But we still had a whole bunch of segments we wanted to share with you:

• Highlight’s from January’s Story Slam
• Edmonton: A City episode 3
• An interview with the Edmonton Journal’s blogger-in-residence Alex Abboud

So, Scott have me the keys to the editing suite. And we’re giving you this episode. Hope you enjoy it. Let us know what you think in the comments.

Scott does a dramatic reading, Jeff Samsonow tells us about MediaCamp, and I rant. Welcome to 2012, listeners!

It was with a sense of child-like glee and adult-like anxiety that I waited outside the Santa workshop at Southgate Mall last week. The anxiety? Due to the very nature of being an adult male, schlepping about a Santa compound and observing children as they come out from meeting the Big Guy. If I was mall security, I probably would have asked myself what I was doing. Luckily, even after spending six hours at Southgate during the height of the Christmas shopping season, I was still only halfway to looking like the guy from One Hour Photo.

The glee? Due to the prospect that I was actually going to be interviewing Santa for our most recent Edmonton: A City segment. Not only that, but I would actually have a period of time to talk to him for myself, not just a couple minutes before being kicked out of there. It was a childhood dream. Even as an adult, there was something that felt undeniably fun about going to meet Santa. Maybe he’d even let me sit on his knee.

And, meeting Santa lived up to expectations (except for the knee-sitting thing). Carrying a brown messenger bag with him, which I will assume was where he kept the naughty/nice list, Santa descended down the walkway to greet me. We walked down the mall to the employee breakroom (where Santa hangs during his breaks), as he waved to passing adults and children, charismatically playing the crowd. It was interesting to see how many adults—approximately 0.01% of whom had anything resembling a smile on their face in the midst of Christmas shopping— lit up when they saw Santa, even as much as the kids. It was like seeing him triggered a brief reconnection with childhood memories and feelings of what Christmas is truly about.

I sat down and talked to Santa, a.k.a. Francis Dryden (which I can only assume is his codename), for around 40 minutes—so long that we decided to post the entire interview, for your festive seasonal enjoyment! And if you don’t listen…you’re getting a lump of coal this Christmas.

In it, we discussed:

• beards (and how fake-bearded Santas are an exercise in charlatanry)
• why some kids have difficulty seeing the economic difference between “toys” and “iPads”
• irritating parents who complain to mall management when Santa tells those kids he can’t produce said iPads
• the physical rigours of working 8 hours a day for a month and a half lifting 50-pound kids onto your knee
• why he doesn’t use chimneys anymore
• his background as a rock drummer formerly nicknamed Captain Crunch (yes, really)
• his genuine love for children and work with the Shriners

As the interview went on, it started to become more apparent that he truly sounded like the real deal; someone who went out of their way to selflessly make kids happy. If Santa is a symbol of compassion and love for children, then Mr. Dryden makes a fine Santa indeed.

0:00: Intro – “look at my sack!”
1:00: Welcome to the Edmonton: A City boys
19:58: Christmas in Space – yes, this is a severe Star Trek reference
23:36: How podcasts get started
43:27: Edmonton: A City – A special Christmas segment
54:38: A Dramatic Reading with Scott C Bourgeois – in which Scott outdoes Adam by telling EVERY CHRISTMAS STORY AT ONCE
1:01:15: A Christmas gift exchange; also Scott and Adam get confused
1:10:39: The Fast Sixteen with Sam and Jonn

You know who can write poetry? Very well? Edmonton’s own Kasia Gawlak. (You may know her from such events as Words with Friends, which she organizes with fellow writer Jason Norman. You might also know her as one of the outspoken organizers of Edmonton’s Slut Walk. Or even the Edmonton Music Collectors Show.)

So she does other things too. You can find out all about her poetry and her extracurricular activities in this episode. Here’s the breakdown:

0:00: Intro – “Sexy Poetry”
1:00: Do you tan?
19:08: The Flavor of T-Shirts – an interview with Wade and Brendan from Flavor Clothing (listen to this segment for the opportunity to win a prize!)
30:17: Remember Geocities? So do we.
52:30: Scott’s Soapbox – the moustache speaks: Scott raised $592 for Movember!
55:19: We debrief (!) Outgoing EPL Writer-in-Residence Marty Chan
1:04:33: Words! With Friends!
1:14:42: Fast Fifteen with Kasia Gawlak

Scott and I rarely get out, owing to the fact that Edmonton’s top scientists insist on conducting endless studies into just what it is that makes us so fantastic.

It’s fuckin’ Wheaties, all right? ARE YOU HAPPY?!

No, you’re not happy. And do you know why? Because you rarely get the opportunity to actually spend time with us. UNTIL NOW.

This weekend (like, the one that starts tomorrow) is jam-packed with Scottadam goodness (that’s Scott and Adam goodness, for those among you with the furrowed brows). Well, Sunday is, anyhow.

You might recall an interview we did last season with the Edmonton Public Library’s Writer-in-Residence Marty Chan. Marty was a great guest, and over the past year, he’s been meeting with creative people in Edmonton to help them hone their craft and write, write, write. A part of Marty’s role at WiR is to encourage and nurture writers. As such, he’s been hosting a series called the “Writers’ Corner”:

[...] [A] friendly and supportive gathering with a different guest author each month. The guest author will give an author talk and reading and will then answer your questions and offer advice. Come and talk about your writing in a friendly and supportive atmosphere and listen to the suggestions of professional writers in our community. All writers and readers are welcome. No experience is necessary.

While Scott and I won’t be “reading” anything we’ve written, per se (at least I don’t think we will. I tend to throw out all my napkins), we are going to be speaking at the last Writers’ Corner hosted by Marty, so come down to the Stanley Milner Library on Sunday at 1:30pm if you want to learn all there is to know about podcasting.

But wait, there’s more!

Immediately after we finish up at EPL, we’re going to high-tail it to the southside of the river to host Microphones and Moustaches: The Movember Open Mic Challenge, brought to you by two of the most wonderful hipsters we know, the Inglorious Hipsters (who were also guests on our show).

The Challenge takes place on Sunday starting at 5pm, and goes until about 9pm. People are invited to challenge others to perform on stage for money. This money will be donated to Prostate Cancer Research as part of Movember. Easy, right?

OR IS IT?!

No, it is. You should come down to that to see people do silly things on stage, all for a great cause!

See you this weekend, EVERYONE IN EDMONTON.

But it also includes an interview with the founder of the Toonseum, Joe Wos. Scott and I had the opportunity to speak with Joe at Pure Speculation. We actually interviewed him before a live studio audience. We’d love to do a lot more of that.

No, my laptop is pooched, which is why there’s no image for this show on our feature banner above. That’s also why I can’t give you a show breakdown.

This will all be corrected tomorrow. Meanwhile, I assure you, this podcast will be music to your ears. Enjoy!

Many of our regular listeners and readers will recall (you WILL recall, I demand it!) that we launched a contest at the end of August designed to bring new blood into the careening mass of weirdness we call The Podcast. We asked listeners to become contributors by pitching us segment ideas. Part of the reasoning was to provide a different persepctive and also to take some of the production pressure off of Scott and me. We love what we’re doing, of course, but it’s a lot of work. So if there were people out there who were interested, we thought we’d exploit them.

And, like a bunch of fame-seeking lemmings, many of you responded.

Oh sure, some of you called us crazy. Others were happy to simply watch from the sidelines and say nothing — or so we assume, since we never actually heard from any of those people, BUT WE CAN FEEL YOU LOOKING AT US, DAMMIT!

Six groups did take the time to respond and try and sell their vision for an Unknown Studio segment. We read proposals, we listened to demo reels, we slept under fleece blankets and ate marshmallows while talking about our latest crushes… and we arrived at a decision.

We’re pleased to welcome Jonn, Matt and Simon to the Unknown Studio family as our newest show contributors. Starting with our next episode (which will feature an interview with self-published poet Kasia Gawlak who many of you know as @confessionality), the Trio of Terror will… Well, I’ll let them explain it — this is text taken directly from the pitch that sold Scott and I:

If you ask an Edmontonian about their relationship with their city, you’re likely to get a mixed response.

“It’s nice during the summer time,” one might respond.

“The River Valley looks pleasant today, but just look at the traffic on the High Level,” says another. “And why won’t anybody do anything about these potholes?”

And finally, “I hate this goddamn place, and I hope it and its inhabitants burn in the foul vestiges of hell,” says a man who will spend the rest of his life here.

But regardless of whether people love it, hate it, or are slightly irked by ETS not showing up on time causing them to be 5 minutes late for hot yoga, it would be hard for anyone to argue: this is a city. Such logic can’t be denied.

This segment will be in the vein of This American Life and will talk about the frustration, blandness, awkward situations, ennui (because let’s be honest, we have a significant hipster demographic) and occasional awesomeness that comes with living in Alberta’s capital city. It’s not that bad of a place. At least sometimes. There are interesting stories that occur in this city.

A mix of the irreverent and the serious, three former Gateway editors will go after the curious stories and quaint Edmontonia that is all around us, yet goes unacknowledged except for a brief muttering to yourself. In doing so, we will try to create an informative and captivating take on what makes our city both average and aspiring.

So there you have it, our very own version of The Edmontican Life (we won’t call it that). We’re expecting great things from these self-proclaimed carbon-based life forms. AND GREAT THINGS WE SHALL HAVE. Because it’s, like, totally in their contract.

Just kidding. Do Scott and I look like the kinds of people who know the first thing about contracts?

A huge thanks to everyone who pitched us a segment. We’ve invited all of these people to contribute at some point and really hope they take us up on the offer!

We also have segments detailing some of the terrific Movember events taking place right here in the Greatest City on the Planet™. Here’s the breakdown:

0:00: The Fortress of Solitude… home of Happy Harbor!
17:17: Microphones and Moustaches (on November 27) with Gregg Beever
23:56: Wait, how many Happy Harbors are there?
48:18: MoSistas Edmonton, coming to a D’Lish Wine Bar near you (on November 10)
55:44: The Rules for Home Shaving – A Dramatic Reading by Scott C Bourgeois
59:12: Jay and PureSpec and Married Scott
1:16:14: The Fast Fifteen with Jay Bardyla

And we’ve got a great show for you this Halloween. No time to write the breakdown, but I’ll tell you this: our main guest is self-published vampire author (she writes about them, she isn’t one) Stephanie Sparks. We also chat with one of the organizers of Screamfest, Scott reads something dramatically and spooky for you, and I rant about non-trick-or-treaters who put no effort into their Halloween-night capering.

Enjoy the show, and let us know what you thought in the comments!

We also have some excellent segments this episode. Here’s the show breakdown:

0:00: Marriage arousal
1:24: Kikkiplanet, a social media bright light
9:53: The 24/One Challenge, from the perspective of Team Awesome Video Club
27:30: The Kikki Persona
47:33: Digital Alberta relaunches to connect the province
52:26: September’s Edmonton Story Slam
1:08:19: Coke Zero Heroes
1:20:37: The Fast 15 with Kathleen Smith

This past weekend, Scott and I had the opportunity to record an interview with Kathleen Smith, known to most as @kikkiplanet on Twitter. Kikki started out on Twitter a ways back just playing around, and it wasn’t until the constant and effective chiding of Jerry Aulenbach that she became more involved with the community.

Her notion of creating a personal website for her random musings soon faded and gave way to KikkiPlanet.com, which will be launching this Friday, September 30 at an exclusive party at the Daffodil Gallery (10412 124 St). And wouldn’t you know it, but Kikki gave the Unknown Studio two pairs of passes to giveaway to this sure-to-be bumpin’ shindig. And these passes? Hell, they get you food AND booze. Nice, right?

So here’s the deal. The first two people to email adam@theunknownstudio.ca and tell us Kikki’s favourite kind of booze will win the tickets. Sorry kids, we already have our winners. Have fun at the party, and if you feel like paying your own way, you can buy tickets on EventBrite!

Trust me, this isn’t a party you want to miss.

And stay tuned later on this week, when we post our show, which features a full-length interview with Kikki herself!

[holds for applause.]

We decided to kick off the season with a guest who barely needs an introduction. You might remember her from such newspapers as the Edmonton Journal. You may have even read some of her blog posts over at Edmonton Commons. Yes, that’s right, everyone; I’m talking about Edmonton’s own Paula Simons!

[holds for raucous applause.]

We’ll share an episode breakdown with you later. For now, we’d just ask that you enjoy this extra-long season premiere!

[bows, then exits over thunderous applause.]

Enjoy her post, and read more about Kathleen at the end of the story.

—————————————

I’m not sure that many people attended Mercury Opera’s production of Madame Opera the weekend of August 27th, but, for those of us who made it out to this unique outdoor event, it was totally worth it.

I have to admit sometimes to being a “hater” when it comes to my hometown — mostly when it comes to the events that happen in parks. They always seem to have the look of empty festivals that leave you with the feeling of, “gee if we were just in a bigger city, this event wouldn’t feel so dead or empty.”

That being said, being a producer of events I understand how much work and money it takes to put on a well-conceived event, never mind all the work it takes to produce a successful show with high artistic talent.

This intimate, alternatively staged, “reader’s digest” version of production of Madame Butterfly was a version that even on this bit chilly of an evening, was engaging and emotionally moving. What really stuck out with this unique production of Madame Butterfly however was the alternative space in which to hold an opera and how the whole evening was packaged. It was a special night I’m sure to everyone who attended.

The gala began at 6pm and you were invited to three places along 95 St. in the Little Italy district. You got to travel between each place Spinelli’s Café, Zocali, and the new Delish Bakery just off 95St, and 107 ave. sampling small snacks, and various wines, as each place hosted casual reception fair with a neighbourly welcoming vibe.

You then made your way through the big elm trees and past the playground to the large tent in the middle of Giovanni Caboto Park. Feeling a bit like you’re walking into a circus tent, inside you were instantly struck by the mini theatre set up inside, not a bad seat in the house, little trees designing the space and an actual live orchestra awaiting you.

The audience unfortunately did not fill all the seats, probably, not even half, but somehow you didn’t get the feeling like you were at some unpopular party that no one bothered to go to. Instead you had the feeling, especially as the show progressed that you were lucky enough to have stumbled on the best kept secret in town, an intimate and relatively small performance space with romantic tenors and sopranos singing just for you and your friends.

Mercury Opera’s founder and artistic director, Darcia Parada although working back and forth from New York City and Edmonton for the past years has thankfully chosen to stay in Edmonton, and bringing with her the inspiration she had participating in performance culture in NYC back to Edmonton. Her biography tells us she “began dreaming of staging opera in unusual spaces” after performing La Boheme in a loft in Tribeca.

If you’ve ever lived, worked or traveled in NYC it’s not hard to be inspired by the seemingly endless array of alternative ways to see performances. If you have any experience producing shows, site-specific shows in alternative spaces in particular, you can’t help to notice when that alternative space works or doesn’t. You become extra sensitive to when there is no real attention to the space itself and how an event can seem just “plunked” down somewhere without any consideration for how the space is being used in relation to what’s happening. It is a challenge to create an event in inspired space — have it functional and yet designed so it doesn’t look empty, to envision how the audience is going to engage and see the performance space, and to consider the overall flow of the evening, what people in general will want to be doing in between the entertainment, how they will flow, where the bathrooms are, etc.

Mercury Opera seemed to have considered it all, from the first step into the mini magical world inside the tent, to the size and design of the performance and audience space, to intermission where you exited the tent only to find fireworks just steps away, giving a small but not chintzy display of fireworks, (even more interesting if you had read in the program that the fireworks themselves had been colored and choreographed by the theme of the characters of the opera), to the porta-potties a little distance away, if you were like me and perhaps got a little carried away by the free prossecco offered earlier.

It’s such a nice surprise when the vision fits to the size of the “fishtank” so to speak, having the right sized cast, a well-rehearsed, professional cast and orchestra, simple yet professional lighting, simple yet well designed set and stage direction, a well-thought out audience seating arrangement. The show itself can then really come alive and the strength of performance be highlighted in the space rather than having all the elements detract from it, again leaving you with a feeling, “well, that was a good idea at least…”

No, the Mercury’s opera staging of Madame Butterfly was an incredibly well done experiment, showcasing some real up and coming musical talent, all flown in from New York to perform in a beautiful welcoming event full of appreciative, well- cared for guests.

This is a shout out to Mercury Opera for having the guts, and skills in contributing an inspired vision to Edmonton’s own burgeoning performance culture.

Kathleen Ochoa is an Edmonton-based dance artist, teacher, producer, writer and researcher in the burgeoning field of embodiment studies. She has lived, studied and worked as dancer and yoga instructor in NYC, Montreal, Marseille, Paris, and Rome.

So long, you delightful scamps!

On Sunday morning last week, I received an email from Jeff Samsonow and Sally Poulsen, the creators of theEdmontonian.com, one of the city’s most beloved blogs. They said that two weeks hence, they’d be closing up shop. I paused. I yelled. I swore. I called my girlfriend over to the computer screen and we both read the message in disbelief.

“Other projects,” they said paraphrasically in their email, “are jumping around in our heads, and we can’t pursue them without moving on from the Edmontonian.”

“OUTRAGE!” I responded, frightening my girlfriend, and our cat, who both read on in dismay.

I jest, somewhat, of course. The loss of the Edmontonian is a loss indeed, but I’m excited to see what Jeff and Sally will do next.

I count the pair as good friends. They’ve helped this very podcast grow — leading by example, and pushing us to be more than just two idiots opining about Star Trek. They helped our show earn revenue by connecting us with some great people and businesses, who we now also count as our friends.

I’m sad to see the Edmontonian leave the city’s blogscape. For one, Jeff and Sally were pioneers in a lot of ways. Oh sure, the Dave Cournoyers and Mack Males of the world — or rather, just those two guys — were working on blogs long before June 2009… but Jeff and Sally brought together a community of people who not only came to read, but to contribute. They helped to build and expand the online conversation about our city.

Heck, Jeff and Sally’s move to involve more Edmontonians in creating content inspired our promotion to get our listeners more involved in the show.

Mack Male did a great interview with them over at his blog, which you should read. And you should also make absolutely sure that you watch and see what Jeff and Sally are going to do next. I have no doubt it will be equal parts funny and informative — and it will reflect the passion they have for their work and this great community we live in.

And so the Edmontonian leaves us this week on a high note, like the George Costanza of Edmonton’s online community.

So long, TheEdmontonian.com. We hardly knew ye.

We love great content — content that focuses on the interesting stories in Edmonton that should be told to the masses. So we want you — our listeners — to help us create this content. We want YOU to produce a segment for the Unknown Studio.

As such, we’re holding a contest starting today, and ending on September 30. We want you to pitch us your segment idea. It can be hard news, comedy, skit-based, a radio play, a series of interviews — whatever you want.

Give your segment a name, a theme, a gimmick — whatever you think it will take to create something viable, entertaining and/or informative. If you can send us a quick 2-minute demo, that would be fantastic too!

The winning segment will air once per month. It should be between 5 and 10 minutes.

It must have the shelf-life of AT LEAST one season — or about 18-20 episodes. If our listeners really like it, and if we really like it, we might even keep running it, and you become a regular contributor to the Edmonton’s best talk show podcast!

You must be able to produce the segment yourself, and deliver it to us each month. Hell, we’ll even show you the tricks of the trade, if you need a little bit of training.

Send us your ideas! Show us how clever, funny and awesome you can be. And above all, show us your perspective on the City of Edmonton, its incredible citizens and its untold stories!

Email theshow@theunknownstudio.ca and pitch us your segment! And of course, if you have any questions — any at all — email us! You could be a part of the podcasting magic of the Unknown Studio’s 3rd season!

0:00: Scott blows the dust off our recording equipment
2:02: Adam talks to Kat Danser at the Edmonton Folk Music Festival
6:25: Adam talks to the Deep Dark Woods at the EFMF
11:56: Sex Talk with Lauren – Have Dildo Will Travel
14:17: 30 years of the International Fringe Festival
16:57: Adam talks to Scott C. Bourgeois and Leah Anderson about two Fringe productions they’re in
27:15: Scott talks to two lovely women from New York, performing at the Fringe for Channel One
37:15: Adam chats with young playwright and Fringe performer Ben Wheelwright
43:49: Scott shares a few moment with several Kows from Apocalypse Kow
51:22: Scott talks to Trent Wilkie from the one-man show Aachen
1:00:30: Outro

I will be spending the next week firmly entrenched in my various Edmonton International Fringe Festival projects. You should check out both the stage play I’m in, as well as the nightly improv show.

The improvisational comedy show in particular might be up your alley.

But before I delve deeply into the world of theatre for the next week, I leave you with 18 Internet holes of glory for you to poke your business into. Uh…

This week’s batch of the bizarre includes a police force being laid off, thinking machines, real-life costumed crime fighters, undead squids and a town-for-sale.

The Front Nine

1 – “Slaughterhouse-Five” banned in Missouri school, Vonnegut museum swears to send a copy to each student.
2 – Vincent Gallo movies now to only be seen by Vincent Gallo.
3 – City of Oak Hill, Florida, fires entire police force.
4 – Own your own town for a mere $800,000!
5 – Girl struck by lightning on a bright, sunny day.
6 – Pregnant student goes into labour during bar exam, finishes before delivering baby.
7 – Japanese scientists invent thinking, learning robot.
8 – “World War Z” plot may be dumbed down for movie version.
9 – Movie script is mistaken for literal bomb, blown up.

The Back Nine

10 – Wild dogs in Moscow learn to use public transit, are generally super smart.
11 – Popular Japanese “Dancing Squid” dish makes dead squid move in horrifying parody of life.
12 – Mike Mignola to kill off  title character of “Hellboy.”
13 – Gardener by day, costumed crime-fighter by night: Knight Warrior.
14 – Khan might be in “Star Trek 2,” but the Borg definitely won’t be.
15 – Swedish man tries to build a nuclear reactor… in his kitchen.
16 – Piece of space shuttle “Columbia” found in dry Texas lake bed.
17 – “How to Train Your Dragon” gets stage adaptation from “Walking With Dinosaurs” people.
18 – New drug may effectively treat any viral infection by killing it’s food.

Scott and I met for lunch the other day to discuss the forthcoming season of the Unknown Studio — our third since we launched this puppy back in June 2009. Originally, we’d agreed to take a short summer hiatus. That has turned into a full-on summer vacation from our beloved podcast. There are several contributing factors to our extended absence:

• Scott is busy rehearsing for not one but two Fringe productions
• I moved into a new place with Rachel at the beginning of July, and we’ve spent much of the summer setting up
• I’m on vacation next week
• It’s summer
• Did we mention it’s summer?

I know at least one of those might seem like a lame excuse, but… well, we started this so we didn’t have to make excuses. To anyone. OK, Mom?

But fear not, frequent listener, for while we won’t be back in earnest until September, next week we’ll have a “summer special” episode of the Unknown Studio, featuring interviews with Edmonton Folk Music Festival performers, Fringe playwrights and actors, and even Lauren, the beloved hostess of Sex Talk from the Traveling Tickle Trunk.

The Unknown Studio will be back in full swing with our Season 3 Premiere the week of September 12.

We look forward to talking at you… on the INTERNETZ!

Sylvancroft, former residence to Mayor Harry Evans | Photo by Raffaella Loro

Both of my parents moved to Canada from Europe when they were young. They settled in Alberta and eventually started a family in Edmonton. My dad was an entrepreneur, and my mother was studying at the U of A and working in the old courthouse downtown… Eventually, they started having kids and my mom dedicated her life to raising us boys, but she looks fondly back on her days working among judges and lawyers.

We spoke a little bit a few weeks back about the history of Edmonton and some of the characters that she grew up around. My mom, a citizen of Calgary for about 6 or 7 years now, still misses the city.

“It seems like you and dad knew all these strange people who used to populate Edmonton and were all connected,” I told her. She laughed, as I asked her to tell me the story about “Sweaty Betty,” apparently a slum landlord on 124th Street years ago.

Eventually, we started talking about the physical changes in Edmonton. That’s when she said, “I couldn’t believe when they tore down the old courthouse. What a shame.”

I thought, “Old courthouse? I don’t remember an old courthouse.”

That’s because it was torn down in 1972, eight years before I was born. It was demolished to make way for a mall. The City Centre Mall.

Built in 1911, demolished 1972 - from EPL's "Lost Buildings"

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to walk the grounds of Sylvancroft, an old estate home built by one of Edmonton’s first mayors, Harry Marshall Erskine Evans — you can read some great info on the history of the home at EdmontonHeritage.ca.

When I’d first heard of Sylvancroft, its history and its potential demolition (though now uncertain), I was angry. This is the symptom of a much larger problem in Edmonton: a complete and utter disconnect to the physical beauty and history of our city, particularly among young people — myself included.

Paula Simons wrote a great story on Sylvancroft yesterday in the Edmonton Journal:

The Evans family lost its Sylvancroft legacy. We, as Edmontonians, mustn’t make the same mistake. The property seems to have come to an idealistic developer with strong local roots, someone who cares about creating a vibrant city core. Surely it’s not too much to hope that city planners and politicians, perhaps with provincial support, could find some way to co-operate with [Ivan] Beljan to preserve the house.

Front of Sylvancroft | Photo by Raffaella Loro

In our conscious or unconscious desire to position ourselves as a “world-class city,” we seem to be forgetting what makes actual “world-class cities” world class. It isn’t centres of commerce, or sports teams, or freeways — though those can be contributors to such status.

A huge part of being a world-class city is its history.

Our willingness to tear down our history comes at the expense of our future. Sometimes old, decrepit buildings need to be demolished. Not every structure ever built has deep history or architectural relevance to it, certainly not the founding our building of a city — as Freud said, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. But we carry on with this demolition with seemingly little thought or notice.

Edmonton’s story — its founding, how it was built, and how it continues to grow — is its identity. When we tear down historic houses and buildings, we lose that identity. Those buildings link us to the people who’ve lived here and made the city what it is today. With every residence, school or building we tear down, we erase the tangible connection to the people that built this city into what it is.

I don’t want to live in a city that does that to itself.

I’m not sure what happens next for Sylvancroft, but I hope something can be done to save it, to integrate it into a new development, and to preserve the history of a once-grand home that bore witness to the beginnings of Edmonton.

Specifically, I really do intend for the Hitting the Links feature to go up every Saturday. But the fact is I’m busy and it’s just been difficult. So I apologize for not getting one up last week.

But fear not, faithful Internauts, for we’re back, and we’ve got plenty of strangeness from all corners of the web for you to peruse.

This week’s links include dogs versus sharks, the navy versus aliens, cars versus gravity, space stations versus the ocean, and Chinese parents versus common sense. Huh… lots of conflict there.

Lets hit the links!

The Front Nine

1 – “Lucifer” and “Messiah” on the list of banned baby names in New Zealand.
2 – “Wish I Had a Portal Gun.”
3 – Chinese parents sell their kids to feed their video game addiction.
4 – Man awakens in morgue, scares the shit out of the funeral home workers.
5 – Port-a-Potty explosion caused when man lights up cigarette.
6 – Prisoner claims he’s falsely in jail, demands his own country as compensation.
7 – Driver flips his goddamn car over a concrete barrier into a parking spot.
8 – “Game of Thrones” characters done in LEGO.
9 – No one bothers to run for mayor of Tar Heel, North Carolina.

The Back Nine

10 – “Battleship” trailer proves you can’t make a board game into a movie without aliens.
11 – Man concocts elaborate revenge scheme against his ex, nearly destroys her life.
12 – Scientists say they’ve dis-proven time-travel.
13 – International Space Station to be crashed into the ocean in 2020.
14 – GLaDOS’ voice actress sings “Want You Gone.”
15 – “Westerama” mashes up “Game of Thrones” with “Futurama.”
16 – Dog vs. Shark ends in a way you wouldn’t expect.
17 – Turns out Pluto’s been hiding a fourth moon.
18 – Anonymous social network hit by hackers.

Earlier this week, local Internet Mack Male wrote about link roundup posts, and I’m happy to say that Hitting the Links made the cut for a mention. He also spoke about how he enjoys these little roundups, even though they don’t generate many comments.

So I wonder… who out there is wandering through my 18 weekly Internet holes? Care to comment? Make yourselves known, Internauts! Let’s explore together!

As always, I take 18 of the links I’ve tweeted and compile them for you.

This week’s links from the depths of the internet include fish using tools, a Lizard Man, giant space rocks, and a motherfucking BATMOBILE… among other Batman related fun.

The Front Nine

1 – New “James Bond” film back on track, returning Miss Moneypenny to the canon.
2 – French homeowners find literal pot of gold stashed in their basement.
3 – New “Riddler” trailer for “Batman: Arkham City.”
4 – Chinese scientists make gelatin out of human DNA.
5 – “Dark Knight Rises” teaser poster unveiled.
6 – Jenna Maroney’s “Muffin Top” song from “30 Rock.”
7 – “Hark a Vagrant” – Mary Shelly Quite Contrary
8 – Brienne of Tarth cast for season 2 of HBO’s “Game of Thrones.”
9 – Sir Hedgehog t-shirt helps you class up the joint.

The Back Nine

10 – Move over Bigfoot, “Lizard Man” cryptid wants to eat your car.
11 – “Space Invaders” dropping down, moving faster into movie theatres.
12 – Convoluted X-Men family tree laid out in “easy to follow” chart.
13 – Diver captures first ever photo of a fish using a tool.
14 – They Might Be Giants covering “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba.
15 – Researchers say “time and space” cloaking device is possible.
16 – Gearhead builds turbine-powered Batmobile. Seriously.
17 – NASA probe to study asteroid, dwarf planet.
18 – Speculative Dinosaur Project wonders, what if dinosaurs didn’t go extinct?

As I slipped gracelessly into a stupor, looking at Jay square in the eye — for one of mine had permanently closed — I told him, in no uncertain terms, that he wasn’t to start his own podcast. The last thing the Unknown Studio needs, I told him, is competition.

Jay reassured me he wasn’t trying to compete with the Unknown Studio… Unless we planned to talk about movies ever again. Which we probably do. That’s when he told me about Jay n’ J[ordan] — Edmonton’s Entertainment Podcast. I decided, after sobriety gave me a stern lecture to find out more about this new project.

Unknown Studio: How did you guys get to the point where you were, like, “We should do a podcast about movies”?

Jay: Michael Bay came to me in a dream with robots and told me “Jay, upon the internets, you must release you podcast”.

Jordan: Jay called me as if he was in a feverish dream and yelled over the phone “We need sustenance!”

And thus we had a meeting over burgers and Jay n’ J. was born.

US: How long between that decision and actually launching? (We’re just hoping you procrastinate like us)

Jay: 20 seconds to record… 10 seconds to edit. Another 10 seconds to upload

Jordan: Are first episode wasn’t that great But then we decided to have Gregg Beever on the episode.

Jay: It took at least two weeks to do his makeup.

From a meeting over burgers to first episode was just under two weeks.

US: What plans do you have for the show?

Jay & Jordan: Ummm…

US: Who would you rather be pitted against: the stupid ghost-faced murderer from Scream, or the creep from the Saw series? WHY?

Jordan: I’m going with the dude from Scream. Jigsaw from Saw is way to smart for me and I assume I’d have absolutely no chance of survival.

Jay: Me too… plus I could probably just shoot the dude from Scream and end that horrible franchise.

US: What’s the one film each of you watches and can’t help but shed some tears… I MEANT GET DUST IN YOUR EYES?

Jordan: Dead Poets Society.

Jay: I still haven’t seen that movie.

Jordan: What the hell Jay!

Jay: Well mine is J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek.

Jordan: Is it because of the lens flares?

US: Is it OK if Scott and I still occasionally talk about movies on our podcast?

Jay: I want to be nice about this but.. no.

Jordan: You guys could come on our podcast and talk about movies though.

Jay: Ya… we basically have a copyright on “Talking about Movies in Edmonton” now. Sorry. (Patent Pending)

You can catch Jay n’ J every month via their Tumblr. iTunes link should be coming soon, if Jay takes my drunken advice.

Yes, the Canada Day long weekend didn’t have a Hitting the Links. Let’s be honest, though – you were out getting drunk and watching fireworks, so you really didn’t have time to scan over the week in strange links, did you?

I considered a belated segment, but decided not to bother.

So, we take 18 of the links I’ve tweeted and compile them in a handy list.

This week’s online strangeness includes immortality, Angry Birds the movie, and Charlie Sheen.

The Front Nine

1 – Glasses convert crappy 3D movies into glorious 2D!
2 – Is the PS4 slated for a 2012 release?
3 – New app turns FourSquare into “Risk.”
4 – Is “Wargames” in line for a remake?
5 – Learn to make French Toast like “Good Eats” host Alton Brown.
6 – Square-Enix “demixing” classic game music into 8-bit.
7 – Do it yourself guitar pick punch!
8 – Man dies in motorcycle accident, while protesting helmet laws.
9 – Comedy Central goes after low hanging fruit, to roast Charlie Sheen.

The Back Nine

10 – Researcher says immortality may soon be a reality.
11 – Indestructible BotNet enslaves your computer, protects it from viruses.
12 – “Angry Birds” creators want to make a movie version, be the next Pixar.
13 – Pixar, meantime, sells out, and starts working on “Toy Story 4.”
14 – Chain-mail bikinis aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
15 – Sea urchins see with their whole body, further prove all ocean life is terrifying.
16 – New He-Man movie still a possibility?
17 – What happens when “Game of Thrones” meets “Arrested Development?”
18 – Classic Edmonton Sketch Conspiracy – “Avril Lavigne”

But this involved moving from a place I called home for just over four years. A place that saw me through a panoply of different crises, successes and changes. A place I would call one of the most beautiful in the City of Edmonton, a gem for its natural beauty, and the large, warm hearts of its residents.

A place called Riverdale.

Some readers among you might remember the series of posts I did while the Dawson Bridge was closed. At least one of you will recall the made-up history I provided of the bridge, which also featured some fraudulent tidbits about the RD. But I was just trying to get a few cheap laughs.

The neighbourhood’s been home to many things, including a lumberyard and a brickyard. According to its Wikipedia entry, about 25% of the homes down in the RD were built pre-1946. A quick drive or walk through the neighbourhood shows significant dwelling disparities: a row of McMansions bordering the north shore of the river along Cameron avenue, a newer condo complex (the new brickyard) north of that, and brand new townhomes and smaller dwellings even more north of that.

The rest of the place is a mish-mash of fourplexes, co-ops, and single-family homes.

But structures are less relevant than the people who make up the community: passionate, wonderful and caring Edmontonians who work to maintain the character of the RD and make it a neighbourhood that accepts people from all walks of life. That’s the Riverdale I know, even though I wasn’t involved with the community league or different events that took place in the neighbourhood.

No, I knew all this from walking or biking around the community. People always waved, said hi, and smiled at you. We all were Riverdalians and sharing that sense of community brought us all closer together. I’ll miss the people of Riverdale; I’ll miss the stillness of the air on warm summer and cold winter mornings. I’ll miss the quiet coupled with the sense of energy that the community has from being so close to downtown.

I’ll miss you, Riverdale.

In this episode, Scott and I chat with creators of the forthcoming web comic Inglorious Hipsters — Misters Gregg H Beever and Jeremy “Die” Die. We talk origins of their comic concept, which launches on July 4, the day America elected Bill Pullman as President whereupon they were mercilessly attacked by aliens. You know the story.

But what you don’t know is that the rest of the show contains Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo goodness, a Sex Talk Segment (Happy Julyna!), and two terrific stories from the June edition of Edmonton Story Slam. Here’s the breakdown:

0:00: Intro – “Web comics and paper cuts”
2:08: Inglorious Hipsters and childhood friendships
27:40: Sex Talk with Lauren from the Traveling Tickle Trunk
30:16: Michael “Colonel Tigh” Hogan and Jonathan “Riker” Frakes at the Calgary Expo
48:00: Screw the Prime Directive
56:24: Zombie First Aid Kits and William Shatner at the Calgary Expo
1:06:15: Highlights and winners from June’s Story Slam
1:12:12: You’re so hipster and you don’t even know it
1:25:45: The Fast 16 with Jeremy Die and Gregg Beever

That’s it for us, as we take our summer break. The Unknown Studio will be back in August with wonderful episodes and best-laid plans. Enjoy your Julyna!

As always, I take 18 of the links I’ve tweeted and compile them into a list for ease of perusal.

The links included are on a variety of nonsense topics, from science, to movies, to games, to the bizarre. This week’s fun includes a urinal based gaming console, zombies overrunning a city council meeting, and self-driving cars.

Got your clubs? Good! Lets hit the links.

The Front Nine

1 – Ron Howard producing a live action “Spy vs. Spy” movie?
2 – Zombies invade unprepared British town.
3 – Scientists working on “Smell-O-Vision,” cure for cancer still a few years off.
4 – Land approved for Gary Gygax memorial in Lake Geneva.
5 – Pixar announces new movie for 2013, no other details.
6 – The “Screwnicorn,” for the unicorn loving connoisseur.
7 – New cast members added to “Powers” adaptation.
8 – Several notable artists record “Muppets” tribute album.
9 – 7-year-old leads police on car chase.

The Back Nine

10 – Six words: My Little Pony Street Fighting Game
11 – New alloy turns heat directly into electricity.
12 – Congratulations! Your dishwasher could be breeding deadly black mold!
13 – Sega unveils new urinal based gaming console. Yes, you read that correctly.
14 – J.K. Rowling unveils “Pottermore,” a new way to get your money.
15 – Supreme Court to make landmark ruling on future of video gaming industry.
16 – Self-driving cars get the green light in Nevada.
17 – Horrific “Doctor Who”-like bollards aim to slow down school zone drivers.
18 – Shockingly, “Bigfoot” evidence announcement turns out to be a total farce.

So, I sometimes wonder, would someone dare to steal it?

And the answer is invariably no. For board games are not considered precious to most people. But precious gems are.

I presume you can see where I’m going with this. Today, I’m pulling one of my go-to board games off the shelf. It’s a game about ruby stealing thieves, shady smugglers, forging jewelers and crooked cops.

And it’s one of the priciest games I own.

Master Thieves (2004)

Game Design: Czarnè
Publisher: Rio Grande Games
Number of Players: 2-8
Time: 60 minutes
Ages: 8+
Website: www.riograndegames.com

“Master Thieves” is a game of theft, deduction, deception and intelligence.

And it’s actually fairly rare! The fact that the game is hand-made, imported, and expensive combines to make it… a little outside the mainstream. Which is kind of a shame, because of how much fun it is.

On the other hand, it makes playing “Master Thieves” a somewhat rare experience, which kind of adds to it’s appeal. Unless of course you’re like me, and you own a copy for yourself.

Let’s crack this thing open.

Components

First sign that a game is awesome – it doesn’t come in a box, it comes in a wooden chest.

“Master Thieves” isn’t fooling around here. The box is sturdy, heavy, and filled to the brim with fun. And I say it’s filled to the brim with fun – because there’s actually not a lot of components for this game.

You’re looking at an instruction manual, a handful of cards, some pillows, player cards, wooden and plastic tokens, and a puzzle box.

Wait… puzzle box?

Yes. The most notable piece in “Master Thieves” is also the component that makes it such an expensive game.

The puzzle box is the core of the game, and they’ve put care into it’s design. They’re designed to rotate in three sections, with twelve drawers. There are six regular drawers, and six that contain a secret compartment – and they’re all double sided.

But the puzzle box isn’t the only beautiful part of the game.

The story goes that the designer came up with the idea for “Master Thieves” while pondering what to do with all the extra bits of plastic left from making components for another game. Whether or not that’s true, you have a pile of plastic gemstones in three colours: red, blue and white.

You also get some velvet cushions to keep your gems on – black, white and a single red “evidence” cushion.

The rest of the components to the game aren’t as fancy. You get a deck of cards, a player card in one of eight colours, and a matching wooden disk.

Gameplay

At it’s heart, the gameplay of “Master Thieves” is simple, and it’s all based off the use of the puzzle box. Everything you do in a turn is essentially a variation of the following: take something out of the box, put something into the box, then turn and flip the box.

The box itself is seeded with some gems at the start of the game – a handful of diamonds, and the six rubies which are all placed into the secret compartments.

Every player starts with some “fake” gemstones on their white cushion which they’re working to dispose of. These gems will all be worth negative points at the end of the game. Gems can only be disposed of by putting them into the puzzle box.

Meanwhile, anything that comes out of the puzzle box is a real gem. You’re trying to accumulate these on your black cushion, where they’ll be worth points. But you have to be careful! You can only claim gems that you remove from a right-side-up drawer – if you cause anything to fall out of the box from an upside-down drawer, it goes on the red “evidence” cushion, and your turn ends.

At the beginning of each round, everyone selects one “role” they’ll play from the hand they’ve been dealt. Each hand will contain one of each of the roles, numbered 1 to 8. During the round, each role acts in turn – multiples of the same role act in their numbered order.

First to go is the Smuggler. Smugglers try to move fake gems out of town, while bringing in authentic ones. They also act as a team – but are happy to backstab one another for a profit. A Smuggler opens a drawer, takes out any real gems, and puts a fake one in the box. The gems removed go on the red “evidence” cushion, not to the individual Smuggler. If anything falls out – it also goes on the red cushion, but the Smuggler can’t put anything in the box, and doesn’t get a cut of the loot. After all the Smugglers go, the Detectives reveal themselves. If there are more Smugglers than Detectives, any that weren’t caught during the turn get a share of what’s on the red cushion.

Next go the Jewelers. Jewelers keep vaults that are well protected. As such, don’t take anything out of the box, but can set an alarm in an unalarmed drawer, and place a gem with it. If there are already gems in the drawer, so much the better – for when someone else trips the Jeweler’s alarm, the Jeweler gets all the gems that fell out.

Gemologists are next. The Gemologist spots and gets rid of fake gems. She doesn’t take anything out of the box, rather she puts one of her fake gems into it. She can also put in additional gems for each Detective in play – they help her sniff out extra fakes to get rid of. The Gemologist is also the only role that can take it’s action, even if she gets “caught” by making something fall from the puzzle box.

Thieves are next. The Thief is looking to loot drawers, but they’re “caught” if they spill anything from the puzzle box. They also can’t remove drawers from the puzzle box – only open them as far as the main compartment. Anything the Thief finds in a right-side-up drawer, though, is all theirs.

Master Thieves are good enough to find secret compartments. They get to actually pull a drawer out of the box, and hopefully find a shiny ruby in the compartments. Rubies never go on the red cushion, either. Any rubies that spill are put back for another Master Thief to try for.

Finally, it’s the turn of the Detectives. The Detectives are all crooked, but they’ll never get their hands dirty by touching the puzzle box. Instead, they split up the evidence on the red cushion at the end of the turn.

And there you are.

Overall

“Master Thieves” is another game where the gameplay is deceptively simple. The game is fundamentally a constantly evolving puzzle, where everyone is trying to solve it, while simultaneously adding complexity to it.

I’ve seen Thieves rob a drawer they seeded the turn before as a Gemologist. I’ve seen three Master Thieves work to screw each other out of possible secret compartments, while desperately searching for rubies. I’ve watched a Jeweler trip his own alarm by accident, ending up with nothing. I’ve seen a pair of lucky Detectives gain a whole handful of gems after a particularly unlucky turn for everyone else.

What I’m getting at is “Master Thieves” is a tremendously fun game. It’s challenging, intelligent, social and absolutely worth seeking out for the opportunity to play.

When Carrie first saw me on March 21, I think she was worried. She knew I was out of shape (it was very plain to see), but when she actually did my assessments, the numbers were… well, not good. And while I’m not really close to where I want to be, I’ve made significant progress. I was re-assessed this morning, and thought I’d share the numbers with you.

Weight: 212.4 lbs (from 229.4 – March 21)

Measurements (compared to last assessment date on May 16th):

• Chest: from 39.5 to 38.5 inches
• Arms: (L) from 13.2 to 13.0 inches
  (R) from 13.5 to 13.0 inches
• Waist: from 40.8 to 40.0 inches
• Hips: from 44.0 to 43.5 inches
• Thighs: (L) from 22.5 to 23.0 inches
  (R) from 22.2 to 22.5 inches

Muscularskeletal Assessment (compared to initial results from March 21st):

• Squats (1 min): 28 to 34
• Box Step Ups (2 min): 46 to 56
• Push Ups (to max): 6 to 12
• Sit Ups (max): 8 to 18
• Plank (max): 28 sec to 1 minute

Given the progress I’ve made, I’ve registered to run a 7.5 km race this Saturday through 5 Peaks at the Sunridge Ski area. I don’t expect to even come close to winning, but I just need to know that I can finish in a reasonable amount of time without wanting to die. I’ll post about my experience after the race.

Now I should say I know very little about improv, except that I thoroughly enjoy watching it. But the one thing I do know about a good improv performer is that they never say “no” to another performer’s suggestion in the middle of a scene. So I naturally said “yes” to the Mack/Amy request.

And that means that tonight, along with Mastermaq himself as well as the Baconator Realtor Jerry Aulenbach, the theatre revolution that is Rapid Fire’s annual Improvaganza will indeed be live-tweeted.

The plan is for the live-tweeters to not only tell the #yeg Twitter community what’s going on at Improvaganza this evening (starting at 7:30pm, by the way), but to also solicit scene suggestions from our online audience. And in-theatre audience members will be encouraged to tweet about their experience using the #yegimprov hashtag.

Mack posted about the event last week which you can read on his blog.

As for me… I’m looking forward to it. It’ll be cool to connect with some great new people. And also, perhaps the best part: we get to hang out at one of my favourite Edmonton pubs after the show. So I’ll see many of you at the Next Act!

#yegimprov – A Live Social Media Experiment
Tonight at 7:30pm
Varscona Theatre
Tickets $10 at the door or available in advance from Tix on the Square

Dad has three boys, and I’m right in the middle. My eldest brother, Pieter, is a dad to an 18-month-old. Gilbert is his name. My little brother Josh hopes to be a dad one day soon too.

Dad imbued all of his children with a sense of discover and wonder, either by accident or by design. I’m sure that even he is really sure. But he’s always been a tremendous support and a loving man over the years.

Dad taught us it was OK to cry at movies. He taught us to own up to our mistakes. He taught us to be ambitious, to make our mark, and to be upbeat and positive. He taught us that good things do not come to those who wait; they come to those who get off their asses and work hard.

And he did all this by showing us how. A successful man in the twilight of his career, my dad is planning to retire soon. And I can’t wait for him to enjoy the fruits of his labors.

Dad’s had a long and storied work life. He owned a few businesses with some partners, including a gas station and a hotel in Edmonton — neither of which are around anymore. He hit a rough patch when he sold those businesses and had to work as a carpenter making cabinets for the Miseracordia Hospital expansion in the west end. It was tough for him and my mom to make ends meet during that time, but they never let us kids know they were struggling. They always tried to give us everything.

Dad pursued a career in human resources after that, mostly I think because he loved working with people. And people love working with my dad. We can’t go anywhere without him bumping into an old friend or acquaintance, and Dad always takes the time to catch up.

Dad’s taught me everything I know about being a man. And it isn’t any of that lumberjack, burly-man nonsense. It’s about being a positive force in my community, helping out friends, family and even strangers. And having a passion for people.

Thanks for making me the man I am today, Dad. Happy Fathers Day!

Fortunately, I use my twitter feed to keep you apprised of some of the juiciest bits of Internet. And at the end of the week, it all gets compiled here for your reviewing pleasure.

So, lets hit the links, friends. 18 Internet spots worth checking out. As always, the Front Nine are a collection of shorter hits for those who don’t have a lot of time, while the Back Nine is where the longer material ends up.

Get your golf-cart fired up. Here we go.

The Front Nine

1 – Oscars changing how many Best Picture nominations they’re giving. Again.
2 – “Star Wars” television show still in the works. Sort of. Maybe.
3 – Actor Sean Bean defends a woman’s honor, gets slashed, orders another beer.
4 – Foodologist Alton Brown’s Pulled Pork Sandwich recipe.
5 – 5 reasons a “Fraggle Rock” movie would… well… rock.
6 – Future of restaurant menus? Touchscreen table top!
7 – Apple developing tech to control when you can use your phone camera.
8 – “BioShock’s” Rapture brought to plastic life with LEGO.
9 – No, seriously, a woman tries to hire a hitman over Facebook.

The Back Nine

10 – Holy shit, a working HOVER BIKE!?
11 – Just in time for Pride Week – “rainbows” are banned at an Ontario school.
12 – Meteorite suggests life on Earth originated in space.
13 – Samuel L. Jackson reads bedtime story “Go the Fuck to Sleep.”
14 – 10 “Star Trek” projects that could have been.
15 – Chinese man makes awesome Iron Man Mark 1 costume.
16 – Hollywood losing confidence in San Diego Comic Con.
17 – Atheists pitch in to help repair vandalism to Oregon churches.
18 – Trojan condoms does a sexual census of the United States.

Episode 25 of this season features Scott and I shooting the breeze about all things Edmonton. We recap May’s Story Slam, we speak with Ryan Jespersen from Citytv about his TEDxEdmonton experience, and we chat with Mack Male and Sharon Yeo about their upcoming “What the Truck” event.

I just rolled into Calgary for the Expo and I’m beat. So more detailed show notes will come later this weekend. Enjoy!

Yes, we’re running a bit late again this week. Due to plenty of business cropping up as we move toward the end of our season, the show will once again be delayed until some time on Friday.

But it will arrive! Fret not! You’ll be able to listen to it over the weekend, blending it seamlessly with your other weekend activities.

So hold, tight!

Many of us think about the psychological and physiological impact of cancer. But most people don’t consider the financial impact of a cancer diagnosis. So Courtney’s friends have banded together to host the first fundraiser in what will hopefully become an annual event called Courtney’s Closet.

Sylvia Forster, one of the event organizers and Courtney’s close friend explains.

“Courtney is the fashionista in our group. She has the best style, and fashion’s always been her thing. We wanted to host an event that reflected her personality, and we didn’t want it to come across as a charity — because she’s not a charity case. This is to support someone who needs a little bit of help.”

Clothing and fashion donations will be on sale on Saturday to try and raise funds to help Courtney focus on her treatments. As Sylvia explains, no one really thinks about the bills that add up when you need treatments.

“Courtney’s a single girl, and most 31-year-olds don’t have an extensive life insurance policy,” she says.

“Once the reality of the financials set in — you’re not able to work, if you’re a woman undergoing chemo, you may need to pay for fertility treatments after cancer treatments — It’s life changing and life threatening, but you don’t really think of it from a money perspective.”

This weekend at O’Byrnes, you can expect to essentially shop until you drop. Starting with a boobie-themed pancake breakfast at 8am — “anatomically correct pancakes,” as Sylvia puts it — you’ll be able to find some new clothing to fill your closet, all from donations from people close to Courtney.

There’s even something for the boys to do, if they aren’t into fashion. O’Byrnes has donated an air hockey table, and something of a tournament will be held to see who will be going home with it.

But O’Byrnes isn’t the only business getting involved.

“Famous Skate & Snowboard and Gorgeous Girls in St. Albert, and Eddies Hang Up & Display were the peeps who really helped us out,” Sylvia says. Some provided clothing donations, and even gift certificates to support Courtney’s Closet.

And while the organizers don’t have a specific financial goal in mind, Sylvia says she’s amazed by how supportive the community is.

“We’ve really kept the promotions of the event within our own social networks. We’re relying on our friends to spread it. We felt that was a little more appropriate. So far we’ve gotten a really great response. Edmonton, and the Whyte Ave community specifically is amazing and overwhelmingly supportive.”

The hope after this first event is to do an annual event, with the support of the Alberta Cancer Foundation and the Cross Cancer Institute.

“We’ve actually talked to both organizations, and we’re going to make Courtney’s Closet an annual event where people can apply to the Cross Cancer with a short essay submission explaining their situation and financial need. Then, every year when we hold the event we would pick one person from those submissions and the money raised goes to supporting them.

Courtney’s Closet takes place this Saturday, June 18th at O’Byrne’s Irish Pub from 8am to 6pm. Details are on the Facebook event page.

We LOVE Edmonton Story Slam. And there’s another Story Slam taking place TOMORROW NIGHT you won’t want to miss.

If you’ve never been to Story Slam before, here’s what you can expect — in list form, because PEOPLE LOVE LISTS, AMIRIGHT?:

• Fine service from a patient wait staff
• A room with the ambience of a smaller, cozier Sidetrack Cafe (anyone remember that place?)
• Funny stories
• Awful stories
• Sad stories
• Pharoas Pizza
• New friends
• Getting to schmooze with Edmonton’s up and coming writers and orators
• Getting hooked on a great Edmonton event

I’ve been hooked on the Story Slam format since Adam Patterson told me to start listening to the Moth Podcast. Story Slam is kinda like Edmonton’s Moth. And you should be there like a [SOMETHING] to a [SOMETHING] (I really didn’t want to make a moth joke. Don’t want to be THAT guy).

Join the Edmonton Story Slam Group on Facebook, and mark your calendars for the third Wednesday of every month. That’s when things be slammin’.

I’m trying to get in the habit of making use of my twitter feed for more than just mindless, raving madness. Instead, a more constructive use is to post interesting links for people to follow to unusual corners of the Internet.

It’s all an eclectic mix of neat products, interesting news, fun videos, hilarious comics, and other such nonsense.

So, with that in mind, I’m going to start doing a weekly roundup of the links I posted. And in keeping with that witty golf reference I used for the title – we’re going to look at 18 “Internet holes” I recommend from the past 7 days.

The “Front Nine” will be smaller hits for the net-golfer on the go – a selection of shorter links that you can get in with your buddies before lunch. Things get a bit lengthier in the “Back Nine”, for folks who are settling in for a longer game.

Caddy and clubs not included.

The Front Nine

1 – Legendary comedic actor Leslie Neilson’s epitaph is – a fart joke!

2 – “Firefly” with Muppets.

3 – Whiskey Stones add new meaning to ordering “scotch on the rocks.”

4 – Hark A Vagrant – Brown Recluse Spider-Man

5 – For lovers of organization – “My Life in Graphs”

6 – What it looks like to be 200 meters from a lightning strike.

7 – Real life Star Trek-like holosuite on the horizon?

8 – Flying bear causes fatal car crash.

9 – Tornado caught on car-wash surveillance camera.

The Back Nine

10 – Catwoman joins Batman as a playable character in Arkham Asylum sequel.

11 – 10,000 piece LEGO Sandcrawler puts everything you’ve ever built to shame.

12 – “Alpha Flight” comic relaunched, will take on evil Canadian government.

13 – Scientists get better glimpse into the universe of anti-matter.

14 – False “Psychic” lead causes police, FBI, media to loose their minds.

15 – Original animated short – Kung Fu Cooking Girls

16 – Boardgame “RISK” being adapted for film.

17 – Organic German beansprouts caused deadly E.coli outbreak.

18 – Italian geologists sued for not predicting deadly earthquake.

But tomorrow… that’s when things get downright SCARY. In a good way.

The Unknown Studio is hosting Edmonton ZomBeers 7 at Original Joe’s Varsity tomorrow evening. There will be door prizes, and there will be a bunch of wonderful zombie geeks watching Zombieland together. You can get your free ticket at our eventbrite page.

If you lack the click-y wherewithal to visit the link, here are some details:

Do you like beer? Are you afraid of the no-doubt-pending zombie apocalypse? Do you think Edmontonians need a plan to defend the city against the walking undead? Do you loooove zombie movies?

Then join us for Edmonton ZomBeers, a gathering of people who love the zombie subculture. What do we do at ZomBeers? We talk about zombies and watch zombie movies, of course.

This time around, we’ll be watching last year’s instant-classic movie Zombieland.

It’s going to be fun. Door prizes include swag from the Walking Dead, and copies of ’68, a new zombie comic created by Nat Jones (who teaches at Guru Digital Arts College).

Hope you’ll join us tomorrow evening!

And here we are, almost a year since my first game review, and my point is essentially proven.

So, with that, I think it’s time to delve into the collection and blow the dust of another great game.

No vampires this time… but there’s assassins! Assassins are pretty neat!

Today we’re not actually looking at a “board game” per se, and that’s mainly because there’s no actual board involved in it. Instead, it’s a card game. But a card game with some depth and fun bits to play with, so it counts. After all, our goal here is to have fun with friends, and it shouldn’t matter what parts the game has – so long as it has all the parts it’s supposed to come with.

Besides, this game blows most games with boards right out of the water.

Citadels (2000)

Game Design: Bruno Faidutti
Publisher: Fantasy Flight Games
Number of Players: 2-8
Time: 60 minutes
Ages: 10+
Website: www.fantasyflightgames.com

“Citadels” is a game that has seen publication all over the damn place. In it’s current form, it’s published by those crazy awesome board game people at Fantasy Flight Games. The original version of the game came in a large, unwieldy box that I’ve actually heard people complain about. I don’t know if they thought it needed all that extra space, but it’s actually a fairly compact game with few parts.

The current edition comes in a smaller, easy-to-store-and-travel-with box, and as a bonus feature comes pre-packaged with its expansion “The Dark City.” Yeah, main set and the expansion in a smaller box than the original main set. This box also has a handy divider for keeping parts separate.

At its core, “Citadels” is a bluffing-based, city building card game. It’s about as nerdy as you think it is, and about ten times as fun. Let’s get into the guts of this thing.

Components

We’ll start by getting into the components that come in that little “Citadels” box. Compared to many other Fantasy Flight Games, “Citadels” doesn’t come with much – but that’s fine; it doesn’t need much. And frankly, a common complaint I’ve seen about Fantasy Flight is that they sometimes go a little too far with their production.

Here, we have a fairly simple, elegant, deep game.

The game comes with an instruction manual, a deck of district cards, a deck of character cards, a handful of gold counters, and a little royal meeple for the king. It also comes with some handy reference cards that run down what you can do on your turn and the reverse has the rules for scoring.

Foolishly, I didn’t snap a photo of those reference cards – but I do want to take a second and say that reference cards are a super handy tool for any game. A quick glance and the player has all the basic information they need for the turn, without have to slow down the game by reading the instructions. I wish every game came with one of these, literally. Every game.

As I mentioned above, the most recent edition of “Citadels” also comes with its “The Dark City” expansion. The expansion includes 14 new optional districts for the city, and 10 alternative character cards.

We’ll get into who the main set characters are in a minute – and I’m not going to delve too deeply into the “Citadels” expansion in this article – but I will say that the new characters do add quite a bit of new strategy to the game. The new characters are actually used instead of the main set character of the same number. They have a similar power to their main set counterpart, but different enough to give it an entirely unique spin. Very cool way to expand the game with new options.

I should also point out that the artwork in “Citadels” is really well done. The cards are all pleasing to the eye, and very colourful.

Gameplay

“Citadels” is, fundamentally, a very simply game. You are a medieval lord, and you’re trying to build the most awesome city in the land. You do that by amassing gold and spending it on districts – but the way in which you go about doing that depends on what role you play in the kingdom that round.

This is where “Citadels” moves into the realm of genius: the addition of a bluffing element. At the start of every round, the players shuffle up the deck of 8 characters. With fewer than 8 players, 1, or 2 cards are then randomly cut from the deck and revealed to all the players – the King will get put back into the deck if he’s picked, and replaced by someone new. You always have to have a King.

Now, starting with the player who was King last round, each player takes a turn going through the characters and selecting one in secret. Generally speaking this means that every player can deduce a little bit of information about which role one or more of the other players selected. But you don’t have all the information – and what you don’t know can drastically affect the way your turn unfolds.

Let’s meet our cast.

The game has 8 roles, numbered for the turn in which they act. In order, they’re the Assassin, Thief, Magician, King, Bishop, Merchant, Architect and Warlord.

The Assassin names another role to kill that round – when that role is revealed, that player’s turn immediately ends. The Thief names any role but the Assassin, or the Assassin’s target – when that role is revealed, the Thief steals all of their money. The Magician can swap hands with another player, or discard and draw new cards. The King earns extra gold for noble districts, and gets to choose their role first next turn. The Bishop earns extra gold from religious districts, and is immune to the Warlord. The Merchant earns extra gold for trade districts, and makes money for every action they take. The Architect can draw extra district cards on their turn, and build multiple districts. The Warlord earns extra gold for military districts, and can pay to destroy another player’s district.

The role you play on your turn will greatly affect your strategy – from helping you get more money, to giving you a chance to stop someone from making a final push to victory. But the trick is trying to figure out what everyone else is, so you know who you can act against, and how.

When the players aren’t working to screw each other, they’re trying to build up the best city in the land. And they do that with their district cards.

There are five types of district – noble (yellow), religious (blue), trade (green), military (red) and special (purple). The rule of thumb is you can only have one version of any card in your city – you can have any number of trade (green) district cards, but only one Market. Generally, districts give bonuses to certain roles, with the exception of special districts. They give a special power to the player who controls it.

Your goal is to build up eight districts, at which point the round ends, and everyone scores. Your score equals the total value of your city, and you get bonuses for being the first to go out, building 8 districts, and having districts in every colour.

And that’s it! Sometimes it’s the simple games that are the most fun.

Overall

“Citadels” is fast, portable, and it’s very easy to teach and play. The game has surprising depth, and there are numerous roads to victory. And with the expansion, you have even more options to play around with – some of them fairly complex.

I really can’t recommend this game enough. It’s one of my favourites, and I honestly think it should be a mainstay in the collection of anyone who considers themselves a serious board game player or collector.

This guy: big deal. For real.

I don’t know how many of you know this, but my Unknown Studio co-host Scott C. Bourgeois is a pretty big deal. A lover of animals, a connoiseur of fine scotches, an experienced roller-of-many-sided-dice, Scott is what you might call a renaissance man. I’ve never seen the man paint, mind you, but I know he’s a sharp wit with a keen mind who knows a lot about the renaissance.

And now he’s being recognized for it.

Scott, along with his co-writer Morgan Smith, earned a Sterling award nomination for Outstanding Fringe New Work. The pair wrote a play called Game Face, which played at last summer’s Edmonton Fringe Festival to sold-out crowds and astonished onlookers*. You can read a tidbit about their nomination at iNews880.com. See the whole list of Sterling Award nominees over here.

Congrats to the Unknown Studio’s Golden Voice. Well earned, dear friend!

*I assume this is true, but like any good blogger, I don’t believe in research.**

**That’s not actually true.***

***What is true, however, is that I do most of my writing in my basement wearing underwear.****

****Naked.

One of the projects that we’ve often left neglected is our poor blog. I want to be clear here – we want to have tons of content here for you to enjoy. We want to give you a reason to come here every day. We want to sit down and each write something every day.

Sadly what we want, and reality are often so far from being in the same ballpark that they’re not even playing the same game anymore.

We long ago made the decision that the podcast was our priority, and I think we made the right choice on that front. It’s a quality show that we’re very proud of, and it recently celebrated a major milestone. Essentially this means that in any given week, if we’re super busy, we’ll make time to record the show – but we don’t give the same consideration to this space.

Well, I state it here that we’re going to try and turn this ship around. I can’t promise quality content from day-to-day but you can expect more deliciously readable content on our website starting this week.

So stay tuned… or bookmarked… or whatever the hell you do on the Internet.

Here’s the breakdown:

• Intro – “burning hot poker”
• Ep 1 – Brittney Le Blanc and social media
• Ep 2 – Don Iveson and civic politics
• Ep 3 – Anita Kuny and Ramin Ostad and videogames vs movies
• Ep 4 – Scott Lilwall and ruining MMORPGs
• Ep 5 – Simon Crowley and Mike Young and writing a Fringe play
• Ep 6 – Peter Daly and insects in Edmonton
• Ep 7 – Dan Tencer and sports in Edmonton
• Ep 8 – Brent Jans and Pure Speculation
• Ep 9 – Dave Cournoyer and Duncan Wojtascek and post-partisanism
• Ep 10 – Marliss Weber and haunted houses in Edmonton
• Ep 11 – Jeff Samsonow and Sally Poulsen and new media in Edmonton
• Ep 12 – Cary Williams and the Next Gen
• Ep 13 – Karen Unland and the future of newspapers
• Ep 14 – Scott & Adam’s first Christmas together
• Ep 15 – Mike Kendrick and Rob Fishbook and the future of journalism
• Ep 16 – Jeremy Lye and foreign journalism
• Ep 17 – Brenda Kerber and sex
• Ep 18 – Dave Berry and the Oscars
• Ep 19 – Mack Male and all things digital
• Ep 20 – Ken Bautista and all things entrepreneurial
• Ep 21 – Roma Sobieski and working with CAMTA
• Ep 22 – Adam & Scott’s guest falls through
• Ep 23 – Erica Viegas and local music
• Ep 24 – Lynda Steele and being a big deal on TV
• Ep 25 – Nate Box and opening a restaurant
• Ep 26 – Tom Ohle and Empire Avenue
• Ep 27 – Brittney Le Blanc and random talk
• Ep 28 – Ben Gelinas and videogames
• Ep 29 – Chris Martyniuk and YEGLive
• Ep 30 – Variety Show
• Ep 31 – Daniel Kaszor and nerdy ramblings
• Ep 32 – Susan MacGregor and Diane Walton and OnSpec magazine
• Ep 33 – Sean Healy and Joel Jackson and being programmers
• Ep 34 – Owen Brierley and digital media
• Ep 35 – Darryl Plunkie and Dedmonton
• Ep 36 – Election recap
• Ep 37 – Matt Marshall and Emily Bachinsky and Middle Men TV
• Ep 38 – Archie McLean and journalism
• Ep 39 – Scott & Adam’s second Christmas together
• Ep 40 – Rachel Dunn and Anita Kuny and pet peeves
• Ep 41 – Marty Chan and writer
• Ep 42 – Felicia Dewar and the perils of dating
• Ep 43 – Ashley Wiebe and Gregg Beever on the Oscars
• Ep 44 – Ryan Ro and wrestling and making music
• Ep 45 – Chad and Colin from Makin’ Whoopee
• Ep 46 – Scott Lilwall and Mike Otto and urban planning
• Ep 47 – Laura Collison and Duncan Wojtascek and the federal election
• Ep 48 – Jay Runham and summer blockbusters
• Ep 49 – Kendall Barber and fashion in Edmonton
• Ep 50 – EVERYONE! We made it!

Enjoy!

You see, our fair podcast turn two at the end of June. Quite a milestone, if you ask me, since neither Scott nor I were really sure where this who Unknown Studio thing was going to go. But even before our second birthday, we’re hitting another major milestone: our 50th episode.

Yes, it’s true. We’ve almost done 50 of these things over the last two years. Pretty remarkable, when you consider the fact that our dedication is often sidetracked by… oh, you know, the usual things: pies on windowsills, butterflies, unusual colours, and political arguments with strangers in grocery stores (seriously, ask me about it sometime). So at 50 eps, we’re feeling pretty good about ourselves.

And feeling good about ourselves also means doing something right for you, our fifties of listeners. We’re compiling a show for you that’s taking a heck of a lot of work from Scott and I. And that means a delay for episode 50.

But, we promise we’ll have a new episode live by Friday. Please let us know if you can’t hang in there until then. We’ll find something to occupy your time.

Here’s the show breakdown:

0:00: Intro – “Fashion Sense”
0:54: City and Dale… and Fashion!
17:04: “May” is for “Masturbation” – Sex Talk with Lauren
20:53: Fashionable since age four
42:04: Adam rants… about demographics and Next Gen
45:48: Yelping at D’Lish
53:50: Adam’s continuing weight-loss journey
1:00:30: Contributing to Edmonton’s fashion
1:05:04: Fast Fifteen with Kendall Barber

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================
We’re helping EJ to promote their new iPad app. If you have any comments about the new app, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

Scott and I have been wrangling this here podcast for almost two years now. And the results have been, to my mind, astonishing. I know we talk an awful lot about it, but we’re pretty proud of what we’ve been able to accomplish. And we’ve hit yet another milestone.

The Unknown Studio is now debt-free!

Thanks in no small part to our sponsors — The Traveling Tickle Trunk and Guru Digital Arts College — we’ve paid off hosting costs, equipment costs, music royalty costs, incorporation costs, etc. It’s a very exciting time for us. And it means we now have our very own, somewhat-portable home studio.

Since we started, we’ve been fortunate enough to have the use of a professional studio, thanks to Scott’s benevolent employers. It’s been unreal, actually. The quality of sound you hear on our show would not be possible without access to the space. But we’re quite limited as to when we can record, since they have, you know, a radio station to run.

So now we have our own recording studio that we can access at any time (and drink beer while using!) that features:

• Four EV Raven microphones
• A Shure SM58 microphone for segment recording
• Two additional microphones donated by Jeff Samsonow and Voice Print
• A beautiful Yamaha 8-channel mixer
• A Zoom H4n MP3/WAV recorder

Your favourite local podcast continues to grow. We’ve become more ambitious, more ballsy, and more awesome over the last two years. And as we approach two huge milestones — our second birthday and our 50th episode — we’ve also become more self-centred and more self-impressed, but I honestly think it’s just a phase. For Scott.

Thanks to our wonderful sponsors, as we mentioned. To the Edmonton Journal for continuing to pimp our brand. To our guests for agreeing to suffer our company for as many as two hours at a time. And especially to our listeners for always supporting us.

Please comment, email us, and let us know how we’re doing, good and bad. We want to become YOUR source for hilarious Edmonton happenings. And next on our list of conquests: Calgary!

Here’s the show breakdown:

0:00: Intro – “Buttery Goodness”
1:15: Mondo Jay and mondo summer movies
22:28: Letters! We have letters!
26:26: Superhero movies
44:10: April Story Slam(s)!
54:25: Dramatic Reading – Scandanavian Brownies
57:06: Hangovers and Hangovers 2
1:03:15: Fast 15 with Mondo Jay Runham

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================
We’re helping EJ to promote their new iPad app. If you have any comments about the new app, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

We spoke with conference co-chair Peter Roccia and marketing committee member Catherine Kuehne Harder over email to get the down-low on this terrific event. Read on, gentlepeople!

The Unknown Studio: You’ve called the conference “At the Edge of Print.” Is that because you believe, as Egon Spengler said in the first Ghostbusters movie, print is dead?

Peter and Catherine: No, print will never be dead. Any particular medium survives even after a new one appears on the scene. We still have radio, even after television, and we will still have television in the internet age. Think of how long printed books have been around. They will always be there in the media mix. It’s only the mix that changes.

Instead, we chose “At the Edge of Print” as our theme because we wanted to address new media but not be limited to it. We wanted to give participants the opportunity to explore all the edges: what gives them their “edge” in the market, what counts as “edgy” in terms of genre or content, what lies beyond the edge of any literary medium today?

TUS: Has it become easier for authors to get themselves published and achieve success, or is it just as difficult as ever?

P&C: It really depends on who you talk to. For those writers who truly see themselves as partners with their publisher and editor, there are more opportunities. Publishers are looking for writers who are creating a reader-base following through Facebook, Twitter, blogs and their website. Writers carry more of the responsibilities for book sales and have to promote their book themselves.

More than ever, authors are more responsible for their own success. That’s why for some writers, self-publishing in a paper or electronic edition is the better choice. Why even Virginia Wolfe was self-published!

TUS: What kinds of sessions can attendees expect to see?

P&C: Our Friday-night keynote, Andrew Steeves, from Gaspereau Press, publisher of this year’s Giller Prize winner The Sentimentalists, really epitomizes that combination of the high tech with the hand crafted. He’ll be giving us a virtual tour via internet of the hand-cranked presses that produced that book. We also have sessions on blogging, travel writing, young adult fantasy fiction, e-publishing, comic books, fiction and poetry anthologies, and computer games. At the Saturday-morning keynote, Malcolm Azania, aka Minister Faust, will be talking about his recent decision to leap over the edge and go independent.

TUS: What kind of audience are you expecting? Traditional authors? New writers? All kinds?

P&C: Each conference attracts writers ready to be published. This conference will also attract people who understand that there is a need for good writing and original ideas but the final product may not be a book per se. A wonderful children’s picture book manuscript could actually become the script for a children’s animation. Or a sci-fi manuscript could become a graphic novel. Traditional authors are coming around to the e-book phenomenon too!

TUS: Do you expect the Edge of Print will convert a few new published authors? Will Pitch Camp make that happen?

P&C: Absolutely! The beauty of the Get Publishing conferences is that they were created to help writers meet their publishing goals wherever they are in their career. We have agents, editors and publishers presenting and catching. The information and connections will open doors for new writers and will open new doors for established writers… and we always hear that some of our registrants get printed directly through Pitch Camp.

TUS: How large is the publishing community in Edmonton and Alberta?

P&C: That’s a hard question to answer. Most people look at the number of publishing houses in a city and concentrate on in-house writers, editors, and publishers. But there are a whole lot of self-publishers, freelancers, and contract editors and writers in this city as well. When you look at the individuals involved, the industry is much larger than when you look only at the companies. Get Publishing is dedicated to providing a forum for looking at that whole picture.

It’s like asking how many registered forests there are in England, when it’s all the trees that make up the ecosystem.

TUS: Can we expect to see more of this kind of event from Get Publishing? What other events do you have planned?

P&C: We hold a conference every second year and collaborate with writing organizations such as the WGA or CAA for focused workshops in the off years. In the past, topics have included how to create your own website, how to pitch a magazine and how to market yourself. All are with the intention of getting writers published and paid. Our next workshop will be in fall – watch for it!

Want to wander over to the Edge of Print? Register for the conference online! Note: There are about a dozen spots available for the Friday night keynote and a few for the Saturday workshops. However, the Saturday banquet is sold out! The whole event takes place this weekend May 6 & 7 at Grant MacEwan University.

We also speak with the organizers of the Edmonton Music Collectors’ Show (@confessionality is one of them!) and with Kris Krol about the ONE Shot Photo Contest being promoted by Art Jam.

Here’s the show breakdown…

0:00: Intro “Megatron for Prime Minister!”
1:00: The Social Media Election… NOT.
19:30: Almost live at the Edmonton Music Collectors’ Show
28:22: Party leaders and their eventual demise
48:11: Adam shapes up – update #2
52:37: The ONEShot Photo Contest, by Art Jam
1:00:47: Network Consortia and Leadership Debates
1:13:30: An Election Fast 16

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================
We’re helping EJ to promote their new iPad app. If you have any comments about the new app, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

We decided to turn that discussion into a special episode that we hope you enjoy. Thanks again to Archie and his class for hosting us.

I’ve been blessed with unusual success in my life. Some of it has to do with luck. Some of it is because my parents (and let’s face it, my brothers too) knew when to crack the whip, and when to let me screw up. Some of it is because I’ve had outstanding mentors to guide me.

But most of it is because I’ve worked my butt off to create things, and ensure their longevity. I don’t believe good things come to those who wait. Good things come to those who work, and that means sacrifice, long nights, and occasionally tears.

If you’re sitting on your ass waiting for success to find you, you’re being lazy. You go out and you find success.

In some ways, I’ve made this success look easy — almost like I fell ass-backwards into it. But that’s not even close to true.

One of the most interesting, exciting and worthwhile things I’ve ever done in my life was to have lunch with Wanye Gretz in 2007. I’ve known Wanye since we were about seven years old. We’ve gone to school together our whole lives and generally stayed in touch and good standing with one another. Our meeting in 2007 wasn’t about anything in particular, except the directions our lives were taking.

We’d have more conversations over the next few months, many of which centered around Oilers hockey and the way they were covered in this town. Ultimately, our dissatisfaction with the conversation taking place gave rise to OilersNation.com, and its sister sites, now all part of the Nation Network.

Wanye, myself, the writers at the Nation and our financial backers all worked hard to develop a product that gave fans a relevant and irreverent forum to discuss our beloved teams and all things hockey.

OilersNation.com launched in Novermber of 2007, while I, Wanye and some other colleagues worked out of the offices of a mechanic on another business project. The afternoon we launched, Wanye and I giggled stupidly at the ridiculous images we posted, the silly content that was there, and the fact that we’d actually manage to create something on teh internetz.

It was the beginning of a new career path for me, one that’s led me to work at one of the best creative advertising agencies in Western Canada, Calder Bateman.

And even though OilersNation set me on this path — working in advertising and PR through the online world — I also know that I’ve done all I can for OilersNation, and it’s time for me to move on and continue to grow and excel in my field. It was a tough decision.

But this morning, I sold my ownership stake in OilersNation.com Ltd.

I’ll stay on with the company as an advisor and social media strategist. I’ll always be a founder, and I could never fully walk away from my creation. But I’m no longer involved in the day-to-day aspects of managing the site — unless some commenter gets out of control and I have to wield the ban-hammer.

OilersNation helped me get where I am today. It showed me I could be an entrepreneur, it allowed me to use my skills as a writer, an editor and a journalist, and it has enabled me to build a tremendous network of friends and colleagues within and outside of Edmonton.

To Wanye: thanks for having the patience to guide me when it was needed, and the mentorship know-how to let me fall down and get up on my own.

To Tim Hanas, president of Ignition Media: you gave me my start in the agency world, and I wouldn’t be where I am today if you hadn’t taken that chance. Thank you so much for the opportunity.

To Willis, Brownlee, Gregor, Lowetide, Amber, and all the writers at the other Nation sites: thank you for ensuring my life these past 3.5 years was never dull — and full of hilarious commentary and interesting, outstanding content. And thanks especially to Brownlee and Gregor, for giving me and all Nationeers glimpses into your lives.

To the members of the OilersNation community: you’re the reason this site has been such a success. Your comments, your Photoshop jobs, and even your FISTS have always put a smile on my face. Don’t ever stop.

To my close friends and family, and to all of the wonderful people I’ve met online and offline: I’m still here, I’m still working to build the Unknown Studio, to support my fellow members of the League of Extraordinary Media, and to really put Edmonton on the map as a place where people of all ages can achieve success and build something meaningful that enriches their community.

I called this the end of an era on Twitter this morning. But I like to look at it as the beginning of a new one.

To be continued. Constantly.

Scott and I invited Michael Otto and Scott Lilwall — authors of a fantastic urban planning blog called The Charrette — onto the show to talk about the growth of this great urban centre some of us call home.

We also have a Sex Talk segment that includes toy reviews, just in time for Easter; we were live at the launch of the Edmonton Champions Project; and we even bring you information on exciting changes at Guru Digital Arts College.

Here’s the show breakdown…

0:00: Intro “WTF?”
2:00: They call him Lilwall. And they call HIM Motto.
17:01: Sex Talk — Easter Eggs and Bunnies
19:54: That arena sure is a sticky wicket.
43:35: The Edmonton Champions Project Launch.
59:43: GalaGuru 3: A celebration of great success.
1:13:31: SimCity 3000.
1:28:09: The Fast 16 with the Charrette boys.

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================
We’re helping EJ to promote their new iPad app. If you have any comments about the new app, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

The Calgary Tower and it's 802 stairs

The annual Alberta Wilderness Association’s Climb and Run for Wilderness is back for another year. What this is is an opportunity for you to climb each and every stair of the Calgary Tower as well as raise funds and awareness for the Alberta Wilderness Association.

You have the opportunity to climb as a team and compete against other teams for best team spirit or most climbs, as an individual and again compete for the most climbs or you can even sign up for the race. With the race you run 1km then up the 802 stairs.

No matter what you do, if you select the multiple climb registration, you get to climb the stairs as many times as you would like over the course of the day, 8:30am until 1:30pm. Once you get to the top of the stairs you get the opportunity to see the view from the top of the tower, then take the elevator down. The elevator can really help with your knees.

Participants range from young children to senior citizens, and there are a number of quite elderly participants every year. They take their time up the stairwell, then take a break before going again. Yes, they climb up all of those stairs, multiple times, and voluntarily.

Yes, people willingly sign up to do this, and it can be a lot of fun. There are bands that will perform at the base of the tower for those who are cheering, taking time out to catch their breath or are making their way back up. Often you will find rescue animals so you may be able to see exactly why the funds are being raised.

If you are up for a challenge, and in the Calgary area on April 16th, why not give this challenge a try. If nothing else, it’s great bragging rights.

Happy sweating!

0:00: Chad and Colin steal the show
0:45: Muppets and Memories
21:45: Adam Unleashed, and Scott Also Unleashed
25:38: Stephen King and Charlie Sheen
51:10: Adam shapes up
1:01:07: Canada’s Worst Driver: an interview with Guy O’Sullivan, the show’s Executive Producer
1:12:34: Day jobs and student media memories
1:26:20: The Fast 16 with Chad and Colin

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================
We’re helping EJ to promote their new iPad app. If you have any comments about the new app, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

We had a lot of fun with our audience, and as you’ll hear, we had a lot of great questions and feedback too. We hope you enjoyed listening to our session, and we’re looking forward to giving more in the future.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================
We’re helping EJ to promote their new iPad app. If you have any comments about the new app, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

Most people seem to have very strong feelings about Michael Flatley. Either they love him, and revere him as a sex god, or they hate him and would probably use his likeness for target practice, given the chance. But no matter what category you fit into, Riverdance-wise, there will definitely be something for you at Edmonton’s Twestival on March 24th.

“YEG Twestival” is part of a global network of tweet-ups. They’re designed to raise money and awareness for local charities. The League of Extraordinary Media — which includes members from TheCharrette.ca, TrueBritl.com, UserCreatedContent.ca, TheEdmontonian.com, and The Unknown Studio — organized this year’s festival. This year, YEG Twestival will support the Edmonton Public School Foundation.

The EPSF aims to get kids ready for school, through kindergarten and pre-school programs. Here’s some info from the foundation’s website:

The Foundation was launched February 10, 2010, for two main purposes: to spread the word about the great things happening in the public education system and to support Edmonton Public Schools across Edmonton. We do this by offering opportunities for improved learning through financial, in-kind and human resource contributions.

So what we really do here is raise friends and funds to support early learning intervention and student success. Research shows children develop the foundation for strong communication skills, literacy, social competence, numeracy, adaptability and physical health as early as age three.

As far as the Twestival event itself, we’re getting the Twitterati together to socialize, share stories, share drinks, and bid on silent auction items. And man, do we have some excellent ones, including:

• $600 Cheer for a Year Prize pack from Hudsons Canadian Taphouse
• A pair of weekend passes to the Pure Speculation Festival
• Edmonton Rush four pack flex pack
• Two tickets to Salif Keita on March 31 at the Winspear,
• Two tickets to Riverdance Courtesy the Edmonton Journal

NOW you get why I opened with Flatley, amiright?

Support our local public school foundation and join us for Twestival on march 24th, starting at 6pm at Red Star. Details are on the YEG Twestival website. Scott and I look forward to seeing everyone there!

That’s the thought that occurred to me when Sean Healy and I decided we would give a presentation at Edmonton’s Pecha Kucha 9 at the Royal Alberta Museum on March 4th.

Pecha Kucha is a presentation format based on concision. Presenters are allowed to present 20 slides for 20 seconds each. The result is a very brief six minute and 40 second presentation based on any topic you can imagine.

The process for giving the presentation we gave at PKN9 (which you can see embedded at the bottom of this post) started in my office when I was talking with a colleague about Edmonton’s inferiority complex. Edmonton’s embarked on some pretty ambitious projects aimed at not only making it a better city for its residents, but that will also attract new business verticals, new leaders, and new opportunities for everyone. And yet some people insist on shitting on this new direction, for a variety of reasons I don’t believe merit sticking to our traditional sprawling ways.

Originally, I’d planned to present something myself at PKN8, but I completely chickened out at first. I decided I was “too busy” — which many of our readers and anyone who’s seen me speak publicly will know is something I believe to be a weak excuse; everyone’s busy.

So I bought myself time by chickening out, I guess. And thank the gods I did.

I gave me the opportunity to speak with Sean, and develop an even more fleshed out concepts.

Over beers one night, Sean and I decided it would be fun to take the piss out of the people who don’t seem concerned about, or are in favour of, urban sprawl and some of the issues related to same. And of course, since Sean and I are both huge zombie fans, we knew that we needed to produce a satire that evoked the horror culture monsters.

When the call for presenters came out for PKN9 in January, Sean and I pulled the trigger: on a presentation praising new city initiatives by making fun of them and lording the threat of a zombie apocalypse over our audience.

And then, like all creative types, we did nothing about it for about a month.

When February rolled around, it occurred to both of us we needed to get started on our presentation. The fire was lit beneath both our asses when we were emailed and told we needed to submit our 20 slides for the presentation. We spent a few hours working on an outline and sourcing creative commons-licensed images — and huge thanks to Mack Male, Joel Jackson and Chris Neuman for allowing us to cherry pick from their flickr photostreams.

With photos picked, we had to write a script. This took the better part of an evening. And even when we were done, there were still a lot of revisions to be made. We asked colleagues of ours to help out — as long as they promised never to speak about the premise of our talk. Huge thanks to Joel, Catrin, Justin and Chris for their great feedback on our script.

We spent about half a week after script revisions just reading out loud, trying to assess the timing of our slides. We finally got it down… we thought. But it seemed like every time we practiced with our slides running in the background, the timing changed dramatically. This is when I realized how tricky these kinds of presentations can be. Forgetting a few words, saying something differently, forgetting a piece of the script are all major contributors to throwing off a presentation’s timing. A few seconds off for a few slides, and it can really mess with things.

Sean and I had a pretty ambitious script that relied on the precise timing of some slides to the words we were saying. If you watch the livestream embedded below, keep an eye out for the Butterdome slide and test pattern slide. Those both required precise timing that we never consistently got in rehearsal. So actually seeing it work when we presented on Friday was pretty incredible. And scripting and timing things the way we did resulted in a lot of laughs, something I was worried we weren’t going to get.

Sean and I rehearsed with slides, scripts and blocking for two weeks almost straight, except for a break from everything over a weekend. The night before the presentation, Chris and Catrin watched us practice again, and their feedback resulted in even more script adjustments… which I mostly forgot about the night we performed. I was too nervous to remember new information!

By the night of Pecha Kucha, we were very comfortable with the material (aside from those few new lines) and we were able to ad lib on the fly. This lead to some great interactions and reactions in our live presentation, particularly when it came to slagging city councillor Don Iveson.

Don’s a long-time friend of mine and I really do appreciate what a good sport he was. We took some pretty nasty shots at him — none of them were true, of course, which only made it funnier, but I still felt like I was being harsh. And we also took a shot at Mayor Stephen Mandel — but it was all it good fun.

The result is what you see embedded below, the culmination of a month of dedicated work and daily practice. And I’m really happy with it (continued after the embedded livestream).

(Note: to see the beginning of our presentation, start at about 2:20.)

Giving a solid, satirical, and above all funny PKN was a huge personal challenge for me. It’s been a really long time since I’ve done something that required the memorization of a script and giving a really energetic performance like that. We do things like this at work in client pitches sometimes, and they’re exhausting. But they don’t happen every week, thank the gods.

Oh, and that Japanese word I asked about? I think it’s Kamikaze. I felt like that was what I’d done by the end of that night.

Thanks for the PKN volunteers, hosts, and the entire Edmonton Next Gen committee for staging such a spectacular event. To my the other presenters, you were fantastic and inspirational. You all contributed to one of the best Pecha Kucha’s Edmonton’s ever seen.

And huge thanks to Sean for being hilarious and so much fun to work with.

Scott and I are also fans of music. So we decided to bring on a guest from an up-and-coming Edmonton band. Ryan Ro, lead guitar and vocalist from The Accident Will joined us this episode to talk about his band, his sound, and his wrestling career, such as it was.

We have some great segments this week. Scott and I checked out Transcend Coffee’s new Jasper Avenue location earlier this week, I gave a talk at Pecha Kucha with Sean Healy, and Lauren from the Traveling Tickle Trunk brings us some Sex Talk.

Here’s the episode breakdown:

0:00: Intro – “the Iron Sheik”
1:34: Interview with Ryan Ro – “Wrestling”
10:16: The coffee scene downtown just added a major player
23:12: There’s still time to enter our “Most Embarrassing Moment” contest and win fabulous prizes
26:10: Interview with Ryan Ro – “The music”
44:36: Adam and Sean Healy speak at Pecha Kucha 9
53:20: “The Rowan Child,” a track from The Accident Will
57:06: Sex Talk with the Traveling Tickle Trunk
59:16: Interview with Ryan Ro – “Raising the band’s profile”
1:20:50: The Fast 15 with Ryan Ro
1:25:54: “It’s a trap,” another track from The Accident Will
1:30:00: Adam acts like a creep

Upcoming gigs with The Accident Will:

March 11
CD RELEASE
DV8 Tavern @ 8307 99 Street
Doors at 9
$5 / 18+
w/Desousa Drive & Bad Acid

March 25
Crown Pub @ 10709 109 Street
Doors at 8:30
$5 / 18+
guests TBA

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

And yet, most of us are having trouble remembering the Warm Times™. Most of us are in a dark pit of cold despair, marred by chapped lips, frozen tears and rising gas prices.

So to take your mind off things, we’ve got a listing of events you can’t miss this month — you can’t miss them because we won’t miss them.

Here are some Edmonton Events in March, according to the Unknown Studio:

Podcast Episode 44 – March 9, afternoon — the Internet

Next episode, Scott and I will be speaking with Ryan Ro, about his band the Accident Will and his experiences in the west-coast pro-wrestling circuit.

We’ll also have segments with Transcend Coffee, and our ever-popular Sex Talk with Lauren from the Traveling Tickle Trunk.

Hope you all tune in!

Alberta Party Big Listen with Raj Sherman — March 14 @ 7pm — Taylor College Auditorium (11525 23 Avenue)

Independent MLA Raj Sherman hasn’t been a shining star of late. In my opinion, he seems erratic, and his behaviour is puzzling, to understate it.

But this will be your opportunity to hear the man out, and maybe even find out a bit more about the fledgling Alberta Party (full disclosure: I’m a member).

If nothing else, you can enjoy a chat with some politically like-minded and thoughtful folk from around Edmonton.

Story Slam — March 16 @ 7:30pm — Haven Social Club

A new season of Edmonton’s Story Slam begins this month. Check out original stories told by Edmonton writers from all walks of life. Enjoy a beer, or some of the fine food that Haven has to offer.

Who knows? If you’re really lucky, you might even be asked to be one of the audience judges.

Remember to bring some cash so you can contribute to the pot, which is distributed among the top three slammers.

Twestival Local – March 24 @ 6pm – Red Star

Edmonton plays host to a lot of tweet-ups. Some of them are designed to get people out to meet the media, others are just huge piss-ups that involve chicken wings. Twestival Local, however, is slightly different.

Hosted by the League of Extraordinary Media, Twestival Local is an opportunity for local tweeters to not only get together and enjoy each others’ company, but also raise funds for a local charity. This year, that charity is the Edmonton Public School Foundation. There will be door prizes, silent auction items and entertainment.

We’ll be posting more about this event in the next few weeks.

Oil City Derby Girls Roller Derby — March 26 @ 6pm — Metro Sportsplex

Later on this month, the Oil City Derby Girls All-stars will be taking on the Saskatoon All-stars in a no-holds-barred match at the Metro Sportsplex.

A colleague of mine — Banshee Barbrawler — is one of the Oil City Derby Girls. She’s been knocked on her ass more than a few times, and she says she still loves the sport, despite the cracked head and ribs she’s had to mend.

If you’ve never seen derby before, now’s your chance to see the best of the best from Edmonton and Saskatoon duke it out on old-timey rollerskates. Tickets are $10 in advance and $15 at the door. Check out their Facebook event for more info.

YEGZomBeers 6 — March 27 — Original Joe’s Varsity Row

Our last YEGZomBeers was a huge success — we watched Dead Snow, and at least one of our viewers wasn’t prepared for just how gory the film was… She ordered a medium-rare steak that arrived just as the film started. Oops.

This time around, we’re taking your suggestions on what we should watch. I’ve added Dawn of the Dead (2004) and Zombieland (2009) to this list, but you’re able to make your own suggestions.

We’ve also created a YegZomBeers Facebook page. Like us!

See you on the 27th, and enjoy all the great events Edmonton has to offer this month!

That’s more or less the premise behind Gargamel, a new tragicomedy by Trent Wilkie and the folks over at Mostly Water Theatre.

The play revolves around David (Wilkie), a man who’s survived a terrible car crash that left him badly injured, and stole his fiancee (Ellen Chorley). He’s coping – but only just – and, well, he’s not all there anymore. He’s badly depressed, suffering from blackouts and headaches, is haunted by a bitter Louis Riel (Matt Stanton), and has decided that his problems are largely the result of God.

And he’s going to kick God’s ass.

Concerned – and rightly so – David’s sister (Joleen Ballendine) decided some therapy would good for him. So she arranges for him to meet with her yoga-instructor, a new-age guru named Alex Andre (Craig Buchert) who tries to help him out.

As a play, Gargamel is well staged, with some smart video worked into the show – so a kudos to director Mike Robertson. There are also  some really funny moments that had Nita and I laughing out loud. And there’s some stand-out performances. In particular, we really liked Craig Buchert’s spiritual “doctor” and Matt Stanton’s snarky ghost.

Does David get to fight God? Does he get the catharsis he’s desperately in need of? What’s up with Louis Riel being there, anyway? Guess you’ll have to check it out.

Gargamel runs until March 5 at the Varscona Theatre. You can get advance tickets at TIX on the square, or buy them at the door.

0:00: Intro: “This is Christmas 2: Electric Bugaloo”
1:21: Part 1 of our interview with Ms Ashley Wiebe and Gregg H Beever (the H is for Howard!)
27:35: The Unknown Studio visits Edmonton’s Story Slam at the Haven Social Club
42:36: Part 2 of our Oscar chat
1:05:13: Sylvia Creamer chats about Canada’s best celebrity gossip blog, ThisNeedsToStop.com
1:18:12: “In It To Win It,” a story by the Charrette‘s Scott Lilwall
1:27:37: Listen up! Enter our contest (which we’ve extended)
1:29:28: Part 3 of our Oscar chat
1:44:22: The Fast 16 with Ashley Wiebe and Gregg Beever

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

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EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
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We’re helping EJ to promote their new iPad app. If you have any comments about the new app, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
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Justin Bieber, bigger than the Beatles since 2010

I won’t lie to you. I rarely know who anyone on the cover of the magazines at the grocery store are. It seems that I have to watch Saturday Night Live just to even attempt to keep up to date. It wasn’t until Tina Fey hosted her old show with musical guest Justin Bieber that I learned that Canada had a young pop-star that is winning over the rest of the world.

Imagine my surprise when I opened my Flixster ap on my Blackberry to see that there is a Justin Bieber movie! How long has this kid been around for I wondered. Michael Jackson didn’t get a concert movie until after he died. Now, this guy gets a movie when he seemingly just started. I just don’t get what makes a person famous anymore I guess.

This brings me to my most recent discovery. This past weekend, old favourite Dana Carvey came back to host an episode of SNL. This of course meant the return of old skits, starting with Wayne’s World. This was great, and just as funny as it used to be. Next up, Church Lady! Here is where I needed my old pal Wikipedia. The first guests were the Kardashians. I’ve heard the names before, but had never put any thought or effort into figuring out who they are. This time, they were such a focus in the skit that I just had to look them up. I am embarrassed to say that I still don’t understand why they are famous. One page said that it was because Kim Kardashian is friends with Paris Hilton. Really?! That’s enough to make a person famous now? That bothers me a little, and brings up the real question, how did people become famous before reality television and the internet.

There have always been rich people, and these rich people have always had rich, ridiculous kids. I’m sure these kids have always spent money lavishly on whatever they felt like, but I think more of us were just blissfully unaware of that fact. I really don’t think that there are more Kardashians or Hiltons; it’s just that they not only have a platform now, but they have multiple platforms.

Now comes the hard part, how do we make them go away? As simple as this may sound, it’s the same advice your mother gave you about that kid who was staring at you in grade one - just ignore them. Southpark even did an episode along the same lines. As hard as it is, the only way these “celebrities” who are famous for just being young and rich will lose their spotlight is when we all stop watching them, stop buying magazines featuring them, stop tweeting about them. Sadly, that is much easier said than done. We as a society get too much “entertainment” value out of watching these people, likely because it’s an easy laugh and it makes you feel better about yourself and your life choices.

I anxiously await the day we would hear what scientists or educated leaders  have to say rather than what Snookie from Jersey Shore has to say about the current state of our society. But should that day never come, should we never reach a point where we lose interest in rich spoiled kids, at least we will be entertained. Sigh.

This episode, our guest Felicia shares dating tips, and some key information about just how you should behave and dress for that important first date.

Here’s the show breakdown:

0:00: Intro: “Nice tits”
1:00: Part 1 of our interview with Felicia Dewar, founder of TheSingleGirl.ca
12:03: Adam Unleashed: On V-day
15:06: A contest you should enter
17:13: Part 2 of our interview with Felicia Dewar
38:44: Sex Talk with Lauren from the Traveling Tickle Trunk
40:22: A Dramatic Back to the Future Reading with Scott C. Bourgeois
43:24: Part 3 of our interview with Felicia Dewar
1:02:30: The Fast 15 with Felicia Dewar

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================
We’re helping EJ to promote their new iPad app. If you have any comments about the new app, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

This is often followed immediately by a sense of indignation, where you think, “This is ridiculous. I did nothing to deserve this,” and you curse the fate.

Of course, this all happens within seconds, before anyone even has the chance to laugh at your outrageous misfortune.

And, dear readers, these are precisely the stories we want to hear. Because they will enable you to win fabulous prizes.

In order to launch the Unknown Studio’s Gift of Gab Listener Line™, we’re presenting the “Most Embarrassing Contest.”

(borrowed from Sparknotes.com)

Before I tell you about our excellent prizes, here’s how the contest works:

Tell us your embarrassing story by leaving us a voicemail on our Gift of Gab line at 1-509-252-0185. Try and keep it brief, as long distance charges do apply (we got ourselves a fancy phone number from Washington state). Make sure to tell us your name and a way we can contact you. If we deem your story worthy, we’ll not only play it on an episode of the Unknown Studio airing in March, but we’ll also give you one of these three prizes…

• Grand prize: an iPod Touch, courtesy of the design wizards at Guru Digital Arts College.
• Second prize: an Edmonton Journal Jacket and Toque AND two tickets to a Citadel show from those ink-stained wretched at the Edmonton Journal.
• Third Prize: a $100 sexytime gift card from those wonderful people at the Traveling Tickle Trunk.

The contest closes February 19th at 4pm MST, The contest actually closes on March 31 at 11:59pm MST, so make sure to make that call to win something awesome from our sponsors.

We’re waiting to hear your story!

There are two sides to every story

What if the Wicked Witch of the West wasn’t bad? What if  Dorothy wasn’t as innocent as she seemed? That’s exactly what Gregory Maguire tells us in his novel Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West. Maguire is the same author who wrote Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister. I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear that this is from the perspective of one of Cinderella’s step sisters. Wicked is a whole new telling of the Wizard of Oz that is witty and a very enjoyable read. This novel also reminds you that there are indeed usually two sides to every story. You might even start to feel bad for the Wicked Witch of the West. In this novel she didn’t have a very easy life and well, circumstances were outside of her control. I don’t want to spoil any plots as there are several sites out there  that can do that for you. Not only that, but I’m sure this will eventually become a movie. Hollywood must be running out of ideas when children’s movies staring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson are what it’s come to.

Wicked the novel has been adapted for a Broadway musical. As many of you do not live in New York, nor do you likely spend too much time there, we can only hope that such shows will tour. Well, are we ever in luck! Broadway Across Canada has brought some fun shows lately such as Fiddler on the Roof, Grease and Jersey Boys, to both Edmonton and Calgary. This summer, they bring us Wicked. This show will only be playing during the summer when you are stuck enjoying family weddings, reunions and out on vacation so you might want to look at the schedule soon if this is something you might want to consider seeing.

The best thing about live theatre is the feeling of being there. There is something different about seeing a live play versus a movie. They both play out in front of you, but a movie is two dimensional and you know that it’s just a projection. When you go to theatre, you see the live people, you can be amazed by the stage and the changes in scenery. Live theatre is also one of the oldest forms of entertainment our society has, just look at how it’s evolved and is still able to entertain.

You don’t need to read the book before seeing the play. If you want to read the book first, you should have time. Well, unless the waiting list for it at the library is still really long. You might want to check out your favourite book store. Just follow the yellow brick road.

Back in December, I ordered a little item from your store, an item which is clearly marked in red letters on its packaging as a Klingon Corkscrew. I ordered it for my girlfriend and myself, so that it can help complete the set of nerdish implements we want for our kitchen (the other nerdish implement is an Enterprise bottle-opener).

I was extremely excited when the package arrived, as I’d saved up several corked bottles that would receive a screwin’ of the severest kind: the kind that can only be rendered by something made in the name of the Klingon Empire.

I ripped the box open and was verily tearing apart the package when I noticed the packing slip. Clearly marked there, in some awful fixed-width font, were the words “Romulan Corkscrew.”

“In the name of Kahless, what is this blasphemy?” I thought.

And you call yourselves geeks...

How can an organization which proudly brandishes the moniker of “geek” so utterly fail the most simplest of geek tests? To know the difference between an object that is Klingon in origin from a Romulan one is to embody all things geek. But this? This makes my heart ache for the future of humanity, Vulcanity and even Ferenghinity, to say nothing of Klingonity.

I’m giving the “geeks” at ThinkGeek the opportunity to defend themselves, to tell their side of the story — which will no doubt involve some tale of woe related to some kind of point-of-sale Holodeck malfunction. Pffft, we’ve all heard that one.

Defend yourselves, righteous purveyors of fabulously geeky items, or become the laughing stock of Trek fans everywhere — which would absolutely represent a paradigm shift in the lives of all Trekkies**.

I can already taste the bloodwine!

*In case you couldn’t tell, this is all in good fun.

**I don’t use the word “Trekkers” because it sounds ever dumber than “Trekkies.”

In the meantime, the thing that should be on your mind is that sweet, subtle sound of feet dragging across littered concrete as the shambling undead make their way across the urban landscape directly into our hearts.

What the hell am I talking about, you ask?

You guessed it, friends: it’s time for another YegZomBeer event!

We already have other 20 people signed up to attend. Here are the details from the Eventbrite invitation:

Do you like beer? Are you afraid of the no-doubt-pending zombie apocalypse? Do you think Edmontonians need a plan to defend the city against the walking undead? Do you loooove zombie movies?

Then you need to come to the first official YegZomBeers event of 2011!

This month, we’ll be honoring the dead of winter with a viewing of the Norwegian film Død Snø (Dead Snow). In the film: “A ski vacation turns horrific for a group of medical students, as they find themselves confronted by an unimaginable menace: Nazi zombies.”

Read more about the movie at IMDb.com.

This month’s YegZomBeers also features door prizes generously donated by Happy Harbor Comics – Edmonton’s Award-Winning Comic Shop, and Rue Morgue – Horror in Culture & Entertainment.

Join us on the second level of Original Joe’s Varsity Row, with host Adam Rozenhart of the Unknown Studio, who has a zombie-kill-count of about 73 (all with double-taps).

See you there, but be prepared to leave your weapons at the door.

Prizes! Zombies! Beer! You should be there.

And with this week’s announcement of the nominees, it’s also time for my yearly tradition of giving you my knee-jerk Oscar picks – which are guaranteed to be totally accurate.*

Let’s begin shall we?

Like last year, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences is keeping with their new plan to nominate a whopping ten movies for the Best Picture category. This allows “127 Hours” and “Toy Story 3″ to rub shoulders with powerhouses like “The Fighter” and “The Social Network”.

I actually want to make something painfully clear here. Why nominate “Toy Story 3″ for Best Picture? It has it’s own category in Animated Feature Film. Say what you will about the quality of the movie – and “Toy Story 3″ is indisputably amazing - but singling it out for a Best Picture award out of it’s competition for the animated category seem supremely unfair. “The Illusionist” and “How to Train Your Dragon” may as well not even show up – how can they compete when they didn’t get nominated for Best Picture?

Ah well. Lets run down some numbers. Leading the pack this year is “The King’s Speech” with 12 nominations. To put that in perspective there are 24 major awards handed out on Oscar night – so “The King’s Speech” is competing for literally half of them.

Now, most people might expect the highly touted “The Social Network” to be nipping at the King’s heels – and those people would be totally wrong. “True Grit” comes in second with a total of 10 nominations. Next up “The Social Network” ties with “Inception” with 8, and rounding out the top five is “The Fighter” with 7 nominations.

So, without further ado, we’ll start picking winners. As always we start with the crappy awards, and work our way up to the statues that people actually care about. Or you can skip to the end to see a handy list of all the nominees along with my picks depicted in glamourous Red Carpet Red.

First things off, “True Grit” will earn itself a pair of awards in sound mixing and sound editing. They can’t bank on winning much else, but they’ll pick up some fluff early on in the night.

Next up “Inception” will be awarded some of the technical awards with an Oscar for art direction, cinematography and visual effects. There’s no denying that it’s a visually wonderful film – but it’s not going to score too much in the acting or directing areas.

Into costumes and makeup, we won’t be too surprised to see “The King’s Speech” get it’s first of many Oscars for costuming. As always, the Academy loves accurate period pieces. Makeup will go to the criminally under-nominated “Barney’s Version.”

In the documentary category “Exit through the Gift Shop” will get it for long subject, and “Poster Girl” will snap up a short subject award. And in the areas of movies you’ll probably never see, foreign film will go to “Biutiful,” which is a shame because a solid Canadian film is among the contenders.

Short films will go to “Wish 143″ in the live action area, and “Night & Day” for animated.

In the musical fields “The Social Network” will grab it’s first award for best original score – landing Trent Reznor a Oscar. Weird, I know. Original song will go to “Country Song” with “Coming Home.” Sorry, Disney.

This takes us up to the writing categories. Aaron Sorkin will get a shiny statue for “The Social Network” in the best adapted category. Unsurprisingly, “The King’s Speech” will take gold in the original category.

Okay. No is going to be shocked when “Toy Story 3″ gets best animated feature film, right? Moving on.

We’re up to the big stuff now. Having already earned Golden Globes for themselves, Colin Firth and Natalie Portman will become Oscar winners for the best leads in “The King’s Speech” and “Black Swan” respectively. In the supporting categories, things will get a little different with Geoffrey Rush also for “The King’s Speech,” and “True Grit” actress Hailee Steinfeld snapping up the trophies.

Anyone up for a best picture Oscar who isn’t also up for best director may as well go beat the rush to the parking lot at this point. So that leaves five solid contenders – but really, most critics say it’s a battle between two films. “The Social Network” and “The King’s Speech.” And I only highlighted one of those names, and that’s the one that’s taking direction and best picture.

Good work everyone! See you at the after party!

The 83rd Academy Awards
Performance by an actor in a leading role
Javier Bardem (“Biutiful”), Jeff Bridges (“True Grit”), Jesse Eisenberg (“The Social Network”), Colin Firth (“The King’s Speech”), James Franco (“127 Hours”)

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Christian Bale (“The Fighter”), John Hawkes (“Winter’s Bone”), Jeremy Renner (“The Town”), Mark Ruffalo (“The Kids Are All Right”), Geoffrey Rush (“The King’s Speech”)

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Annette Bening (“The Kids Are All Right”), Nicole Kidman (“Rabbit Hole”), Jennifer Lawrence (“Winter’s Bone”), Natalie Portman (“Black Swan”), Michelle Williams (“Blue Valentine”)

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Amy Adams (“The Fighter”), Helena Bonham Carter (“The King’s Speech”), Melissa Leo (“The Fighter”), Hailee Steinfeld (“True Grit”), Jacki Weaver (“Animal Kingdom”)

Best animated feature film of the year
“How to Train Your Dragon” (Chris Sanders, Dean DeBlois), “The Illusionist” (Sylvain Chomet), “Toy Story 3” (Lee Unkrich)

Achievement in art direction
“Alice in Wonderland” (Robert Stromberg, Karen O’Hara), “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1” (Stuart Craig, Stephenie McMillan), “Inception” (Guy Hendrix Dyas, Larry Dias, Doug Mowat), “The King’s Speech”(Eve Stewart, Judy Farr), “True Grit” (Jess Gonchor, Nancy Haigh)

Achievement in cinematography
“Black Swan” (Matthew Libatique), “Inception” (Wally Pfister), “The King’s Speech” (Danny Cohen), “The Social Network” (Jeff Cronenweth), “True Grit” (Roger Deakins)

Achievement in costume design
“Alice in Wonderland” (Colleen Atwood), “I Am Love” (Antonella Cannarozzi), “The King’s Speech” (Jenny Beavan), “The Tempest” (Sandy Powell), “True Grit” (Mary Zophres)

Achievement in directing
“Black Swan” (Darren Aronofsky), “The Fighter” (David O. Russell), “The King’s Speech” (Tom Hooper), “The Social Network” (David Fincher), “True Grit” (Joel Coen, Ethan Coen)

Best documentary feature
“Exit through the Gift Shop” (Banksy, Jaimie D’Cruz), “Gasland” (Josh Fox, Trish Adlesic), “Inside Job” (Charles Ferguson, Audrey Marrs), “Restrepo”(Tim Hetherington, Sebastian Junger), “Waste Land” (Lucy Walker, Angus Aynsley)

Best documentary short subject
“Killing in the Name” (tba), “Poster Girl” (tba), “Strangers No More” (Karen Goodman, Kirk Simon), “Sun Come Up” (Jennifer Redfearn, Tim Metzger), “The Warriors of Qiugang” (Ruby Yang, Thomas Lennon)

Achievement in film editing
“Black Swan” (Andrew Weisblum), “The Fighter″ (Pamela Martin), “The King’s Speech” (Tariq Anwar), “127 Hours” (Jon Harris), “The Social Network” (Angus Wall, Kirk Baxter)

Best foreign language film of the year
“Biutiful” (Mexico), “Dogtooth” (Greece), “In a Better World” (Denmark), “Incendies” (Canada), “Outside the Law (Hors-la-loi)” (Algeria)

Achievement in makeup
“Barney’s Version” (Adrien Morot), “The Way Back” (Edouard F. Henriques, Gregory Funk, Yolanda Toussieng),“The Wolfman” (Rick Baker, Dave Elsey)

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original Score)
“How to Train Your Dragon” (John Powell), “Inception” (Hans Zimmer), “The King’s Speech” (Alexandre Desplat), “127 Hours” (A.R. Rahman), “The Social Network” (Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross)

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original Song)
“Coming Home” (“Country Song”, music and lyrics Tom Douglas, Troy Verges, Hillary Lindsey), “I See the Light” (“Tangled”, music Alan Menken, lyrics Glenn Slater), “If I Rise” (“127 Hours″, music A.R. Rahman, lyrics Dido, Rollo Armstrong), “We Belong Together” (“Toy Story 3”, music and lyrics Randy Newman)

Best motion picture of the year
“Black Swan” (Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver, Scott Franklin), “The Fighter” (David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman, Mark Wahlberg), “Inception″ (Emma Thomas, Christopher Nolan), “The Kids Are All Right” (Gary Gilbert, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte, Celine Rattray), “The King’s Speech” (Iain Canning, Emile Sherman, Gareth Unwin),“127 Hours” (Christian Colson, Danny Boyle, John Smithson), “The Social Network” (Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca, Cean Chaffin), “Toy Stroy 3” (Darla K. Anderson), “True Grit” (Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen, Joel Coen), “Winter’s Bone” (Anne Rosellini, Alix Madigan-Yorkin)

Best animated short film
“Day & Night” (Teddy Newton), “The Gruffalo” (Jakob Schuh, Max Land), “Let’s Pollute” (Geefwee Boedoe), “The Lost Thing” (Shaun Tan, Andrew Ruhemann), “Madagascar, carnet de voyage (Madagascar, a Journey Diary)” (Bastien Dubois)

Best live action short film
“The Confession” (Tanel Toom), “The Crush” (Michael Creagh), “God of Love” (Luke Matheny), “Ne Wewe” (Ivan Goldschmidt), “Wish 143” (Ian Barnes, Samantha Waite)

Achievement in sound editing
“Inception” (Richard King), “Toy Story 3” (Tom Myers, Michael Silvers),“Tron: Legacy” (Gwendolyn Yates Whittle, Addison Teague), “True Grit” (Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey), “Unstoppable” (Mark P. Stoeckinger)

Achievement in sound mixing
“Inception” (Lora Hirschberg, Gary A. Rizzo, Ed Novick), “The King’s Speech” (Paul Hamblin, Martin Jensen, John Midgley), “Salt” (Jeffrey J. Haboush, Greg P. Russell, Scott Millan, William Sarokin),“The Social Network” (Ren Klyce, David Parker, Michael Semanick, Mark Weingarten), “True Grit” (Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff, Peter F. Kurland)

Achievement in visual effects
“Alice in Wonderland” (Ken Ralston, David Schaub, Carey Villegas, Sean Phillips), “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1″ (Tim Burke, John Richardson, Christian Manz, Nicolas Aithadi), “Hereafter” (Michael Owens, Bryan Grill, Stephan Trojansky, Joe Farrell), “Inception” (Paul Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley, Peter Bebb), “Iron Man 2″ (Janek Sirrs, Ben Snow, Ged Wright, Daniel Sudick)

Adapted screenplay
“127 Hours″ (Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy), “The Social Network” (Aaron Sorkin), “Toy Story 3” (Michael Arndt, John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton, Lee Unkrich), “True Grit” (Joel Coen, Ethan Coen), “Winter’s Bone” (Debra Granik, Anne Rosellini)

Original screenplay
“Another Year” (Mike Leigh), “The Fighter” (Scott Silver, Paul Tamasy, Eric Johnson, Keith Dorrington), “Inception” (Christopher Nolan), “The Kids Are All Right” (Lisa Cholodenko, Stuart Blumberg), “The King’s Speech” (David Seidler)

* Accuracy not guaranteed.

Here’s the show breakdown:

0:00: Intro: “Snow burial”
1:50: A very important and special contest — with prizes, even!
3:50: Part 1 of our interview with Marty Chan — in which he is pants-ed
19:45: We chat with Mike Anderson, the site coordinator for Freezing Man
28:34: Part 2 of our interview with Marty Chan — in which he tells us of his TV stardom
47:30: We chat with the founders of pluggin.it, the only social, commission-based market place on the web
58:25: We chat with Sarah Jackson, the owner of Lazzara coffee shop on Whyte Avenue (she loves scooters)
1:08:49: Part 3 of our interview with Marty Chan — in which Adam talks about his most embarrassing moment
1:18:40: The Fast Fifteen with Marty Chan
1:22:25: Marty Chan’s “Fire-back five”

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================
We’re helping EJ to promote their new iPad app. If you have any comments about the new app, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

But I’ll admit I’ve never been very knowledgeable about wine. Oh, I like wine – but it’s not my go-to alcohol, and I can’t say I really know much difference between a pinot-noir and a chardonnay. I know that some wine is red, and some is white. And I prefer the white one.

So when Adam and I were invited to a sneak-preview of the Flavours of BC’s Naramata Bench Wine Tasting & Auction, I was quite thrilled! It was a great opportunity to get to know a little more about a beverage I really don’t know too much about.

I brought along the fiancee, Anita, and we met up with Adam at the Winspear… and there was almost no one else there. Around 20 people had been invited out to partake, but due to the insane winter weather we’ve been experiencing, only 5 of us were willing to brave the storm.

The perfect evening for wine.

So it turned into a very cozy evening with a few friends, some of the Winspear staff and three very knowledgeable and awesome wine merchants.

And the wine was really good! We got to enjoy about nine different wine selections from a few different companies; Kettle Valley, La Frenz, Lake Breeze and Laughing Stock. The selections were all very unique, and all quite delicious – even the reds, which I mentioned I’m not usually that fond of.

I also cannot overstate how impressive the wine merchants were. All three of them were experienced, knowledgeable and fun. Valerie Albrecht, Spike Maynard and Tony Kokoroyannis will also all be at the big event on the 28th – seek them out!

Which brings us to the big event, itself. The wine tasting and auction is January 28th at the Winspear Centre. A VIP tasting sold out quickly, but regular tickets for the tasting and auction are available and run about $90.

That 90-bucks gets you a sampling of some 47 wines from a number of BC wineries, as well as an evening of music, mingling and hors d’oeuvres. The auction is also offering a bunch of awesome prizes for bidding. Among the items up for grabs; a five-course meal for eight on the Winspear stage, a year’s worth of professional cello lessons and admission and tuition to the UofA School of Business Executive Program!

And, of course, all the proceeds go to a pretty good cause – it’s in support of our ESO and Winspear Centre.

And I think I can safely speak for Adam and Anita as well when I say if the big event on the 28th is HALF as fun as the preview, it’ll be well worth your time and money to check out.

I’m posting off-topic today because of a new campaign we’re working on.

Most recently, we’ve undertaken a campaign for seatbelt safety for the whole province of Alberta. Currently, 93% of Albertans use their seatbelts. But there’s still an alarming 7% who don’t. Our goal is reach this 7% and change their minds about seatbelt safety.

But we’re trying to do this a little differently. We’re asking Albertans to share images of themselves and their loved ones for our campaign. The actually completed product would look something like this:

All the details the campaign is about can he found here. Think about uploading your photos and make a statement about seatbelt safety in our province.

Arizona Stronghold and Caduceus wines featuring Arizona fruit made popular by Maynard

Madonna, Dan Akroyd, Wayne Gretzky and James Maynard Keenan: what do these celebrities have in common? No, they haven’t all dated Paris Hilton. They all own their own wineries and in some cases vineyards.

James Maynard Keenan, more commonly referred to as Maynard, is best known as the ultra secretive, artsy and quirky  front man of the band TOOL. TOOL is a band that tends to be defined in many different ways because their musical styling can change from album to album but I hope we can all agree that TOOL is a rock band if we can’t all call it a metal band.

Maynard is one of the last celebrities I would have expected to move into the world of wine. Yes it is likely because I picture him shirtless with a mohawk, or with long greasy hair, or even just plain old sweaty and disheveled after performing a concert. I think it also doesn’t help that that’s also what most of the other people around me look like when I’m at a TOOL concert. 

Last year, the reclusive, private rocker put out a DVD on wine and his vineyard called Blood Into Wine.  Maynard may have had his inspiration for getting into wine from his  grandparents who made wine in Southern France. So it seems, wine may indeed be in Maynard’s blood.

According to this great article I stumbled upon, Maynard feels Arizona wine is “Not a business that you can move to Mexico or China. It’s from here. This is the definition of sustainable and local.” Arizona is, as it turns out, a viable and accomodating climate for making wine. Why not use the land for something is what it boils down to. Starting up a vineyard is not a cheap or easy task so I think its wonderful that someone with money can come into an area and start employing the residents.

It turns out that  Caduceus uses imported California grapes and local Arizona fruit. I had really wanted to try an Arizona wine, so I purchased a bottle of Arizona Stronghold which is the other wine that Maynard has worked on and is a shareholder in.

The Arizona Stronghold Nachise is a mixture of grapes but one I would call a syrah. It has a deep fruity flavour, and is not too dry. The label is very appealing as well. When I brought this bottle to a party I felt pretty badass telling people that I was drinking TOOL wine and then going into the details. Everyone wanted to smell the bottle if not have a taste, and no one had anything negative to say. The only issue or concern I had was the price. At approximately $30 a bottle this is as much as I would pay for this, but it does still seem a little pricey. This wine would be something that I would pull out for special occasions. I would be proud to serve this wine to friends of guests of discerning tastes, unlike the Ed Hardy Wine I sampled last summer.

The Caduceus Primer Paso is another fruity mainly syrah mix without too much lingering taste. The wine is smooth and easy drinking and another wine that I really enjoyed. I can definitely see why some wine reviewers have rated it well. My issue with this wine, and the reason I haven’t tried Caduceus Naga is once again the price. At almost $52 a bottle I feel that this wine is more than over priced. I have had similar levels of enjoyment from $15 and $20 bottles. The only reason I would buy this wine again is to try to impress certain people. In all seriousness though, I don’t believe you can impress someone by telling them how much you spent on a bottle of wine. So, if I purchased this bottle, or another flavour it would be for the novelty and even then that is 2/3 of the price for a floor ticket for a TOOL concert and you would have to decide which would last longer or give you more enjoyment.

If you have cash to spare I say give either wine a try. If you want to learn more about wine or vineyards that doesn’t go overboard with details and technical terms and even uses humour from time to time Why not watch Blood Into Wine? You should be able to rent it at your local video store, it is available for purchase at liquor stores such as Campbell Liquor store in St. Albert and it’s even on Netflix.

So until the next wine the catches my attention come along, bottoms up!

But I also know how much you hard-workers love arts and culture. Hell, Edmonton’s a bastion of theatre, music and visual art. If you never experience an arts-based event in Edmonton, you probably don’t live here. Or else you’re a reclusive hermit. And hey, that’s cool too.

But that hard-work and love for the arts isn’t always compatible. You work late, you eat late, and it’s hard to get out to an event at all without sacrificing something. Thank the gods for the people at the Winspear, then.

This Friday, they’re putting on a late-night percussion concert featuring percussionist Colin Currie. The show starts at 9:30, so schlubs like you and I can make it there.

Percussionist Colin Currie. Photo by Chris Dawes

“We recognize that many people (especially the under-40 crowd) are not simply looking for a cultural and/or artistic experience when attending an arts event – the social aspect is also very important,” explains Phil Paschke, new media specialist with the Winspear Centre and Edmonton Symphony Orchestra.

“After a long week at work, rather than rushing through dinner to get to a concert, you want a bit of time to relax and socialize… after-work drinks, or whatever. A 9:30 start allows you to have lots of time to do this, and then the atmosphere is set for a more relaxed, less formal concert experience. So really, we’re giving you a chance to “warm up” or “wind down” (whichever it is) to what we’re offering, and hopefully you’ve forgotten the looming deadlines at work and can enjoy yourself more at the concert.”

The event also includes live jazz in the lobby following the concert, something Paschke says is done to keep the relaxed atmosphere going and encourage patrons to hang around afterwards and socialize over drinks.

This event had me wondering about how many young people really attend Winspear events that aren’t more mainstream concerts.

“Our ‘core’ patrons skew older, as with pretty much any arts organization, and we’re going to nurture that audience as best we can. We wouldn’t be here without that audience, frankly,” Paschke says.

“But with that in mind, we are very conscious that we must remain relevant to a wide audience to ensure our long term viability. If you’re not coming to the symphony when you’re 25, you’re far less likely to attend when you’re 55.”

With this in mind, Paschke says the Winspear and ESO are always looking for ways to connect with and be relevant in the minds of young Edmontonians.

“We’re focusing on our social media presence, both directly through our own Facebook pages and Twitter accounts, but also indirectly, by developing relationships with other influencers,” he says.

“We recognize that our next generation of “core” patrons will not find out about us in the newspaper, but will probably hear about us when their friends post about us on Facebook, or tweet about us, for example.”

Regardless of the long view for the Winspear and getting younger patrons, I’m just glad they’ve created a concert event I can actually attend.

Friday, January 21, 2011, 9:30 pm
Enmax Hall, Winspear Centre
Late Night Percussion
2010-11 Late Night with Bill Eddins

William Eddins, conductor
Colin Currie, percussion
Ed Mann, guest percussionist

Tickets can be purchased online or at the Winspear box office ($20-$40)

The line-up below speaks for itself, but peep this, fair listener: we want to share an exciting new development with you.

You can call the Unknown Studio’s shiny new Gift of Gab Line, leave us a voicemail, and let us know what you think of the show. Hell, if you make it funny enough, we’ll play your message on a subsequent episode. Call out trusty phone-bot down in Washington state at 509-252-0185 (long distance applies, so don’t go on and on and on)!

Here’s the show breakdown:

0:00: Intro: “New Year’s Resolutions”
2:35: Christmas marathon
11:45: A Canadian in France
37:06: Our sponsors are neat
39:10: Pet peeves
1:04:05: An in-depth look at the Longjohn Index
1:12:53: A fireside chat with Stephen Mandel (without the fire)
1:27:00: Outro

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================
We’re helping EJ to promote their new iPad app. If you have any comments about the new app, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

Many people want to sign up with a gym in January. You see these people on tours or signing papers at member’s services every year. This can be an excellent option. A gym offers you variety and a social environment. Some have pools, climbing walls, squash courts, group classes, or multi-purpose gymnasiums. Still, the most important factor in selecting a gym is location, location, location. Will you be more likely to go to the gym before work, during your lunch break or after work? Depending on when you plan to go, that should help you select a location. I’m able to go to the gym in the morning or after work. If I go home first, I’m not likely to get up and go to the gym, and I know that. So, my facility is on my way home from work. You need to be honest with yourself, or you may struggle with your goals. Most people who go first thing in the morning find the most sucess making this a habit and putting their time in. If its done first thing in the morning, when life throws a wrench in your plan on unexpected plans come up later in the day it doesn’t interfere with your workout plans.

Don’t go overboard when you start. We all have these ambitions of going from the couch to running a marathon in a month, but that’s not a healthy or realistic goal. If you start out in January it’s likely to be very intimidating and busy. Don’t go on Monday nights. I know that that sounds counterproductive for me to say, but everyone feels guilty for their weekend indulgences and wants to start the week off right. If you are put off by crowds of people and waiting to use equipment, don’t go on Mondays for the first while.

Don’t make it a goal to go every day of the week either. This is a great way to incur an injury. Ease yourself into things. Maybe you want to go once or twice a week for the first couple of weeks. Taking a scheduled class that runs once or twice a week might be just what you need. You will feel you should go and it’s offered at specific times, not whenever feel up to it.

Go with a friend. This sounds easy but never is. You likely also have a friend who would like to be more active. You decide that this is something you can do together, and you can. The trouble is usually finding a time and location that will work for both of you. However, if you can, this may be a great option. No one seems to see people as often as they would like to. If you have a workout buddy you may be able to socialize while you work out together. Also, you will have a commitment and might feel that you are disappointing or letting your friend down if you don’t go or cancel on them.

Maybe the gym isn’t for you. Do you like to ride a bike, walk or run? You can do all of these things outside or even in your home with the right equipment. Once again you need to be realistic on how often you will do these activities. Make things comfortable and easy for yourself. If you feel this is a chore, you won’t want to stick with it. If you want to, you can still involve a friend or a partner to help you with your pursuits for fitness at home. This may also be a great way to involve your friends or see more of your neighbourhood or the city. Fitness doesn’t have to be expensive, it can be free.

If you want to do something socially, but not a gym, you may also want to consider joining a sports team. There are many indoor teams year round at various costs and for all ranges of abilities. There is both the Edmonton and Calgary Sport and Social Clubs where you can sign up as an individual or register a team. These are supposed to be a chance to be social and active, but do sometimes end up being competitive. Each sport and team is different though.

Perhaps you need the one on one of a personal trainer. If this is you, I advise you to look into their certifications. If you have specific health concerns, you might want to find a trainer who has expertise with your specific concerns. Personal trainers may have certification through the AFLCA (the governing Alberta fitness association) in the form of a short training course. Some have a diploma or a degree through a post secondary institution. If this is something that is important to you, you might want to learn what the letters at the end of their name stand for.

Now comes the hard part, what do you do to achieve your goal and make it a habit? Some people need to see a calendar filled with gold stars or smiley faces tracking what they’ve done. If this sounds like something you need, get a calendar, put it on your fridge. The visual affirmation might be just the reward you need for yourself. Some people need to make their goals to be made public knowledge. If everyone knows that your goal is to run 5km in 25 minutes you might push yourself harder to achieve this goal. Otherwise if you don’t work at it, you might feel like you misrepresented yourself. You can also reward yourself with a new outfit, a new gadget or a trip. If your overall goal seems too much, try setting a series of mini goals that will eventually get you to your end goal.

Try not to get discouraged when you have setbacks. Life happens and you have to be able to adapt. Don’t ever beat yourself up over bumps in the road, it just makes it that much more difficult to get into the groove again.

On behalf of Adam and Scott, I wish you all a happy healthy new year!

There’s been something of a debate buzzing as to whether or not city councillors in Edmonton should tweet during council meetings. In a recent article on CBC.ca, Councillor Kerry Diotte was quoted as saying:

“This is a good way to keep the public informed directly and I’ve had a really good response to it.”

I think the councillor is correct — there’s a definitely value to receiving key council information directly from the city, and in real time. However, in the context of one of the last council meetings, Diotte wasn’t occasionally firing out a tweet about interesting discussion items. It was more like he was live-tweeting the council meeting. Live-tweeting a public meeting is not — and should not be — the province of an elected official.

While Diotte tweeted his thoughts and shared information about that meeting, I was following at least two other people — non-councillors — who were doing the same, and they were doing it just as well as Diotte, if not better. These citizen reporters, such as they are, were providing updates over Twitter to those who could not listen to or watch the city’s council live feed (which you can check out by visiting Council on the Web). There’s certainly some value in this.

However, real-time updating of events in council is a role that should be filled by viewers of, not participants in, a city council meeting. If Edmonton city council truly believes in the value of live-tweeting council meetings, they should tag a communications official in city administration with the responsibility, rather than have a councillor, whose role is to listen and contribute to the meeting, do the updating.

I don’t mean to harp on Mr. Diotte, but I suspect his previous work as a journalist compelled him to report on such matters. But Mr. Diotte isn’t a reporter anymore. He’s on the other side, now, and his role has changed. If he and his fellow councillors want to be (and be seen as) effective, they need to take their council-meeting duties seriously. That means, even if they can effectively split their attention between the meeting and Twitter, understanding the optics of doing both at the same time (hint: optics of such aren’t great).

It’s a question of what people want in their city councillors: representatives who listen and speak their views and ask the right questions in council; or representatives who tweet the views of others who are speaking in council.

I’d love to hear everyone’s opinion on this, as I know a lot of you are going to disagree with me. Let’s discuss in the comments!

In theory, the most efficient method to get to work and school.

Well boys and girls, let me tell you a story. The City of Calgary, a place full of cowboy hats, wranglers and on clear days a beautiful view of the mountains also had a fairly successful public transit system. Thousands of people would take both the LRT and busses to get them to their shopping, jobs or schools. The system was not fool proof or weather proof, but it wasn’t horrible.

You know what happened next boys and girls? The Calgary City Council decided that it would be a good idea to charge LRT passengers a $3 daily fee to park their cars in the LRT parking lots. This fee was to be in effect 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Why would they do this? The council decided that this was the only way to ensure the safety of the vehicles and passengers, the only way to pay for the increased security that was needed.

The city of Edmonton is a similar city. There are still wranglers and some cowboy hats, but definitely more liberal and artsy fartsy people and no mountain view whether the sky is cloudy or not. A park and ride fee was suggested to the Edmonton City council, but for some reason, this council saw the extra fee as unnecessary or just a bad idea overall.

So, the city of Calgary decided to charge LRT riders, who tend to be lower income than people who drive to work or school everyday, another fee.

Picture if you will a couple. They each take the train to and from work, but because they work slightly different hours due to children or other commitments, they each drive to the LRT. Each person buys a monthly transit pass for $85 (2010 monthly transit fee) for a total of $170 per month. The couple feels that this a still a good bargain as parking downtown starts at approximately $200 for a parking pass and of course parking gets much more expensive from there.

Now the park and ride fee has been instituted. If the couple each continue to park at the lots, the cost is approximately $60 a month per car. If they both drive that’s $120 plus the $170, for a total of $290. For that cost jump, the couple is likely to consider changing their working hours so that they can both drive downtown. If they drive, they don’t have to squeeze in with people who have questionable hygiene standards, they are not being coughed on, they get to sit and listen to music and have conversations together.  Even if the couple looked at taking one car to the LRT station, they are still looking at $230 a month, which will still likely lead the couple to make the choice to drive downtown.

Let’s take a moment to consider why a city might place funding into its public transit systems. The first one is likely to ease traffic congestion on the roads due to single occupancy commuters, a second might be the environmental impact of taking vehicles off of the road, and a third reason might be to help people get to their work or school in the most economical way possible. Why many people may not even have a vehicle and the train may be their main transportation means.

OK, like I said, the city of Calgary instituted the $3/day park and ride fee. The machines were unreliable, their cell phone call system didn’t always work and people would get tickets despite having paid their $3 fee yet the city said these were growing pains and that things would work out eventually. Councillors would bring this subject up time and time again, but it was decided that the fee would stand. After all, it cost a lot of money to bring in the machines the collect payment and the cars that would drive around the city taking pictures of license plates and digitally handing out tickets.

The people of Calgary changed their transit behaviours. Many people stopped taking public transit because it was no longer the most economical means for getting around. The City of Calgary denied that there was a significant drop, but people who take the LRT every day knew and saw that there was indeed a change happening. Some continued to drive to LRT stations, but started parking blocks away in residential neighborhoods, in mall parking lots and anywhere else that they could park for free. This just inconvenienced people who were trying to park near their homes, or customers trying to get into shops.

All the while, the city of Edmonton continued on, forgetting about the park and ride fee suggestions as if nothing had changed. A white knight rode into the City of Calgary one fateful Monday night in November. A new mayor and many new city aldermen were voted in, many promising to do away with the park and ride fees. So now, the people of Calgary wait and see if the promises made will be kept. Will people take advantage of shared ride programs and public transit again, or have they become too accustomed and comfortable with driving downtown? No one knows right now, and can only hope that people have not completely soured on the city’s public transit system.

Why have I shared with you this story? Well you see boys and girls, I think that people should applaud the City of Edmonton for recognizing that adding more fees to taking public transit was not the best option. Edmonton has likely saved money when you look at the costs that the City of Calgary has incurred, only to see them go to waste.

Also, public transit may not be the most glamorous way to get around your city, but I hope that you will consider it, even from time to time. It’s good for your car, it’s good for the environment, and it’s good for your pocketbook.

Ah promises. You know I love em. But I’m always skeptical of construction completion dates when it comes to infrastructure projects. I don’t care which order of government is the lead on the project, it almost never comes in on time or on budget. And as a note, I should say my experience in private sector capital work is the same. On-time and on-budget sounds nice, but the phrase is the exclusive province of marketers and communications types.

But, like in this video where Samwise Gamgee nearly dies trying to prove some stupid point about keeping promises to wizards — ’cause they’ll fuck you up — another promise is being kept, albeit somewhat late, by the City of Edmonton.

I received notice from some key contacts — who shall not be named, lest I lose their confidence (actually it was Dave, Jeff and Mack) — that the Dawson Bridge will re-open in a scant two days, on Monday, December 20 at 5:00am.

I think that actually deserves its own line, don’t you?

The Dawson Bridge will re-open in a scant two days, on Monday, December 20 at 5:00am

See what I did there? Emphasis.

Now, our more dedicated readers will know that we’ve been covering the Dawson Bridge closure since the beginning of 2010. And things sort of dropped off more recently. That was totally deliberate, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. We stopped covering it because that section of road became unnoticeable to the residents of my neighbourhood. That bridge has been closed SO LONG, we stopped noticing.

But that all changes on Monday. Monday, Rowland Road will resemble something approaching a clusterfuck, as thousands of Edmontonians forget that hills are slippery.

AND WE WELCOME IT.

So thanks! To the City, its engineers, construction crews and everyone else who worked on this project. We know you planned to have it open at the beginning of the month, but the fact that Old Dawsy’s re-opening at all — and not, say, falling into the river — is a testament to your considered attention to detail and craftsmanship.

Cheers! To another 50 years of never renovating the Dawson Bridge!

— with love from the Unknown Studio

And you bastards complained and complained about all the movies we didn’t put on the list.

So in the spirit of – not the season – but of you being totally unpleasable, we return to our semi-regular Watch This feature with more of the holiday movies Adam and I both love.

And, hopefully, your cold, black hearts will be sated with our choices this year.

Once again, to keep things festive, Scott’s comments will be in Rudolph red, and Adam’s will be in Grinchy green.

Trading Places (1983)

Starring: Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, Ralph Bellamy, Don Ameche, Denholm Elliott, Jamie Lee Curtis

It’s been a while since I’ve seen Trading Places, but I remember it being quite a good movie. Essentially the plot revolves around the Duke brothers, a pair of rich stock traders, making a bet about “nature versus nurture.” They decide to see what happens if change the social circumstances of snooty, upper-class employee Louis Winthorpe III, with down-on-his-luck con man Billy Ray Valentine.

What ensues is a hilarious – and at times heartbreaking – look at one man’s descent into utter destitution, and one man’s rise to glory.

Is this a Christmas movie? Yes. Christmas does play an important role in the story, and if anything, the fact that it takes place over the holidays only makes what the Duke brothers do to Winthorpe and Valentine even more cruel and callous.

Trading Places is absolutely worth checking out if you’ve never seen it. It’s a modern retelling of The Prince and the Pauper with a fun twist.

Ah yes, the Duke brothers. Wealthy dudes who place a $1-bet that essentially ruins Dan Aykroyd’s life. Since that time, of course, Aykroyd’s done much of that job on his own, voicing Yogi Bear in the upcoming motion picture, and releasing his own vodka that includes a fashionable skull-shaped container that agencies like the LCBO refuse to carry.

But I digress, because regardless of Aykroyd’s recent real-life fall from grace — or slightly latter and below-latter shift downwards from grace — Trading Places is one of those classic 1980s comedies with just the right tinge of Christmas to it.

And besides, Eddie Murphy’s at his best when he’s basically playing himself, NOT wearing a fat suit and NOT acting in a film with animal- and child-protagonists.

Gremlins (1984)

Starring: Hoyt Axton, Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Frances Lee McCain, Corey Feldman

Rule number one, don’t expose it to bright light. Rule number two, don’t get it wet. Rule number three, don’t feed it after midnight. These are the three rules Rand Peltzer is given when he buys a Mogwai he names “Gizmo” – and then gives the furry critter to his son as a Christmas present.

And there wouldn’t be a story if all three of those rules weren’t broken in short order.

It turns out when you get Gizmo wet, he reproduces. If a Mogwai eats after midnight, he’ll turn into a hideous creature dubbed a “Gremlin.” And sunlight, of course, can kill them.

Gremlins is a strange mix of horror movie and comedy. The antics of the titular creatures are absolutely malicious, but ultimately also done for laughs. And the creatures die in some of the most hilariously gory ways imaginable.

This movie is a classic, and is actually fairly tame by horror movie standards – it’s rated PG-13. The somewhat more comedic sequel is also worth checking out as it really is a case of “so bad it’s awesome.”

I saw a gremlin once. It was gnawing on the face of a long-dead homeless man. The I woke up, to find my cat liking my face, demanding to be fed her breakfast.

And let me just say that if you’re hoping to score a cuddly pet, a cat is really the way to get. If you get them wet, they become ornery; if you expose them to light, they’ll lay down and feel its warmth; if you feed them after midnight, they might not wake you up at five AM in the fucking morning before you have to go to work.

Gremlins doesn’t care about cats, though. And as far as Christmas movies go, if you can deal with the fact that this film hasn’t aged particularly well you might actually enjoy this romp through what apparently passed as acceptable horror in 1984. Like Scott says, it’s a classic. And any film that ends with an all-out battle in a hardware store is aces in my books.

Batman Returns (1992)

Starring: Michael Keaton, Danny DeVito, Michelle Pfeiffer, Christopher Walken

Oh, Batman. I can’t imagine a movie series that has seen more ups and downs. Fortunately, Batman Returns falls firmly into the “up” category.

Set over Christmas, the story revolves mainly around the machinations of the Max Shreck – an unscrupulous businessman. You might think that The Penguin is the villain, or Catwoman, but that’s really not the case. Max is the glue that binds them together, and he’s the driving antagonist behind much of the action.

Suffice to say, in typical Tim Burton fashion, the darkness of the plot and environment are juxtaposed with the traditional festive atmosphere of Christmas-time. There’s a lot of interesting use of monochrome, as well – Batman, Penguin and Catwoman all primarily wear black, and that plays off well against the snowy backdrops.

Batman Returns was the last good film before Joel Schumacher came along with his Kilmers and his Clooneys to ruin the series bad enough for a reboot. It’s definitely worth the dollar-bin prices you can find it at.

And remember, mistletoe is deadly if you eat it.

The best part of Batman Returns, other than the fact that it takes place over Christmas — which in Gotham is just about as depressing as a Christmas with the Klumps, except with increased crime and street-drug use — is the fact that it star Christopher Walken. He plays the role of Max Schrek (whose namesake is actually this man), a political con man who will stop at nothing to crush those in his path, and who plays the public like a fiddle.

Until Oswald “Penguin” Cobblepot gets his mutated hands on him.

Forget the atmosphere, the gloom, the [very sexy] Catwoman, or even DeVito’s excellent portrayal of the Penguin. You’re in this for Christopher Walken. Oh, and Christmas.

Die Hard (1988)

Starring: Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman, Bonnie Bedelia, Reginald VelJohnson, Alexander Godunov, Paul Gleason

This is one of those classic action films that everyone should have already seen. I’m serious, if you’ve never seen Die Hard, it’s because you hate freedom. So I’m “spoiler alerting” anything that comes next.

All John McClane wants to do is visit his estranged family for Christmas – a situation complicated when his wife is taken hostage by terrorists led by Hans Gruber. McClane, in true action hero style, becomes a one-man army who takes down the terrorists, gets the shit kicked out of him at intervals, and drops Snape off a building with the iconic badass quip “Yippie kai-yay, Motherfucker.”

Yes, it’s a holiday film for the whole family.

Explosions, German terrorists, and Bruce Fuckin’ Willis. If you hate this movie, you hate freedom, America and the entire Harry Potter series. Why mention Harry Potter? Why, because Alan Rickman is the villain in Die Hard. And his villainy is first-rate.

This is a high-action, cat-and-mouse game where Willis’ McClane stays one step ahead of the terrorists and eventually brings every last one of them down. And he also walks bare-foot on fuckin’ glass. GLASS!

Did I mention Alan Rickman?

If you don’t like this movie, you’re a soulless wank who should go back to watching Bridget Jones’ Diary and blowing your nose into a lacy kerchief. You disgust me.

Oh, and Merry Christmas!

This very special episode, we look back on the year 2010 — not as harsh a mistress as one might think. We exchange gifts, we talk Christmas, we have a few very special segments, and we even interview the gentleman who named this very podcast “The Unknown Studio.”

Our guest, Daryl Hooke, once strangled a cat with handcuffs. We’re totally serious. It was all in misguided and good fun, though. He also works with a crew of amazing volunteers on 630 CHED’s Santa’s Anonymous. Give a listen to hear his hilarious Christmas stories!

Here’s the show breakdown:

0:00: Intro “It’s almost Christmas!”
7:18: The Unknown Studio Year in Review
24:28: Sex Talk with the Traveling Tickle Trunk
27:07: More Year In Review and a Look To The Future
42:40: The Unknown Studio Gift Exchange
48:02: A Christmas Story with Scott Lilwall
58:14: Scott Bourgeois Dramatic reading of a highly descriptive and logical “T’Was the Night Before Christmas”
1:04:15: Interview with Daryl Hooke from 630 CHED’s Santa’s Anonymous
1:29:00: Fast Fifteen with Daryl Hooke

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you love us? Hate us? TELL US!

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================
It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!
We’re helping EJ to promote their new iPad app. If you have any comments about the new app, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

Fill your cart without emptying your wallet!

‘Tis the season for long lines, no parking spots, that Paul McCartney song playing in every single store you go to, and endless frustrations around every corner. Another added concern and issue that pops up during the holiday time is money stress. Arguments over money and spending causes strife between couples and no one wants to go into debt for the sake of giving the ultimate gift. How do you cross everything off of your list and survive until January?

There are deals out there, you just have to be aware of them. More and more, retailers such as the Bay and Future Shop are turning to “power sales” and mailing lists with additional coupons. Yesterday alone I saved more than $200 on a much needed new duvet and was able to purchase a 2-terabyte external hard drive $60 off. By shopping online, you can often find some really great deals including free shipping to you, or your intended recipient and often at a great discount.

Why would it be cheaper to buy online? Less staff have to be paid and you are not paying for the store front or the display. I do worry about this potentially leading to the removal of some jobs, but on the other hand doesn’t it seem that your neighbourhood discount department store doesn’t quite have enough staff during the holidays let alone during the rest of the year? Besides, you will be indirectly employing warehouse staff and Canada Post so at some point this must balance out.

If you aren’t into shopping at big box stores, or shopping online, harness the power of the net to find that neat little specialty store that you didn’t know existed. Sites such as Groupon, Calgary Blog Deals and Edmonton Blog Deals offer a daily newsletter featuring local businesses you may not have know about, and deals that you definitely would not have known about. With Groupons, you can harness the power of buying in bulk without knowing anyone else who wants in on the deal. For example, last month I was able to buy tickets for the Calgary Opera at half price.

At this time of year, every store is battling for your hard earned dollar and by increasing their volume of sales, retailers are able to offer you a discounted price. Whether you are in favour or not, retailers are turning more and more to the internet not only to promote their stores, but also to advertise their sales entising you to give them a slice of your Christmas shopping list.

By shopping online, or even just signing up for mailing lists you will often be privy to additional discounts, friends and family sales, you’ll know about one day only in store sales and then there is the power of google and discount coupon codes. It doesn’t matter if you are on a particular store’s mailing list if you can google the store’s name and check for coupon codes yourself. You may have to try a few, or click on a number of pages but the few minutes sitting at your computer could save you a lot of money.

I know that many of you are computer savvy — I mean, you’re here right? — but some of you haven’t thought of checking to see if places you shop have mailing lists or coupons. Harness the power of the web I say! Do a little research before you venture off to the mall, and even make yourself a list and you just may keep your sanity and home life together.

I’ve had a pretty good prize run of late. I won a prize at our company Christmas party, I won tickets to the 98th Grey Cup, I’ve won several books as door prizes over the last weeks… It seems a golden horseshoe is lodged firmly between my butt cheeks. You’d think I’d have noticed it by now.

And my streak continued this week unabated.

On Friday, I entered this little contest being run by the brand-spankin’ new Oodle Noodle that opened downtown on Jasper Ave between 108 and 109 St. It was a Twitter-based contest to win dinner for four at the new location. Since the amount of effort required to enter was so minimal, and since I’m on Twitter all day long anyhow, I entered.

I entered… and I won.

At this point, my winning ways have me terrified. The notion of Karmic balance clearly states that because of all this good shit that’s been happening, there’s a high probability (I can hear all the math and stats geeks squirming that I would deign to use such a word) I’ll be hit by a bus this week.

In order to avoid that personal calamity, we’re doing a good, old-fashioned contest to auction off Dinner with The Unknown Studio at Oodle Noodle Downtown. I wanted to make sure this was OK with Sam, the manager of Oodle Noodle Downtown. When I told him my story, he was excited.

“Auctioning a dinner off for charity is a hilarious idea,” he told me. “I will match any of the money you raise, and donate it to the Youth Emergency Shelter Society.”

See, kids? This is why we all need to BUY LOCAL.

So here’s the deal…

Starting right now until 11:59pm on Friday, December 10, I want to see your bids in the comments. You’re bidding on dinner with Scott and I — date and time to be specified per the winner’s schedule. The highest bid wins. So be sure to check back often to make sure you aren’t being outbid. And if you are, throw down some more cash.

The dinner includes four entrees, an order of spring or salad rolls, and four drinks. A damn fine deal.

The money we raise will go to the Edmonton Food Bank, and the matched portion that Sam and Oodle Noodle kick in will go to YESS.

It’s Christmas, lots of people are hungry or need a roof over their heads. Here’s a way you can help AND experience an outstanding meal with two upstanding dudes.

Let the games… BEGIN.

This Sunday — that’s tomorrow — marks the finale of the very short first season of the Walking Dead on AMC. The show, based on Stephen Robert Kirkman’s long-running graphic novel series, has apparently been a success for AMC and producer Frank Darabont. So successful, in fact, that AMC renewed the Walking Dead for a second season.

But not everyone agrees that the Walking Dead’s first season has been flawless.

To wit:

[blackbirdpie url="http://twitter.com/humantorch/status/10366649207095296"]

Scott Kosman, Canadian expat in Sweden added to his initial point:

[blackbirdpie url="http://twitter.com/humantorch/status/10366649207095296"]

Most of the other online chatter about the Walking Dead has been positive. People seem to like the idea that the show isn’t 100% married to the narrative of the graphic novels. Others feel as though the deviations are too extreme. Regardless of where you land, it’s worth noting that Frank Darabont, as evidenced by Scott K’s initial tweet up there, has ditched much of the writing staff for the Walking Dead… But he didn’t “fire” them:

Hurd says that since writing on the first, six-episode season wrapped months ago (with no guarantee of a renewal at the time), the staff have simply moved on to other projects. Says Hurd, “[In] the writers’ room, there are people that have set up other projects that will be their first priority if their own series is picked up as a pilot or if it’s a series.”

If you love palliative care latinos, you hate the character Merle, or you just want to see who’s going to crack next, you should join the Edmonton crew of stalwart zombie hunters this Sunday at Original Joe’s Varsity for our third YegZombeers event. Since the second episode of the season, a bunch of us have been spending some of our Sunday evenings with food, beer, great company and the Walking Dead. And we want you to be there.

Sign-up at Eventbrite, or just show up at OJ’s on Sunday evening at 7:30. We can laugh, cry, and make undead puns together.

Hope to see you tomorrow at 7:30pm!

I barely knew you; our time together was so short. They told me to stay away from you. They told me you were no good, but I couldn’t resist. I knew there was something about you, your smell, and your glow. Just looking at you, I wanted to eat you up, right then and there. Sadly, I couldn’t. You were on a television commercial and I was sitting on my couch. Now, it’s been more than two weeks since you left my reach and I can’t help but wonder if you’ll ever return.

That’s right, the KFC double down was a limited time engagement. The sandwich was first officially made available to Canadians on October 18^th with the promise that it would be on the menu until November 14^th. Depending on sales, this delectable treat may or may not return to the menu on a more permanent basis.

How genius was this of KFC? I mean really? First of all, you have a burger that is sure to cause controversy because it doesn’t have a bun — instead it has 2 pieces of chicken.  Let’s face it, the hundreds of diets out there, we as North Americans are more confused than ever about nutrition and what to eat. One of my many jobs is in the fitness industry and I find myself questioning nutrition and diet on a daily basis and that makes it all the more difficult to try to answer people’s questions.

I try to eat more protein and less refined, simple carbohydrates and that seems to work. So of course I was excited about a burger that I can get without having to ask them to skip the bun. (This is also a good place for me to mention that a burger or any kind of fast food is for me, a once in a while thing.)

Okay, back to the double down. By introducing a new and controversial item, KFC’s marketing department  had to know that this would get people talking. It doesn’t matter if what is being said is good or bad, the awareness was key. People tend to talk to their friends and family about things they hear or read about, and who wouldn’t want to talk about a new bun-less burger, or a sandwich that uses meat for bread?

The other reason this sandwich made the news was its incredible salt content. The daily recommended daily salt intake for an adult is 1,500 milligrams. North Americans seem to be ingesting more and more sodium as we eat more pre-packaged or instant foods, but this sandwich might be overkill. For each double down you get as an added bonus 1,380 milligrams of sodium! Hooray, almost a day’s worth of sodium all in one stop. That there is modern day convenience at its finest. Wait a minute, that isn’t is it?

No, sodium in linked to health concerns such as dehydration and high blood pressure among others. As such, excess sodium is something you should avoid for the sake of your general health. Really, if you are going to indulge in a double down you would want to make sure that this is not something you are eating every day, or every week for that matter. The other numbers that you might find interesting are of course the fat and total calories. Just for fun, let’s also compare the double down to the Big Mac and the Whopper.

The nutritional information is brought from the KFC webpage and from Self Nutrition Data.

It’s hard to believe that the grilled Double Down has more sodium, but there you have it. The original recipe double down was in my opinion, pretty tasty but far too salty. When you look at total calories, the double down isn’t as bad as you might think. Again, I need to stress that these are not for every day consumption but you might as well have a look at what you might be eating once in a while.

Will the Double Down be back? It’s hard to say. I still stick by my claim that this was marketing genius on the part of KFC to bring this item in on such a short term basis, and when the day came that the double down left town it was like it was never here. I know many people tried it just for the sake of this being something new and something that seemingly everyone had an opinion on. Hopefully you were able to form your own opinion with or without purchasing.

In the meantime we are left to wonder what will be the next big thing that will captivate our minds for a few minutes, you know there will be something. Maybe even something delicious… but hopefully with less sodium.

This is a very special episode of the show, because it kind of forced Scott and I to do things a little different. Some months back, we were invited by Archie McLean, the chair of the journalism program at Grant MacEwan University, to come into his Intro to Mass Communications class and chat about how social media tech is changing journalism. And Archie, being the forward-thinking guy that he is, suggested we record a show in his class. A great idea, right?

Except the Unknown Studio lacked the tech to actually get this done. So we had to go out and buy it.

And we had such a great experience recording the show in front of a live audience, that we’re eager to do it again. So, fair listener, give some thought as to where we might record to our next live studio audience. And enjoy this latest and greatest episode!

Here’s the show breakdown:

0:00: Intro “Teacher’s pets”
9:00: Talking to Archie and his class, part 1
15:48: The Unknown Studio checks out StartupEdmonton’s Launch Party 2
28:16: Talking to Archie and his class, part 2
50:37: Sex Talk, with Lauren from the Traveling Tickle Trunk
53:12: Adam Rozenhart – Unleashed (ranting about tweet counts)
57:00: Talking to Archie and his class, part 3
1:12:08: The Fast 15 with Archie McLean

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you love us? Hate us? TELL US!

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================
It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!
We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

0:00: Intro “your kids’ playground”
0:57: MiddleMen interview, part 1
6:58: The U of A’s Gateway turns 100 this week. So we find out what kind of birthday party is planned
12:52: MiddleMen interview, part 2
34:22: Sex Talk, with Lauren from the Traveling Tickle Trunk
36:32: Almost live at the Edmonton Christmas Bureau‘s media launch
42:06: MiddleMen interview, part 3
53:00: The Fast 16 with Matt and Emily from Middle Men

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you love us? Hate us? TELL US!

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

Well I can do them one better.

As some of our readers will know, we along with several Friends of the Unknown Studio — the likes of Duncan, Evan, Sean, Brit and Paul — have been speaking at length about #yegzombeers: an event that brings together the up and comers of this city so they can drink beer… and plan for Edmonton’s own Worst Case Scenario: when the walking undead outnumber the living. Well, we hosted our first successful #yegzombeers last week. And it was in a pub that has a significant advantage over the Winchester: it has two floors with an open loft from which you can pick of the shambling hordes.

And #yegzombeers was so successful, that we’re going to turn it into a weekly occurrence that lines up with the weekly airdates for the Walking Dead on AMC. Thanks to Trevor from Original Joe’s Varsity Row, we’ll have a weekly zombie preparedness meeting, followed by a viewing of everyone’s new favorite hero Rick Grimes.

Sign-up for this FREE meeting over at EventBrite.

And practice your melee combat, just in case shit hits the fan, like, ASAP.

Scott did Movember last year, and this is my first year. I’m a Movember virgin. And having had a full beard for the last year and a half (and a propensity to obey the fucking rules, Gregg Beever, you cheating bastard), I have to tell you it was very difficult to take a knife to my face on Nov 1 and remove all the hair that once resided there.

But I’ve been at this thing for ten days. Ten.

And so has Scott.

And so has Mo Sistah Beth Quirie, who had the gumption and the sweet mustache love to launch a website in my name: The Mighty Mustache.

When you visit the site, you can throw a mustache on my stylized face to see what style will look the sweetest. AND! You can also donate directly to me.

But you should donate to Scott as well.

Mugging for mugs

Oh, and another thing. We have about six limited edition Unknown Studio mugs still available. So here’s the deal:

The next three people to donate to me, and to Scott, and include the phrase “Mo’ Mugs for Movember” in your donation message will get one of these mugs. Minimum donation to get a mug is $25 (you’ll also get a tax receipt!).

GET DONATING! To both of us!

An open letter to Gregg Beever or Calling out the Beev

Now, I’ve committed to competing with Gregg Beever, TheEdmontonian.com staff writer, in a Stache Off. The loser must donate $50 to the winner.

But Gregg’s cheating, as I alluded to before.

Rather than start fresh-faced on Nov 1, Gregg decided only to remove his residual facial hair to achieve his goal of growing a mustache worthy of Burt Reynolds. He is a bald-faced stupid-faced cheater.

And I will crush him. And IT. Where it = Movember. That’s a good thing.

OK, you can donate now.

0:00: Intro “hold music”
2:12: Election Re-cap with Dave Cournoyer
22:40: TheEdmontonian.com’s election-night coverage
33:12: Working for a councillor – a conversation with executive assistant Leanne Brown
55:52: Kim Krushell talks about her 2010 election experience
1:16:08: We love our sponsors

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you love us? Hate us? TELL US!

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

That’s not entirely true, of course. But Scott and I, being the ridiculously good-looking and busy men that we are, will not have a podcast out today. As we gather interviews for our post-Edmonton-election wrap-up show, we want to get it right. And we want it to be interesting.

So we’ll release our next episode tomorrow.

Sorry for the delay. We know you’ve really been looking forward to this!

In a great article on the Edmonton Journal.com, writer Richard Warnica tells Bonar’s story, as Bonar himself works to decide where his political life will go next:

With no name recognition and almost no money, Bonar looked typecast as the classic no-hope candidate when he entered the mayoral campaign. But along the way, things changed. Bonar’s name kept cropping up. He arrived at city hall on nomination day ahead of a sign-waving crowd. He pitched his platform at dance clubs, spent a night on the streets and touted himself online.

The article goes on to explain that Bonar isn’t sure what the next stage for him will be. He doesn’t sound thrilled at the prospect of entering provincial or federal politics — and who can blame the guy for not wanting to become part of that endless clusterfuck. But I’m troubled that he might be considering NOT running in 2013.

I have to admit, I grossly underestimated Bonar. I was impressed at what a great speaker he was, and what a solid grasp of the issues he appeared to have. After I watched Daryl Bonar at the second Mayoral Forum at Eastglen School, all I could say to the pals who were with me was, “I really wish Bonar was running as a councillor.”

I don’t believe Bonar can reasonably expect to run for mayor again in 2013 and win — mostly because 2013 is going to be insane, with what I assume will be a wide open field of candidates. I think he needs some solid experience as a city councillor. And I hope that Bonar — after his tour in Afghanistan — comes back to represent one of Edmonton’s wards.

Regardless of what he does decide to do, my hat goes of to him. He ran a hell of a campaign, and he had some outstanding grassroots support.

Stand tall, Bonar. You’ve achieved a lot.

Scott also had the opportunity to speak with Dave Alexander, managing editor of Rue Morgue. And on top of that we have MORE great content for you. So start listening!

Here’s a breakdown of the episode:

0:00 – Intro “Haunted Mics”
1:20 – Part 1 of our interview with Darryl from Dedmonton
9:19 – Scott interviews Dave Alexander from Rue Morgue
22:44 – Part 2 of our interview with Darryl from Dedmonton
43:35 – Adam Rozenhart: Unleashed – A rant on “trick or treating”
46:47 – Dramatic Reading of a Halloween story with Scott C. Bourgeois
51:24 – Part 2 of our interview with Darryl from Dedmonton
1:05:33 – Fast Fifteen with Darryl from Dedmonton

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you love us? Hate us? TELL US!

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

Those prizes were movie passes to the new Ultra AVX setup at local Cineplex theatres. What’s Ultra AVX, you ask? Only the awesomest movie setup on the planet.

We had many great entries to our scary-movie-haiku contest. And it was a tough choice. Scott and I battled with giant jousting paddles (each representing one of our entrants) a la American Gladiators. Then, after some bloodied noses, we decided at sit down and actually read the haikus people submitted.

We had six different people enter. We allowed people to enter more than one haiku (to hedge their bets), but we stated that an entrant (the person) could only win once.

So among entries from Ryan, Stuart, Mike, Jason, Sam and Francois, Scott C Bourgeois and I picked the following winning haikus:

by Mike Young
Klaatu… Verata…
Nict…er…*coughstumblemumble*
What? I said the words!

by Jason Konoza
Prom Night 2 was filmed
partly at O’Leary High.
A #yeg claim to fame.

Congratulations to you both! Enjoy your tickets to Ultra AVX!

There’s a part of me that loves election time. The drama, the debate, the politics – it’s exciting to watch. The thing is, there’s also a part of me that loathes it… for pretty much the exact same reasons.

The reason for this is fairly simple: I hate the lack of respect in politics.

I’m not going to go on a “good-old-days” rant here, because I’m confident that this isn’t necessarily a new development. But it is constantly dismaying to watch, and it makes me tired, depressed and more than a little cynical about the whole political process.

There are two things I wish our politicians would learn:

1. It’s okay to agree to disagree.

2. Just because you don’t agree with the other guy, doesn’t mean his heart isn’t in the right place.

If candidate A wants to shut down a notable city centre landmark, and candidate B wants to keep it open and expand it’s services – that’s fine. Deriding each other as somehow evil is not fine.

Above: Conservative vs. Liberal

Rather, they should both understand that their opponent means well – they sincerely want what’s best for the city. The vision of what’s best is where the difference lies, and it’s up to you to argue the benefits of your point, rather than tear down the other vision.

And frankly, if all you can do is attack the other vision – that means yours is on pretty shaky foundations to begin with, isn’t it?

It’s not limited to elections either; watch any debate in the legislature or parliament and you can see it there as well. No one with an opinion has any respect for the other side – and I honestly believe that’s a major factor that’s holding back any real progress.

When you lose respect for your opposition, the whole process falls apart. It becomes an all-or-nothing game “Us-versus-Them”, rather than a process of compromise and cooperation. Just take a look at the quagmire down in the United States, and more recently in our own Parliament. No one can do anything because any bill put forward by one side is automatically opposed by the other side on principle. There’s no debate, there’s no middle ground. It came from those guys, so it must be stopped at all costs.

That’s not progress. You can’t move forward when you’re in a constant stalemate.

Just like in politics, the only winning move is not to play.

So for Pete’s Dragon – put the partisan bullshit aside, embrace some civil discourse, and let’s act like adults.

ULTRA AVX

Last week, I received an email from Shannon Hunter, an account coordinator with Cloud AdAgents, a group representing Cineplex. Seems the movie-house company implemented a new kind of movie-watching technology (which Allie’s posted about on her blog) and they want to get the word out using social media peeps like us.

From Allie’s blog post:

UltraAVX features a large format wall to wall movie screen, allowing for a great image from wherever the vantage point (although I wouldn’t suggest sitting too close to the front or on the extreme sides). The theatre boasts dolby digital surround sound which made me feel immersed within the sound which was a neat experience.

Now, I’m all for getting the word out. And any opportunity we have to give our readers free stuff is always a plus. (We know you don’t come here just for our epic word-play, after all). Cloud has given us a whole bunch of Ultra AVX passes that expire on Halloween. And we want to give them away… IN PAIRS.

Just like what Noah did when he sold of pieces of his famous ark. Or at least, that’s how I remember it.

So! If you want to enter this here contest to win some passes to Cineplex’s new Ultra AVX theatre (at either South Common or North Common), all you have to do is leave us a comment with your VERY BEST Halloween/scary-movie-themed haiku. Par l’example:

Ripley loves children
But no love for Synthetics
Also Facehuggers

See how easy that was? Haikus have 5 syllables on the first and third lines and 7 on the second.

Leave a comment with a valid email address and YOUR movie haiku. You can enter as many times as you like, but if we like three of your haikus, you only win once. Submit your haikus by Sunday at noon and we’ll announce the winners on Monday morning!

LET THE GAMES… BEGIN!

But I’m not going to talk about that. I write this brief blog post to call to your attention some of the outstanding creativity that has come out of Election 2010. We can allow the weirdos to continue to conduct themselves strangely in some obscure corner of Twitter.

First, a couple of great YouTube videos made by Sally over at TheEdmontonian.com describing Edmonton’s recent change from 6 wards to 12:

And that’s not all the Unknown Studio’s own Scott C. Bourgeois, along with co-creator Jeff Samsonow, also of TheEdmontonian.com fame, recorded several “Ghost Mayors” podcasts in which the deceased mayors from Edmonton’s history rise again and debate the issues of the day, all under the watchful eye of moderator Brittney Le Blanc.

Definitely give the first two a list:

• Ghost Mayors 1: Planning
• Ghost Mayors 2: Taxes, spending and fighting

Also, don’t forget to vote on October 18!

On the eve of the destruction of the Twelve Colonies by the Cylons, you could have looked down at those twelve colonies and seen worlds of diversity, people not just separated by distance, but by culture and tradition. The farmers of Aerilon experienced a far different life than those on the settled capital of Caprica City. Binding them all the belief they all descend from a single origin from the planet Kobol and their shared government in the Quorum of Twelve.

Kind of like Edmonton.

Sort of.

Our city is a rich tapestry of humanity, full of diversity, challenges and fantastic wonder. From the best of our divination, it does not seem we stand on the precipice of armageddon and destruction at the hands of a cybernetic civilization (although you can never be too sure), but the analogy is a fun one and while the continued existence of our species may not be at risk in this election, the stakes of the issues facing our community are high – whether it be the City Centre Airport, a new hockey arena, improving our transportation system or encouraging a greater sense of community and belonging – this election is an vital chapter in our city’s political history.

As you might have guessed, we are huge fans of Ronald Moore’s re-imagined series of Battlestar Galactica. If you have never seen it do yourself a favour and check out this great television series that shows humanity on the edge of a knife, facing extinction. People who originally hailed from one of twelve planets, but now live together collectively on the run from their enemies and looking for a new planet to call home.

Scott and Adam have asked us to look at the political structure of this fictional world and see if there is enough to link our wards in this municipal election with their counterpart among the Twelve Colonies of Kobol.

Let’s see what we can find on the Dradis.

First up is Ward 1, in northwestern Edmonton. Home to West Edmonton Mall, Ward One is also the only ward with a navy, the presently out-of-service subs floating alongside the replica Santa Maria inside the mall. It sounds like a perfect stand in for Aquarion, a planet covered in seas. We couldn’t find a oceanic related policy amongst the politicians vying for a seat here, so if Andrew Knack, Jamie Post or incumbent Linda Sloan drop by your home seeking your vote, you may want to ask them if the virtually mothballed navy in West Edmonton Mall is prepared for an impending Cylon attack.

Beware the be-dazzled Cylon

Ward 2 is home the controversial Edmonton City Centre Airport, a perfect stand-in for the harbours of Picon. Kim Krushell is seeking her re-election in this ward but is facing competition from Don Koziak, Roxie Malone-Richards, Shelley Tupper and Michael Waddy. We are in no position to take the metaphor far enough to divine a position on the airport, but we do wonder if any of the candidates have a position on seeking a thirteenth ward, a ward rumoured to have been separated at the city’s founding 100 years ago.

Ward 3 in northern Edmonton has no incumbent running, but a hotly contested seat with crime topping many residents’ list of concerns. And there was no greater criminal prior to the Cylon invasion than Tom Zerek, originally from the colony of Sagittaron. Tom went on to a glorious career (sort of) in politics, becoming Vice-President of the colonies, a campaign manager and even leader of an unsuccessful coup. Not that we see that kind of naked ambition from the candidates in Ward 3, but a heavily contested election is certainly causing the candidates – Cassady, Demers, Fairbridge, Loken, Naboulsi, Oplanich, Silver, Sobolewski and Suess – to pound the pavement.

Ward 4 is the ward we find nearest to nature and closest to our agriculture industry. In the northeast corner of Edmonton, en route to Fort Saskatchewan (as well as our monthly trips to Elk Island), what better place within our urban city to stand in for the breadbasket of the colonies, Aerilon. Present councillor Ed Gibbons is seeking re-election but is facing former MLA Dan Backs, Ken Atkinson, Hafsa Goma and Scott Robb. Fun trivia – Aerilon is where Dr. Gaius Baltar was born – but we could not determine if any of the five candidates could meet the standard of being the main antagonist of this election.

Ward 5 is our ward – we live in the community of Thorncliffe – and in celebration of that we gave ourselves the honour of carrying the banner of Scorpia, the colony with… looser morals. This is the colony college kids head to for “Vernal Break.” If that does not describe our home, what does? Besides, we are just to the east of the new River Cree Casino, just as good a stand-in for loose morals. The flexibility of our moral structure should not necessarily be indicative of our politicians mind you, as we are choosing from Steve Begeron, Mark Grandish, Brian Kendrick and current councillor Karen Leibovici.

Ward 6 was perhaps the easiest to assign as the centre of government in Caprica. Home to both City Hall and the Provincial Legislature, Ward 6 is where all the political action is happening. Where the politicians fervently debate local issues – blind to the Cylon threat that could be in orbit right now. Eight people are running to represent this ward to council – Basualdo, Batty, Frost, Johnson, Kapitza, Permann, Pirbhai and Roberts.

Ward 6, aka Caprica

Ward 7 is home to Rexall Place. As avid hockey fans, we believe that sport is the ultimate judge of ability and skill. With courthouses, judges and lawyers, the colony of Libran is the centre of judgment within the twelve colonies and we’ve selected hockey to represent this cycle of justice. Besides, as a site of nuclear armageddon, Libran has something else in common with the previous season of the Edmonton Oilers. But from adversity springs hopeful opportunity and a bright future for our Oilers. As for who is competing to represent the Oilers (current) home you get to choose from sitting councillor Tony Caterina, former Journal scribe Scott McKeen, Grant Pullishy, Terry Rolls and Brendan Van Alstine. None of whom play Pyramid, but if they did that would guarantee we would move there just to vote for a genuine pyramid superstar.

Ward 8 has the main campus of the University of Alberta within its boundaries – the centre of technology and research , not just of our city but one of the leading institutions in Canada. Virgon has a similar position among the twelve colonies as a centre of wealth and technological advancement. Here Ben Henderson, who is looking for a second term, is facing Duane Good Striker, Lori Jeffery-Heaney, Sheila Mckay and Hana Razga. Be sure to ask any of these candidates their feelings on technology and whether we might go too far in linking computers. Ask if we might one day face nuclear annihilation from linking these computers together. We believe it is good to keep candidates on their toes, plus you are guaranteed not to get a practiced sound byte in response to that question.

Ward 9 is in the southwest corner of the city, graced on one side by the North Saskatchewan River. The two of us spend many hours on the riverbank walking our dog and enjoying the river valley. It sounds like the people of Canceron do something similar along their famous beaches. It does not seem Canceron has experienced the explosive growth Ward 9 has though – although other explosions have happened there. Bryan Anderson is seeking his fourth term in this ward, facing off against Rami Bader, Calvin Lim, and Jennifer Watts.

Ward 10 has a giant farm right in the middle of it – the University of Alberta farm on South Campus. This might be home to much of Expo 2017 but for now it is a rolling, peaceful plain, much like the open plains of Leonis. You can also find much of the newly expanded south LRT system in this ward, along with past Unknown Studio guest Don Iveson, who is running for re-election against Al Slemko.

Ward 11 is one of the wards without an incumbent running, as well it has some of Edmonton’s oldest neighbourhoods. Alongside older neighbourhoods comes older knowledge, traditions, wisdom. Gemenon has a similar role being a deeply religious colony, one where the traditions and teachings brought Chief Galen Tyrol the wisdom to help guide the Battlestar Galactica back on track when it looked like it was lost. Given the absence of an incumbent and the importance of the issues facing this ward, there is no lack of contenders – Shane Bergdahl, Kerry Diotte, Vishal Luthra, Roberto Maglalang, Chinwe Okelu and Brent Schaffrick are competing for votes on October 18.

Ward 12, our last ward, is one with a rich cultural history that can be seen reflected in Tauron, home to the Adama family before they moved to Caprica. Proud of its cultural heritage, the people of Tauron were once known to tattoo their faces to display their identity and the adversity the individual had experienced. No word on whether Vikram Bagga, Gerry Horn, Chuck McKenna or sitting councillor Amarjeet Sohi would be willing to go that far for your vote, but that is no reason not to ask what they will do for you.

Protecting Edmonton from the forces of evil

The issues facing our own Quorum of Twelve, alongside the Mayor of Edmonton come October 18th are important so – as a couple who are almost as politically engaged as we are fans of the Battlestar Galactica universe – we urge you to find out about the candidates in your ward and cast an educated ballot on election day. The politicians in the twelve colonies had no idea that they would be looked to be leaders of their people following nuclear catastrophe but leaders like Laura Roslin did their best to take their people from the edge of annihilation and into the future – we humbly expect nothing less from our City Council should the Cylons strike.

So say we all.

There’s lots of other interesting content in this episode, including a chance for you to get free passes to the Taboo Sex Show!

On that note, here’s a breakdown:

0:00 – Intro “fall”
1:05 – Interview with Owen Brierley, ED at Guru Digital Arts College
8:33 – Almost live from an Alberta Party Big Listen
31:11 – Part Two of our Interview with Owen Brierley
45:18 – Sex Talk with the Traveling Tickle Trunk – Listen to this segment for a deal on the Taboo Sex Show!
48:53 – A Dramatic Reading with Scott C Bourgeois
52:00 – Part Three of our Interview with Owen Brierley
1:16:30 – The Fast Fifteen with Owen Brierley

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you love us? Hate us? TELL US!

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

And I should state, in the interests of full disclosure, that two of my favourite places to eat in Edmonton also happen to be owned by my cousin. Cyrilles Koppert owns and runs the Manor Bistro and the Urban Diner. And he’s about to try to duplicate his short-order successes on the southside, in the spot that used to be Fiore.

At some point near the end of October, a second Urban Diner location will open. I had the good fortune of popping by there the other day. Renovations are still well under way (being supervised by Koppert’s eldest brother Co). I thought I’d share of pictures with you so you can get an idea of how the 100-seat diner is shaping up. Enjoy the slideshow!

Now, I’m a strong advocate for feeding the world’s hungry people – so obviously I’m fairly pro-genetic engineering if it’s going to stop people from dying in Africa.

But in this case my rage is not directed at the knee-jerk environmentalism that’s opposed to feeding the world’s starving children over concerns of “what will happen if we let people actually eat those fish” (hint: they won’t die of starvation), and “what if they escape into the wild?” (answer: they’re sterile.) Rather it’s directed at a misuse of a reference.

I’m referring to the use of the term Frankensalmon. More specifically, the blatantly incorrect use of the term.

In addition to being a guy who loves having too much food and the movement to make sure that everyone else on Earth can enjoy that same problem, I’m also a fan of horror literature.

Unsurprisingly, that means I’ve actually read Mary Shelley’s classic Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus.

First off: Frankenstein isn’t the monster. Frankenstein is the scientist who invented the monster. Victor Frankenstein is our villain protagonist. So referring to these fish as Frankensalmon is totally wrong.

If anything they should be called Salmonsters. Or at the very least Frankenstein’s Salmon.

Secondly, there’s the issue with the creation of the monster. Frankenstein built his creature out of the stitched together remnants of human (and, as is strongly implied, animal) corpses. The creature is then animated with the awesome energy of a lightning bolt, infusing its body with the electrical spark that powers his existence.

So unless these fish have been brought back from the dead then they are not, in fact, Frankenanything.

And, for the record, I would be against eating something that was brought back from the dead. The issues surrounding food spoilage, especially in fish, are pretty serious.

But seeing as these fish were grown in controlled farm conditions, which makes them larger and healthier than wild salmon (and, presumably means they contain less deadly, deadly mercury,) I’d say they’re not abominations against the laws of God and man.

Or at least, for abominations they sure look plump and yummy!

What I’m getting at is this; if you’re going to draw an analogy, draw the right analogy, assholes.

These are Salmonculi. Let’s try to keep some perspective on what’s important here.

But that’s a topic for a different day.

Today, we’re talking about city council. As October 18th looms closer, there’s been a lot of coverage on the various contenders for mayor and city council. And… it’s an interesting and diverse group, to say the least. But, the question remains – who would make the perfect city council?

I’ve done the research, looked at the portfolios, and listened to the word of mouth. And I can definitively say that I have calculated what would be the perfect city council, and I’m going to run them down for you.

MAYOR – Mike Haggar

First of all, we need someone to lead our rag-tag band of civic servants. Someone with the elbow grease and the know-how to bring people together on issues, and the conviction to make the tough decisions. He should also be very physically imposing.

Obviously, that means that Mike Haggar is the name you should be checking in the voting station this election.

Haggar is a former professional wrestler turned politician. He’s passionate about family, and about his city. And when the going gets tough, Haggar rips off his shirt, and kicks some ass.

A very tough stance on crime.

Fuck yes.

That’s not only the kind of mayor our city needs – it’s the kind of mayor our city deserves!

WARD 1 – Hank Hill

Edmonton is fundamentally a blue-collar city, and Ward 1 is perfect exemple of that fact. It has some rural territory, and some older neighbourhoods – mixed in with newer development and bordering on those ritzy St. Albert folks.

For Ward 1, we need a folksy man. A man with simple values, his feet on the ground, and a hard work ethic. I submit that Hank Hill is your perfect candidate.

A conservative family man who values a hard day’s work, but with moderate opinions on matters that most people are agreeable about. And when he feels strongly about an issue (usually related to the underdog), Hill will stand up, put his foot down, and “tell you whut.”

If he doesn’t like the way the other “intellectuals” and “liberals” on council run things, he’d be a strong – but level-headed- voice of opposition.

WARD 2 – Lee Adama

Ward 2 is a hotly contested area this election because of the presence of the most important asset in the city. I refer, of course, to the City Centre Airport. As such, this ward needs a politician who is at once knowledgeable in the legal issues surrounding this controversial landmark, and an able pilot – thus capable of seeing both sides of the issue.

I present to you candidate Lee “Apollo” Adama.

Adama is a lawyer, and former Viper pilot. He’d be willing to take a serious look at all the information regarding the airport, from both points of view, and make a call on what should be done with it in the future. And he’d stick to his guns once that call was made.

A former member of the armed forces, Adama is also suited to help deal with issues concerning military families in our city.

He’s an able leader, a man not afraid to make hard decisions, and he’s easy on the eyes. He is, in a nutshell, the perfect candidate for this hotly contested part of the city.

WARD 3 – Keiko O’Brien

Ward 3 reaches northward, with some new developments. It’s a part of Edmonton that is growing, thriving, and in need of careful guidance. This is a ward where a patient councillor will do well, listening to the needs of their constituents and taking those issues to city hall.

Candidate Keiko O’Brien is just such a person.

A former school teacher, and a botanist, O’Brien is a woman who has that tempered patience to deal with this part of our city. She’s also family oriented, raising two kids while her husband serves in the armed forces.

Her measured approach will also form an excellent counterpoint to the hot-headed businessmen, passionate advocates and eccentric intellectuals she’ll be dealing with on a daily basis in city hall.

Indeed, O’Brien might be the sober, folksy opinion that Mayor Haggar will turn to when he needs a second thought.

WARD 4 – Dr. Gordon Freeman

Edmonton’s Ward 4 can best be summed up in one word: “vast”. It’s a huge swath of territory mixing Clairview with the rural north-east. It needs a councillor who can get around – quickly if need be – and get things done. Ward 4 is an area with eye toward development, and is already very transit oriented.

I propose that you should be voting for Dr. Gordon Freeman.

Freeman is a man with a scientific background, giving him an advantage when it comes to understand newer technologies. He’s also used to getting around in crisis situations – making him the man of mobility who can represent this huge ward.

He may not say much, but that’s because he saves his opinions for when they matter. Yes, with Freeman on council, you can be certain that our city would definitely be on track for the future.

WARD 5 – Dr. Henry Philip McCoy

On the west edge of the city, Ward 5 is a fairly green area  that borders on a great deal of our lush river valley. It’s an older part of the city, and it’s partly rural – a mishmash of people and neighbourhoods that requires a measured, intelligent councillor to represent it’s diverse needs.

It goes without saying that Dr. Henry “Hank” McCoy is a man of diverse skills, who can deal with the needs of the people of this ward. You just have to learn to look past his rather unnerving appearance.

A scientist and activist, McCoy is dedicated to helping build a better future for everyone. Indeed, he’d take a very long view of the city as a whole, and thus would be a great asset to the entire council – while still dealing earnestly with the day-to-day issues of his ward.

Ward 5 could do much worse that a (literally) blue-collared intellectual.

WARD 6 – Oswald C. Cobblepot

The very heart of downtown requires a councilman who understands the urban lifestyle, and wants to see a thriving cosmopolitan centre. We need a visionary who can not only help bring business into the downtown core, but can deal with the crime that inevitably follows.

With this in mind, I think it’s fairly obvious the kind of businessman we need representing the downtown interest. Enter, Oswald “The Penguin” Cobblepot.

The Penguin is a “legitimate” businessman with an interest in the nightlife. He understands what it takes to run a successful club, and draw people to it – and that’s a skill he can use to help liven up our downtown.

Oh, sure, The Penguin has some questionable connections throughout the city – but I personally think it’s much better to have him using those connections to help benefit our city. And with an ear to the street,  The Penguin can help mitigate the worst crime.

WARD 7 – John Francis Donaghy

Like Ward 6, Ward 7 is an inner city ward that is currently dealing with money issues. It’s a run down neighbourhood that is dealing with underfunding. The people in Ward 7 need a go-getter; someone to take the bull by the horns and make change happen.

Of all the candidates, that man is none other than Jack Donaghy.

Donaghy is a man who loves a problem – a problem that he will devote his entire being to solving. Underfunding – done, he’ll squeeze city hall until he gets every penny he can get. School closures – no problem, he’ll get leverage on the school board and make sure those schools stay open. Red tape – ha! Donaghy spits at your red tape.

He loves dealing with bureaucracy almost as much as he loves making money. He’s exactly the kind of magnificent son-of-a-bitch Ward 7 needs as it’s representative – and further, he’ll be a strong, conservative voice on council.

WARD 8 – Brian Griffin

As the ward that contains both the University of Alberta, and the heart of Old Strathcona, it’s pretty safe to say that Ward 8 is fairly… liberal leaning. A successful councillor will tap into that energy from their constituents, and bring their politics to city hall.

And so, Brian Griffin is an exemplary choice for Ward 8.

A staunchly left-leaning candidate, Griffin is also vocal in his politics to the point of douchebaggery. Beyond that, though, he’s intellectual, fairly environmentally conscious, and is a patron of the arts – all things that will resonate with the people of his ward.

He’d be a solid voice for his ward, and wouldn’t be afraid to stand up to Mayor Haggar on issues that are important to him.

WARD 9 – Gomez Addams

Ward 9 is part new and affluent, and part older and rural. It’s a place of contradictions, where new money meets old money. It’s a place that requires a councillor who is one part millionaire, one part visionary, and one part insane.

No one fits that description more perfectly than candidate Gomez Addams.

A man of refined taste, wealth and class, Gomez can easily charm his way into the hearts and minds of the citizenry. Couple that with an opinion on every issue – ill-informed or not – and he’d bring an interesting point-of-view to every council session.

That, and swords.

Sure, he’s an eccentric – but maybe Edmonton needs a little eccentricity to help spruce up city politics.

WARD 10 – Dinah Lance

A significant portion of our city’s ravine system runs through Ward 10, and it’s situated off campus which lends itself to a younger group of residents. Crime, like in so many other parts of the city, is a concern here. People in Ward 10 want to know they can walk home at night without fear.

Without a doubt, candidate Dinah Lance intends to make a difference in this part of the city.

Romantically linked with billionaire philanthropist Oliver Queen, she’s a woman who cares for those in need and is willing to stand up to those who take advantage of them. Drugs and prostitution would be problems she would work hard on – and off – council to deal with city wide.

The people of Ward 10 would rest easy knowing that Lance is watching out for them – day and night.

WARD 11 – Leia Organa

Centred around Millwoods, Ward 11 is a culturally diverse area. It’s a part of the city noted not only for it’s residential, but also for it’s industrial. It requires a steady, level headed leader who can bring people together, and advocate for the rights of workers in our city.

The candidate we should look to is Leia Organa.

Sure, she’s from a wealthy background – one might even say she comes from royalty – but don’t let that fool you. Organa is a woman who is passionate about those she represents, and she’ll fight for them on any issue.

She’s also a uniter, used to bringing people of diverse backgrounds together, and uniting them on a common cause. And she’s a strong believer in peace and in justice – so you can be pretty certain she’ll have a fairly tough stance on crime – something many Millwoods residents have concerns about.

WARD 12 – David Xanatos

As the city continues to spread southward, newer, majestic neighbourhoods are springing up. Ward 12 is a perfect example of this, as the city sprawls toward the undeveloped rural territory to the south. And with that in mind, the ward needs a visionary who can help shape it as it develops into the future.

And no candidate has more vision than David Xanatos. A businessman, media-mogul, and a man who will mould Ward 12 in his own image. His own slick, developed, high-tech vision.

Yes, indeed, high-tech industrial is Xanatos’ game, and it’s a game he’ll bring into Ward 12 full force. A new vision for businesses in Edmonton’s future – one in which computers and technology supplement the money flowing through our refineries.

Xanatos would also advocate alternative energy, alternative fuel sources, and plenty of other alternatives to the issues facing the city. He’s the kind of man who could one day run Edmonton – and likely intends to. Xanatos 2013?

So there you have it – the perfect lineup for 2010. Make a note of which of these candidates are running in your ward and be sure to vote for them – with these 13 leaders, we have nothing to fear for the future.

Go get ‘em, Edmonton!

Last weekend, as I drove down Rowland Road, past the “bridge closed” signs and into Riverdale, as I drove to within sight of the almost completely revitalized Dawson Bridge, I saw two kids totally breaking the rules, and driving over the recently paved deck of the bridge.

Now before you blow a head gasket over the safety of these children, who were clearly in defiance of the “road closed” signage at the west side of the bridge, let me talk to your about the significance of the phrase “recently paved.”

According to my roommate, who owns part of a paving company, the paving of a bridge represents one of the last steps in the construction process. And given that the deadline for the Dawson Bridge to re-open is currently — as far as I know — the beginning of December, it could be that the bridge rehabilitation is ahead of schedule.

I wanted to know if that was indeed the case, so I asked the city — this time, I made sure to exclude any inquiries about robot construction. Communications Officer Laura McNabb (who also loves the Dawson bridge) responded:

” [...] [W]ork is progressing well and the bridge deck was paved with asphalt on Saturday [September 25]. We still have quite a bit of residual work before the bridge is ready for vehicle/pedestrian traffic, but there is no doubt that we are being helped by the warmer temperatures. Although the progress of construction on the Dawson Bridge remains weather-dependent, we are currently on track to re-open for the end of November.”

Now for something equally exciting: I think we should plan an event — a bridge-crossing, if you will. When the Dawson Bridge re-opens, I’ll send out a general invite asking people to meet at the west side of the bridge, cross over to the west east side, hike up the hill and make our way to the Hilltop Pub to celebrate access to east Edmonton again.

Just another worthwhile excuse to drink while celebrating civic infrastructure. I think that’s something we can all get behind.

I don’t remember some of the specifics of his campaign, except that, according to his Wikipedia profile, he claims to have worked over 85 different jobs. And he can speak Esperanto. Like it matters.

Edmonton’s 2010 election is proving to be just as fruitful in its weirdness, though not in such an overt way as the Buffalo Terminator’s standard election shenanigans. Still, we’re just over one week in and there are some candidates who are already starting to create buzz. In a bad way.

When you have to issue a press release stating that you would like the media to stop asking about a certain thing, you know the rest of the election is going to be a tough slog. Enter: Scott Robb, council candidate for Ward 4 (running against incumbent Ed Gibbons).

Aside from his mostly-standard and boring platform points — where he twice he mentions the risk of death Edmontonians face due to the roll out of city-wide LRT and the closure of the City Centre Airport — Scott Robb has one remarkable trait that no other candidates in this election can boast. He’s high-priest in the Church of Satan.

So now you’ve either reacted by raising your eyebrows slightly with bemusement, or covering your mouth with shock. The media’s caught on to this unusual characteristic as well, with this story across many Postmedia newspapers. Robb’s received enough comments about the whole Church of Satan thing that he released the following statement:

“As reported in a September 23, 2010 article in the Edmonton Journal (and subsequently picked up by the wire services), I indicated that I had a non-conventional religious belief system.

“I understood that making these beliefs public would be extremely controversial. However, this was done in the hopes of stimulating discussions of this election as a whole.

“Specifically, my interests are for the constituents of Ward 4 this was an attempt to combat voter apathy in municipal elections.

“I am a firm believer in democracy and wish to engage more voters than the 23.47% of eligible voters who voted in this ward (formally known as ward 3), in the 2007 election.

“I strongly believe that one’s religious beliefs should never be used as an indicator as to their ability to do their job. As I have stated numerous times, I am a firm believer in the separation of church and state.

“I applaud the media for their background research, but I would like to return to my campaign and will no longer field any interviews or questions related to any religious beliefs.”

Cue the “Really” skit from Saturday Night Live, right?

Robb clearly understood that his religious beliefs would be “of interest” for the electorate — and I use quotes because of the absurd understatement — but as I stated on Twitter over the weekend, I think he’s totally out of touch with just how much this would be an issue with his potential constituents.

In contemporary culture, Satan is still something most people association with evil. He’s the de facto devil, even if that characterization doesn’t jive with Robb’s beliefs. And it’s certainly going to be on the minds of voters in his ward. I wish him all the best, but he’s got an uphill battle to fight. And he’s out of his fucking mind if he thought it wouldn’t be a big deal.

For outstanding coverage of Edmonton’s 2010 Municipal Election, check out EdmontonPolitics.com, Daveberta.ca, Alex Abboud’s blog, and Edmonton Commons.

It even came up in our most recent episode, where we talked about an idea for a zombie survival app for your smartphone.

In fact, we’ve put a LOT of thought into zombie survival. What we’ll do when the zombies come, where we’d hide, how long we think we could hold out, what mistakes the idiots in the movie make. That sort of thing.

Now here’s the kicker: zombies are absurd.

Seriously, I don’t even buy the “they’re more realistic than werewolves or vampires” argument. Zombies are a totally ridiculous monster that barely make sense at the best of times, and are full of contradictions at the worst. If they’re dead, why do they need to consume? What happens to the food they eat? If they’re compelled to eat all humans, how do more zombies get made? What happens when they DO eat all humans?

Things just kind of fall apart when you scratch the surface here.

Scott says: Unrealistic

Personally, I think we need to be planning for aliens or Frankenstein monsters – far more within the realm of the possible than zombies.

Scott says: Totally Realistic

But, the fact remains that I am a fan of a good zombie movie. I can suspend my disbelief enough to get into it and have fun, and I totally understand the appeal. I can even get into the whole zombie preparedness thing: as one group I spoke to put it, “if you’re prepared to deal with the zombie apocalypse, you’re prepared to deal with anything.”

So that brings us to #yegzombeers.

For those of you on Twitter, you’ve likely seen this hashtag pop up once or twice because some of us zombie fans have been working to get a zombie themed tweetup together. The plan is to get together at a local drinking establishment and, over beers, discuss our mutual survival plan for when the zombies come.

Again, ridiculous. But ridiculously fun, and with the added bonus of socializing over beers.

So consider this ample warning: the zombies might not be coming, but #yegzombeers is, and we’ll keep you updated on the where and when so that you can make plans to join us.

At the end of the show, during the Fast Sixteen segment, Sean threw down the gauntlet and asked me among all the characters in Starfleet in the Star Trek Universe, who would I want to staff a bridge crew. Who is my Star Trek dream team? Of course a question so complex as Sean’s requires a great deal of thought. So, as promised, we’re taking the discussion to the website to sort it all out.

Our Prime Directive(s)

As with any such challenge, we need to establish a set of rules for everyone to follow. You can’t just stack the deck without structure. So, Scott and I hammered out a few simple “prime directives” for this little exercise:

1. Your crew should be structured like TNG’s bridge crew. So: Captain, First Officer, Ship’s Counselor, Chief Medical Officer, Chief of Engineering, Science Officer, Tactical Officer, Operations Officer and Navigator/Pilot (am I missing anything?).
2. All crew members MUST be Starfleet officers. You can’t just decide you want General Martok to be your fearless leader. If they aren’t in Starfleet, they can’t be on your crew
3. You will be allowed one civilian crew member – bartender, hairdresser, tailor… whatever key creature comfort you think your crew will need.
4. You will be allowed one red shirt – this is your opportunity to kill a character you just don’t like. Though they’ll be wearing a red tunic, you can pick an officer of any rank to occupy this position

So, conceivably you could have Reginald Barclay as the captain of your crew. You could have that science officer with the musical talents Picard fell in love with (Nella Daren was her name, btw). Hell, you could have Captain Jellico steer the mighty Enterprise, if you so desire. Feel free to leave your picks in the comments.

Fill these chairs!

My ideal crew

This wasn’t easy… Not only did I take into consideration the individuals I considered to be the very best, but I also tried to assemble a crew that would work well together. Granted, it’s not always going to be ideal – people are going to have conflicts; that’s just humanoid nature – but I’m confident that this team of seasoned officers would steer the Enterprise to glory.

Let’s begin:

Captain: I’d be remiss if I didn’t select the First Captain of the Enterprise, as television viewers the world over knew him – those who didn’t watch the TOS pilot episode, anyhow. James T. Kirk is a proven leader, and not only on the bridge. Sometimes pushing the envelope, but always with the best interests of Starfleet and the Federation in mind, Kirk is fiercely loyal to his crew, his friends, and the women in his life – no matter the colour of their skin.

First Officer: A first officer provides the sober second thought when it comes to command decisions. Not only that, but when a captain makes up his or her mind, a first officer is responsible for carrying out those orders. I can think of no one better than Commander Worf to be Kirk’s right-hand Klingon. Now, I know Kirk wasn’t particularly fond of Klingons, but I think he and Worf would come to understand and deeply respect one another, both as colleagues and as friends.

Chief Medical Officer: When the quantum torpedoes start flying and shields are raised, you need someone who’s strong-willed and smart enough to fix the crew’s bruises and broken bones. And although you might expect me to choose Leonard “Bones” McCoy for this task, I’m going to turn this one on its ear and go with Dr. Katherine “Kate” Pulaski. I’ve come around to liking this character. I used to find her irritating and useless, but that’s because I was so focused on her abrasiveness. As Scott will [rightly] point out, she’s essentially the female equivalent of McCoy. And I think she’s just contrarian enough to get Kirk out to his medical appointments. She’ll keep the crew in tip-top shape.

Chief Engineer: Though he’s not technically an officer, I think that’s an oversight on the part of Starfleet, so I’d happily bump Starfleet’s only non-commissioned officer, Chief Petty Officer Miles O’Brien, up the chain of command so he could ensure the warp core isn’t overloading and that my transporters are always functional. O’Brien was able to keep Deep Space Nine from deep-sixing itself, which I would argue is a greater feat that Scotty’s upkeep of the Enterprise and Enterprise A. That station was a complete mess, and Miles’ technical savvy and good, old-fashioned gumption kept it in orbit around the wormhole. I’ll take Ireland over Scotland on this one.

Tactical Officer: Combat tactics are of paramount importance on any crew worth its salt. You need to be prepared to do battle with… well, anyone. And you need to be ready for any situation where your crew is at risk. That’s why I’d bring in Commander Shelby as my tactical officer. (You’ll remember her from “The Best of Both Worlds, Parts I and II.”) Shelby wasn’t accepted by the Enterprise D crew right away, but she proved she had her head on a swivel and was able to make the tough tactical decisions to see the crew through the Battle at Wolf 359.

Science Officer: Scientific exploration forms a massive part of any Starfleet mission – unless there’s total war going on. And even if there is, I’d want an officer who can drop mad science in the event of a battle or the discovery of a new life form. So Lieutenant Commander Jadzia Dax would grace the science station on my bridge. She has a winning personality, and seven lifetimes of knowledge and memories aren’t something you’d want to shake a stick at (or a sonic stick, as I imagine they’re called in the 24th century). You might be thinking her marriage to Worf would complicate things, but I would argue the risk was similar on DS9, and it didn’t cause any major problems in the operation of the station. It won’t be a problem here either.

Operations Officer: When you have an asset made from the finest materials, and with the computational power of 70,000 ship-board computers*, you don’t just leave him in space dock when you first set sail. Lieutenant Commander Data is the ideal operations officer. He has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to ship-board and Starfleet protocols, and can work very quickly. I think being able to lock down the Enterprise E‘s computer with a fractal encryption code alone proved Data’s worth in a stick situation. Besides, is that Crystalline Entity ever shows up again, or – god forbid – Lore decides to pull another ridiculous and deadly prank on the crew, Data will be needed. My dream crew would be incomplete without him working his fake-skin-wrapped fingers to the bone.

Pilot/Navigator: I wasn’t a big fan of the Voyager series, but there were a few characters that were definitely strong in their roles. And since this crew would no doubt be launching missions of all types – on planets, on shuttlecrafts and on the Enterprise itself, I’d want to make sure I had Lieutenant Tom Paris piloting the big show. Despite his odd proclivities and obsessions – as well as his sordid past – Paris is one of the best pilots in Starfleet. He had the avionics knowledge to develop the Delta Flyer, which proved to be a vital piece of equipment aboard Voyager, and I think his rogue ways would be something Captain Kirk could really tap into.

Ship’s Counselor: You know, there isn’t a single Starfleet officer I can think of who I’d want in this position. Counselor Troi just wouldn’t fit in with this crew, I don’t think. And Ezri Dax is out of the question, since Jadzia’s still alive – Ezri would lack some of the key ingredients that made her a half-ways decent counselor on DS9 because she wouldn’t be joined to the Dax symbiont. I think I’d leave the counselor position vacant, and maybe create a Starfleet Peer Support group. Failing that, there’s any number of historical psychologists and psychiatrists that can be accessed on the Holodeck. If you can have sexy-time on the Holodeck, surely you can use it to sort out your personal problems as well.

Civilian member: I think the entire cast of the original series proved that time isn’t kind to waistlines. And as these Starfleet missions now tend not to have time limits (five-year mission my eye!), the crew is going to need a good tailor. That’s why I’d want Garak as a civilian member of the crew. His training in the Cardassian Obsidian Order would also be a huge asset. Garak seems to have information on all manner of individuals and alien species that might be useful. And I wouldn’t dare give Kirk some other civilian to accurately measure his inside leg. Properly-fitted slacks are essential aboard a starship.

Red Shirt: I really disliked Chakotay. He was more useless than Riker. He was Janeway’s doormat, and a ham-handed attempt at introducing some Native American diversity into the Voyager universe. I’d have him see a fitting end, on my crew’s very first away-mission. Chakotay, you are phaser fodder.

Now it’s up to you…

That’s right, 60s of readers. We want to know what YOUR ideal Starfleet crew would look like. Leave us a comment with all the key players and your reasons for choosing them.

*Number is approximate

On that note, here’s a breakdown:

0:00: Show Intro – By the Power of Greyskull.
2:00: We talk software applications with Sean and Joel.
11:36: Edmonton election nomination day check-in with Dave Cournoyer.
22:09: Part 2 of our interview with Sean and Joel.
41:45: After-action report of Vue Weekly’s first annual Blue Revue with Jeanne-Marie Owens.
49:43: Follow-up with Carrie Robinson – will she be on Wipeout Canada?
55:32: Part 3 of our interview with Sean and Joel.
1:11:25: the Fast Sixteen.

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you love us? Hate us? TELL US!

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

*It’s not actually exclusive.

In another life, I was the Arts editor at a small newspaper. There, the seedling that was my love for music blossomed. I tried out new genres, venturing beyond my old standby (skate punk) and really embracing rock, folk, hip hop, electronica, and even some country music — though I should note at this point that the only country I listen to is sung by a former punk musician by the name of Corb Lund.

Yes, in spite of my admittedly diverse taste in music, there’s one band I can’t seem to get behind. It’s not that I hate their music, it’s just that when I hear it on the radio, I’d just assume change the channel. And I can’t really explain why.

When I was a kid, me and brothers used to go to arcades all the time. I love them! I also really liked fire, and when I was an irresponsible youth, I once created a tennis-ball bomb with a friend and accidentally exploded a small tree. Fire is awesome.

But if I love both arcades and fires, why don’t I like Arcade Fire?

I don’t hate them, but I also don’t get why so many people think they’re awesome. And I really feel like I’m missing out, so I’m asking for your help. Help me to understand what makes this popular Canadian band great. Tell me what they mean to you, tell me how their music moves you. And tell me three songs from their records that I should listen to to shore up my support.

I don’t want to be a hate-tank. Music’s all about the love. SHOW ME HOW TO LOVE!

No. There isn’t.

I wanted to kick things back off with a bang, so I visited classical literature to dig out this installment’s victim. We’re going to examine the Canadian political leanings of a man who can’t even agree with himself on most issues.

Dr. Henry Jekyll

DID poster boy

Star of: Classical literature
First Appearance: The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (novella)
Likes: Science, philanthropy
Dislikes: Himself
Bio: A morally conflicted chemist with a mean-streak so strong it kills him.

1. Science

At his core, Dr. Jekyll is a man of science, a man of vision. He is a brilliant man, trying to drive society forward with innovation.

I wouldn’t even go so far as to call Henry a “mad” scientist. He was very rational in his desire to make people better with his invention. It was the unexpected fallout of that good intention that ultimately led to regret.

Dr. Jekyll would be very much in favour of support for science, research and innovation in any capacity, with an eye toward the altruistic. However, he’d also want few government restrictions, and little oversight – he might be a idealistic scientician, but he’s also not going to let little things like “safety” or “ethics” stop him.

For Science!

You can’t make delicious Eggs Benedict without breaking a few laws.

2. Social Security

Dr. Jekyll is a man who struggles with his own morals and ethics, yes – but ultimately he tries to rise above his demons. One of those ways is through philanthropy – he donates to worthy causes and helps to uplift the downtrodden.

But, there’s another side to this. While Henry is committed to donating his own time and money to worthy causes, he does it by his own choice. It’s fairly plain that he wouldn’t feel right forcing that choice on others. Certainly, he’d encourage them to give to charity – but he would be opposed to making them do it.

Jekyll is also a man who values hard work, with a “do it yourself” attitude.

He’d be against charities that don’t aim to help the needy get back on their feet.

3. Traditional Values

Notwithstanding the fact that Dr. Jekyll is a Victorian gentleman – and thus living in a heavily repressed society – he’s clearly a man who prefers a more “conservative” approach to life.

Henry would be appalled at many aspects of our modern society, from our mode of dress to the cavalier use of crude language.

He'd be especially horrified by this guy.

I honestly don’t think Jekyll would even consider it an imposition to pass laws that would reign in some of what he would consider society’s excesses.

Verdict:

Dr. Henry Jekyll is a gentleman, a scholar, and a voter who’d side with the Tories. He’d be a fan of smaller government, so that his research could continue without much federal meddling, and a supporter of calls to return of traditional family values, for the betterment of civilization.

But we aren’t exactly through, are we? Dr. Jekyll isn’t the only person in here with an opinion on politics.

So we turn things over to…

Mr. Edward Hyde

Sinister alter-ego

Star of: Classical literature
First Appearance: The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (novella)
Likes: Fine canes, freedom, the ladies
Dislikes: Dr. Jekyll
Bio: A free spirit living without moral conflict, who prowls the night looking for love. Also murder.

1. Crime and Punishment

Mr. Hyde is a criminal in the most literal possible sense. He wantonly engages in extortion (of himself, admittedly), identity theft (again, of himself), and murder. And yes, he arguably even manages to do that last one to himself.

A libertarian without a moral compass, Hyde is a man who lives in the margins of society, so he’d want to keep those margins as wide as possible. He’d be in support of any efforts to curtail law enforcement in the name of expanded personal freedoms.

He can appreciate the occasional caning, though.

2. Social Security

A hedonist, Mr. Hyde isn’t exactly filled with a desire to do hard work for a living. In fact, he fully intended to live off of Dr. Jekyll’s fortune – probably subsidized by the proceeds of his criminal adventures – which he extorted from the good doctor.

So government handouts would be something right up his alley.

On the other hand, Hyde wouldn’t exactly be a fan of paying taxes – he’s greedy, not generous, and his libertarian side would be loathe to give anything to big government without the promise of something in return.

Overall, it’s pretty safe to say that Mr. Hyde would happily be a welfare leech, if he figured he could get away with it.

3. Traditional Values

Many of the sinister activities “Edward” engages in during his existence are only hinted at… and suffer from serious values dissonance. Some of the actions Victorians would consider deplorable are not only tolerated in modern society, but welcome.

Speaking with a woman? Dressed like that? Alone!? MONSTER!

Actually, Mr. Hyde would probably love the modern world and the relative freedom it allows. Again, a man with a strong libertarian streak without a pesky moral compass to reign in his excess, he’d be very progressive in a social regard – the fewer laws reigning him in the better.

But whereas drugs, alcohol and sex are all getting acceptance, Mr. Hyde would probably have to curtail that whole “murder” hobby of his to be truly accepted by society.

Verdict:

I honestly don’t think Hyde would care enough about the environment to check a Green candidate, but he’d be very pleased with a party that’s pro-social freedom and pro-government handouts. The NDP might not be his ideal party, but he’d rather them than big government Liberals or hard-assed Conservatives – that’s for damned sure.

If you have an idea for a fictional victim for The Character Assassin, e-mail Scott, or send him a tweet with your suggestion.

As a huge fan of the zombie genre, I would like to believe this to be true, but I’m not going to just accept the premise at face value. The article argues that zombies will supplant vampires as the horror genre of choice among the masses. You’ll recall a long while back, it was slasher films.

But the Twilight series, TV shows like True Blood, and films like Daybreakers have kept the spotlight on vampires for a good long while. And though the occasional zombie gems shows up on the big screen — think Zombieland with Jesse Eisenberg — most of the zombie movies released (often in the name of George Romero) are far less impactful as far as the genre goes.

There is one outlier that could thrust the zombie horror subgenre, and that’s the forthcoming release of the AMC TV series the Walking Dead, based on the comic books. This series is so much anticipated that when it’s released on Halloween this year, it will be released at around the same time in 120 different countries around the world — you know, to prevent people from sharing it outside of the networks’ hands over the internet.

It may not seem like a big deal, but it is.

And is this not an indication of the sort of underground reverence the zombie has? Moreover, is it not an indication of fascination with the fall of civilization through some rapid, violent disease that turns friends and loved one into mindless flesh-eaters?

The Walking Dead deals with the zombie phenomenon in a unique way: the zombies are somewhat incidental. More relevant to the plot, the thing that keeps the story moving isn’t the huge kill, the big battle of man versus zombie. It’s the way human beings deal with their new isolation, their new position away from the top of the food chain.

Maybe this new survival horror will be to my generation what the threat of all-out nuclear war was to Generation X… Mind you nuclear war seems much more tangible even now than the threat of a zombie invasion.

Regardless of the next leader in the horror sub genre war, I think I can safely say this: the sub genre that won’t be at the top is Mummies. No matter what Brendan Fraser does.

You see I’ve been a Riverdalian for about four years now. Fours years I’ve lived in this little place, a neighbourhood close to everything, and yet also far from everything in its isolation. And I can say it no other way: it sucks not having the Dawson Bridge open. Believe it or not, Edmonton, there are things to DO on the east side of the city. Amazing, interesting things.

But we won’t get into that right now. You need to discover it for yourself.

In spite of the fact that the bridge has been closed for nearly a year, people so rely on the Dawson Bridge that still, in spite of the length of the project and the fact that there are detour and road closure signs up everywhere, I STILL see people flipping U-turns at the bottom of Rowland Road. The fools!

But old Dawsy, she’s starting to look like her old self again. That vibrant, sand-blasted blue tint makes it look like a brand new bridge. I can’t wait to drive across it. I may rent a supercar just to do it.

Who wants to pitch on a Ferrari?

Let the countdown, uh, continue.

Brenda Kerber, as many of our listeners will know, owns the Travel Tickle Trunk, a sex-positive adult boutique on Whyte Avenue. She’s been a sponsor of the Unknown Studio since the beginning of the summer (and if you listen to our latest episode, you’ll hear Brenda giving out a very special and very exclusive offer to our listeners), and she gets what a strong community of forward-thinking people Edmonton has – particularly in terms of sexuality.

Some of the cool and sexy things happening in Edmonton, according to Brenda’s inaugural column, include:

• Several long-time swingers clubs
• BDSM get-togethers
• The Alberta Society for the Promotion of Sexual Health (ASPSH)
• Sex Positive Innovations (SPINN) [Facebook link]
• And cool and sexy readers like you

*In the spirit of all this sexiness, and thanks to the generosity of our friends at Vue Weekly (hey guys!), we’re giving away two pairs of tickets to Vue’s First Annual Blue Revue, which takes place on Wednesday, September 15th. What’s the Blue Revue? Well check it, friends:

Sound sexy, no? Here’s how you enter to win a pair of tickets from Vue Weekly and the Unknown Studio:

• Leave a comment on this here post with your best, original sexy movie title;
• Give us a bit of an explanation around how you came up with it (it’s ok to say “It was totally random – I have a glue-sniffing habit”);
• Make sure you add your real email address in the proper field in the comments so we can contact you if you win;
• Must be 18 years old or older;
• Prizes will be awarded Tuesday, September 14 at 8am;

Best of luck!

This episode, we interview OnSpec Editors Diane Walton (managing editor) and Susan MacGregor (fiction editor). And in case you don’t know all about On Spec, you can peep their website, or read this:

Our quarterly journal ‘On Spec’ adheres to a strong mandate that has served us well over the years. We discover and showcase quality works by predominantly Canadian writers and artists, in the genre we call “Fantastic” literature. We foster the growth of emerging writers in this genre, by offering support and direction through constructive criticism, education, mentoring, and manuscript development.

Something else you might not know about On Spec: author and BoingBoing editor Cory Doctorow had one of his first works published there!

Here’s the breakdown of the episode:

0:00: Show Intro – Fu Manchu
1:30: We talk speculative fiction with Diane and Susan.
7:45: Adam Rozenhart… UNLEASHED
11:11: Part two of our interview with On Spec
35:39: Sex Talk with Brenda Kerber from the Traveling Tickle Trunk (listen for her special offer!)
39:00: Scott does a dramatic reading from the Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual
42:42: Part three of our interview with On Spec
1:09:44: Fast Sixteen with Diane and Susan from On Spec!

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you love us? Hate us? TELL US!

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

I didn’t know about the comic book series The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore until this summer, when Rachel bought me the first volume in the series of comics. I was immediately enamoured.

The series looks at what a post-apocalyptic Earth would look like, if the apocalypse had something to do with a virus (or something) that makes the dead rise again. It’s less focused on zombies, and more interested in examining what that new reality does to the living left to carve out a niche without having their faces eaten.

When I found out AMC was creating an original series based on The Walking Dead, I thought I was going to explode with zombie-joy.

The series premieres on Halloween night this year, with a 90-minute first episode. My plans for Halloween have therefore been solidified. Here, then, is the extra-long trailer recently released by AMC…

0:00: Show Intro
2:35: Scott’s American vacation, and part one of our interview with Daniel Kaszor
8:27: Birthday party highlights with Ryan Jespersen from CityTV
18:10: Birthday party highlights with Samantha Power from Vue Weekly
24:37: Part two of our interview with Daniel Kaszor
43:01: More birthday party highlights with Colin MacIntyre from Makin’ Whoopee
47:37: More birthday party highlights with Trent Wilkie from Mostly Water Theatre
54:20: Adam Rozenhart – UNLEASHED
57:30: Part three of our interview with Daniel Kaszor
1:19:20: The Fast Fifteen with Daniel Kaszor

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you love us? Hate us? TELL US!

Download episode 31 of the Unknown Studio directly to your computer.

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

More awesome than we could have expected.

On the next episode of the Unknown Studio, we’ll have a few highlights from the evening. Meanwhile, League of Extraordinary Media co-founder Brittney Le Blanc was kind enough to take a bunch of photos of the event and post them. Here’s a slideshow for you:

Huge thanks to all of the local celebrities who read for us, including Josh Classen, Ryan Jespersen, Samantha Power, Colin MacIntyre, Craig Schram and Trent Wilkie. You were all amazingly hilarious. We’ll definitely have to do it again sometime.

Fans of ours will recall that we made a big deal out of turning one back in June. But I feel like we didn’t go far enough, like we didn’t really KICK IT UP to the NOTCH that this momentous occasion merited. So, after some discussion with our League of Extraordinary Media friends, we decided a party — with delicious cake and delicious entertainment a delicious amount of time after our deliciously authentic birthday — was in order.

And so, along with Jeff and Sally, the aforementioned cherubs, we conceived of this:

It’s all happening on August 23rd, and you can get all the details on Facebook. The Unknown Studio’s own Scott C. Bourgeois will be emceeing a night of riveting and silly entertainment. We hope you’ll join us, because I was totally serious about the cake.

*Unicorns are old, right? RIGHT?!

• 0:00: Show intro (“Optimus Prime!”)
• 2:20: We dip into the You’ve Got Mail bag
• 5:31: Interview with Eri Riot from Geekbadge.ca
• 13:10: Interview with Stanley Woo of Apocalypse Kow — the group’s appearing at this year’s Edmonton Fringe!
• 22:50: Sex Talk with Brenda Kerber from the Traveling Tickle Trunk
• 26:31: Interview with Carrie Robinson, who recently auditioned for Wipeout
• 36:02: Outro (“So long Cybertron!”)

Huge thanks to Parabolix, DJ Chronos and LG from the Free Sound Project for helping out with our zipper sound effect and Cybertron soundscape.

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you dig the new format? Hate it? TELL US!

Download episode 30 of the Unknown Studio directly to your computer.

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

And Smores! OK, I only thought of smores because it contains the word “more” and I’m going camping this weekend.

But this final installment of FML Friday is themed (applause)! This week, it’s all about money!

A-like so:

Cat Power

Today, my uncle passed away, leaving me an inheritance of $800, and his forty-seven cats. FML

Woohoo! Cat Party!

Or, maybe just think of it in a Pied Piper kind of way. With just a little bit of training, this Cat Army can do your bidding!

On the other hand, you should probably just register an account at icanhascheezburger.com.

Hush money?

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

If you don’t feel like moving, and you want to invest in around 47 cats for companionship, I have a good line on a referral for you.

Guard your investment

Today, I was bragging endlessly to my friends about my new $900 laptop. I then tripped and dropped it down the wooden stairs. FML

That’s what you get for bragging about a bottom-of-the-line laptop, doucheknuckle. Now go buy a real computer.

Picky eater

Today, I had to go to counselling as my mother thinks I have an eating disorder. All because I didn’t want to eat the crap supermarket lasagna she bought for $2. FML

Did you explain to the counselor what a waste of time your appointment was before or after you paid them their fee? Or did you just take the money and go enjoy proper lasagna?

Cue Annie Lennox

Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend’s house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom’s favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML

ZING! I hope you have a receipt for those glasses. I also hope you didn’t explain to her HOW you think they got broken. Actually, scratch that. She probably knows. NOW GO AND BUY MATCHING DISHES!

• 0:00: Show intro (“Back to the Future!”)
• 1:40: Part 1 – Interview with the YegLive.ca’s Chris Martyniuk
• 5:56: An interview with Jeff and Sally, creators of TheEdmontonian.com and Saturday Night with Samsonow (music provided by the Mystery Ponies)
• 15:47: Part 2 – Interview with Chris Martyniuk
• 36:48: A look at the life of an International Street Performer
• 46:29: A Dramatic Reading with Scott C Bourgeois (Dawson Bridge Watch™ goes audio!)
• 49:26: Part 3 – Interview with Chris Martyniuk
• 1:09:22: The Fast Fifteen with Chris Martyniuk
• 1:12:56: Extro (“Naked interview”)

Thanks to Pixelens Photography for allowing us to use their image of Lex Justice on the show slider!

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you dig the new format? Hate it? TELL US!

Download episode 29 of the Unknown Studio directly to your computer.

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

You can check the rerun of the show on theEdmontonian.com’s LiveStream page. And on the next episode of the Unknown Studio, we chat with the show’s creators Jeff and Sally about just what this whole thing was really about.

In the meantime, here’s a slideshow of images from the big event (all images taken by @Raquelgal):

And they’re calling it: Saturday Night with Samsonow.

It all started up in the brains of TheEdmontonian.com creators Sally and Jeff. Several weeks ago, we met over dinner and drinks and started to discuss it. Sally has some background in video editing and both she and Jeff have become pretty damned skilled at creating and editing some great video content on their website (check out Jeff’s most recent video on the SOS Fest). As two people who are trying to push the boundaries and raise the bar for what alternative media can provide in terms of entertainment, content and information, Saturday Night with Samsonow seemed like a step in the right direction.

Over that fateful dinner, Sally pitched the idea to me, and I thought it was awesome. “How can I help?” I asked. “Can I be a guest?!” As you can probably guess, Sally thought that would be a good idea.

Here’s what the sign looks like outside TheEdmontonian.com theatre*:

And yes, I’m writing about this because I’m going to be one of Jeff’s first guests — and I believe Pepe Duenas from the Mystery Ponies is the band leader (or just the band himself. That remains to be seen).

The show starts at 9pm MDT on a live stream hosted at TheEdmontonian.com. Be there, or be marginally disappointed!

*TheEdmontonian.com theatre doesn’t actually exist… yet.

Now, if you’re still here and haven’t shot yourself in the face from hardcore mediocrity, then read on. I guess.

The ‘list’

Today, my dad found my “list”. 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn’t, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my “organizational skills.” FML

What did you expect him to say? “I’m proud my little girl is so ambitious about the number of people she wants to sleep with”? He’s just trying to resolve with what he’s seeing on this list against the fact that you now appear to have a sexual conquest list is more than double that of most ensemble casts in film and television.

Homeless birthday

Today, I found out I’m being evicted from my apartment on my birthday. FML

Yeah, you know that’s kinda my fault. I mean, I don’t know you and I didn’t really know what to get you. And I just dislike you so much… So, I guess what I’m saying is… Happy birthday?

Poor and whiny

Today, I realized I hate the career I have spent the last 7 years and $120,000 preparing for. FML

Well, better to know now than in, say, 20 years, amiright!?

Talk to me, dance with me

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

That’s really how it starts, isn’t it? Why don’t you just put a sock on your hand and talk to it instead? Seriously, the world has enough problems without having to worry about the next Charles Manson.

Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She’s now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn’t even like it. FML

Rehab? Are you serious? I’m getting tired of the anti-smoking thing, and I hate cigarettes. How much can a single group be marginalized? Let them choke on their smoke. It’s a personal choice! Now, to the FMLer: smoke your brains out. And if you have an iPad, please betroth it to me in your will.

The ACTUAL truth is these FMLs stay at the same level of quality: bunch of first-world problems from whiny little sucks. But even after all this time, even in spite of the fact that this whole FML Friday dream ends at the end of July, all of this — THIS! — makes it worth it.

Now let’s hear it from the morons:

Breathalizer

Today, I was getting ready to go to the movies with friends. I was brushing when my dad walked into the bathroom and said I couldn’t go anymore. He thought I wanted fresh breath to make out with some guy. FML

Wow, so your dad’s a paranoid fuck, huh? What does he do when you apply deodorant? “Oh no, little missy. I won’t have any daughter of mine with one of those DISGUSTING TATTOOS polluting her body! No! Off to the convent with you!”

Oh no you di’n't, girfren!

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She happily said yes. After a few minutes of kissing, she said, “Wait, does this mean we have to live together?” FML

Aren’t you lucky! You’ve known this girl awhile, and she’s been able to fool you into thinking she’s smart enough to marry. Then, just after you get engaged, she reveals her true brain power. Just in time for you to get out of Dodge without entirely ruining your life.

Slippery when wet

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

WAIT! STOP! WE NEED TO GET ALANIS TO DO ANOTHER VERSION OF “ISN’T IT IRONIC”! Or, no, hang on… no we don’t. Drink some fuckin’ milk, mmmmkay?

Ai haz a sadbrow

Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

I’m going to assume you feel sad about this as well. Does that mean, then, that because of your sadbrows, you look REALLY sad? Like, suicidal, even? I bet if you feel happy and where that winning smile, you just look like you have a neutral expression. Oh, yeah: sad.

Never turn your back on the… uh, artificial ocean

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

Oh man! That’s badass! Did someone videotape it? Did they send it to FAIL Blog? SHOW ME THE EVIDENCE OF THIS HILARITY!

• 0:00: Show intro (“Where’s Adam?”)
• 1:23: Part 1 – Interview with the Edmonton Journal’s videogame blogger Ben Gelinas
• 7:19: elm café, one month after launch
• 18:16: Part 2 – Interview with Ben Gelinas
• 31:30: Sex Talk with Brenda Kerber from the Traveling Tickle Trunk
• 39:10: Adam Rozenhart Unleashed (in response to this)
• 46:28: Part 3 – Interview with Ben Gelinas
• 1:07:27: The Fast Fifteen with Ben Gelinas

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you dig the new format? Hate it? TELL US!

Download episode 28 of the Unknown Studio directly to your computer.

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

Take it away, Swami!

One small step for weirdo…

Today, the first step I took this morning resulted in a blood-gushing cut on my foot. FML

Swami says, “Don’t throw stones in a glass house, because if you do — maybe while sleep-walking or something — you’re going to wake up and fuck up your feet on all the broken glass.”

Social media for weight-loss (ask us how!)

Today, I posted a picture on Facebook. Somebody commented on it, saying “I notice you have a treadmill in your basement, try using it.” 21 people liked the comment in about 15 minutes. FML

Swami says, “It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a group of friends on Facebook to make you realize that you actually are a chubby fat-ass.”

Wand compensation

Today, I got a tattoo based on the Harry Potter books. My dad’s response was “I now fully understand why you’re still single.” FML

Swami says, “The meek shall inherit the earth, but a dork like you is going to need more than a Patronus spell to keep your ass from being kicked when people see your lame tattoo.”

A rube and his car

Today, I lost my car in a bet that Germany would crush Spain in the World Cup. FML

Swami says, “A fool and his money are soon parted, but it takes a special kind of asshole to ignore the wisdom of Paul the Octopus and lose his car in the process.”

Coming out of the closet

Today, I finally got around to organizing my closet. Discarded clothes fell into three distinct categories: Too Small, Yellow Pits, Stained with Food. FML

Swami says, “Often a noble face hides filthy ways, but even a lazy, entitled noble has the good sense to launder his clothes before they’re discarded in his closet, you sick fuck.”

But you have us for the next four weeks. The beginning of the end!

A blond walks into a bar…

Today, I went on a second date with this guy I really liked. It was going well until his friend popped in our date and began telling blonde jokes. My date joined in and told blonde jokes for the remainder of our date. I’m Jenny, his very blonde date. FML

Blond jokes? Did you go back in time to 1988 to go on this date or something? Tell the retard parade to cram it, and go date a real man (preferably a brunette).

Jelly nose

Today, I broke my nose opening a jar of jelly. FML

This is a feat… of what I’m not sure. You know you’re supposed to use your hands to open a jar of jelly and not a gas-powered pogo stick, right?

Hobo hootenanny

Today, I was walking home from work when a hobo checked me out, asking which alley I live in. FML

You need to be more sensitive. The only world this poor beggar knows is the hobo world. He’s looking for someone he can relate to. And you’re judging him because he thinks you’re a hobo? How about fuck you?

Mother’s day

Today, it was my mother’s birthday. I wanted to be nice this year, and give her roses, chocolate, and a book of tips on how to stay young. She yelled at me for accusing me of thinking she’s an old wrinkly granny. FML

Listen dude, if you can’t see why this would piss your mom off, you’re beyond help. The book completely nullifies the other two gifts. You can claim she misinterpreted your gesture, just like I can claim that you’re an insensitive prick.

Sun spots

Today, I got so sunburnt, I now share a color palette with a tomato. FML

Literally FOR DECADES, meteorologists, other scientists, parents, teachers… damn near everyone has been advising people to do two things: wear sunscreen, and don’t spend all your time out in the sun. Since you haven’t been listening for 30 years, you deserve to have a tomato-like complexion.

If you want to know what’s happening in Edmonton, go see what Jeff has to say about it!

Take it away, Tom Brokaw!

• 0:00: Show intro and beginning of interview with Brittney Le Blanc
• 6:10: An interview with local mom and bicycle blogger Ms Sarah Chan
• 20:44: We discuss Heroes with Brittney Le Blanc
• 32:47: Scott, Brittney and Adam answer your random Formspring questions (h/t to our pals at Makin’ Whoopee for the idea)
• 43:45: A dramatic reading… with Scott C. Bourgeois
• 48:05: We discuss Brittney’s robot double… and Girl Geek Dinners (shout out to Sally Poulsen @ 48:45)
• 1:02:00: The Fast Fifteen with Brittney Le Blanc

Let us know what you thought, everyone! Do you dig the new format? Hate it? TELL US!

Download episode 27 of the Unknown Studio directly to your computer.

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

We’d like to borrow a page from the book of Nate Box, who only opened his elm café when he was satisfied that it was ready. We demand the exact same satisfaction on your behalf, fifties of listeners/readers.

When we’re ready with the new episode later on this week, there will be much fanfare. In the meantime, cozy up to a few outtakes from the Back to the Future movies:

Are you ready?

That’s what friends are for

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my “friends”. I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

This was a demonstration of your friends’ love for you, even though it seems totally counter-intuitive. Stop being such a pussy and up the ante.

Grey skies are gonna clear up

Today, a powerful thunderstorm rolled through my area. I’d forgotten I’d left my sunroof open. FML

If this is all you have to complain about — I mean, fuck you for having a sunroof, pal — then you’re got it good. Grab some towels and turn that frown upside down.

To infinite! And bey-bleeeeerrraaaaagh

Today, I saw Toy Story 3 with my mom. At some point, she emptied her soda and filled her cup with alcohol from a flask. Eventually, she puked all over the little kid sitting in front of her. FML

Your mom is actually awesome. Nothing beats one-upping a kid at a movie by puking on him before he turns around and pukes on you!

Fish heads, fish heads

Today, my grandfather died. The last thing he said to me was “You smell awful.” I work in a fish store. FML

You work at a fish store, huh? Then he was probably right: you smell awful. Our condolences.

BBZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzZZ!

Today, the Vuvuzela that my brother ordered online was delivered to our house. FML

Dude: that sucks.

Doctor Emmett Brown conceived of a method of time travel when he hit his head on a toilet bowl while trying to hang a clock in his washroom. The Unknown Studio’s genesis is no less riveting, but it really involves drinking beer from a toilet, not bumping one’s head on it.

But we’ve discussed the past all week long. What of this triumphant future we continually espouse? A few things:

• This website was only the start — or rather, the natural progression of the Unknown Studio. We have plans to create some pretty cool video with the help of our friends at LEM.
• Since YEGSwap was such a rousing success, we’re looking at doing more events this year. Perhaps even all regular-like.
• The show itself will change — this we’ve already mentioned. But it will still focus on the goings-on in Edmonton.
• I will continue to swear, because I enjoy the sound of curse words (which means some of our listeners will need to put the kids to bed before tuning in).
• Thanks to the sponsorship dollars we have coming in (we LOVE Guru Digital Arts College and Traveling Tickle Trunk for their support and love), we’ll be able to do more timely, diverse things with the show.
• No one shot JR; it was all a dream.

One of the major points of beginning this podcast was to help citizens of Edmonton shed the notion that there isn’t anything interesting taking place in this city. And while I’m the first to admit that sometimes I feel bored, there are resources out there to help you make the most of Edmonton. This is one of them. So is theEdmontonian.com and TrueBritl.com. Mack Male created ShareEdmonton to show that very thing.

Two years ago, I was hell bent on leaving this place. Despite the fact that I was born and raised here, I didn’t feel like I had a personal stake in the city. This show has changed all that. There are thousands of cool people and cool things happening in old Why Ee Gee all the time.

The future? The future is about sharing that with you all. I hope you’ll continue to count yourselves among our 50s of listeners and readers. This city may not have been built on rock n’ roll, but there’s enough rockers and rollers here that the fortunes of Edmonton have taken a turn and will continue to take a turn for the better. And we want to be part of those fortunes.

Yes, friends, today marks our official first birthday. The Unknown Studio turns one today — sometime later this afternoon to be precisely. And though we’ve already done a bit of a summary of the last year, using data from the ever-popular Fast Fifteen, I thought I’d get into a few more details about the show’s successes.

As we’ve explained before, this whole concept started at a tweet-up. It was all downhill from there. We started the show using the LibSyn podcasting service — which served us very well for a time… But eventually we wanted to host everything ourselves, with our own website, theme and all. That’s what you’re looking at right now.

But the consistent piece throughout our one-year history has always been the podcast. And while we started out our first six or so episodes with an average per-episode download rate of about 150, we’ve since grown…

We’re up to an average per-episode download rate of 544. We’ve gone from tens of listeners to fifties of listeners.

A lovely birthday card from our friends at theEdmontonian.com

And just so that our guests can gloat amongst themselves, these are the top-five, most-downloaded episodes, starting with most downloaded.

1. Ken Bautista: 1,333 downloads
2. Mack Male: 1,050 downloads
3. Cary Williams: 767 downloads
4. Nate Box: 739 downloads
5. State of the Podcast (Adam & Scott): 681

It’s been a hell of a year, going from tens to fifties of listeners. I don’t think Scott and I ever set any formal benchmarks for success… Mostly because we didn’t really know what would actually make a good benchmark. Given that our show’s content is focused on Edmontonians and things taking place here in the city, I think we’ve been damned successful.

Especially given the fact that our fifth most downloaded episode occurred as a result of a guest fully jamming out on us. Which was fine in the end — it turns out Scott and I can handle a whole show on our own… And that sort of brings us to the future of the show.

But we’ll leave that for our last installment, which we’ll be publishing tomorrow.

For now, there are a few individuals we need to thank for helping us out along the way. We absolutely could not have done this without: Rachel, Anita, Jeff & Sally, Brittney, Ramin & Cory, Craig, Dave, Adam, Karen, Marty, Brenda, Owen, our wonderful listeners, our wonderful guests, the City of Edmonton (in particular, their communications and traffic departments), 630 CHED and iNews880.

And in our forthcoming episode, S02E01, we’ll answer a recent question that’s been asked of us: “Who has been your favourite guest this season?” among other queries.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, THE UNKNOWN STUDIO!

In our first installment of our TUS retrospective, we gave you some very deep and thoughtful pie charts that detail the splits in responses to some of our Fast Fifteen questions. Some questions, however, yield such unusual results that they simply defy the concept of pie charts.

These are their stories.

Tell me more, like, does he have a car?

About halfway through the season, it became clear that the question “What was your least proud moment?” wasn’t a terribly popular one. I think it’s because people’s least proud moments typically involve extreme weakness, poor judgment and even vomit. Sometimes, least proud moments involve all three of these things. We weren’t getting good answers out of people, so we ditched the question.

I replaced it with “What was your first vehicle?” I expected most people who get really cheeky as respond with, “A tricycle,” but most of the answers are based around motor vehicles, save for Peter Daly’s — he counts his bicycle as his first vehicle.

Other interesting responses to this question include…

• Sally Poulsen, TheEdmontonian.com: “A 1979 Dodge Aspen named Sweet Miss Pickles.”
• Cary Williams, Man About Town: “A Chevy Sprint, 2-seater convertible in turquoise blue.”

And my personal favourite response, from our own Scott C Bourgeois:

• “A teal-green Pontiac Cutlass Supreme, called Guzzy.”

‘Mmmmm… 64 slices of American Cheese’

Our guests also enjoy a vast array of different kinds of foods. And while diversity is the key, it seems most of our guests favourite Italian food… Lots of “pasta”-like responses on the “Favourite food” question (2 spaghettis, 1 lasagna, and 2 pastas — I got very specific and mentioned the Manor Pasta from the Manor Bistro).

Some of the more unique answers included:

• A dish that Ramin mentioned, but whose spelling I have no idea about… Ram, perhaps you can comment?
• Butter Chicken… not terribly unique, but cool that Don Iveson would pick such a yummy dish.
• Wine gums… Not technically “food,” I don’t think. But Dave Cournoyer‘s fave.
• And perhaps the most specific answer we got was from David Berry: he likes the Tofu Clubhouse from Café Mosaics.

Movies, movies everywhere!

Finally, we have our movies categories. Scott and I are huge movie buffs, so the Fast Fifteen was replete with questions about film. However, we found over the course of the season that there are just some people who don’t share our enthusiasm for the oeuvre, so we’ll be changing up the question list for our new season.

Anyway, I’m least interested in people’s favourite movies, and want to know their Secret Shame movies. You know, movies they hate to admit they like because they’re just SO TERRIBLE. Here are some of the more hilarious ones:

• Waterworld (Don Iveson)
• Godfather III (Ramin Ostad)
• A Walk To Remember (Brent Jans)
• Can’t Hardly Wait (Rob Fishbook)
• Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (Ken Bautista)
• Titanic (Tom Ohle)

Yup… We have a diverse range of guests with a diverse range of tastes!

Tomorrow, we’ll take a look at how much the show’s grown over year. A hint: it’s exceed both Scott’s and my expectations.

Into the second episode of the podcast, which was a long discussion about the city with councilor Don Iveson, Scott and I were already trying to think of ways to mix things up — to change the slow in small ways to make it much more interesting. At the beginning of Don’s interview I started scribbling into my notebook a series of really simple and fast questions we could ask Don to cap off the interview. I came up with the name Fast Fifteen, as the intention is for our guests to more or less blast through the list.

This almost never happens.

But the Fast Fifteen generates some pretty interesting discussions, answers and comments. Below are a few charts displaying how people have answered over the course of the season. I couldn’t get the “Favourite Colour” chart to match up colours to words, so forgive me if it looks really dumb. In fact, let’s start with that one…

A season of colour

Overwhelmingly, our guests love blue

You see that green section of the chart? That shows people who like the colour blue. Super intuitive, I know. blue and green were the top two this season. And only one person (Duncan Woytaszek from our Post-Partisan episode) likes the colour yellow.

A season of pets

One Fast Fifteen question we always ask of our guests is whether they prefer dogs or cats. Everyone has state a preference for one, the other, or both. But no one has ever said “neither,” which I thought was kind of interesting. Still, a majority of people prefer canines to felines:

Dog people. I guess they love mouth-breathing and drool

A season of computers

I’m sad to say it, but it seems most of our guests are PC users. Apple may be ubiquitous in the mobile phone markets, but they still have some work to do when it comes to personal computing… (Also, somewhat related, I’m glad they have Steam for Mac now. But I’m sad my little laptop isn’t powerful enough to run the games.)

It’s worth noting that none of our guests use Linux. But at least one guest prefers not to use a computer at all:

Jon Hodgman would be pleased

A season of holidays

The “What’s your favourite holiday question” is an interesting one. Some people interpret “holiday” as meaning favourite statutory holiday (in this case, we’re including birthdays), while others think I’m asking what they’re favourite vacation destination is. There’s no right answer, of course, so I never correct anyone, but it’s interesting how different people answer.

This season, four people shared their favourite destinations with us (India, Canmore, New Caledonia and England), but the chart below shows people’s favourite statutory holidays:

Christmas is about giving. And receiving. Oh yes. Receiving.

A season of sports

Finally, we come to sports. Not surprisingly, hockey is the overwhelming favourite sport among our guests, but there are some other interesting ones in there as well, including Rugby and Volleyball.

What really surprised me, though, is that no one said Baseball. Poor, poor Edmonton Capitals.

Oh, and at least one guest was a big fan of Quidditch.

In spite of a loser hockey team, our guests still love hockey

What’s next?

Clearly, these charts don’t depict the fifteen questions we ask of all our guests. Some of the responses are just too weird or diverse to place into a meaningful chart. So tomorrow we’ll have a post up discussing some of the funnier answers to questions, including movies people hate, and the first vehicles people were forced to drive. Stay tuned, as we celebrate our first birthday here at the Unknown Studio!

And note: if you have any questions for us about the show, or really anything, please fill out the Formspring form in the right nav. Who knows, we may even answer your questions on the air! Wouldn’t that be exciting?

THAT DAY HAS ARRIVED.

So on top of my own contribution, we have two more from the overworked Lilwall, whose insights into the lives of these FMLers far exceeds my own.

I know how you feel

Today, I woke up in an emergency room. Why? I hyperventilated and passed out when I found out that my favorite video game is getting a sequel. FML

So, you clearly overreacted. Winding up in the ER because you were that excited is astonishing. Maybe you were hanging out with some alarmist friends who had no idea what to do (for example, I’d have poured a glass of water over your face, and slapped you around a bit. If you were still unresponsive, I’d probably have watched a episode of TNG — you know, the one where the Continuum takes Q’s powers away? — and then if you were still passed out, I’d have brought you to the vet clinic. Because My vet’s a good friend, and I imagine he’d be able to revive you just like he would a cat or a dog).

But I imagine I’d have reacted the same way. In fact, I nearly did when I found out about Fallout: New Vegas. I was all like, “ZOMG!!!1!!eleven FALLOUT NEW VEGAS” and I started dancing around the room pretending to be a Raider. But not a bad Raider. More like a hard-edged Raider who probably wouldn’t just kill a Wastelander Wanderer for no reason, unless they had something I wanted.

Also, I would kill Super Mutants.

But again, this is all going to depend upon the video game in question. I wish I knew what it was because then I’d be able to determine whether or not you’re a total idiot. But given that you decided to share your story with the random people on FMyLife, I’m going with “total idiot.”

Man down

Today, I was hanging out in the pool with my friend, when a really hot guy walked my way. I really liked him, so the next time I saw him, I ‘accidentally’ bumped into him. He slipped and fell into the deep end of the pool. Little did I know, he couldn’t swim. I had to call a lifeguard. FML

I’ll admit, when I first read this one, I didn’t know what to think about this person’s courtship ritual. Perhaps I am old-fashioned, but when I see someone that I find attractive I drop anything that I’m doing, like preforming CPR, to go introduce myself. But, as I though harder on it, I realized that you actually went about this the right way. The first step to starting a relationship with this water-phobic hunk is to get him to notice you.

And you did! I’m sure that when he was looking up from the bottom of the pool, the bubbles from what he assumed would be his last breath floating past, he could make out your silhouette standing at the water’s edge. As his lungs burned and mind dulled from the lack of oxygen, the edges of his vision would have narrowed until it was only you. His chest would have tighten with attraction. Desire. Lack of air.

So keep it up, girlfriend. I hope you got his number when the lifeguard was pulling his unconscious form from the pool. Give the guy a couple days to recover before calling him up. On your first date, perhaps you could meet him at the door by headbutting him in the nose. And make sure that if you go out to dinner, ask the waiter to sneak something that the guy is deathly allergic to into the meal.

Trust me, he will never forget your name. Which he will need to fill out the request for a restraining order.

Always know where your towel is

Today, my brother came over and threw a fit because I didn’t have any soda. Sick of his whining, I took all the toilet paper out of the bathroom so he’d have to beg me for something to wipe his butt with. Instead, when my brother came out of the bathroom after taking a dump, he told me I would need to wash my towels. FML

Most advice columnists would say that you and your brother have a communication problem. But, most advice columnists are idiots. You guys communicate with something more effective than words: terrorism. If you had just told him that his whining bothered you, he might not have gotten the clue. Just like how you are now fully aware of how much your brother loves having a clean ass. These are things words cannot fully explain.

So, instead of telling you to change your ways, i just made a quick list of other tactics you can use when he does something that bothers you.

• Doesn’t put the toilet seat down when using your washroom: set fire to his room. (See last week’s FML post if you need help.)
• Forgets to pick you up at the airport: try to get him deported to a country that waterboards people for traffic violations.
• Borrows a CD and doesn’t return it: try to drown him. (#2 can show you how.)
• Forgets your birthday: Kneecap him with a powerdrill. He’ll never walk again.

You seem pretty creative, so do whatever feels right. Because nothing will help you guys connect as adults like acting like the miserable little shits you must have been when you were both kids.

That’s all that I’m legally obligated to do for today. Than you very much to Adam for letting me live my dream as an advice columnist. Now to move on to my next project: “Lady-Killer Dragon-Mouth,” my planned series of sexy, sexy fantasy novels.

Thanks to a tip from listener and Unknown Studio girlfriend (mine!) Rachel, we asked Brenda Kerber from The Traveling Tickle Trunk if she was willing to be on the show to talk about sex toys and the sex parties she helps organize. The show was great (you can listen to it here), and we started talking back then about maybe embarking upon a sponsorship arrangement.

I’m pleased to announce that, after some discussions, back-room negotiations, and fights to the death, the Unknown Studio has a new sponsor in one of Edmonton’s truly great, community-building businesses: Brenda Kerber’s Traveling Tickle Trunk!

When Scott and I decided to looks for sponsors, we really wanted to engage in partnerships with local businesses. We didn’t want to just exchange money so we could post an add on our site. We’re trying to work with companies to develop our individuals brands together. Our sponsorship agreement with Traveling Tickle Trunk, Guru Digital Arts and the Edmonton Journal are helping us to do just that.

Brenda Kerber, owner of the Traveling Tickle Trunk (from theEdmontonian.com)

As some of you will know, we’re changing up the format of the show (more on that in the coming weeks). And part of that will mean a monthly segment from Brenda, as she talks about sex toy trends, sexual health issues, and really whatever strikes her fancy. We’ll also be running some contests with the Traveling Tickle Trunk — so make sure you subscribe to our eNewsletter for the latest and greatest on that!

Stay tuned to the show and the site for more information about our new partnership with a truly great Edmonton business!

(As an aside, I’m hopeful they hit their target so I have a local watering hole I can hop and skip to. It’s called the Hilltop Pub.)

Given that I live three blocks away from the bridge myself, I have to note my own surprise at how late into the night these guys are working. I wouldn’t say it’s been disruptive to me, since I’ve learned to be able to sleep through everything — including those magpie jerks that insist on making a whole pile of noise first thing in the morning — but the noise is definitely noticeable, perhaps even more so because the River Valley is usually an exceedingly quiet place. This is, of course, with the exception of emergency vehicle sirens, but there’s a reason those things are really loud. Someone ought to point that out to Councillor Jane Batty.

Anyway, here’s what at least one Riverdale resident thinks about the noise waiver granted to the Dawson Bridge project:

Brenda Bolton, who lives on 87th Street, three houses down from the bridge, said she bought a noisy, second-hand fan to run at night in an attempt to drown out the construction noise.

“It doesn’t, but it was a good plan though,” she said, laughing. Bolton said she wouldn’t mind so much if she could sleep in on weekends to make up for the shut-eye she loses during the week.

“You would think they would have a little decency because you don’t sleep all week, but at 6 o’clock in the morning, they are out there pounding and blasting. I don’t know what the hell they are doing,” she said.

— From “All-night racket on Edmonton’s Dawson Bridge outrages Riverdale neighbour” in the Edmonton Journal, June 11, 2010, by Florence Loyie.

I’m not convinced this is an issue of common decency. It’s a tough balance between not disrupting those residence with noise, and not disrupting residence with the inconvenience of a very busy bridge being out of a commission for a whole year. Having said that, though, this comment at the end of the Journal story really caught my attention:

What has not been recognized is that the City of Edmonton held a presentation to the community of Riverdale one year ago promising that they can do the work on the bridge without being issued a NOISE WAIVER from the City! They (the City) indicated that the work can be done without having to work through the night! If nothing happens from this article, then everyone should get ear plugs including City Council and all of the people who complain about motorcycles and any other type of noise, traffic, buses, kids, schools, parties. Here is a suggestion get rid of the noise bylaw all together. I strongly support Barb and anyone else who holds the City of Edmonton accountable. She is not complaining that the bridge work – everyone wants the bridge work completed- she is complaining about how City Council are hypocrites. Pay attention to the story!

— Comment by “Greenthumbs” at 12:00PM on June 11, 2010.

If what this commenter says is true, then the city said they wouldn’t need to be working nearly around the clock to get the work done. I cannot say whether or not this is accurate, since I didn’t attend the presentation at the Riverdale community hall, but if this claim is true, it means two things:

1. The City apparently didn’t keep its word
2. If #1 is true, then the City probably needed to break its word in order to ensure the project would be completed on time.

This is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t situations. If the project wasn’t issued a noise waiver, it might not be completed on time and then citizens — from many different neighbourhoods, not just Riverdale — would be complaining about the fact that the city didn’t open the bridge on time.

Look, I get it. It’s disruptive and annoying. But I think this Journal commenter sums it up rather nicely:

Wow, its construction work, it noisy, theres no way around it. Sure they could have them work on it during the day only but how happy will everyone be when they tell you the bridge will be closed for 2+ years instead of one. Sometimes we have to put up with a little so a change can get through that helps alot more people. I lived near 137 ave and the lrt tracks when they built the bridges there, every morning 6 am they started pounding beams into the ground, i worked till midnight, so very little sleep but i knew it had to be done. Deal with it instead of being outraged.

— Comment by “Happypop” at 12:47PM on June 11, 2010 (emphasis mine).

It sucks that there’s noise into the wee hours of the morning. But it also sucks that no one can currently use the Dawson bridge.

Only 5.5 months to go!

I stopped in because I wanted delicious morning coffee… and I wanted to be their first customer. Sadly, I wasn’t early enough. I was merely customer #2, as the owner of the building grabbed a cup of joe on his way into work. Still, I was greeted with true warmth. Besides, I prefer to think of myself as #1 all the same — not unlike Commander Riker, who was second only to Captain Picard.

I spoke briefly with Nate and Claire (his wife) about their new project in between sips of what I would call, without hyperbole, one of the best lattés I’ve ever tasted.

Claire grabs a muffins from Duchess for me... They're heavenly

Right now, elm café is carrying Duchess Bakeshop muffins as well as panini which is pressed and heated for you once you order it. Otherwise, the keystone of the café is its namesake (no, you fool not elms! cafés!). While the food will change periodically, coffee is the shining star. Nate picked 49th Parallel coffee beans, sourced in British Columbia, as his ingredient of choice.

Coffee beans from a parallel dimension... or, you know, BC

The café itself is pristine and minimalist. Light grey concrete countertops, white cabinetry and a lovely, simple menu board make the café feel larger than it is. The whole east wall is a series of windows, which definitely helps to open up the space as well.

This month at the café, images from photog Jessica Fern Facette

elm café will feature artwork and photography from local talent, which will change every month. This month (and for the next 6 weeks, according to Nate, due to the delayed opening) photographs of Mexican wrestlers taken by Jessica Fern Facette adorn the walls.

Owner Nate Box's smiling visage reflected in the café huge espresso machine

I can safely say I’ll be making elm one of my regular morning stops, if only to see the smiling faces of some of Edmonton’s talented restaurantrepreneurs… There aren’t enough of them in this town.

Edit: Check out Kelly’s review of elm café… much more in-depth than mine!

(By the way, you should invest in TUS, BNGFL and SCB)

And, since we actually can’t figure it all out, we decided to get Empire Avenue Marketing Manager Tom Ohle on the show to pick his brain and get a handle on this whole insider trading thing… if only we could convince Tom to give us some tips.

So we dish about Empire Avenue, but we also get into some heady discussions about Star Trek and Scott’s learned fear of garbage trucks, Apple and their closed systems, and finally we talk about what’s been on everyone’s mind these last few years: whether or not Drew Carey has ruined the Price is Right forever.

This is the last episode of the season (technically, Scott and I are tracking seasons for the show. This is S01E26), and it’s a great note to end things off with. Give it a listen, leave us a comment or two, and stay tuned for our season premiere in just two short week!

Download episode 26 of the Unknown Studio directly to your computer.

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
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Oh sure, I put it off again. But rather than suffer through having to write clever responses to stupid FMLs (which, now that I think about it, is kinda like “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” in MAD Magazine), I’ve enlisted the help of the Twitter hive mind. Unknown Studio pals Jeff, Jen and Lilwall provide answers to what ails you in this week’s edition of me passing the buck. Enjoy and have a great weekend!

Halloween and realism

Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML

@journalistjeff: “First off, they have illustrated FMLs!!! So, that’s cool.

“Now, onto the topic at hand. F your L? F YOUR L?! What are you talking about? That guy may or may not be a coke head, but he’s a zombie fighting machine. And we may or may not need those one day. Soon.

“He was ready for the zombie invasion. Heck, he’s probably not even on cocaine. Or cola. He’s probably just been preparing for the zombiepocalypse and what you mistook for a twitchy, nervous drug addict was just keen zombie preparedness. He’s going to need that edge, and heightened senses when the dead rise again.

“Unless he’s just a coke head and you live in a terrible neighbourhood. Then your L may be F’d. But I’m siding with the zombie-fighter.”

Big baby Coin-face

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

@steenyweeny: “Wow hippie, talk about glass half empty — you’ve got this all backwards. The guy in the car helped you out in two ways.

“First of all, you have some money now and money is great. I suggest that you use the money to buy a frozen tofu steak to put on your eye, so that the swelling doesn’t get out of control. Secondly, you have a bruise on your face, and chicks dig scars. What you need to do is think of a better explanation as to how it got there. Try something like you were rescuing some kittens or protesting against the seal hunt, because everyone likes stories that involve cute baby animals.

“So now you have your nice, big (but not too big thanks to that tofu steak) bruise, and new story about how you got it when you were struck in the face while rescuing some kittens. You take this bruise and story down to drum circle tonight and BAM! that cute chick won’t be able to resist you! She’ll come home with you, you’ll fall in love, get married and have lots of little patchouli babies.

“You can thank both me and the guy in the car on your wedding day.”

You’re fired… get it?

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. She’s pressing charges. FML

@scott_lilwall: “I’ll admit, I am a bit iffy on if this FML offering is real. Not because the guy says he learned fire-breathing to impress women: that rings true with me. Whenever I hit the bar, I pull out every circus trick I know to woo the ladies – sword-swallowing, eating lightbulbs, that kind of thing. Sometimes, when someone really catches my eye, I’ll even show them Wiggles, the conjoined twin I have growing out of my abdomen. Cause I’m a playa like that.

“So, it’s not the fire-breathing thing that smells fishy. It’s the fact that he learned it on the Internet. I’ve been on the Internet almost four times, and there is nothing educational on it. Just dyslexic cats, narcoleptic dogs and the porn in every colour of the rainbow. A perverted rainbow you can look at for only $29.99 a month.

“So, Mr. Lady-Killer Dragon-Mouth, I think you are a liar. But, on the off chance you aren’t, here’s my advice: your chances with this girl are over. ‘Setting fire to her room’ is third on my list of Relationship Ending Moves. (Number two is ‘sleeping with her sister.’ Number one combines the two in to ‘setting her sister on fire.’)

“So, she is going to dump you. But don’t worry, because you have a skill that has you set for life: lung capacity. Seriously. I’ve seen fire-breathers before. They usually have enough oomph in the old chest for an impressive, but brief flash of flame. You are able to take out half a room! That’s a sustained blast. With lung power like that, you have the pick of sexy professions. Like, a diver who salvages gold dubloons from pirate ships. Or a garbage man.

“Not as hot as ‘guy with a deformed, shrieking twin growing out of his side,’ no. But still, you’ll do alright for yourself.”

This afternoon, my roommate shared a YouTube video with me. In the mountain town of Jasper, the Jasper Sustainability Club for Youth recently organized a flash-mob dance-party that rocked down Patricia Street. It’s a powerful and fun demonstration of community, communication and togetherness. I’ve watched it twice now and it makes me smile, so I thought I’d share it with you:

When it comes to the show, it’s no different. Scott and I spend a lot of time zoomed in on the specifics of what we’re doing — booking guests, recording and editing audio, coming up with content for the website — that we often forget to pause, step back, and take a look at where we’ve arrived. They have cliches that describe this — about forests and trees, and smelly roses. But we’re much too high-brow to invoke such phrases.

Still, I’d like to pause, if you’ll indulge me, and take a look and where we’ve arrived. If I get too self-flagellating, please feel free to take me down a peg in the comments.

You see, the Unknown Studio — the flagship of what we do, the podcast — is coming up on its first birthday. Not to put too fine a point on it, but this is an exceedingly big deal to us. And hopefully to our listeners as well. Here’s a bit of a year in review for you:

• At some tweet-up in April or May 2009: Scott and I met, became reacquainted, and mused over the idea of creating a hyperlocal podcast.
• At some point at the beginning of June 2009: Scott and I met, this time to discuss, exclusively, the podcast. We started to plan things. We even enlisted the help of Daryl Hooke to come up with a show name, something I’m not sure we ever fully gave him credit for (thanks so much for naming us, Daryl!)
• June 23, 2009: We published our first show, with guest Brittney Le Blanc.
• July 6, 2009: We randomly introduced the Fast Fifteen into the [second ever!] show.
• November 2009: With the help of the wonderful, brilliant and beautiful Sally Poulsen, we launched the knew website… you’re lookin’ at it. And thanks to a young man named Eldon, we also got an official-looking logo!
• December 2009: We got our first sponsor! The Edmonton Journal!
  Also, a guy named Baxx asked if he can rebroadcast episodes of the show on his pirate radio station. We obliged. Baxx eventually got shut down by Industry Canada.
• January 2010: Scott and I spoke at the CUP National Conference… We were excited to be recognized as at least competent in our craft.
• February 2010: Along with TheEdmontonian.com, TrueBritl.com and UserCreatedContent.ca, we founded the League of Extraordinary Media (LXM).
• March 20, 2010: Along with fellow LXM members, we hosted our first ever event: YEGSwap.
• April 2010: We scored our second sponsor, Guru Digital Arts College — the start of a beautiful friendship, and the very beginnings of the construction of our own studio.
• June 8, 2010: We hosted a very successful ALEx II along with Daveberta.ca and the LXM.

So what does the future hold for the Unknown Studio? Well, we celebrate our birthday at the end of the month and we have exciting plans for Episode 27 at the end of June — which will feature a return appearance from Brittney Le Blanc, who’s rather sore at us that she’s the only Unknown Studio guest who’s never done a Fast Fifteen (that still doesn’t sound right).

You’re going to want to tune into that episode, as we’ll have some very awesome content and some exciting news to share with you.

Also, later on this summer, we’ll be having a proper birthday party — with cake and all! — alongside our lovely colleagues at TheEdmontonian.com, who are coming up on their first birthday as well.

To friends, listeners and naysayers alike, thank you so much for your support/constructive criticism over the last year. It’s shocking we’ve been able to do so much… and that we plan to do so much more.

Oh! If you want to get more “meta updates” from the Unknown Studio, make sure to subscribe to our newsletter! I personally promise that unless something incredibly rad is going down, we’ll only send your one newsletter per month. Deal? Deal.

As our food becomes more and more over processed and preserved with countless ingredients you can’t pronounce let alone guess at what they are, it’s little wonder that some people would like to remove some of the steps between their food and their plate.

The latest trend right now is the fight for urban chickens. People in various cities all over North America are fighting for the right to keep up to six hens, roosters excluded, in their backyards.

No, no, seriously, people want to do this, in the city, maybe even next door to you. Maybe people just miss being able to sing Old McDonald as they’ve aged and don’t realize they can sing it again without actually starting a farm in their backyard. Then again, we do live in the purse-dog era and in a society where it’s more acceptable to bring your dog on a plane than your baby.

Let’s see a show of hands for those of you who have lived on a farm with chickens. Ok, as you can clearly see, my hand is up. How about another show of hands for those of you who have lived in an urban setting, down the street from penned up birds? What’s that? Oh ya, that would be my hand still in the air.

Old McRitchie had a farm…

In a very sad and dark chapter of my life, I had the opportunity to live down the street from a man who kept carrier pigeons (rats with wings) in a very ugly shed. One of my problems with these birds was that they attracted wild pigeons; it was always more than just his birds. Then there was the matter of the odors, and the fecal matter, and then of course my lack of sleep… You know how we’re not allowed to mow our lawns before 8am, and not after 11pm due to the noise bylaws? Birds really really don’t respect those bylaws; they’ll wake you up every morning just because they have nothing better to do with their time.

Yes, I agree that pigeons are not the same as chickens, but they’re similar. They both like to chirp and coo, and they both like to do it at the crack of dawn. Where is their kind consideration for those of us who went out and enjoyed our Friday night and want to sleep in on Saturday? I nearly bought a gun, or a hawk. A really, really big Hawk.

For a number of years I lived on a farm outside of Cold Lake, Alberta. We had a several different kinds of animals, my least favorites being our chickens.

These birds are not calm and pleasant. They fight. A lot. No, it’s not just roosters that fight; hens also fight to establish dominance. During these fights, a lot of fecal covered feathers can and do go flying. Also, this may not come as a surprise, but sometimes the hens don’t like you coming along and taking their eggs. HUGE shocker, right? Even dogs and dolphins get possessive and protective, but they don’t have pointy beaks and zero remorse.

Chicken shit

Let’s also consider the mess these birds make. You know how sometimes you go out for a walk, or even are out mowing your lawn and you see a mess from a dog or a cat, just left there, sitting in the sun, no one picked it up? Not everyone is a responsible pet owner with pets that are comparatively low maintenance. Chickens? Not so easy to clean up or scoop up after.

The fecal matter from chickens is more likely to seep into our ground, or collect in runoff water and further tax our water treatment plants than to get cleaned up and disposed of. Are people really going to be ok with more money going to clean up after city residents that aren’t ok with a dog, or a cat, or even fish and need chickens?

Now, what of salmonella and infections that can be contracted from birds? Yup, still an issue. There’s an argument out there that people aren’t supposed to live in cities, and we should go back to all living on farms and raising our own food like we used to. I would like to ask when exactly in human civilization history this was? There have been cities and surrounding farms for centuries!

Also, when farmers used to live in their homes when the weather turned, life expectancy was extremely short by today’s standards, and people believed that bathing killed you. We’ve come a long ways since then in terms of our understanding of germs and hygiene. At this point we should be able to recognize that living closely with animals poses health risks and concerns — and not to be an alarmist, but in this situation let’s remember the term “bird flu.”

It’s not just a myth; you can catch a variety of infections from hand to mouth contact with birds. The danger is not just present to adults; there are serious healthy concerns around children, who will see something fluffy and want to play with it or touch it. What of the fecal covered feathers that during fights or day to day activities by the birds will fly with the wind into neighbouring yards and green spaces? Children will put things in their mouths — always have, and always will.

Urban jungle

What of predators that are being forced out of their homes due to ever expanding urban sprawl? Have you ever heard a news story concerning coyotes being seen in parks, or roaming residential areas? Of course you have. You know what coyotes would love to eat? Chickens. Keeping chickens in backyards will attract other curious or hungry wild animals.

There are definite pluses to having chickens in your backyard, like farm-fresh (or yard-fresh) eggs. I see the appeal and I understand it. But given the cost to maintain a small number of birds, and the potential negative impact on neighbours, a farmer’s market or visiting a poultry farm is a far better option.

There are organic and free-range chickens farms out there. You can buy directly from them in some cases. You may still support the idea of urban chickens, but I urge you to research infections transferred from birds to humans, consider the makeup of your neighbourhood, and do a little reading on the middle ages or even early Egyptian civilizations — farms and cities.

Cities such as Calgary (which was recently shot down), Vancouver, Halifax and even New York City are allowing small groups of people to test the urban chicken market and it looks to be a wait and see position now. Should you feel strongly one way or the other on this position I urge you to contact your city council representative.

The very excellent hosts of CJSR 88.5 FM’s Tuesday morning show “Makin’ Whoopee” are having Scott and I on their show tomorrow!

At 8:06am — and I’m serious, we’ll be on right after the BBC news — Scott and I will join Chad and Colin for their special brand of early-morning mishegoss. I’ve been promised danishes as well, so those boys had better pull through. I can be a real grouch in the morning.

Remember: tune your FM dial to 88.5 tomorrow morning — at 7am, if you want to hear the boys’ eccletic show from the start. We’ll join you all at 8:06am!

Unfortunately, the attendance cap prevented a whole pile of people from going to check out the talks (which were phenomenal, by the way. Read my very brief comments about it here). As a result, local political blogger Dave Cournoyer created a Facebook event which he called ALEx, invite people to come out and drink in lieu of attending the exclusive (and admittedly costly) TEDx event.

Turns out the demand for an ALEx was pretty overwhelming. That’s why we’re doing another one tomorrow evening at Original Joe’s Varsity Row.

This edition of ALEx may (or may not) feature actual speakers… In truth, it’s just an excuse to drink and discuss the issues of the day with people who are interested. It’s part networking, part education, part leisure and part alcohol — hence the fact that ALE stands for “Alcohol, Leisure and Edutainment.”

Come join us for a delightful summer gathering. You’ll learn something new, and you’ll meet some great new people as well!

Our only solace is our high-and-might attitudes, particularly when it comes to the mouth-breathing dinks who frequent the FMyLife.com website. It’s time to give these douchebags what-for. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do.

From behind

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, “I need a nap,” but my iPhone changed it to “I need anal.” I sent it. FML

Hahahahaha!

Ha!

Ha!

…

Hahahahahaha!

You must have been typing so fast and then smashing the every-loving shit out of that send button to have made such a terrible (or serendipitous, depending on your outlook) mistake. What I want to know is what happened next. Are you a man/woman of your word? Did you think, “Well, I really could have used a nap, but I said what I said, and I’m sticking to it”? Because that would have been the honourable thing to do.

You can sleep when you’re dead.

Rookie mistake

Today, I was told that I do not meet the minimum qualifications for a job that I was promised to get by just applying. To top it off, I had to quit my teaching job to get it, because I could not be under contract and apply for this job. FML

I like to think I know a thing or two about job hunting, applying for jobs, and even occasionally getting jobs. And all the dominant wisdom on the subject says that you should never quit your job unless you have a solid, on-paper offer that you’ve signed, sealed and delivered (there’s a second cliché for you… stay tuned for the third and final one). I fail to see how you can’t apply for a job just because you’re under contract. If that were the case, then it would be a total mystery as to how people move on to new positions.

You’re a gullible little sod, and I’m sorry you lost your job. But to borrow a common phrase from FMyLife.com: you deserved it.

The old pressed flesh trick

Today, after staying at my boyfriend’s house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn’t lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

You’re dumb. Plain and simply an idiot.

Few showers have doors that swing open (as opposed to sliding open) into the shower — only ones built by short-sighted idiots. So if you’d paused to think about for even a split second, you’d have realized what an ill-advised — and frankly a decidedly unsexy — attempt at seduction that was.

They say love means never having to say your sorry (cliché #3!), but you should apologize for making an ass of yourself.

The last DemoCamp I attended, there was some discussion between the likes of Cindy Fulton, Hilary Darrah, and Roma Sobieski about creating a sort of branch of the local tech community that was more inclusive of women. After the event that night, seemingly hot on the heels of that discussion (though I believe unrelatedly), local social media mavens Shauna McConechy and Brittney Le Blanc launched YEG Girl Geek Dinners.

Girl Geek Dinners were founded by TweetMeme Community Manager Sarah Blow. Here’s what international Girl Geek Dinners are all about:

The Girl Geek Dinners were founded on the 16th August 2005 as a result of one girl geek who got annoyed and frustrated about being one of the only females attending technical events. She was tired of being assumed to be marketing, tired of constantly having to prove herself and decided that she just wanted a change and to be treated just the same as any other geek out there, gender and age aside. After all to be geeky is to be intelligent, have passion for a subject and to know that subject in depth. It’s not at all about being better than others, or about gender, race, religion or anything else. Those things just detract from the real fun stuff, the technology, the innovation and the spread of new ideas.

That’s how the movement began. But I really wanted to understand why Shauna and Brittney brought these events to Edmonton. Here’s the email exchange I had with Shauna…

Unknown Studio: What is your ultimate goal with Girl Geek Dinners?

Shauna: When I started thinking about bringing Girl Geek Dinners to Edmonton it was to bring a group of strong, witty, sassy, smart, unique women together. Social Media has opened to door to conversations about pretty much anything, including geeky topics… sometimes especially geeky topics. It has been very interesting to witness how many chicks out there have such passion for technology. It was apparent that we have a solid online conversation going on in Edmonton, we want to take it offline. So the ultimate goal is to create a solid, open and tolerant community of gals and guys who have a common interest: geekiness.

TUS: Many of the tech events in YEG have seen an uptick in female attendance over the last two years. Why bring this initiative forth now?

S: Sure there’s been increased female “attendance” numbers at Edmonton tech events, but there haven’t been any organized girl-centric tech events (to my knowledge). Why not bring another tech event to Edmonton, especially one with international recognition? I’ve been working on bringing Girl Geek Dinners to YEG for a while now and about 8 months ago I approached Brittney to see if she wanted to co-chair organizing the events. She was fully on board.

The way we see it is there’s room for everyone. Having said that and knowing there are other events happening in the City, we’re the only one dedicated to the betterment, development and camaraderie of girl geeks.

TUS: How would you respond to guys who feel like they’re being excluded?

S: Well the feminist in me would have to bite her tongue… And then I would say men are certainly not excluded from Girl Geek Dinners. It is the mandate of GGD to allow men to attend events but only by invitation from one of the attending women. Each woman attendee is allowed to invite one man each if they chose. This club is not exclusive by any means — at the most we’re “niche.” Personally, I am keen to hear what the attending fellas have to say about the event.

TUS: Do you have any plans to build robots? If so, will they be evil or friendly?

S: I have always been partial to the Buffy-bot, but she would have to come with the Buffy wardrobe, that way we could share clothes. Do I have plans to build one? Not at the moment — I’m too busy with my preparedness manual for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

TUS: You touched on what the definition of a geek is when we spoke once before. Could you expand beyond “someone who likes gadgets, programming and everything in between”?

S: Dictionary.com says a geek is: 1) a computer expert or enthusiast (a term of pride as self-reference, but often considered offensive when used by outsiders. 2) a peculiar or otherwise dislikeable person, esp. one who is perceived to be overly intellectual. 3) a carnival performer who performs sensationally morbid or disgusting acts, as biting off the head of a live chicken.

Although definition #3 sounds highly entertaining I’m sure we won’t be seeing those kind of geeks — or at least not many — at our events. My personal definition is somewhere in between definitions one and two.

To me a geek is someone who has a passion for technology (all aspects), science fiction, social media, witticisms, intelligent conversation, being challenged, the future, and unknown possibilities. A geek is someone who doesn’t settle for the mundane of the norm, but someone who believes there is more than meets the eye. (see what I did there?)

TUS: How long has this initiative been in the works?

S: I have been chatting up other like-minded gals around YEG at networking events and via Twitter about this initiative for over a year now. As a matter of fact my first email to Sarah Blow, Girl Geek Dinner Founder, was May 6, 2009. As I mentioned earlier it wasn’t very long after that I approached Brittney to see if she wanted to be partners in founding the Edmonton Chapter.

TUS: If I dress up as a convincing enough woman and call myself Rosey, do you think I’ll be able to pass as a girl geek, or just the bearded lady?

S: I’m going to say yes just because I want to see you dress in drag. BTW snaps for using the name Rosey and asking about robots all in the same interview. (ed. – see what I did there?)

From personal experience I believe you will be able to pass as a geek anytime, girl or other wise. However, you do have very nice shoulders so if you were to dress in drag I’d like to see you in something strapless.

TUS: Are there any open spots for the event?

S: We’re actually “sold” out. I guess the term would be we’re full, not “sold out” since tix are free this time around.

It’s worth noting that we started with 20 tix, they went in 4 hours. We then added another 10, and now those are gone too. Weeeeeee!

Edmonton’s first Girl Geek Dinner takes place Thursday, June 10 at Ceili’s Irish Pub. For more information, check out the YEG Girl Geeks website.

Then, the landscape started changing, as Edmonton’s downtown began its still-ongoing revitalization. Now, the city is blessed with great eating and drinking establishments. That means the time is ripe for Nate Box to open the Elm Café.

Well over one year in the making, Nate had originally wanted to open the café as a restaurant concept in the Belgravia neighbourhood on Edmonton’s southside. But the lease fell through and so it was back to the drawing board. Last March, though, things started coming together for Nate, when he locked down a location in Oliver — the west part of Edmonton’s downtown (outside of the core).

With the Elm Café slated to open on Monday, June 7 (bright and early at 7am), Scott and I decided to sit down with Nate and find out exactly what it takes to open a café in the this town. We also talk hamburger waterslides, and some of the worst food trends sweeping the city.

Download episode 25 of the Unknown Studio directly to your computer.

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

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EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
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It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
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Not the red one, the blue one.

Sonic

Erinaceus Hypersonicus

Star of: A series of video games, comic books and at least two animated series.
First Appearance: Sonic the Hedgehog (video game)
Likes: Running shoes, rings, chili dogs
Dislikes: Swimming, speed limits, robots
Bio: A super-fast drifter, who sticks his nose in other people’s business and then usually ends up wrecking a mad scientist’s stuff.

1. Human Rights

Excepting the fact that Sonic is not a “human”, he is a humanitarian. The guy is the defender of the underdog, taking the fight to anyone who would try to take advantage of someone else for their own gain.

Sonic is also not prejudiced. He gladly leaps into action on behalf of anyone who’s in need of help, hedgehog or no. Heck, his circle of best friends include a ham-fisted echidna and a mutant fox, so the guy doesn’t judge based on race.

Blue, red and yellow together. It's racial diversity in action.

For Sonic, everyone deserves their fair shake, and he aims to see they get it.

2. Globalization

Sonic’s adventures often see him running up against Dr. Robotnik/Eggman, a scientist dedicated to creating a perfect mechanized utopia. Robotnik, an industrialist, is working hard to bring together the world, for what he earnestly believes is it’s betterment (we’re not here to judge him or his methods.)

Obviously Sonic is opposed to this, as he is constantly battling against Robotnik’s efforts, and ruining his plans.

Also, wrecking his stuff.

Coupled with his humanitarian stance, it would seem that Sonic’s main problem with globalization is exploitation. But when you also factor in his strong sense of self determination, it may be more about his dislike of over control over his life.

3. The Environment

Sonic is an environmentalist. This is pretty self evident. Most of what we see of him involves pushing back the march of technology and he clearly has a dislike of anyone despoiling nature.

I’m also fairly certain he’s against carbon emissions. He seems like he’s big on eco-friendly transit, as evidenced by his preference for walking everywhere.

Although, he does have his own airplane...

4. Social Security

This is where Sonic’s more libertarian nature collides with his altruism.

On the one hand, Sonic has a strong sense of individual freedom and self-determination. He would hate big government, especially if it tramples on his liberties, and I wouldn’t expect him to be a big fan of taxes.

On the other hand, he roots for the little guy, and isn’t above charity. He’d want to give to the poor, and to ensure everyone can get access to medicine and a proper education.

It’s a tough decision for him, but in the end I suspect Sonic’s generosity would win out, and he’d rather see people get access to social services. Begrudgingly.

Verdict:

Sonic might be blue, but he’s voting green. Heck the NDP are too left-leaning for our super-speedster. The environmental, anti-big business and social justice platforms are just too in line with his beliefs for him to consider voting anything else.

If you have an idea for a fictional victim for The Character Assassin, e-mail Scott, or send him a tweet with your suggestion.

ADAM: Scott, you magnificent bastard. You have a whole room full of board games.

SCOTT: Yes. Yes, I do.

ADAM: You should review all of them.

SCOTT: That’s insane. I have way, way too many of them. It would take years.

ADAM: Do it anyway!

So here we are. Welcome to Scott’s Game Review Corner. And our first subject of review is the remake of the 1987 board game “The Fury of Dracula”, now called “Fury of Dracula.”

Fury of Dracula (2006)

Game Design: Stephen Hand & Kevin Wilson
Publisher: Fantasy Flight Games
Number of Players: 2-5
Time: 2-3 hours
Ages: 10+
Website: www.fantasyflightgames.com

“Fury of Dracula” is a fantastic and very thematic board game by the amazing team over at Fantasy Flight Games. In fact, I should preface by noting that I have yet to actually play a FFG game that I haven’t enjoyed. They’re big into games that are atmospheric and story driven, and we’ll be looking at more and more of their games as this series goes on.

But that’s a little off topic.

“Fury of Dracula” is, essentially, a continuation of the novel “Dracula” by Bram Stoker. Dracula has returned from the dead, and looks to get vengeance upon the hunters who defeated him once before, while planting the seeds of an empire of undeath across Europe. Now, Dr. Seward, Lord Godalming, Professor Van Helsing and Mina Harker have come back together to put an end to the count’s evil once and for all.

Components

Lets start with a look at the various components that come with the game. “Fury of Dracula”, like most FFG games, is beautifully designed, with high quality components and art.

The game comes with five character cards, various tokens, several card decks, dice, and five wonderful plastic character tokens. I wanted to include a picture of the player tokens, but unfortunately my shitty camera couldn’t manage it. I did manage a picture of the excellent board.

The play area is a map of Europe, broken into west and east. There is also an area to keep track of the time of day, counters for the hunters and Dracula to monitor their strengths, and a track where Dracula lays out his location cards.

While we’re on the subject of game components, here’s a little something I wish more games came with.

A sectioned plastic insert in the box. This makes keeping various tokens and card decks separate a snap and makes it easier to put the game away. Take note other game designers – you should all be doing this.

Gameplay

The game itself is fairly straightforward. One player is Count Dracula. His goal is to score 6 points, at which point he will win the game. He earns points by creating powerful vampire thralls, defeating the hunters in combat, and just surviving long enough. The other players are the hunters, who are on his trail. They win the game with nothing less than Dracula’s death – by reducing him to zero blood tokens.

The Dracula player, as he is competing with up to four other people, is much stronger than the mere mortals who hunt him. He has a lot more health, is stronger in combat – especially at night, more on that in a moment – and has access to some fairly devious and terrible vampiric powers.

So terrible that my camera can’t even take a proper picture of them!

But the Count is not omnipotent. He has limitations, and weaknesses. Crossing water is taxing to the count, costing him a point of blood. He is also distrustful of modern transportation, preferring his carriage – he will not make use of the train, giving the hunters the ability to move around the board faster than him.

Dracula is not stupid, though. He knows his enemies are many, and that they are formidable in their own ways. For this reason, he moves in secret across the board – leaving a trail of clues for the investigators to follow, and perils to harass them along the way.

Each of the hunters has their own strengths and weaknesses. Lord Godalming is tough, granting him a bonus in combat, and can use his family’s wealth to catch the fastest trains across the county. Dr. Seward is ever prepared, giving him the ability to hold an extra item or event card, and can help his allies recover faster. Van Helsing is motivated getting extra actions, and is wilful enough to shrug off a vampire bite. Mina Harker is well organized, and can go through the decks faster finding useful items.

Play starts with Dracula’s turn. First, time progresses. There are six phases of the day, 3 daytime and 3 nighttime. The hunters have the advantage in the day phases, while Dracula is strongest at night. Next, the count choses a location to travel to using a deck of location cards. He can only follow the path from one city to the next, and cannot double back easily. Dracula then takes an action, by either laying a trap for his pursuers, or attacking them directly.

Next up, the hunters each take a turn, moving along the board after the elusive count, and taking actions to search, rest and resupply.

The game proceeds, with the hunters and Dracula playing a game of cat-and-mouse until one side has claimed victory.

Combat is a common element in the game, as the hunters do battle with either Dracula or his various minions. The mechanic is a sort of rock-paper-scissors, combined with die rolling. Both players involved in the combat draw a tactics card, revealing them at the same time.

They then each roll a die, adding any modifiers that may be in play. The winner of the die roll looks at their card, and determines the effect that happens next based on what their opponent’s card was.

The game is also affected by events. Any time a hunter resupplies they may draw event cards, and any time they rest they must draw two of them. Event cards add an element of risk. The majority of them are cards that are to the benefit of the hunters, but mixed in are events that are actually beneficial to the count! Event cards are drawn from the bottom of the deck, so the hunters never know if they’re about to draw a card that could help them, or hinder them. For the hunters, events can be anything from a helpful tip, a useful ally, or a daring escape in the nick of time. For Dracula, events could be a fearful horse or terrible storm that leads a hunter astray, or the devilish power to foil their best laid plans.

Theme

I’m going to talk for a moment about the overall feel of the game, too. I, personally, prefer games that are little more “immersive” – games where the theme and atmosphere help to draw me in. Now, for many of you, this is going to result in some head scratching. “How do you have theme and atmosphere in a board game?”

Well, you add flavour text, art, and you design the gameplay elements in such a way that they almost tell a story.  A good board game is fun. An excellent board game is fun, and has a discernible beginning, middle and end. And by the endgame, it should feel like things have come to a climax.

Contrast with “Monopoly”, where by the endgame you want to slit your wrists. “Can we just say Dad’s the winner and go do anything else?”

"Like shove this pencil in my eye?"

Well, “Fury of Dracula” is an excellent game in this sense. The design of the gameplay is elegantly interwoven with the Vampire hunt, and the feel is desperate and dark whether you play as Dracula or one of the hunters. And the drama of the game definitely builds, creating some desperate, exciting moments, and building to a strong endgame scenario as either side makes a push for victory.

A special shout out here goes to the wonderful art in this game. It’s dark, haunting, and effective – and surprisingly sparse. Few of the cards have pictures on them, but what art there is beautiful and very appropriate.

This coupled with appropriate flavour, and a clear understanding of the “Dracula” story by the designers. The game really does follow a narrative that is a believable continuation of the classic novel.

Overall

“Fury of Dracula” is a fantastic game, with a great deal of replayability. The theme is carefully woven into the game play, and most importantly it’s fun. The hunters must work together to bring down Dracula, who smugly watches them plan while secretly planting the seeds of their doom. The strategies available to the Dracula player are many – he can be a cautious creature of the night, always a step ahead of the hunters while leaving vampiric thralls in his wake; or a bold aggressor, hunting his foes just as they hunt him.

Likewise, the hunters have many options available. They can spread out in search of Dracula and his minions, or stick together to bolster their strength. They can make haste to hunt the count quickly, or risk biding their time to gather the tools that can give them the edge.

In the end, I highly recommend “Fury of Dracula.” It’s got a great Gothic feel, and it’s damned fun to boot. Especially with a full five players.

I mean, you think you have it bad? You’ve got nothing on the guy whose dog shat on him, or the woman who was crushed by a television set… Actually, both of those people totally deserved it (as I’m certain you’ll agree). The dude who didn’t deserve what he got, though, was the man who wound up with a face full of spiders.

I know, right? Just read on for the gory details.

Road trip!

Today, while driving from Dallas, Texas, to San Diego, California, my wife’s dog decided to crawl into my lap and poop on me. I didn’t have a change of clothes. FML

I’m a bit ignorant when it comes to the distances between American cities. And while I know that Texas and California are in the same general area of the states (you know, sort of south and west), I don’t know how far apart Dallas and San Diego are. But it’s an important thing to know, because it will determine whether or not you, sir, are a giant, filthy knob of a person.

Dallas and San Diego are 2,192 km apart. That’s at least a 21 hour drive, if Google is telling me what it should be. So, if you’re driving for essentially two days, and you don’t have a change of clothes, you’re a fucking dolt. AND if you are transporting an animal — and let’s face it, animals can be dirty and messy — without a change of clothes, not only are you a fucking dolt, but you’re one of the reasons we should reconsider eugenics.

I mean honestly, what the hell were you thinking? Do you always fail to pack a change of clothes? Did you expect you’d just buy whatever you needed when you got to San Diego? Did you think because it’s California you wouldn’t actually need clothes?

Please, don’t ever reproduce.

What did TV ever do to you?

Today, I fell down the stairs carrying a huge TV. Don’t worry, my body cushioned the TV’s fall. FML

Is the TV ok? Does it still work? DO YOU GET HBO?!

Here’s an idea for you, dipshit: get someone to help you next time. Good lord.

ZOMG Spiders!

Today, I saw some moss growing on my house. Not wanting it to spread, I began to scrape it off. It turns out that it wasn’t moss, but actually a cluster of hundreds of baby spider eggs. After being disturbed, they decided to hatch, and crawled all over me. I suffer from arachnophobia. FML

OK yuck. This is one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever heard. If this happened to me, I think I’d probably kill myself — after pooping and peeing my pants.

Just thinking about this makes me want to vomit. Remember the movie Arachnophobia? Great movie, but more or less solidified by distaste for the little guys. Not even a protracted discussion with an entymologist helped to improve my perception of them.

Ugh, spiders.

Our colleagues from the League of Extraordinary Media — videogame podcast UserCreatedContent — are celebrating their birthday this Saturday, May 29, starting at 6pm at Hi-Tech Gaming.

It’s easy to start a blog or a podcast, kick out a few posts or episodes, and call it a week. But the UCC guys have been at it for a grand total of 56 episodes (at least, at the time of this writing). Not only that, but these guys kick out some excellent content, among the most unique in Edmonton.

So here’s what their birthday party entails:

• Nerdish videogame tournaments ‚ including Rock Band for the more socially adjusted among you.
• Door prizes
• Pizza and wings
• A cash bar
• Birthday cake
• And even prizes for the video game tournament(s)

… All for the low price of $10. TEN!

On top of that, the action moves to Union Hall at 10pm for the after-party.

It’s endless nerdy fun, and it’s all happening on Saturday. I’ll be there, waving the flag of the slightly-less-nerdy. Or, I’ll be drunkenly and belligerently yelling at Ramin and Cory about some kind of random conspiracy theory involving Sony and Microsoft.

And really, who would want to miss that?

EdmontonPolitics.com was originally a domain name purchased by local entrepreneur and blogger Chris LaBossiere. But Chris is a busy guy, and when he realized he didn’t have the time to turn it into something, he offered it (and the sister site CalgaryPolitics.com) to any social media type who wanted to use it. The only requirement was that Chris would entrust the URL to that individual and he would contribute to whatever form the sites took. So, two websites about politics were born.

Jeff Samsonow and Dave Cournoyer took ownership of Edmonton’s URL. And the site just launched today. Here’s what Jeff has to say about the new media site in its inaugural post:

EdmontonPolitics.com is a collaboration of Edmonton bloggers, podcasters, writers, developers, and anyone else who wants in. We want to cover the 2010 municipal and school board elections like it’s never been done.

We’ll be online with words, photos, and videos. There will be straightforward reporting on wards, candidates and issues. But we also want to have fun and offer satirical and sarcastic takes on the same. There will likely be plenty of opinion thrown around, but lots of facts too.

The vision is to make it your best source for factual, opinionated and interesting (if irreverent) Edmonton election news. AND EdmontonPolitics.com wants YOU to contribute. So get yourself over there and find out what they’re all about!

Besides, if I’m not here to hook you up with your weekly dose of “hate-tanking” as my good pal Sally might say, then what good am I? I’ll tell you what good I am: not good at all.

So, instead of jamming out on you early this long weekend, I bring you what you’ve waited for all week: some FML Friday action.

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

So, you booted him out of bed, right? And told him to get psychiatric help, right?

Listen, I know some sexual health professionals insist that people to sensitive to the kinks of others. Sex is a highly personal thing, and what works for one person might not work for someone else. But presumably your boyfriend is aware that his particular kink is unusual. And that if he’s going to bust it out, he should probably give you at least a bit of a heads up.

This is really less an FML and more of a #fail.

Today, I was fired from work for faking sick to go to a concert. I asked the boss how he figured out, and he said, “On the 10 o’clock news, I saw you drunk at the bar talking about the show.” I was wearing a chicken suit, and was completely hammered. FML

I’ve always tried to avoid cameras — both still and video — when I’m out and about. Unless I’m deliberately seeking out media attention, keep that stuff away from me. And that’s when I haven’t lied to my employer about being sick.

This is, really again, more an example of your own epic failure than of an FML. I mean, you can feel sorry for yourself all you want. But you clearly brought this on yourself. And an additional note: a chicken suit clearly doesn’t work as an effective disguise. A further additional note: you’re a moron.

Today, I learned my boyfriend had another girlfriend, his excuse was he was bipolar and each of his personalities need a girlfriend. FML

And apparently neither of you has any idea of what bipolar disorder actually is. It doesn’t mean you experience multiple personalities, so much as dramatic swings in mood from extreme euphoria to extreme depression.

You’re boyfriend is clearly using some dumb excuse to cheat. Which makes your relationship a fail. Not an epic one. Actually just a disappointing one.

When I first heard that Christian Audigier — designer of Ed Hardy — was putting out a wine line of wines and actually calling it Ed Hardy, my first instinct was to Google Ed Hardy to see exactly what that was. I had a pretty good idea, but it’s not in my regular vocabulary or everyday life. As soon as I figured out what it was I ran to my nearest drugstore, loaded up on hair gel, covered myself in eagle and skull tattoos (temporary of course), grabbed my shiniest, tightest little shirt I could find and my good friend Lynda and headed out to the Inglewood Wine Shop in Calgary to pick up a bottle or two.

Imagine how delighted I was when I found that they were doing tastings in their front room; I wasn’t going to have to buy wine without tasting it. Excellent!

You know how when a friend asks you to try out a new recipe, and you recognize a flavour but you can’t quite put your finger on it? That is what drinking Ed Hardy wine is like.

There are three wines in this French line available for purchase in Calgary; a Rosé, Chardonnay and a Cabernet Sauvignon. No one knows for sure who the maker is at this point, but looking at the bottle, Christian Audigier definitely put his personal “style” into the labeling. Overall, this wine is middle of the road. It’s not bad, it’s not great, but if you can buy it on sale it’s a good bottle for starting your night out. It’s not for serving to your friends with discerning tastes. They’ll just make fun of you.

In case you’re still interested in giving these wines a taste, it’s probably due to sheer morbid curiosity — the same reason I sampled a few Paris Hilton perfumes. I’m even more embarrassed to admit that I liked one of them enough to buy a bottle. No, it’s not Paris’ scientific work that made the perfume. She just bought the product. Still, I feel wrong every time I use it.

Anyways, back to wine.

Ambrosia for Douchebags

The Rosé was quite dry for me — subtle, not sweet but not tart either; ultimately not amazing. The Chardonnay smells quite sweet, like a Riesling. The taste lingers on your tongue and in your mouth. This is where you start to really notice that something else has been added, but you don’t know what. It seemed like it was an extra sweetener, but it’s hard to tell. Being a red wine drinker I often find it hard to appreciate white wines, thankfully I had a white wine friend with me… although she wasn’t too fond of this one. For me the “something different” also seemed like something wrong.

Finally, we tried the Cabernet Sauvignon. Now here again you’re allowed to look down on me. I really didn’t mind this wine. If you can get it on sale it’s not a bad purchase. It’s not my favorite, but it was a different wine than I’ve ever had before. The Cab Sauv definitely tastes like something other than a regular wine should — there is definitely something else in this wine. What it is we may never know.

The flavour is “modern,” another easy drinking wine with a lingering taste. Again, this is not a wine to impress your friends with, well unless your friends look like they walked right off of Jersey Shore, then this just might be the ticket. If you just want to try it out, I think you’re like a lot of people and keep in mind that it’s a matter of physical taste, not an unfortunate wardrobe decision.

— Lisa McRitchie

For those of you new to the party, I’ll explain. foursquare is an online game that takes place in your city. You get points every time you check in somewhere. Add a new place, you get bonus points. Go somewhere new, you get bonus points. If you check in at a place more frequently, there’s a chance you may be named the Mayor of the location.

Well, it turns out that it now has an additional usefulness: deals.

Starbucks has just unveiled a new North American discount on Frappuccino drinks for Mayors of their foursquare locations through June 28th. Anyone who is the Mayor of a Starbucks location (and, I presume, has their phone there to prove it) gets $1 off their Frappuccino.

Okay, yeah, that’s not exactly something free, but a discount for being a frequent customer is not a bad deal. Plus, Starbucks has indicated it will be exploring new deals for their foursquare Mayors going forward – a plan to, again, reward frequent customers.

This is actually a good way for Starbucks draw in the social media crowd, who are the main users of foursquare, and it’ll heat up use and competition on foursquare. It’s absolutely win-win for both sides of the equation. And I think there are plenty of other businesses that could – indeed, should – get in on this.

In fact, here you go corporate world – a dozen great suggestions for how you can draw in foursquare users. Things you can offer the Mayors of your locations, and I’m giving them away for free:
- A half-price regular or small sized Blizzard at DQ
- Free side with the purchase of any burger at Wendy’s
- Free regular pop-corn and drink with movie ticket purchase at Cineplex
- 10% discount on used games at EB Games
- $0.03 discount on gas at Safeway gas bar
- Rent 1 movie, get 1 movie free at Blockbuster
- 1 free mixin’ in your ice cream at Marble Slab
- $5 off any purchase of $40 or higher at HMV
- Free curly fries with the purchase of a sandwich at Arby’s
- Free donut with the purchase of a coffee at Tim Hortons
- Buy 1 Mama Burger, get 1 Mama Burger free at A&W
- Free cookie with the purchase of a sub or combo at Subway

Look how easy that is. This stuff would cost these companies pennies. Why? Because they’re only offering the deal to one person per location. And they’ll have people scrambling over each other to turn up frequently enough to earn the mayorship and get the deal, so there’s an increase in business to balance out any loss.

Anyway, I need to get in on this Starbucks deal – so all I can say is Jay M… I’m coming for you.

And wouldn’t you know it, but Lynda is extremely down-to-earth and fun. Scott and I spent just over an hour chatting with her about how she got into her job as a news anchor, how news has changed, and what it’s like to be a news personality who gets noticed out in public. I even reveal details about the first time I met Lynda — intoxicated at a hockey game, and probably a little overly friendly.

But wait! THERE’S MORE! We even spent a bit of time talking to her about her sudden jump off of Twitter.

Give the episode a listen, leave a comment, or rate us on iTunes.

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EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

Download episode 24 of the Unknown Studio directly to your computer.

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

For influencial Edmonton Twitter user @steenyweeny (known to some as Jen), a boring February phone call accompanied by a notepad and pen has gone from random doodles to a bona fide Twitter phenomenon called #selfportraitmondays — that’s “self-portrait Mondays” or SPM for the uninitiated.

“I got to doodling and ended up with a blocky cartoon that I decided was myself and drew a red scarf on it, then made a Twitpic and sent it to the interwebs,” Jen explains. “Within a few minutes, a few other tweeters decided to do the same and lo – #selfportraitmonday was born. I honestly can’t remember who suggested the hashtag first.”

It was enough to catch the attention of @grempel (to to some as Geoff), who immediately created a #selfportraitmonday blog to capture the works of other Twitter users who were playing along.

“The first batch of SPM submissions were too good to get lost in the interwebs so we put them into the SPM blog,” Geoff says. “The blog is still pretty rudimentary. There are a number of features I have in mind that I would like to add — like a ranking system so that visitors can pick their favorite of the week or of all time.”

Geoff is also working on a way for users to submit their own self portraits to the site so that he and Jen don’t have to scour Twitter Search to find all the entries. It would also mean that those users who protect their tweets could still share their self portraits.

And there are plenty of users — both public and private — from all around who play along every week.

“We’ve posted over 200 self portraits over the last couple of months. Some people play every week, some people play now and then, and some people send a solitary self portrait and then disappear into the ether,” Jen says. “Looking back over the posts, I think we’ve had 50 to 60 different people contribute so far.”

Geoff adds: “The SPM thing is mostly played by Canadians but there is a strong following from Mexico that is growing.

“As for visitors to the website we’ve seen traffic from Canada, USA, UK, Mexico, Australia, Romania, Argentina. It’s still pretty small but growing.”

All of this activity stems from something random that Jen did and tweeted, and that Geoff liked enough to help her out with. Self-portrait Mondays even has its own Facebook group.

“I honestly didn’t think it would last past maybe three weeks,” Geoff says, “But since March 29, it’s been pretty consistent with the amount of participants and the amount of people visiting the blog. I guess if I had to pick a goal to achieve it would be pretty awesome to see #selfportraitmonday trend at least once. Maybe that’s not too realistic but it would be pretty cool.”

Twitter recently changed its trending algorithm, so it’s possible you’ll see SPM trend sometime soon. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a self-portrait to work on.

Like today.

We have three people, with three people in their lives who are utter idiots. Who take away from, rather than enrich, the lives of the authors. So while my approach to each entry will vary, the advice will ultimately be the same (which I realize spoils some of the tension I’m trying to build up).

And that advice is to ditch ‘em.

A-like so:

Snot blanket

Today, I caught my boyfriend blowing his nose on my blanket. After yelling at him and refusing to use the blanket to sleep with, he tells me I might as well sleep with the blanket because this isn’t the first time he’s blown his nose on it. I have been wrapping myself in a snot blanket for months. FML

Before I even explain why, my advice is simple: ditch him. Most women (that I know, anyway) are looking for guys who are at least moderately intelligent and also sensitive. Actually, strike that. Most PEOPLE are looking for someone like that. Unfortunately your boyfriend displays neither of these tendencies.

What he does successfully is display the maturity and sensitivity of a psychopath. Hence the advice to ditch him.

Ditch him. But first, buy him a warehouse pack of kleenex. Then, before you boot his ass out the door, give him a pamphlet on the proper nose-blowing method.

Dog day-off

Today, I went to my boss at work to request a few days off to see my sister. She’s flying here to spend a weekend with us before she deploys for 2 years.  My boss denied my request. Why? Because he wanted those days off. To spend at home with his dog. FML

Your boss is a jerk. Ditch him, ditch the job, and work for someone whose head isn’t shoved up one of their own body cavities.

I’m assuming you mentioned your reasons for needing time off. Because your sister is conceivably going to a place for an extended period of time where you won’t be able to visit her, and where the potential for death is pretty high. Meanwhile, your boss wants to roll around in his backyard with his mutt. You really, really should have told him to stuff it.

Hopefully you still can.

Dog diet

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she “didn’t want Twix to suffer alone.” FML

You dog is named Twix? And it’s overweight? So your mom’s response is to force you all to go on a diet? I know this might sound harsh, but it’s time to ditch your mom. She’s nuts.

I don’t want to get into the strange psychology of naming a dog Twix and then being surprised that it becomes fat. There’s probably a pop psych theory there. And while you should probably be eating healthily anyhow, I don’t think your dog is going to notice that it’s food has changed and yours hasn’t. And even if it does, it’s not going to be able to reason about why that is. And frankly, dogs will eat anything so it probably isn’t going to experience a ton of distress about a changed diet.

But sweet gods, tell your mom to give her head a shake. Then tell her you’d rather not speak to her until she gets her shit together, brain-wise. Because, my friend, this is the tip of the iceburg. Next stop: dementia!

#YegHelp is the brainchild of Edmonton’s Jerry Aulenbach, bacon-enthusiast and man-about-town, and is aiming to raise $10,000 for the women and children of the La Salle Shelter.

Everything is going down at the LUX Steakhouse and Bar downtown, and the evening includes hors d’oeuvres and live music. The musical lineup includes James Leigh, Erin Faught, Erin Craig and DJ David Stone. There will also be a silent auction filled with some wonderful and desirable goodies.

And if you can’t make it out in person, be sure to keep an eye on your twitter feed because you could very well contribute through a twitter auction that will also be taking place.

It’s a fun night of entertainment and good company, and it’s all for a really good cause. And tickets are still available.

Don’t forget to say hello to the two handsome MCs.

I struck a nerve*.

And what happens less than a month following that post? They cover the bridge in a giant white tarp so we can’t see what’s happening inside. Kind of like cocoon, but much, much larger, sans old people, and without the witticisms of the now-washed-up Steve Guttenberg.

Not pictured: Steve Guttenberg

Well I had a theory involving robots… that has since been CONFIRMED by my own investigation.** You see, when I went to take these photos, there were all kinds of ungodly noises coming from the bridge. And while the City claims something else entirely is taking place…

Still not pictured: Sir Guttenberg

But I’ve seen RoboCop. I’ve seen Terminator. I’ve seen Battlestar Galactica. And I know a robot when I hear one. And I heard several.

I’d like to think this is all part of the city’s new snow removal policy. I mean, you can’t really expect a bunch of trucks to handle the volume of work, can you? No, you need a team of highly-armed, highly-intelligent robots to make sure that there’s less than 5cms of coverage on residential roadways. And really, when you consider all the robots that’ll be required, $800,000 isn’t all that much money.

The question now is, why hide this from citizens? Why build them on the Dawson Bridge? Perhaps so they can work side-by-side with humans, and learn all about construction and such. Or maybe it’s so they can stage a river-valley assault on the good people of Edmonton. For what reason? We may never know…

Not pictured: Robocop

*If it hasn’t at this point become glaringly apparent that this is a joke, I cannot help you.

**Not really, but it’s fun to pretend.

And I have to say, the organizing committee unconferenced Saturday’s first MediaCamp Edmonton to great success. I’m already looking forward to the next one.

The day started out with a normal conference panel discussion which included Sue Heuman (from Focus Communications), Mack Male (local blogger and developer), Dave Cournoyer (local blogger and occasional political pundit), and Paula Simons (columnist from the Edmonton Journal) — the panel was moderated by Karen Unland, also from the Edmonton Journal. Many of the questions that arose were related to the differences between bloggers and journalists — there were tons of great questions from the audience (who apparently numbers almost 200).

After the panel, conference attendees pitches session topics for the rest of the day, and proceeded to engage in group discussions on a variety of topics (the ones I attended included “What makes a journalist?” and “Getting advertising and sponsorship for your website/blog”); there was also a series of Lightning Talks just after lunch. There was a diverse range of opinions present — journalists from all types of media including radio, newspaper and television. There were also a lot of different social media types represented, including our colleagues from the League of Extraordinary Media — including Jeff and Sally from theEdmontonian.com and Brittney Le Blanc from TrueBritl.com. You can see some of the tweets from MediaCamp Edmonton here.

I don’t know what the ultimate outcome was from MediaCamp; I suspect people got different things out of it. I got some great ideas for trying to earn the Unknown Studio some money so we can do awesome new things with out content. I also learned that the journalists, at least in Edmonton, who provide us with news and opinion every day have a great respect for the local social media community — bloggers and Twitterers alike.

Thanks to the organizing committee and the MediaCamp Edmonton sponsors for making the day not only possible, but extremely worthwhile. Sorry for doubting you.

If you were at MediaCamp, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the day. Leave a comment.

To my mum: I’m what I am today in large part because of you. What I’m really saying is, this is all your fault. I love you, mum!

But I’m really sorry I didn’t get this to you sooner. I hope I didn’t ruin your weekend.

Now let’s get this bizarre show on the road!

For every action…

Today, I thought it would be funny to put peanut butter in my roommate’s ears. He thought it would be funny to shave off my eyebrows later while I was sleeping. FML

Were you born yesterday? Because it sounds like you were.

The pranking world is a complicated one. And by complicated, I mean dead simple. It’s a tit for tat world out there, and you can’t expect to jam peanut butter into someone’s ears and walk away to carry on about your life.

So, sure, you can squeal about how fucked your life is… or you can paint some eyebrows on your face get out there and BE SOMEBODY.

Importance of home inspections

Today, I discovered the house my family and I just moved into is infested with termites. FML

When you “just move into” a house, I like to think you’ve done some research. You know whether or not it faces north or south, you know how bright some of the rooms are… and you know if insects are going out of their way to fully decimate the substructure of your home.

Before you move in, as a general rule, you’re meant to conduct a move-in inspection. A proper, detailed one. Hell, I think you’re supposed to do that even before you BUY the house.

What I’m getting at is that I have exactly no sympathy for you. Your life may be fucked, but you, sir, deserve it for not doing the whole due diligence thing.

The importance of being honest

Today, I heard my roommate complaining about me not cleaning the bathtub after I shower. What I can’t tell her is that I haven’t taken a shower in 2 days because I’ve been swamped with schoolwork and that the filth in the tub is her own. FML

Time to nut up or shut up. Why can’t you tell her she’s filthy? Is it because you don’t shower for two days at a time, and then shed a layer of dirt into the tub? Moron.

I think there’s a distinct possibility she wasn’t just talking about the filthy tub over the last few days. I’ll assume there’s a fairly good chance she’s talking about it now because it’s been ongoing. Sure, she makes the tub dirty, but you don’t shower for days at a time. You wallow in your own filth while you study.

You need to clean the bathtub.

I received the following release in my inbox this morning:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

May 5, 2010

COMMUNITY ADVOCATE MICHAEL JANZ RUNNING FOR SCHOOL BOARD

EDMONTON – This morning, Michael Janz confirmed his intention to run for Edmonton Public School Board trustee in Ward F.

“I am running for trustee because I believe this election matters to every Edmontonian,” explained Michael. “The decisions we make about our schools profoundly impact the communities we live in today and our collective efforts to build a better Edmonton tomorrow.”

The community will have the opportunity to meet Michael at his Kickoff BBQ on May 30th, 2010, from 2:00 pm to 5:00pm, at the McKernan Community Hall (11341 – 78 Avenue), with a media address at 3:30 pm. Michael will also be knocking on doors in Ward F during the summer and throughout September and October.

Michael Janz is the current Marketing Director for the Edmonton Federation of Community Leagues, and has previously worked as a researcher for the Public School Boards’ Association of Alberta. He was previously elected President of the University of Alberta Students’ Union in 2007.

To learn more about Michael’s campaign, his values, and his vision for Edmonton Public Schools, visit www.michaeljanz.ca.

-30-

I consider Michael to be a good friend, and wish him all the best in his pursuit of public office. I look forward to hearing his ideas. And maybe I’ll even see some of you at the kick-off BBQ!

With such a rich and diverse cross-section of musical talent in Edmonton, Scott and I decided to chat this week with one of Edmonton’s up-and-comers. So we brought the talented, the beautiful, the holy-crap-listen-her-amazing-voice Erica Viegas. And you know what Erica told us? She told us that she wanted the use the Unknown Studio to release a new track out into the world. All exclusive-like. So listen to the show for something we can guarantee you’ve never heard before.

Quickly, and stolen from her website, this is what Erica’s all about:

Raised in Sherwood Park, Alberta in a musical family, Erica has always had a passion for music. Since begging her parents to let her take voice lessons at age 11, she grabbed at every opportunity to be on stage, whether it was singing in a school play or performing the national anthem at an assembly. For more than 10 years, she has been singing at festivals and talent competitions all over Western Canada, including the Alberta Tattoo at Rexall Place, Calgary Stampede, Big Valley Jamboree, and Canadian Search for Miss Universe. In 2003 and 2004, Erica represented the City of Edmonton as Klondike Katie during the Edmonton Klondike Days (now Capital Ex), performing over 50 times during the 10-day festival.

Erica’s also a U of A Business School graduate with a day job at her alma mater. And she’s looking to maybe tour this summer, across Canada or even the US.

And I am going to make it my personal mission to try and get Erica up on the stage at the Folk Fest this summer, at the very least as someone who can perform in between main stage sets. She’s that good. So good, I think a lot of people need to hear her. So download the episode today!

=====================================================
EDMONTON JOURNAL STILL SPONSORS THE UNKNOWN STUDIO
=====================================================

It’s true! After so much joking and tongue-in-cheek referrals to Edmonton’s newspaper of record on our show, the Edmonton Journal decided to put their money where our mouths are, by sponsoring the Unknown Studio this month!

We’re helping EJ to promote their Blackberry mobile launcher. You can check it out by clicking here on your Blackberry browser. If you have any comments about the mobile launcher or the Journal’s mobile site, let us know and we’ll pass it along!
=====================================================

Download episode 23 of the Unknown Studio directly to your computer.

The Unknown Studio is a proud member of the League of Extraordinary Media.

Here at the Unknown Studio, it means “A day where we make fun of the ninnies and dorks who feel the need to document their failing at FmyLife.com.”

And rather than indulge that documentation, we give ‘em what for. A-like so:

Labourious labours

Today, I just finished a sixteen hour double shift. I now have a five hour break before I start again for another ten. FML