provide them with some sage and timely advice, while gorging myself on sweet mini-eggs.

Space… the final frontier

Well, the good news is that you’re both wrong, mind-douche. If you have a university degree, I’d like for you to please hand it in to me. Now go jump off of something very very high up.

Some cursory research on the United Federation of Internets™ indicates that the “to boldly go” phrase — which is something grammar Nazis still argue over because of the split infinitive in it — comes from a pamphlet published in the late 1950s by the Presidential Science Advisory Committee.

Still, I think it captures the spirit of both Neil Armstrong and James T Kirk, who both fought Gorn-like creatures on far-away planets.

More chair than man

I’m going to assume that part of the reason you don’t like the nickname is because you’re a dude. I can sort of understand that, but you should probably suck it up.

Awesome nicknames are hard to earn, and though this one identifies you as girl, it also identifies you as someone who OUTSMARTED THE NAZIS. You beat the Man, man! Embrace the name you earned so well.

Oh, and if you ever need someone to buy booze for you, just leave me out of it.

You can’t squeeze sex from a rock

You actually have it pretty good, friend.

Oh sure, your lady wants you to satisfy her, not with snuggles, but with steaming-hot lovin’. So she’s offended… she’s trying to shame you into doing it, like some kind of Sex Nazi (and I have now mentioned Nazis in each of these entries. Success, maybe!).

But remember this: you can always snuggle AFTER you do the deed. So embrace the kink. And stop acting like a girl.

The only issue with this is that generally our studio is Scott’s basement. And while it’s a terrific, sound-proof nerd-cave that we always have a great time in, it’s not really conducive to comfortably seating more than, say, half a dozen people.

We haven’t settled on an exact date of the show yet — we’re looking at the latter half of June right now — but I can tell you that after an intense negotiation filled with fist-pounding, posturing, a brief break to silently consume stale Timbits, and then signing on a dotted line, the Jay and his wonderful crew over at Happy Harbor in Downtown Edmonton have agreed to host the show in their store.

You might be thinking Edmonton’s finest comic book store is a strange space to stage a live recording of Edmonton’s talk-show podcast. And you’re not wrong. But if Scott and I have proven nothing else in our almost-three years on the air, it’s that we like to embrace the strange. Unless Strange is virulent or infectious. Then we just fist-bump Strange and offer him soup.

Be sure to block of the entire second part of June. And if you’ve never been to Happy Harbor before, memorize this map.

Photo by Flood on Flickr. Happy Harbor not actually depicted.

OK, so Saskatoon is nothing like Toontown. If it were, there’d be a speakeasy with Jessica Rabbit as its star and a gorilla-like bouncer. BUT A MAN CAN DREAM, CAN’T HE?

Onto the sweet, sweet advice…

Boyfriend’s got whatever the opposite of back is

I can’t believe I even have to tell you to ditch this useless sack of crap, but on behalf of everyone who wasted the two seconds it took to read this, please ditch this useless sack of crap.

I’ve undone a lot of bra straps in my day. Some of those bras were even attached to women. At no point in any of these undoings was I so upset about what was happening that I needed to stop. If anything, I turned into a hilarious and blubbering turd that was overly excited and eager. Given the context of your situation, this would have been completely acceptable. And any person worth their salt would find a way — any way — to take advantage of this.

I’m sorry to say you’re wasting your time. And ours. Move on. To pornography, if you have to.

Vader? I hardly knew her!

Don’t worry, I’ll tell you what’s worse: kissing your sister. Just ask old Lucas Von Skywalker. Oh sure, his papa cut of his hand then waved his fist in the air like he just didn’t care. But I think we can all agree that that wasn’t step one towards incest. Kissing your sister, though? In front of a bunch of droids, or Ewoks or whatever? Yeeeeeeah…

But I can understand why you got upset. I mean CLEARLY Luke isn’t a dark lord of the Sith. And CLEARLY the potential for you to obtain sex of any kind, using the force or not, is not on the table anymore.

CLEARLY.

What would Jesus do?

Every now and then, I come across an FML that should not under any circumstances be an FML. This Good Friday of 2012 is one of those times. I don’t know what Christian accountability partners do. but after reading your FML, I know I want one. To maintain those good Christian values that apparently result in “ironic” sex.

You, son, are living the dream. And worrying about the irony of getting laid by a fellow Christian is neither ironic nor worthy of an FML. Go forth and worship, youngling. And remember: Luke and Vader kissed in Star Trek, and may the Force live long and prosper, Jim.

That same man* was stoned to death for his progressive views on the mixing of potables with effervescence, sure. But he wasn’t wrong. Because soda, as we all know, is delicious.

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Only Americans call it ‘soda.’ Call it ‘pop’ like a good Canadian boy.”

I will do no such thing, good sir or ladysir.

Why am I all jacked up on the subject right now? Because the fine folks at Coke Zero sent the Unknown Studio a 12-pack of their tasty beverage, and along with it a framed image of trading cards that you can collect in each case a limited run of which we were given as a gift — hockey-related trading cards, no less. Pretty nice, right?

And while we’re certainly fond of Coke Zero here at the Unknown Studio — particularly due to its harmonious relationship to rum — we now have so much Coke we don’t know what to do with…

That’s where you come in: the Coke Zero Anything Challenge

In order to effectively use the Coke Zero we were so graciously provided with, we need you — our readers — to help us. Tell us how to use the Zero and we’ll do it — as long as it isn’t illegal, overly messy (some mess is acceptable) or destructive.

Maybe you want us to use the Coke Zero in a chili recipe. Or perhaps you want us to fill our mouths with Mentos and a Coke Zero chaser. Whatever you want us to, we’ll do it. And we’ll videotape it as well, for evidence’s sake.

So put your thinking caps on, light some candles, burn some incense and get inspired. Tell us what we need to do (down there in the comments) with 12 cans of Coke Zero. And we’ll do it.

Go!

*This man actually never existed.

Fortunately, DTCE was reinvented when Al Gore discovered what the ancient Greeks called “the Internet.” DTCE was dubbed FML. And in this week’s FML Friday I respond to three individuals whose cursed existence is… well, not nearly so cursed as they might think.

You’ve got mail!

When I started to read this, I thought your mad, pathetic dash for some form of human interaction would result in slap-stick hilarity whereby you leap over the couch, smash your head on the ceiling fan which removes the top of your skull, and you make it to your phone just before you brain falls out of your head and you crash to the floor. Then, with your last moment of strength you manage a look at the screen of your phone and are met with NO MESSAGES.

But no. Not only was this event anti-climactic for you, it was the same for the rest of us. You’re boring. And you’ll die alone.

Face, meet crotch!

I’ve never understood people who can’t stand up when one of their legs falls asleep. Sure, it feels strange. And when the blood flow returns to your leg it’s like pins and needles. But just because you can’t really feel it doesn’t mean your leg stops working. I can only conclude that a small but powerful part of you really wanted to go crotch-diving and your id manage to take control of your body.

In the words of Freud, sometimes a cigar is a penis. I think this is a particularly apt and completely factual quote that applies in your case.

In the name of science!

There is no question that witnessing a birth is pretty crazy. But it’s not magic. What it is, is a simple and daily occurrence on this planet, and ascribing any “magical” or “miraculous” qualities to it is an affront to science, and the billions of creatures who lived on this planet before us. Shame.

Frankly, I’m glad you were downed by a sheep’s after-birth. I feel like you deserve it for failing to realize that what you witnessed was science, not some Hogwarts-esque bullshit. Now hit the showers, you’ve got some placenta on you.

With over 200 game studios in the country, we’re a pretty prolific nation when it comes to producing top-notch games. Look no further than BioWare’s recent release of Mass Effect 3 for clear evidence of that.

That’s the reason Scott and I asked Ramin Ostad and Matt Dykstra — two hosts from UserCreatedContent, Edmonton’s videogame podcast — to join us on this episode of the Unknown Studio to talk about the industry, trends in gaming, and the forthcoming Canadian Videogame Awards.

Here’s the show breakdown (be sure and subscribe to our show on iTunes):

0:00: Intro – “ah! ghosts!”
0:50: We’re going to try to not talk about movies… oh, wait.
14:55: Edmonton Story Slam Slam-off recap!
27:05: Uncharted 3: Clusterfuck
51:35: Elizabeth Johansson: Senate Candidate for the Evergreen Party
1:04:28: A conversation with the beautiful and talented Amy Shostak, artistic director for Rapid Fire Theatre
1:14:25: Canadian Videogame Awards – too legit to quit
1:24:27: The Fast 15 with Matt Dykstra
1:42:16: Denouement: Potholes

Click here to download the MP3 directly.

But it is a suitable lead-in for the post I’m about to unfurl.

Give ’er

The Unknown Studio is in the homestretch of its third season. On Sunday night, we recorded our 13th episode of the season, with videogame podcast luminaries Matthew Dykstra and Ramin Ostad (both from UserCreatedContent). Part of our forthcoming show, which should come out Wednesday sometime, are several outstanding segments with such brilliant Edmontonians as Omar Mouallem and Amy Shostak. To put it succinctly, we’re fucking crushing it, friends.

And in the process of crushing it — right up until our season finale at the end of June — we have a few announcements to make. Well, one anyway…

How to end a season (in a few months)

We’ve done a grand total of two season finales on the podcast, and we tend not to make a huge deal out of them. We mostly say goodbye and then reconvene in the fall. Most of your probably fail to notice our absence, since you’re all out of your minds from sunstroke in July and August.

Scott and I wanted to end our season differently this year, and we want to get you, our fans, involved. Our season finale this year will be recorded live, before an audience. We’re very close to securing a venue, and deciding on a day. You should probably just book off the whole last week of June to be safe.

We’ll be shoring up guests, and maybe even some kind of musical act. But rest assured: it will be entertaining. Hell, even if the whole thing bombs and you witness it, you can say you were there. Maybe we’ll even have T-shirts made*!

What we need now is input and ideas. You probably have both (and actually, huge shout-out to one of our super fans Cory for his wise suggestions when I saw him at Story Slam last week). We want them. We will pay you nothing for them. But we’ll drop your name like the Beastie Boys drop science. Which is to say, fairly often and rather vigorously.

We’ll be using this here website to share some of our plans with you, and give you a bit of an idea of the kind of planning that goes into a show — although a live show will be quite a bit different from our regular recording process. Still, watch this space, and share your thoughts!

*There will almost certainly NOT be T-shirts.

Photo by Greg Boege from Flickr.com

It was a weekly feature that accomplished several goals. First, it ensured that there was content on our website every two weeks; second it was really a way for us to amuse ourselves.

Since our last FML Friday, a few things have changed, namely the design of this website — which, as mentioned in a previous post, I’m personally really happy with, making me more inclined to want to post content.

A few nights ago, I posted this question to Twitter:

Thinking of bringing back FML Fridays to @unknownstudio‘s blog. Did anyone actually read it? #yeg

— Adam Rozenhart (@bingofuel) March 21, 2012

The responses were, shall we say, few but heartening. So I’ve decided to bring FML Friday back. Welcome to the beginning of the new beginning of a rejuvenated, but still irreverant, FML Friday.

Some beauty expert’s going to tell you what the best thing for your hair isn’t shampoo; it’s some kind of oil, mixed with essence of banana and the seeds from a strawberry — you know, to exfoliate your… uh, hair foliage.

But that expert is wrong. A hippie and wrong. Because all that’s going to do is attract fruit bats. And those motherfuckers are rarely pleased to start chomping down on fruit-flavoured hair. Maybe just use some fuckin’ Herbal Essence next time, yes?

I believe it was Henry Ward Beecher who said, “Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.”

And your soul, my friend, is dumb and obsessed with drawing penises on its own face. So, what does that say about you? Mostly that you’re a juvenile cock mobster, the intellectual equivalent of a wet fart.

So here’s to you, moron. May the gods have mercy on your useless soul.

This really takes me back to 2004. You know, when people still played the Sims. I can only assume that some strange segment of Floridian society is still hung-up on this throwback videogame. And that segment of Floridian society is lousy with extra chromosomes. This isn’t even acceptable enough to be retro. Not like SimCity.

But let’s address the comment about you having no friends, according to your mother, even though your mention of the Sims more or less explains that one as much as it needs to. Actually, yeah, that’s it, I’m done. You’re a loser.

And your cat thinks so, too.

If you’ve never been to a Story Slam before, this is how it works (taken directly from the Edmonton Story Slam website):

• Five minutes to tell your story. After 5 minutes, there will be a penalty. After 7 minutes, you’re gonged.
• No props.
• Story must be original, unpublished and NOT A REPEAT
• You can read from a script, or just go up and tell a story.
• Sign-up is at 7 pm. Competition start at 7:30 pm. Names are drawn for order of story telling.
• If there are more than 10 story tellers, the first 10 names to be drawn will be able to compete.
• $5 to enter as a writer. Money goes to the Edmonton Story Slam Society.
• Hat is passed at intermission. All money donated by the audience goes to the winner.
• Once a year we hold Slam Off. All winners from the year compete for the title of Slam Off Champion.

That last bit is the really important bit, because that’s where we sit right now — this, the third Wednesday of March, is the date of the annual Slam-Off.

Make your way to the Haven Social Club this evening — we recommend getting there by 7pm to guarantee a seat — and enjoy the stories. Heck, you might even be randomly selected to be a judge! And if you’re there, look for me! I’ll be one of the über-geeks sitting in the front row.

Have any of our readers been to Edmonton Story Slam before?

Image of Rick Snider, one of the regular readers, taken from the Edmonton Story Slam Group on Facebook.

From the Toronto Star:

The article goes on to say that, yeah, actually, Albertans feel kinda like they’re perceived that way by the rest of Canada. And some people even in Alberta believe we actually are that way.

I wasn’t entirely surprised by this news. Nor was I terribly bothered about. When I realized how I was behaving, it occurred to me I was being smug. So I stopped that immediately (though not before I looked “smug” up, just to be sure I understood it, and the redneck in me wasn’t coming out).

As for condescending and intolerant… Honestly, is anyone shocked by this? We’re talking about Alberta, which as recently as the year 2000 amended its Marriage Act to make sure only members of the opposite sex could get married — and only really changing that in 2005 when the federal government essentially forced the province to change.

Intolerant? Yeah, I can see where that might come from.

And condescending? Hell yes, I can see that. Again, consider how the province has handled the environmental file: basically constantly insisting that everything’s fine and we can handle it, when evidence to the contrary keeps being placed in front of everyone.

But both of these examples are about the provincial government, not all the people of Alberta. And while you could argue that the government is a reflection of the people in a lot of ways, I would suggest that the schism caused by Bill 44 is a small (and admittedly anecdotal) example of the fact that the government isn’t always showing the Alberta we’d like them to — I know people who left the PC party as a result of this event as well as other issues.

Still, is this new/old report something we should be worried about? I think it probably is, a little. It means that each of us as individuals needs to do a better job of showing the rest of Canada that we aren’t just a bunch of slack-jawed, oilsands-exploiting, douchebaggy monsters. As mentioned in the article (though with poor examples provided), there’s much more to the people here than smug condescension and intolerance. But we can’t just state that, provide a few examples, and pat ourselves on the back (smugly!).

We need to prove it — to ourselves and the rest of Canada — by showing that we care deeply about our environment, that success and prosperity for Alberta means the same for the rest of Canada, and that we really don’t need to hang fake bull testicles from the hitches of our pick-up trucks.

Photo by Danny McL on Flickr

And after a series of attempts to isolate the problem, we think we have it solved… for now.

We say “for now” because all of this can change. For all we know “Acid Burn” aka Kate Libby aka Angelina Jolie* might strike again. Which is, frankly, flattering to us. I mean, the Unknown Studio is a big enough deal that someone wanted to muzzle us. Someone who is possibly Angelina Jolie*.

We’re telling you all this because we wanted to apologize if the malicious code on our site negatively affected anyone visiting us. That absolutely was not our intention. Sorry if this messed up anyone’s computer!

If you see anything weird taking place on the site, let us know. You can always email theshow [at] theunknownstudio [dot] ca.

*But also, most certainly not.

Such a strange and versatile thing, eggs. Easy to mess up if you over-cook them (ie, rubbery scrambled garbage) or accidentally break the yolk (ie, over-forced egg-over-easy mishaps); positively wonderful when you manage to cook them just right (think of the perfect soft-poached egg, or an idyllically shaped sunny-side-up).

Imagine my absolutely joy, then, when I saw this post from Lifehacker shared by my pal Wade. It’s a fool-proof way to poach eggs using a sous-vide method. Check out the video at the top of this post and see how easy it is.

And if you’re a fan of the sunny-side-up egg (I prefer over-easy myself), you’ll love this sunny-side-up-in-an-onion article from Apron Strings:

There. Now you have ideas for brunch on the weekend. Know of any placed in Edmonton to sample fantastic eggs? Let us know in the comments!

Scott and I did this show solo for a few reasons — we weren’t able to secure a guest in time, and because we wanted to exercise our banter muscles, which we feel may have atrophied slightly in the last little while. I’m not going to tell you if our muscles are now sufficiently robust. I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Here’s the breakdown of this latest installment of the Unknown Studio, which you can download from iTunes:

0:00: Intro – “Pantsless and sockless and guestless”
1:20: People have important things to do that do not include this show
18:09: The 12-Hour Comic Jam Challenge on St. Paddy’s Day
25:12: Ruh-roh a discussion on robocalls, partisans and politics
54:24: Edmonton: A City –  the clash on Boyle Street
1:06:04: Food Trucks!
1:14:59: And then Anita makes an appearance!

Big thanks to Dave Cournoyer, who gave us permission to use his photo on this post. Check out Dave’s Flickr.

But now, as the Unknown Studio approaches its 3rd birthday and we say goodbye to the terrible twos, Scott and I decided it was time for a change. Drastic, dramatic, responsive-design and HTML5-type change.

This evening we relaunched the website with a really lovely Woo Theme. We think it works for us; it makes things really simple, highlights some of our content, and doesn’t immediately make you want to set your hair on fire. (I guess I really didn’t like our last site design. I mean, I did at first, but it really [the opposite of "grew"] on me.)

You’ll likely see things change a little bit over the next few weeks, as we tweak the order of things, ensure our single advertiser is taken care of (Hey Guru!), and we get into the swing of posting again — the plus side of being excited about a new site design we like is populating it with content.

If you see some weird business going on, let us know in the comments. If you love/hate/want your mommy the new design, let us know that too. If the phrase after the last slash in the previous sentence upset you, we totally understand.

The point is this: new website hotness = yes. Cats on the internet also = yes. But old bad website = no.

Carry on.

You get this episode!

Joining us for our annual Oscar show are Jordan and Jay from the Jay ‘n J podcast. And at least one of our listeners will be pleased to know that a great many of us (around 50%!) watched a lot of the movies that were nominated this year!

This episode also features a rant from yours truly all about Mike Kendrick’s “Visit Edmonton” poster, which I love.

Because of the length of the show, we only have one segment, so you’ll see Edmonton: A City back hopefully next episode.

Let us know what you think in the comments!

But we’re all about celebrating V-Day all the same. And in order to do so, we invited Lauren Albrecht, the voice of Sex Talk (one of our old segments) to come on the show and talk to us about her Masters research — which is all about sex toy parties.

Oh yes.

In this episode, you’ll also learn about a very cool, weekend-long fashion show taking place started February 17 at Metropolis on Churchill Square. You’ll also hear a rant from yours truly, and a dramatic reading from the now-fully-convalesced Scott C Bourgeois.

Enjoy!

But we still had a whole bunch of segments we wanted to share with you:

• Highlight’s from January’s Story Slam
• Edmonton: A City episode 3
• An interview with the Edmonton Journal’s blogger-in-residence Alex Abboud

So, Scott have me the keys to the editing suite. And we’re giving you this episode. Hope you enjoy it. Let us know what you think in the comments.

Scott does a dramatic reading, Jeff Samsonow tells us about MediaCamp, and I rant. Welcome to 2012, listeners!

It was with a sense of child-like glee and adult-like anxiety that I waited outside the Santa workshop at Southgate Mall last week. The anxiety? Due to the very nature of being an adult male, schlepping about a Santa compound and observing children as they come out from meeting the Big Guy. If I was mall security, I probably would have asked myself what I was doing. Luckily, even after spending six hours at Southgate during the height of the Christmas shopping season, I was still only halfway to looking like the guy from One Hour Photo.

The glee? Due to the prospect that I was actually going to be interviewing Santa for our most recent Edmonton: A City segment. Not only that, but I would actually have a period of time to talk to him for myself, not just a couple minutes before being kicked out of there. It was a childhood dream. Even as an adult, there was something that felt undeniably fun about going to meet Santa. Maybe he’d even let me sit on his knee.

And, meeting Santa lived up to expectations (except for the knee-sitting thing). Carrying a brown messenger bag with him, which I will assume was where he kept the naughty/nice list, Santa descended down the walkway to greet me. We walked down the mall to the employee breakroom (where Santa hangs during his breaks), as he waved to passing adults and children, charismatically playing the crowd. It was interesting to see how many adults—approximately 0.01% of whom had anything resembling a smile on their face in the midst of Christmas shopping— lit up when they saw Santa, even as much as the kids. It was like seeing him triggered a brief reconnection with childhood memories and feelings of what Christmas is truly about.

I sat down and talked to Santa, a.k.a. Francis Dryden (which I can only assume is his codename), for around 40 minutes—so long that we decided to post the entire interview, for your festive seasonal enjoyment! And if you don’t listen…you’re getting a lump of coal this Christmas.

In it, we discussed:

• beards (and how fake-bearded Santas are an exercise in charlatanry)
• why some kids have difficulty seeing the economic difference between “toys” and “iPads”
• irritating parents who complain to mall management when Santa tells those kids he can’t produce said iPads
• the physical rigours of working 8 hours a day for a month and a half lifting 50-pound kids onto your knee
• why he doesn’t use chimneys anymore
• his background as a rock drummer formerly nicknamed Captain Crunch (yes, really)
• his genuine love for children and work with the Shriners

As the interview went on, it started to become more apparent that he truly sounded like the real deal; someone who went out of their way to selflessly make kids happy. If Santa is a symbol of compassion and love for children, then Mr. Dryden makes a fine Santa indeed.

0:00: Intro – “look at my sack!”
1:00: Welcome to the Edmonton: A City boys
19:58: Christmas in Space – yes, this is a severe Star Trek reference
23:36: How podcasts get started
43:27: Edmonton: A City – A special Christmas segment
54:38: A Dramatic Reading with Scott C Bourgeois – in which Scott outdoes Adam by telling EVERY CHRISTMAS STORY AT ONCE
1:01:15: A Christmas gift exchange; also Scott and Adam get confused
1:10:39: The Fast Sixteen with Sam and Jonn

You know who can write poetry? Very well? Edmonton’s own Kasia Gawlak. (You may know her from such events as Words with Friends, which she organizes with fellow writer Jason Norman. You might also know her as one of the outspoken organizers of Edmonton’s Slut Walk. Or even the Edmonton Music Collectors Show.)

So she does other things too. You can find out all about her poetry and her extracurricular activities in this episode. Here’s the breakdown:

0:00: Intro – “Sexy Poetry”
1:00: Do you tan?
19:08: The Flavor of T-Shirts – an interview with Wade and Brendan from Flavor Clothing (listen to this segment for the opportunity to win a prize!)
30:17: Remember Geocities? So do we.
52:30: Scott’s Soapbox – the moustache speaks: Scott raised $592 for Movember!
55:19: We debrief (!) Outgoing EPL Writer-in-Residence Marty Chan
1:04:33: Words! With Friends!
1:14:42: Fast Fifteen with Kasia Gawlak

Scott and I rarely get out, owing to the fact that Edmonton’s top scientists insist on conducting endless studies into just what it is that makes us so fantastic.

It’s fuckin’ Wheaties, all right? ARE YOU HAPPY?!

No, you’re not happy. And do you know why? Because you rarely get the opportunity to actually spend time with us. UNTIL NOW.

This weekend (like, the one that starts tomorrow) is jam-packed with Scottadam goodness (that’s Scott and Adam goodness, for those among you with the furrowed brows). Well, Sunday is, anyhow.

You might recall an interview we did last season with the Edmonton Public Library’s Writer-in-Residence Marty Chan. Marty was a great guest, and over the past year, he’s been meeting with creative people in Edmonton to help them hone their craft and write, write, write. A part of Marty’s role at WiR is to encourage and nurture writers. As such, he’s been hosting a series called the “Writers’ Corner”:

[...] [A] friendly and supportive gathering with a different guest author each month. The guest author will give an author talk and reading and will then answer your questions and offer advice. Come and talk about your writing in a friendly and supportive atmosphere and listen to the suggestions of professional writers in our community. All writers and readers are welcome. No experience is necessary.

While Scott and I won’t be “reading” anything we’ve written, per se (at least I don’t think we will. I tend to throw out all my napkins), we are going to be speaking at the last Writers’ Corner hosted by Marty, so come down to the Stanley Milner Library on Sunday at 1:30pm if you want to learn all there is to know about podcasting.

But wait, there’s more!

Immediately after we finish up at EPL, we’re going to high-tail it to the southside of the river to host Microphones and Moustaches: The Movember Open Mic Challenge, brought to you by two of the most wonderful hipsters we know, the Inglorious Hipsters (who were also guests on our show).

The Challenge takes place on Sunday starting at 5pm, and goes until about 9pm. People are invited to challenge others to perform on stage for money. This money will be donated to Prostate Cancer Research as part of Movember. Easy, right?

OR IS IT?!

No, it is. You should come down to that to see people do silly things on stage, all for a great cause!

See you this weekend, EVERYONE IN EDMONTON.

But it also includes an interview with the founder of the Toonseum, Joe Wos. Scott and I had the opportunity to speak with Joe at Pure Speculation. We actually interviewed him before a live studio audience. We’d love to do a lot more of that.

No, my laptop is pooched, which is why there’s no image for this show on our feature banner above. That’s also why I can’t give you a show breakdown.

This will all be corrected tomorrow. Meanwhile, I assure you, this podcast will be music to your ears. Enjoy!

Many of our regular listeners and readers will recall (you WILL recall, I demand it!) that we launched a contest at the end of August designed to bring new blood into the careening mass of weirdness we call The Podcast. We asked listeners to become contributors by pitching us segment ideas. Part of the reasoning was to provide a different persepctive and also to take some of the production pressure off of Scott and me. We love what we’re doing, of course, but it’s a lot of work. So if there were people out there who were interested, we thought we’d exploit them.

And, like a bunch of fame-seeking lemmings, many of you responded.

Oh sure, some of you called us crazy. Others were happy to simply watch from the sidelines and say nothing — or so we assume, since we never actually heard from any of those people, BUT WE CAN FEEL YOU LOOKING AT US, DAMMIT!

Six groups did take the time to respond and try and sell their vision for an Unknown Studio segment. We read proposals, we listened to demo reels, we slept under fleece blankets and ate marshmallows while talking about our latest crushes… and we arrived at a decision.

We’re pleased to welcome Jonn, Matt and Simon to the Unknown Studio family as our newest show contributors. Starting with our next episode (which will feature an interview with self-published poet Kasia Gawlak who many of you know as @confessionality), the Trio of Terror will… Well, I’ll let them explain it — this is text taken directly from the pitch that sold Scott and I:

If you ask an Edmontonian about their relationship with their city, you’re likely to get a mixed response.

“It’s nice during the summer time,” one might respond.

“The River Valley looks pleasant today, but just look at the traffic on the High Level,” says another. “And why won’t anybody do anything about these potholes?”

And finally, “I hate this goddamn place, and I hope it and its inhabitants burn in the foul vestiges of hell,” says a man who will spend the rest of his life here.

But regardless of whether people love it, hate it, or are slightly irked by ETS not showing up on time causing them to be 5 minutes late for hot yoga, it would be hard for anyone to argue: this is a city. Such logic can’t be denied.

This segment will be in the vein of This American Life and will talk about the frustration, blandness, awkward situations, ennui (because let’s be honest, we have a significant hipster demographic) and occasional awesomeness that comes with living in Alberta’s capital city. It’s not that bad of a place. At least sometimes. There are interesting stories that occur in this city.

A mix of the irreverent and the serious, three former Gateway editors will go after the curious stories and quaint Edmontonia that is all around us, yet goes unacknowledged except for a brief muttering to yourself. In doing so, we will try to create an informative and captivating take on what makes our city both average and aspiring.

So there you have it, our very own version of The Edmontican Life (we won’t call it that). We’re expecting great things from these self-proclaimed carbon-based life forms. AND GREAT THINGS WE SHALL HAVE. Because it’s, like, totally in their contract.

Just kidding. Do Scott and I look like the kinds of people who know the first thing about contracts?

A huge thanks to everyone who pitched us a segment. We’ve invited all of these people to contribute at some point and really hope they take us up on the offer!

We also have segments detailing some of the terrific Movember events taking place right here in the Greatest City on the Planet™. Here’s the breakdown:

0:00: The Fortress of Solitude… home of Happy Harbor!
17:17: Microphones and Moustaches (on November 27) with Gregg Beever
23:56: Wait, how many Happy Harbors are there?
48:18: MoSistas Edmonton, coming to a D’Lish Wine Bar near you (on November 10)
55:44: The Rules for Home Shaving – A Dramatic Reading by Scott C Bourgeois
59:12: Jay and PureSpec and Married Scott
1:16:14: The Fast Fifteen with Jay Bardyla

And we’ve got a great show for you this Halloween. No time to write the breakdown, but I’ll tell you this: our main guest is self-published vampire author (she writes about them, she isn’t one) Stephanie Sparks. We also chat with one of the organizers of Screamfest, Scott reads something dramatically and spooky for you, and I rant about non-trick-or-treaters who put no effort into their Halloween-night capering.

Enjoy the show, and let us know what you thought in the comments!

We also have some excellent segments this episode. Here’s the show breakdown:

0:00: Marriage arousal
1:24: Kikkiplanet, a social media bright light
9:53: The 24/One Challenge, from the perspective of Team Awesome Video Club
27:30: The Kikki Persona
47:33: Digital Alberta relaunches to connect the province
52:26: September’s Edmonton Story Slam
1:08:19: Coke Zero Heroes
1:20:37: The Fast 15 with Kathleen Smith

This past weekend, Scott and I had the opportunity to record an interview with Kathleen Smith, known to most as @kikkiplanet on Twitter. Kikki started out on Twitter a ways back just playing around, and it wasn’t until the constant and effective chiding of Jerry Aulenbach that she became more involved with the community.

Her notion of creating a personal website for her random musings soon faded and gave way to KikkiPlanet.com, which will be launching this Friday, September 30 at an exclusive party at the Daffodil Gallery (10412 124 St). And wouldn’t you know it, but Kikki gave the Unknown Studio two pairs of passes to giveaway to this sure-to-be bumpin’ shindig. And these passes? Hell, they get you food AND booze. Nice, right?

So here’s the deal. The first two people to email adam@theunknownstudio.ca and tell us Kikki’s favourite kind of booze will win the tickets. Sorry kids, we already have our winners. Have fun at the party, and if you feel like paying your own way, you can buy tickets on EventBrite!

Trust me, this isn’t a party you want to miss.

And stay tuned later on this week, when we post our show, which features a full-length interview with Kikki herself!

[holds for applause.]

We decided to kick off the season with a guest who barely needs an introduction. You might remember her from such newspapers as the Edmonton Journal. You may have even read some of her blog posts over at Edmonton Commons. Yes, that’s right, everyone; I’m talking about Edmonton’s own Paula Simons!

[holds for raucous applause.]

We’ll share an episode breakdown with you later. For now, we’d just ask that you enjoy this extra-long season premiere!

[bows, then exits over thunderous applause.]

Enjoy her post, and read more about Kathleen at the end of the story.

—————————————

I’m not sure that many people attended Mercury Opera’s production of Madame Opera the weekend of August 27th, but, for those of us who made it out to this unique outdoor event, it was totally worth it.

I have to admit sometimes to being a “hater” when it comes to my hometown — mostly when it comes to the events that happen in parks. They always seem to have the look of empty festivals that leave you with the feeling of, “gee if we were just in a bigger city, this event wouldn’t feel so dead or empty.”

That being said, being a producer of events I understand how much work and money it takes to put on a well-conceived event, never mind all the work it takes to produce a successful show with high artistic talent.

This intimate, alternatively staged, “reader’s digest” version of production of Madame Butterfly was a version that even on this bit chilly of an evening, was engaging and emotionally moving. What really stuck out with this unique production of Madame Butterfly however was the alternative space in which to hold an opera and how the whole evening was packaged. It was a special night I’m sure to everyone who attended.

The gala began at 6pm and you were invited to three places along 95 St. in the Little Italy district. You got to travel between each place Spinelli’s Café, Zocali, and the new Delish Bakery just off 95St, and 107 ave. sampling small snacks, and various wines, as each place hosted casual reception fair with a neighbourly welcoming vibe.

You then made your way through the big elm trees and past the playground to the large tent in the middle of Giovanni Caboto Park. Feeling a bit like you’re walking into a circus tent, inside you were instantly struck by the mini theatre set up inside, not a bad seat in the house, little trees designing the space and an actual live orchestra awaiting you.

The audience unfortunately did not fill all the seats, probably, not even half, but somehow you didn’t get the feeling like you were at some unpopular party that no one bothered to go to. Instead you had the feeling, especially as the show progressed that you were lucky enough to have stumbled on the best kept secret in town, an intimate and relatively small performance space with romantic tenors and sopranos singing just for you and your friends.

Mercury Opera’s founder and artistic director, Darcia Parada although working back and forth from New York City and Edmonton for the past years has thankfully chosen to stay in Edmonton, and bringing with her the inspiration she had participating in performance culture in NYC back to Edmonton. Her biography tells us she “began dreaming of staging opera in unusual spaces” after performing La Boheme in a loft in Tribeca.

If you’ve ever lived, worked or traveled in NYC it’s not hard to be inspired by the seemingly endless array of alternative ways to see performances. If you have any experience producing shows, site-specific shows in alternative spaces in particular, you can’t help to notice when that alternative space works or doesn’t. You become extra sensitive to when there is no real attention to the space itself and how an event can seem just “plunked” down somewhere without any consideration for how the space is being used in relation to what’s happening. It is a challenge to create an event in inspired space — have it functional and yet designed so it doesn’t look empty, to envision how the audience is going to engage and see the performance space, and to consider the overall flow of the evening, what people in general will want to be doing in between the entertainment, how they will flow, where the bathrooms are, etc.

Mercury Opera seemed to have considered it all, from the first step into the mini magical world inside the tent, to the size and design of the performance and audience space, to intermission where you exited the tent only to find fireworks just steps away, giving a small but not chintzy display of fireworks, (even more interesting if you had read in the program that the fireworks themselves had been colored and choreographed by the theme of the characters of the opera), to the porta-potties a little distance away, if you were like me and perhaps got a little carried away by the free prossecco offered earlier.

It’s such a nice surprise when the vision fits to the size of the “fishtank” so to speak, having the right sized cast, a well-rehearsed, professional cast and orchestra, simple yet professional lighting, simple yet well designed set and stage direction, a well-thought out audience seating arrangement. The show itself can then really come alive and the strength of performance be highlighted in the space rather than having all the elements detract from it, again leaving you with a feeling, “well, that was a good idea at least…”

No, the Mercury’s opera staging of Madame Butterfly was an incredibly well done experiment, showcasing some real up and coming musical talent, all flown in from New York to perform in a beautiful welcoming event full of appreciative, well- cared for guests.

This is a shout out to Mercury Opera for having the guts, and skills in contributing an inspired vision to Edmonton’s own burgeoning performance culture.

Kathleen Ochoa is an Edmonton-based dance artist, teacher, producer, writer and researcher in the burgeoning field of embodiment studies. She has lived, studied and worked as dancer and yoga instructor in NYC, Montreal, Marseille, Paris, and Rome.

So long, you delightful scamps!

On Sunday morning last week, I received an email from Jeff Samsonow and Sally Poulsen, the creators of theEdmontonian.com, one of the city’s most beloved blogs. They said that two weeks hence, they’d be closing up shop. I paused. I yelled. I swore. I called my girlfriend over to the computer screen and we both read the message in disbelief.

“Other projects,” they said paraphrasically in their email, “are jumping around in our heads, and we can’t pursue them without moving on from the Edmontonian.”

“OUTRAGE!” I responded, frightening my girlfriend, and our cat, who both read on in dismay.

I jest, somewhat, of course. The loss of the Edmontonian is a loss indeed, but I’m excited to see what Jeff and Sally will do next.

I count the pair as good friends. They’ve helped this very podcast grow — leading by example, and pushing us to be more than just two idiots opining about Star Trek. They helped our show earn revenue by connecting us with some great people and businesses, who we now also count as our friends.

I’m sad to see the Edmontonian leave the city’s blogscape. For one, Jeff and Sally were pioneers in a lot of ways. Oh sure, the Dave Cournoyers and Mack Males of the world — or rather, just those two guys — were working on blogs long before June 2009… but Jeff and Sally brought together a community of people who not only came to read, but to contribute. They helped to build and expand the online conversation about our city.

Heck, Jeff and Sally’s move to involve more Edmontonians in creating content inspired our promotion to get our listeners more involved in the show.

Mack Male did a great interview with them over at his blog, which you should read. And you should also make absolutely sure that you watch and see what Jeff and Sally are going to do next. I have no doubt it will be equal parts funny and informative — and it will reflect the passion they have for their work and this great community we live in.

And so the Edmontonian leaves us this week on a high note, like the George Costanza of Edmonton’s online community.

So long, TheEdmontonian.com. We hardly knew ye.

We love great content — content that focuses on the interesting stories in Edmonton that should be told to the masses. So we want you — our listeners — to help us create this content. We want YOU to produce a segment for the Unknown Studio.

As such, we’re holding a contest starting today, and ending on September 30. We want you to pitch us your segment idea. It can be hard news, comedy, skit-based, a radio play, a series of interviews — whatever you want.

Give your segment a name, a theme, a gimmick — whatever you think it will take to create something viable, entertaining and/or informative. If you can send us a quick 2-minute demo, that would be fantastic too!

The winning segment will air once per month. It should be between 5 and 10 minutes.

It must have the shelf-life of AT LEAST one season — or about 18-20 episodes. If our listeners really like it, and if we really like it, we might even keep running it, and you become a regular contributor to the Edmonton’s best talk show podcast!

You must be able to produce the segment yourself, and deliver it to us each month. Hell, we’ll even show you the tricks of the trade, if you need a little bit of training.

Send us your ideas! Show us how clever, funny and awesome you can be. And above all, show us your perspective on the City of Edmonton, its incredible citizens and its untold stories!

Email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca and pitch us your segment! And of course, if you have any questions — any at all — email us! You could be a part of the podcasting magic of the Unknown Studio’s 3rd season!

0:00: Scott blows the dust off our recording equipment
2:02: Adam talks to Kat Danser at the Edmonton Folk Music Festival
6:25: Adam talks to the Deep Dark Woods at the EFMF
11:56: Sex Talk with Lauren – Have Dildo Will Travel
14:17: 30 years of the International Fringe Festival
16:57: Adam talks to Scott C. Bourgeois and Leah Anderson about two Fringe productions they’re in
27:15: Scott talks to two lovely women from New York, performing at the Fringe for Channel One
37:15: Adam chats with young playwright and Fringe performer Ben Wheelwright
43:49: Scott shares a few moment with several Kows from Apocalypse Kow
51:22: Scott talks to Trent Wilkie from the one-man show Aachen
1:00:30: Outro

I will be spending the next week firmly entrenched in my various Edmonton International Fringe Festival projects. You should check out both the stage play I’m in, as well as the nightly improv show.

The improvisational comedy show in particular might be up your alley.

But before I delve deeply into the world of theatre for the next week, I leave you with 18 Internet holes of glory for you to poke your business into. Uh…

This week’s batch of the bizarre includes a police force being laid off, thinking machines, real-life costumed crime fighters, undead squids and a town-for-sale.

The Front Nine

1 – “Slaughterhouse-Five” banned in Missouri school, Vonnegut museum swears to send a copy to each student.
2 – Vincent Gallo movies now to only be seen by Vincent Gallo.
3 – City of Oak Hill, Florida, fires entire police force.
4 – Own your own town for a mere $800,000!
5 – Girl struck by lightning on a bright, sunny day.
6 – Pregnant student goes into labour during bar exam, finishes before delivering baby.
7 – Japanese scientists invent thinking, learning robot.
8 – “World War Z” plot may be dumbed down for movie version.
9 – Movie script is mistaken for literal bomb, blown up.

The Back Nine

10 – Wild dogs in Moscow learn to use public transit, are generally super smart.
11 – Popular Japanese “Dancing Squid” dish makes dead squid move in horrifying parody of life.
12 – Mike Mignola to kill off  title character of “Hellboy.”
13 – Gardener by day, costumed crime-fighter by night: Knight Warrior.
14 – Khan might be in “Star Trek 2,” but the Borg definitely won’t be.
15 – Swedish man tries to build a nuclear reactor… in his kitchen.
16 – Piece of space shuttle “Columbia” found in dry Texas lake bed.
17 – “How to Train Your Dragon” gets stage adaptation from “Walking With Dinosaurs” people.
18 – New drug may effectively treat any viral infection by killing it’s food.

Scott and I met for lunch the other day to discuss the forthcoming season of the Unknown Studio — our third since we launched this puppy back in June 2009. Originally, we’d agreed to take a short summer hiatus. That has turned into a full-on summer vacation from our beloved podcast. There are several contributing factors to our extended absence:

• Scott is busy rehearsing for not one but two Fringe productions
• I moved into a new place with Rachel at the beginning of July, and we’ve spent much of the summer setting up
• I’m on vacation next week
• It’s summer
• Did we mention it’s summer?

I know at least one of those might seem like a lame excuse, but… well, we started this so we didn’t have to make excuses. To anyone. OK, Mom?

But fear not, frequent listener, for while we won’t be back in earnest until September, next week we’ll have a “summer special” episode of the Unknown Studio, featuring interviews with Edmonton Folk Music Festival performers, Fringe playwrights and actors, and even Lauren, the beloved hostess of Sex Talk from the Traveling Tickle Trunk.

The Unknown Studio will be back in full swing with our Season 3 Premiere the week of September 12.

We look forward to talking at you… on the INTERNETZ!

Sylvancroft, former residence to Mayor Harry Evans | Photo by Raffaella Loro

Both of my parents moved to Canada from Europe when they were young. They settled in Alberta and eventually started a family in Edmonton. My dad was an entrepreneur, and my mother was studying at the U of A and working in the old courthouse downtown… Eventually, they started having kids and my mom dedicated her life to raising us boys, but she looks fondly back on her days working among judges and lawyers.

We spoke a little bit a few weeks back about the history of Edmonton and some of the characters that she grew up around. My mom, a citizen of Calgary for about 6 or 7 years now, still misses the city.

“It seems like you and dad knew all these strange people who used to populate Edmonton and were all connected,” I told her. She laughed, as I asked her to tell me the story about “Sweaty Betty,” apparently a slum landlord on 124th Street years ago.

Eventually, we started talking about the physical changes in Edmonton. That’s when she said, “I couldn’t believe when they tore down the old courthouse. What a shame.”

I thought, “Old courthouse? I don’t remember an old courthouse.”

That’s because it was torn down in 1972, eight years before I was born. It was demolished to make way for a mall. The City Centre Mall.

Built in 1911, demolished 1972 - from EPL's "Lost Buildings"

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to walk the grounds of Sylvancroft, an old estate home built by one of Edmonton’s first mayors, Harry Marshall Erskine Evans — you can read some great info on the history of the home at EdmontonHeritage.ca.

When I’d first heard of Sylvancroft, its history and its potential demolition (though now uncertain), I was angry. This is the symptom of a much larger problem in Edmonton: a complete and utter disconnect to the physical beauty and history of our city, particularly among young people — myself included.

Paula Simons wrote a great story on Sylvancroft yesterday in the Edmonton Journal:

The Evans family lost its Sylvancroft legacy. We, as Edmontonians, mustn’t make the same mistake. The property seems to have come to an idealistic developer with strong local roots, someone who cares about creating a vibrant city core. Surely it’s not too much to hope that city planners and politicians, perhaps with provincial support, could find some way to co-operate with [Ivan] Beljan to preserve the house.

Front of Sylvancroft | Photo by Raffaella Loro

In our conscious or unconscious desire to position ourselves as a “world-class city,” we seem to be forgetting what makes actual “world-class cities” world class. It isn’t centres of commerce, or sports teams, or freeways — though those can be contributors to such status.

A huge part of being a world-class city is its history.

Our willingness to tear down our history comes at the expense of our future. Sometimes old, decrepit buildings need to be demolished. Not every structure ever built has deep history or architectural relevance to it, certainly not the founding our building of a city — as Freud said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. But we carry on with this demolition with seemingly little thought or notice.

Edmonton’s story — its founding, how it was built, and how it continues to grow — is its identity. When we tear down historic houses and buildings, we lose that identity. Those buildings link us to the people who’ve lived here and made the city what it is today. With every residence, school or building we tear down, we erase the tangible connection to the people that built this city into what it is.

I don’t want to live in a city that does that to itself.

I’m not sure what happens next for Sylvancroft, but I hope something can be done to save it, to integrate it into a new development, and to preserve the history of a once-grand home that bore witness to the beginnings of Edmonton.

Specifically, I really do intend for the Hitting the Links feature to go up every Saturday. But the fact is I’m busy and it’s just been difficult. So I apologize for not getting one up last week.

But fear not, faithful Internauts, for we’re back, and we’ve got plenty of strangeness from all corners of the web for you to peruse.

This week’s links include dogs versus sharks, the navy versus aliens, cars versus gravity, space stations versus the ocean, and Chinese parents versus common sense. Huh… lots of conflict there.

Lets hit the links!

The Front Nine

1 – “Lucifer” and “Messiah” on the list of banned baby names in New Zealand.
2 – “Wish I Had a Portal Gun.”
3 – Chinese parents sell their kids to feed their video game addiction.
4 – Man awakens in morgue, scares the shit out of the funeral home workers.
5 – Port-a-Potty explosion caused when man lights up cigarette.
6 – Prisoner claims he’s falsely in jail, demands his own country as compensation.
7 – Driver flips his goddamn car over a concrete barrier into a parking spot.
8 – “Game of Thrones” characters done in LEGO.
9 – No one bothers to run for mayor of Tar Heel, North Carolina.

The Back Nine

10 – “Battleship” trailer proves you can’t make a board game into a movie without aliens.
11 – Man concocts elaborate revenge scheme against his ex, nearly destroys her life.
12 – Scientists say they’ve dis-proven time-travel.
13 – International Space Station to be crashed into the ocean in 2020.
14 – GLaDOS’ voice actress sings “Want You Gone.”
15 – “Westerama” mashes up “Game of Thrones” with “Futurama.”
16 – Dog vs. Shark ends in a way you wouldn’t expect.
17 – Turns out Pluto’s been hiding a fourth moon.
18 – Anonymous social network hit by hackers.

Earlier this week, local Internet Mack Male wrote about link roundup posts, and I’m happy to say that Hitting the Links made the cut for a mention. He also spoke about how he enjoys these little roundups, even though they don’t generate many comments.

So I wonder… who out there is wandering through my 18 weekly Internet holes? Care to comment? Make yourselves known, Internauts! Let’s explore together!

As always, I take 18 of the links I’ve tweeted and compile them for you.

This week’s links from the depths of the internet include fish using tools, a Lizard Man, giant space rocks, and a motherfucking BATMOBILE… among other Batman related fun.

The Front Nine

1 – New “James Bond” film back on track, returning Miss Moneypenny to the canon.
2 – French homeowners find literal pot of gold stashed in their basement.
3 – New “Riddler” trailer for “Batman: Arkham City.”
4 – Chinese scientists make gelatin out of human DNA.
5 – “Dark Knight Rises” teaser poster unveiled.
6 – Jenna Maroney’s “Muffin Top” song from “30 Rock.”
7 – “Hark a Vagrant” – Mary Shelly Quite Contrary
8 – Brienne of Tarth cast for season 2 of HBO’s “Game of Thrones.”
9 – Sir Hedgehog t-shirt helps you class up the joint.

The Back Nine

10 – Move over Bigfoot, “Lizard Man” cryptid wants to eat your car.
11 – “Space Invaders” dropping down, moving faster into movie theatres.
12 – Convoluted X-Men family tree laid out in “easy to follow” chart.
13 – Diver captures first ever photo of a fish using a tool.
14 – They Might Be Giants covering “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba.
15 – Researchers say “time and space” cloaking device is possible.
16 – Gearhead builds turbine-powered Batmobile. Seriously.
17 – NASA probe to study asteroid, dwarf planet.
18 – Speculative Dinosaur Project wonders, what if dinosaurs didn’t go extinct?

As I slipped gracelessly into a stupor, looking at Jay square in the eye — for one of mine had permanently closed — I told him, in no uncertain terms, that he wasn’t to start his own podcast. The last thing the Unknown Studio needs, I told him, is competition.

Jay reassured me he wasn’t trying to compete with the Unknown Studio… Unless we planned to talk about movies ever again. Which we probably do. That’s when he told me about Jay n’ J[ordan] — Edmonton’s Entertainment Podcast. I decided, after sobriety gave me a stern lecture to find out more about this new project.

Unknown Studio: How did you guys get to the point where you were, like, “We should do a podcast about movies”?

Jay: Michael Bay came to me in a dream with robots and told me “Jay, upon the internets, you must release you podcast”.

Jordan: Jay called me as if he was in a feverish dream and yelled over the phone “We need sustenance!”

And thus we had a meeting over burgers and Jay n’ J. was born.

US: How long between that decision and actually launching? (We’re just hoping you procrastinate like us)

Jay: 20 seconds to record… 10 seconds to edit. Another 10 seconds to upload

Jordan: Are first episode wasn’t that great But then we decided to have Gregg Beever on the episode.

Jay: It took at least two weeks to do his makeup.

From a meeting over burgers to first episode was just under two weeks.

US: What plans do you have for the show?

Jay & Jordan: Ummm…

US: Who would you rather be pitted against: the stupid ghost-faced murderer from Scream, or the creep from the Saw series? WHY?

Jordan: I’m going with the dude from Scream. Jigsaw from Saw is way to smart for me and I assume I’d have absolutely no chance of survival.

Jay: Me too… plus I could probably just shoot the dude from Scream and end that horrible franchise.

US: What’s the one film each of you watches and can’t help but shed some tears… I MEANT GET DUST IN YOUR EYES?

Jordan: Dead Poets Society.

Jay: I still haven’t seen that movie.

Jordan: What the hell Jay!

Jay: Well mine is J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek.

Jordan: Is it because of the lens flares?

US: Is it OK if Scott and I still occasionally talk about movies on our podcast?

Jay: I want to be nice about this but.. no.

Jordan: You guys could come on our podcast and talk about movies though.

Jay: Ya… we basically have a copyright on “Talking about Movies in Edmonton” now. Sorry. (Patent Pending)

You can catch Jay n’ J every month via their Tumblr. iTunes link should be coming soon, if Jay takes my drunken advice.

Yes, the Canada Day long weekend didn’t have a Hitting the Links. Let’s be honest, though – you were out getting drunk and watching fireworks, so you really didn’t have time to scan over the week in strange links, did you?

I considered a belated segment, but decided not to bother.

So, we take 18 of the links I’ve tweeted and compile them in a handy list.

This week’s online strangeness includes immortality, Angry Birds the movie, and Charlie Sheen.

The Front Nine

1 – Glasses convert crappy 3D movies into glorious 2D!
2 – Is the PS4 slated for a 2012 release?
3 – New app turns FourSquare into “Risk.”
4 – Is “Wargames” in line for a remake?
5 – Learn to make French Toast like “Good Eats” host Alton Brown.
6 – Square-Enix “demixing” classic game music into 8-bit.
7 – Do it yourself guitar pick punch!
8 – Man dies in motorcycle accident, while protesting helmet laws.
9 – Comedy Central goes after low hanging fruit, to roast Charlie Sheen.

The Back Nine

10 – Researcher says immortality may soon be a reality.
11 – Indestructible BotNet enslaves your computer, protects it from viruses.
12 – “Angry Birds” creators want to make a movie version, be the next Pixar.
13 – Pixar, meantime, sells out, and starts working on “Toy Story 4.”
14 – Chain-mail bikinis aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
15 – Sea urchins see with their whole body, further prove all ocean life is terrifying.
16 – New He-Man movie still a possibility?
17 – What happens when “Game of Thrones” meets “Arrested Development?”
18 – Classic Edmonton Sketch Conspiracy – “Avril Lavigne”

But this involved moving from a place I called home for just over four years. A place that saw me through a panoply of different crises, successes and changes. A place I would call one of the most beautiful in the City of Edmonton, a gem for its natural beauty, and the large, warm hearts of its residents.

A place called Riverdale.

Some readers among you might remember the series of posts I did while the Dawson Bridge was closed. At least one of you will recall the made-up history I provided of the bridge, which also featured some fraudulent tidbits about the RD. But I was just trying to get a few cheap laughs.

The neighbourhood’s been home to many things, including a lumberyard and a brickyard. According to its Wikipedia entry, about 25% of the homes down in the RD were built pre-1946. A quick drive or walk through the neighbourhood shows significant dwelling disparities: a row of McMansions bordering the north shore of the river along Cameron avenue, a newer condo complex (the new brickyard) north of that, and brand new townhomes and smaller dwellings even more north of that.

The rest of the place is a mish-mash of fourplexes, co-ops, and single-family homes.

But structures are less relevant than the people who make up the community: passionate, wonderful and caring Edmontonians who work to maintain the character of the RD and make it a neighbourhood that accepts people from all walks of life. That’s the Riverdale I know, even though I wasn’t involved with the community league or different events that took place in the neighbourhood.

No, I knew all this from walking or biking around the community. People always waved, said hi, and smiled at you. We all were Riverdalians and sharing that sense of community brought us all closer together. I’ll miss the people of Riverdale; I’ll miss the stillness of the air on warm summer and cold winter mornings. I’ll miss the quiet coupled with the sense of energy that the community has from being so close to downtown.

I’ll miss you, Riverdale.

In this episode, Scott and I chat with creators of the forthcoming web comic Inglorious Hipsters — Misters Gregg H Beever and Jeremy “Die” Die. We talk origins of their comic concept, which launches on July 4, the day America elected Bill Pullman as President whereupon they were mercilessly attacked by aliens. You know the story.

But what you don’t know is that the rest of the show contains Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo goodness, a Sex Talk Segment (Happy Julyna!), and two terrific stories from the June edition of Edmonton Story Slam. Here’s the breakdown:

0:00: Intro – “Web comics and paper cuts”
2:08: Inglorious Hipsters and childhood friendships
27:40: Sex Talk with Lauren from the Traveling Tickle Trunk
30:16: Michael “Colonel Tigh” Hogan and Jonathan “Riker” Frakes at the Calgary Expo
48:00: Screw the Prime Directive
56:24: Zombie First Aid Kits and William Shatner at the Calgary Expo
1:06:15: Highlights and winners from June’s Story Slam
1:12:12: You’re so hipster and you don’t even know it
1:25:45: The Fast 16 with Jeremy Die and Gregg Beever

That’s it for us, as we take our summer break. The Unknown Studio will be back in August with wonderful episodes and best-laid plans. Enjoy your Julyna!

As always, I take 18 of the links I’ve tweeted and compile them into a list for ease of perusal.

The links included are on a variety of nonsense topics, from science, to movies, to games, to the bizarre. This week’s fun includes a urinal based gaming console, zombies overrunning a city council meeting, and self-driving cars.

Got your clubs? Good! Lets hit the links.

The Front Nine

1 – Ron Howard producing a live action “Spy vs. Spy” movie?
2 – Zombies invade unprepared British town.
3 – Scientists working on “Smell-O-Vision,” cure for cancer still a few years off.
4 – Land approved for Gary Gygax memorial in Lake Geneva.
5 – Pixar announces new movie for 2013, no other details.
6 – The “Screwnicorn,” for the unicorn loving connoisseur.
7 – New cast members added to “Powers” adaptation.
8 – Several notable artists record “Muppets” tribute album.
9 – 7-year-old leads police on car chase.

The Back Nine

10 – Six words: My Little Pony Street Fighting Game
11 – New alloy turns heat directly into electricity.
12 – Congratulations! Your dishwasher could be breeding deadly black mold!
13 – Sega unveils new urinal based gaming console. Yes, you read that correctly.
14 – J.K. Rowling unveils “Pottermore,” a new way to get your money.
15 – Supreme Court to make landmark ruling on future of video gaming industry.
16 – Self-driving cars get the green light in Nevada.
17 – Horrific “Doctor Who”-like bollards aim to slow down school zone drivers.
18 – Shockingly, “Bigfoot” evidence announcement turns out to be a total farce.

So, I sometimes wonder, would someone dare to steal it?

And the answer is invariably no. For board games are not considered precious to most people. But precious gems are.

I presume you can see where I’m going with this. Today, I’m pulling one of my go-to board games off the shelf. It’s a game about ruby stealing thieves, shady smugglers, forging jewelers and crooked cops.

And it’s one of the priciest games I own.

Master Thieves (2004)

Game Design: Czarnè
Publisher: Rio Grande Games
Number of Players: 2-8
Time: 60 minutes
Ages: 8+
Website: www.riograndegames.com

“Master Thieves” is a game of theft, deduction, deception and intelligence.

And it’s actually fairly rare! The fact that the game is hand-made, imported, and expensive combines to make it… a little outside the mainstream. Which is kind of a shame, because of how much fun it is.

On the other hand, it makes playing “Master Thieves” a somewhat rare experience, which kind of adds to it’s appeal. Unless of course you’re like me, and you own a copy for yourself.

Let’s crack this thing open.

Components

First sign that a game is awesome – it doesn’t come in a box, it comes in a wooden chest.

“Master Thieves” isn’t fooling around here. The box is sturdy, heavy, and filled to the brim with fun. And I say it’s filled to the brim with fun – because there’s actually not a lot of components for this game.

You’re looking at an instruction manual, a handful of cards, some pillows, player cards, wooden and plastic tokens, and a puzzle box.

Wait… puzzle box?

Yes. The most notable piece in “Master Thieves” is also the component that makes it such an expensive game.

The puzzle box is the core of the game, and they’ve put care into it’s design. They’re designed to rotate in three sections, with twelve drawers. There are six regular drawers, and six that contain a secret compartment – and they’re all double sided.

But the puzzle box isn’t the only beautiful part of the game.

The story goes that the designer came up with the idea for “Master Thieves” while pondering what to do with all the extra bits of plastic left from making components for another game. Whether or not that’s true, you have a pile of plastic gemstones in three colours: red, blue and white.

You also get some velvet cushions to keep your gems on – black, white and a single red “evidence” cushion.

The rest of the components to the game aren’t as fancy. You get a deck of cards, a player card in one of eight colours, and a matching wooden disk.

Gameplay

At it’s heart, the gameplay of “Master Thieves” is simple, and it’s all based off the use of the puzzle box. Everything you do in a turn is essentially a variation of the following: take something out of the box, put something into the box, then turn and flip the box.

The box itself is seeded with some gems at the start of the game – a handful of diamonds, and the six rubies which are all placed into the secret compartments.

Every player starts with some “fake” gemstones on their white cushion which they’re working to dispose of. These gems will all be worth negative points at the end of the game. Gems can only be disposed of by putting them into the puzzle box.

Meanwhile, anything that comes out of the puzzle box is a real gem. You’re trying to accumulate these on your black cushion, where they’ll be worth points. But you have to be careful! You can only claim gems that you remove from a right-side-up drawer – if you cause anything to fall out of the box from an upside-down drawer, it goes on the red “evidence” cushion, and your turn ends.

At the beginning of each round, everyone selects one “role” they’ll play from the hand they’ve been dealt. Each hand will contain one of each of the roles, numbered 1 to 8. During the round, each role acts in turn – multiples of the same role act in their numbered order.

First to go is the Smuggler. Smugglers try to move fake gems out of town, while bringing in authentic ones. They also act as a team – but are happy to backstab one another for a profit. A Smuggler opens a drawer, takes out any real gems, and puts a fake one in the box. The gems removed go on the red “evidence” cushion, not to the individual Smuggler. If anything falls out – it also goes on the red cushion, but the Smuggler can’t put anything in the box, and doesn’t get a cut of the loot. After all the Smugglers go, the Detectives reveal themselves. If there are more Smugglers than Detectives, any that weren’t caught during the turn get a share of what’s on the red cushion.

Next go the Jewelers. Jewelers keep vaults that are well protected. As such, don’t take anything out of the box, but can set an alarm in an unalarmed drawer, and place a gem with it. If there are already gems in the drawer, so much the better – for when someone else trips the Jeweler’s alarm, the Jeweler gets all the gems that fell out.

Gemologists are next. The Gemologist spots and gets rid of fake gems. She doesn’t take anything out of the box, rather she puts one of her fake gems into it. She can also put in additional gems for each Detective in play – they help her sniff out extra fakes to get rid of. The Gemologist is also the only role that can take it’s action, even if she gets “caught” by making something fall from the puzzle box.

Thieves are next. The Thief is looking to loot drawers, but they’re “caught” if they spill anything from the puzzle box. They also can’t remove drawers from the puzzle box – only open them as far as the main compartment. Anything the Thief finds in a right-side-up drawer, though, is all theirs.

Master Thieves are good enough to find secret compartments. They get to actually pull a drawer out of the box, and hopefully find a shiny ruby in the compartments. Rubies never go on the red cushion, either. Any rubies that spill are put back for another Master Thief to try for.

Finally, it’s the turn of the Detectives. The Detectives are all crooked, but they’ll never get their hands dirty by touching the puzzle box. Instead, they split up the evidence on the red cushion at the end of the turn.

And there you are.

Overall

“Master Thieves” is another game where the gameplay is deceptively simple. The game is fundamentally a constantly evolving puzzle, where everyone is trying to solve it, while simultaneously adding complexity to it.

I’ve seen Thieves rob a drawer they seeded the turn before as a Gemologist. I’ve seen three Master Thieves work to screw each other out of possible secret compartments, while desperately searching for rubies. I’ve watched a Jeweler trip his own alarm by accident, ending up with nothing. I’ve seen a pair of lucky Detectives gain a whole handful of gems after a particularly unlucky turn for everyone else.

What I’m getting at is “Master Thieves” is a tremendously fun game. It’s challenging, intelligent, social and absolutely worth seeking out for the opportunity to play.

When Carrie first saw me on March 21, I think she was worried. She knew I was out of shape (it was very plain to see), but when she actually did my assessments, the numbers were… well, not good. And while I’m not really close to where I want to be, I’ve made significant progress. I was re-assessed this morning, and thought I’d share the numbers with you.

Weight: 212.4 lbs (from 229.4 – March 21)

Measurements (compared to last assessment date on May 16th):

• Chest: from 39.5 to 38.5 inches
• Arms: (L) from 13.2 to 13.0 inches
  (R) from 13.5 to 13.0 inches
• Waist: from 40.8 to 40.0 inches
• Hips: from 44.0 to 43.5 inches
• Thighs: (L) from 22.5 to 23.0 inches
  (R) from 22.2 to 22.5 inches

Muscularskeletal Assessment (compared to initial results from March 21st):

• Squats (1 min): 28 to 34
• Box Step Ups (2 min): 46 to 56
• Push Ups (to max): 6 to 12
• Sit Ups (max): 8 to 18
• Plank (max): 28 sec to 1 minute

Given the progress I’ve made, I’ve registered to run a 7.5 km race this Saturday through 5 Peaks at the Sunridge Ski area. I don’t expect to even come close to winning, but I just need to know that I can finish in a reasonable amount of time without wanting to die. I’ll post about my experience after the race.

Now I should say I know very little about improv, except that I thoroughly enjoy watching it. But the one thing I do know about a good improv performer is that they never say “no” to another performer’s suggestion in the middle of a scene. So I naturally said “yes” to the Mack/Amy request.

And that means that tonight, along with Mastermaq himself as well as the Baconator Realtor Jerry Aulenbach, the theatre revolution that is Rapid Fire’s annual Improvaganza will indeed be live-tweeted.

The plan is for the live-tweeters to not only tell the #yeg Twitter community what’s going on at Improvaganza this evening (starting at 7:30pm, by the way), but to also solicit scene suggestions from our online audience. And in-theatre audience members will be encouraged to tweet about their experience using the #yegimprov hashtag.

Mack posted about the event last week which you can read on his blog.

As for me… I’m looking forward to it. It’ll be cool to connect with some great new people. And also, perhaps the best part: we get to hang out at one of my favourite Edmonton pubs after the show. So I’ll see many of you at the Next Act!

#yegimprov – A Live Social Media Experiment
Tonight at 7:30pm
Varscona Theatre
Tickets $10 at the door or available in advance from Tix on the Square

Dad has three boys, and I’m right in the middle. My eldest brother, Pieter, is a dad to an 18-month-old. Gilbert is his name. My little brother Josh hopes to be a dad one day soon too.

Dad imbued all of his children with a sense of discover and wonder, either by accident or by design. I’m sure that even he is really sure. But he’s always been a tremendous support and a loving man over the years.

Dad taught us it was OK to cry at movies. He taught us to own up to our mistakes. He taught us to be ambitious, to make our mark, and to be upbeat and positive. He taught us that good things do not come to those who wait; they come to those who get off their asses and work hard.

And he did all this by showing us how. A successful man in the twilight of his career, my dad is planning to retire soon. And I can’t wait for him to enjoy the fruits of his labors.

Dad’s had a long and storied work life. He owned a few businesses with some partners, including a gas station and a hotel in Edmonton — neither of which are around anymore. He hit a rough patch when he sold those businesses and had to work as a carpenter making cabinets for the Miseracordia Hospital expansion in the west end. It was tough for him and my mom to make ends meet during that time, but they never let us kids know they were struggling. They always tried to give us everything.

Dad pursued a career in human resources after that, mostly I think because he loved working with people. And people love working with my dad. We can’t go anywhere without him bumping into an old friend or acquaintance, and Dad always takes the time to catch up.

Dad’s taught me everything I know about being a man. And it isn’t any of that lumberjack, burly-man nonsense. It’s about being a positive force in my community, helping out friends, family and even strangers. And having a passion for people.

Thanks for making me the man I am today, Dad. Happy Fathers Day!

Fortunately, I use my twitter feed to keep you apprised of some of the juiciest bits of Internet. And at the end of the week, it all gets compiled here for your reviewing pleasure.

So, lets hit the links, friends. 18 Internet spots worth checking out. As always, the Front Nine are a collection of shorter hits for those who don’t have a lot of time, while the Back Nine is where the longer material ends up.

Get your golf-cart fired up. Here we go.

The Front Nine

1 – Oscars changing how many Best Picture nominations they’re giving. Again.
2 – “Star Wars” television show still in the works. Sort of. Maybe.
3 – Actor Sean Bean defends a woman’s honor, gets slashed, orders another beer.
4 – Foodologist Alton Brown’s Pulled Pork Sandwich recipe.
5 – 5 reasons a “Fraggle Rock” movie would… well… rock.
6 – Future of restaurant menus? Touchscreen table top!
7 – Apple developing tech to control when you can use your phone camera.
8 – “BioShock’s” Rapture brought to plastic life with LEGO.
9 – No, seriously, a woman tries to hire a hitman over Facebook.

The Back Nine

10 – Holy shit, a working HOVER BIKE!?
11 – Just in time for Pride Week – “rainbows” are banned at an Ontario school.
12 – Meteorite suggests life on Earth originated in space.
13 – Samuel L. Jackson reads bedtime story “Go the Fuck to Sleep.”
14 – 10 “Star Trek” projects that could have been.
15 – Chinese man makes awesome Iron Man Mark 1 costume.
16 – Hollywood losing confidence in San Diego Comic Con.
17 – Atheists pitch in to help repair vandalism to Oregon churches.
18 – Trojan condoms does a sexual census of the United States.

Episode 25 of this season features Scott and I shooting the breeze about all things Edmonton. We recap May’s Story Slam, we speak with Ryan Jespersen from Citytv about his TEDxEdmonton experience, and we chat with Mack Male and Sharon Yeo about their upcoming “What the Truck” event.

I just rolled into Calgary for the Expo and I’m beat. So more detailed show notes will come later this weekend. Enjoy!